Do u see me

How is it possible to be in a room with a million people, but still feel alone?

 I ask myself that question daily. It feels like I’m just going through the motions instead of living life. Sometimes I feel like I’m gasping for air. Being the life of the party is definitely not me. If anything I’m trying to get the attention off of me and on to someone else. I never understood how you could want attention but not want attention in the same breathe. 

I’m hoping to get better at excepting my awkwardness, but some days are harder than others. There are times that I want to burst out of my skin and show how I really feel, but don’t for fear of some kind of repercussion. I think that I missed out on a lot of things life being one of them because I’m always trying to be someone’s shadow for fear of getting noticed. How can you know your worth but be to afraid to live up to it? What are you afraid of and why? Questions like these circle around in my mind. Why? I couldn’t say. I wish that I could get beyond the questions and just live without always being fearful that someone is going to really “see” me and not like what they see. 

 I’m sure that many other people feel like this, but have learned how to get past the fear or they have learned to not care what others think. I’m working on getting there but its been a battle.