LIFE

Have you ever experienced a point in life where you felt stuck?

I’ve been feeling like this ever since February 20th, 2019 (the day I lost my job of 15yrs). Truthfully, it’s been longer than that. I thought it was going to be something easy to get over, but it hasn’t been. I have a job now, I’m grateful for it. The only problem is I know I could have been doing so much better if I would have followed my own drum instead of the beat of someone else’s.

When I think about it, I realize most of the choices I made in life have been what other people wanted for me. There aren’t that many things that I’ve decided on in my own. I guess I’m scared of being the one to blame when things don’t go well. I’ve realized in life you’re always going to have choices. I should be looking at it as a good thing, because it means life always has an opportunity to change for the better.

You see, so many times we go through things and concentrate on the negativity of the change or the lose, instead of focusing on how the change is going to benefit us or the people around us. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Slowly but surely I’ve observed how this change was good for me. For one, I’m way more focused on what I want. I’ve been able to post more regularly, I’ve published a book, spoken at an open mic night, soon will be starting a podcast, started a YouTube channel, and in a couple weeks I’ll be going back to college. I have to say God blessed me when he removed me from that place. At the time I didn’t see it. But little by little I can see his plan unfolding and I’m so grateful for this opportunity to live life again.

I know you all my not understand the emotion behind my words and feelings. But just to let you know where I’m coming from; I use to be someone who had no direction! I had a dog of a boyfriend from 19 to 28 he treated me like I was less than dirt on the bottom of a shoe. He constantly lied, cheated, stole from me, put me down in always imaginable, and disappeared sometimes for months at a time. Then to couple that with a step-father who insulted me, demeaned me any chance he got, and cheated on my mother constantly. That isn’t even the half of it. To be honest I could write a whole novel on my negative interactions with men including my sperm donor. I just don’t feel the need to, not yet anyway.

I have to say I’m grateful, even though sometimes I can’t tell if things are improving. One thing I know; they’re not staying the same.

So if you’re like me and life has brought you 180 you need to continue on that path and know most change is for your good. Even if it seems a little or a lot uncomfortable. For the things we really want in life we are always going to have to experience some discomfort in order to appreciate it when something good comes along.

 

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