I had no clue what I was going to talk about today. Once I got back home my topic seemed to fall right in my lap. I seem to talk about this individual a lot, but you have to understand I didn’t know the end was near. I also had no clue of his narcissism; it reared it’s head a couple of times. I just wanted to be in love and wanted him to be Mr. Right so bad that I paid no attention to it.
Many times I’ve said being in this relationship made me feel like I was drowning and I needed to come up for air. The thing that made me stay was my own insecurities of feeling like I wasn’t as valuable on my own as I seemed to be while in a relationship. Also seeing the type of things other women have gone through, and have remained in that relationship with that man who disrespected them, did nothing for them, cheated on them; the list goes on. It had me believing that I shouldn’t expect too much from a man because he would always come up short.
The reason for this post today was because my Ex a.k.a roommate did something that triggered my jealousy. Then I had to quickly remind myself we are no longer together and there’s nothing for me to get upset about. After all, I realized what he’s offering, I do not want.
But I’m gonna be honest with yawl, for a long time I thought I was the problem. I really use to pick myself apart when things would never go the way I planned while dating. Now I realize there’s nothing wrong with me. I just keep allowing the wrong kind of man to come in my life and turn s*** upside down.
This last time I have to say I was a little more guarded. I really believe I saw the red flags subconsciously, I just wasn’t ready to come to terms with them yet. I have to say though I’m in a better place mentally. If this was before I would have been all broken up about this current situation I’m in. One thing I know for sure my mother didn’t raise a weak woman. People ask me frequently how I’m able to live with my Ex without talking to each other. I’m not gonna say that it’s easy because it isn’t. It messes with me mentally everyday. But I’ll be damned if I move when my name is on this lease.
Part of me can’t wait for this lease to be up, but the other part of me is dreading that day. It’s only because I’m so use to having my own space, and once I move I won’t really have that anymore.
One things for sure, I’m gonna make something out of this faze of transitioning. God willing I’ll be in my new fully furnished apartment by 2021, working solely for myself.
Something I’ve learned during this time is; never sit still. They piss you off, use that anger to better yourself. Don’t worry about the next person they may be entertaining. You may not want to hear that right now; especially if you’re currently going through a bad break-up. But it’s truly something you need to hear and think about. Also don’t let your glow up be because you want to get back at them. Do it for you. You deserve everything this world has to offer and so much more .
True you may get a little jealous when you see all the couples out there. I just say; you never know what the next person had to go through for that person to be with them or be married to them. Keep in mind you’re on the outside looking in. Not saying there are no great relationships out there; I know there are. I just have decided that I’m not gonna settle for just a piece of someone when I know there’s someone out there who’s willing to give me their all.
Message of the day & always: Never Settle!!!!
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