Going through…..

Happy Saturday!!!!

What’s good with everyone? Hope you had a great week!!!

There’re so many things going through my head at this moment. But the one that sticks out the most is moving and the whole situation with that. I know if I was to tell you what I had to go through (emotionally) throughout this past year you would probably tell me to run. I would say you’re probably right. I’m not saying I want to stay. Well let me rephrase that, I would love to stay; if it meant I didn’t have to live with “Him”.

I don’t know what it is, but the more the days pass the more dislike and disgust I gain towards him. Let me stop lying, I know why I don’t like his ass. You want a list? Here it goes. He’s controlling, complacent, insecure, deceitful, manipulative, secretive, unprogressive. Believe me the list could go on, but I’m gonna stop it right there.

I’m sure the question you’re probably asking is, “If he was all those things through out the years, why did you continue to be with him?” I would have to say, I was being lazy and also a little afraid. Afraid of ‘What’, you may want to know. Afraid of the unknown. I was happy knowing I had the control of who showed up at my house. See, not many people knew where I lived and I loved that. If I’m being honest, I enjoyed it because there weren’t unannounced pop-ups or people needing me all the time. I had more freedom because I didn’t have to worry about looking into they’re faces’ when I said “NO”.

If you don’t know, I’m the type of person who will do all I can to help the next person out without any concern or thought for myself. I’ve done this so much over the years. Believe me, it’s not that I want to be like this, this is just the way I am. I’ve been trying to learn how to put myself first. But I’m afraid once I move back home, I’ll be putting my needs on the back burner once again.

These days I know I can’t do that. But I feel if a person makes me feel bad enough, I’m gonna go right back to my old ways. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing things for the special people in my life; I just don’t want to feel obligated too. Let me be far, it’s not them it’s me. Every time I’ve ever said “No” in the past, I always felt like, they would through me away. I know that’s an extreme thought, but I can’t help but think like that. I think the reason I feel like this is because I’m a big “People Pleaser” and with that comes a lot of mental and sometimes emotional turmoil.

Many times when you’re this type of person you fight with yourself, because you know you don’t want to do the thing they’re asking. A lot of times you do it anyway, because with this disorder you are always looking for acceptance and validation; cause deep down you don’t believe that you’re as great a person as everyone keeps telling you, you are.

The other thing about being a ‘People Pleaser’ is, many times the ones who’re doing the asking don’t realize how much of a heavy burden they’ve put on your shoulders by asking you to do something. It’s not their job to know, because in actuality the problem lies with you. People Pleasing is a hard thing to shack. I mean you’re agreeable even when you wanna cuss a b**** out! It’s too much sometime, but hey that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Question of the Day: If you are a People Pleaser, how do you cope with it? Or If you once were a People Pleaser, how did you change that and learn to put you first?

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If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

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