I feel a little bit better today. Not much has changed but the way I feel. I don’t feel as irritated and angry. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me. I’ve realized it’s good to hold your true emotions back sometime.
Well any, there is so much to be grateful for. Sometimes the ways of the world get in the way. You don’t realize how blessed you are because you have something in your life blocking you form that realization. That was me yesterday. I just felt inconvenienced and wanted to shut myself off from the world. I have to admit though, that is me on an everyday basis. Not because I don’t like people, mainly because I want to protect my energy.
People that I’ve grown up with and even my mother thinks I’m a little too sensitive because I take on other people’s problems as my own. I’m sorry! I don’t know how else to be. I’ve always internalized all problems, even if they weren’t mine. I understand that is something I need to work on. That is one of the main reasons I can’t be around certain people; because they will drain me of my energy. Whether you realize it or not it takes a lot of energy to really care about the next person’s problems.
At times I felt that I was an emotional dumping ground. That’s why I’m trying to prepare myself for when I move in with my mom. I know that I’m not going to be able to be home too often because she likes to invite people over; then wants me to come out and greet those people. She just doesn’t understand how uncomfortable that is for me.
Some times I get into moods where I don’t want to talk to anyone. When I’m around her, I have to talk to the people around her; if I don’t, I feel regretful of not saying anything to the other person, because I’m stuck thinking about the way I made them feel because I didn’t acknowledge them.
To be honest it’s a viscous cycle. That’s one of the main reasons I’m a person that like to stay to myself. The only time you’ll see me around other people is when I have to be or when it’s people I know really well and I consider them my friend. Not that I don’t have times when I can talk to complete strangers, because I can also do that; and have lovely conversations with them. I just believe over time I’ve allowed my shyness to dictate the way I live my life.
I have tried working on that, and I’m gonna to continue to work on that. The bad thing about being shy is never feeling free enough to do what you feel, and it’s not good in business either. That is another reason I need to work on getting passed this stage.
Do you know anyone who has this problem? And if that person is you, how are you helping yourself through this process?
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