This post may be a little different than other posts from the past.
What is there with life and always having something to do and feeling like you’re not doing the right thing if you don’t have anything on the agenda for the day? I swear it is foreign to me not to have to work. From the time I could work I’ve had too. Not because I needed money but because that is what was wanted for me. I guess my mother wanted me to know how hard the world was. If I didn’t know, I know now. I got it from family, ‘friends’ and boyfriends.
I’m not gonna get on here acting like my upbringing was harder than anyone else’s, because I’m more than sure there are plenty people out here who have had it way harder than I have. The only difference is my story is mine. It’s more about how what I experienced affected me and how it still affects me up until this minute.
There are times I am physically stuck and can’t move. More often than not this is do to having to interact with those I don’t know to well, but have to see in passing everyday. So in order to avoid it I will try to work around their schedule so I don’t have to be rude or acquired. But it seems like no matter how hard I try I still end up appearing that way; either to them or someone else with in that day.
I’ve come to realize your mind is a very powerful thing. Right now I’m working on getting more control over mine. There’s just been so many times growing up I had to work around someone else’s schedule. This trained me to be obedient, docile, and humble to other peoples wants and demands of me.
You would think I would have gotten over this by now. I wish I could say that I have, but there is something keeping me here and I wish it would just let me go!
I’m sorry if this may be a little to heavy for you this morning. But this is how I’m currently feeling.
If you have experienced something similiar or would like me to share more please LIKE & SHARE.