Good Morning!! Hope you all are doing well and living your best lives.
There is so much that I’m able to get involved with because I’m not working at the current time. I just want to say, “I’m so thankful to have this time to figure out what I want to do that’s going to make me happier about life and future endeavors. There’s nothing like this feeling! I Feel free for the most part, but there’s still that looming feeling of responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, I understand it’s a part of life. I just wish that I had a little more time not to feel the wait of it.
The other thing I’ve been thinking about this week is going back to my “job” at the end of the summer. I guess that maybe why I have this looming feeling of urgency. There’s even more added pressure because I’m expected to do what my elders feel is best for me. I have to be honest this is something I have and still struggle with- Trusting myself. That’s why I base a lot of my decisions off of what other people expect of me.
I’ve come to realize I’m never going to live up to my full potential if I keep allowing other people to dictate the direction of my life. I’m working on feeling the fear or disappointment and doing it anyway.
For someone like myself who’s allowed them self to be silenced because of fear, obligation or any of the other 100s of reasons; you are never going to be happy if you continue to allow other peoples opinions of you to run your life.
I have to be real with you; I felt like a dog chasing my tail most day. You want to know why?
I felt that way because I wanted everyone to feel heard. Doing everything they told me I should do with my life. Working jobs I was told I should work because I thought I had no room to make another choice. Doing everything I was told to do because I was conditioned to believe I had no choice. Meanwhile I was allowing my feelings and the need for my own validation to go unheard. In the long run teaching myself that what I wanted did not matter. Spending time on things that did not matter because I taught myself what everyone else wanted was more important than what I envisioned for myself.
Currently I’m working towards getting rid of the old habits and mindset that have imprisioned for damn near my entire life.
I’ll keep you up to date on how I’m doing in blogs to come.
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As Always
Shads Short Stories 