There are times in your life you realize that you’re giving too much of yourself. Some of us begin to realize this and make a change and then you have others who have been this way so long that it’s almost impossible for them to change. I’m sure I’ve touched on this subject before, but I believe it deserves a little more light to be shed on it.
Some people are giving and kind because they’re looking for validation, others are kind and giving because it’s in their nature to be that way and others use this way of being as a form of manipulation. This post is really for those who are kind because it’s in their nature, but also feel a sense of obligation to be so.
Too many times the nice person is the source and others are the plug, siphoning energy from those who are empathetic (people pleasers). Some people may not realize that is what they are doing and others may feel like ” If they don’t want to do it they would say so”. Even though they know these people may have a very low perception of themselves’. Meaning that it’s the people pleaser’s responsibility to have boundaries. It is their responsibility and they should have boundaries, but for whatever reason they don’t. In this case you may have those people who have your back and will speak up for you even when you can’t. In other cases you’ll have those who take advantage of your inability to say “NO” or to tell it like it is. Whatever the case, it is always your responsibility to check on you first before anyone other than your kids.
What made me think of the people pleaser concept was realizing my empathy has gotten me out of some things and my inability to say “NO” has gotten me in some things that I could have gone without. Just a few days ago I was thinking to myself, ” I feel like the source and everyone else feels like a plug looking for an outlet.
Sometimes I like being the outlet for some. I have come to take notice this is what helps me form deep connections with others. But sometimes my anxiety is kicking my ass and I can’t afford to listen to another sad story. It would be one thing if I developed the ability to completely remove myself from someone else’s pain. The problem is I always manage to theoretically put myself in their position. When I tell you,….. it happens before I can stop myself. Then by the end of the conversation I’m drained and don’t feel like conversing with anyone else, for fear there’s going to be someone else that is going to emotionally dump on me.
Many times I feel that is why I seem so flaky when it comes to hanging out with people other than close friends and family. If I’m honest, my family thinks of me as flaky too. I know I am, I’m not going to deny it. It’s only because I’m very sensitive to people and their feelings. I may not say anything, but if there was friction the last time I saw someone, I most likely will make all kinds of excuses when it comes to seeing them again. All because I don’t want to deal with the awkward moments.
I’m sure many people may think I need to toughen up. I don’t disagree with you; but it hasn’t happened yet. At this point I don’t think it ever will happen.
If you know what it is to be a people pleaser without boundaries and you’ve changed your ways for the better please leave a comment. Maybe I can learn something from you. Or if you’re currently a people pleaser with no boundaries and you feel there’s no changing for the better in sight; please leave a comment stating what’s your struggle. Maybe we can work through this together.