Welp!… It finally happened. I have to take medication because I didn’t take care of my health. I swear this whole thing feels like a very bad dream. There just seems to be so much going on right now.
The crazy thing is I feel worse today than I did yesterday and my blood pressure is a lot lower today than it was yesterday. I guess my days are going to be filled with working on ways to get my pressure down, because medication is something I can not do for the remainder of my life. I like to be free and having medication dictate anything about me is not what I’m going to have. This is something else that I’m going to have to push through.
I know it’s not the worse thing to happen. I know that it’s good that I found out because if I had not something completely catastrophic could have happened. There is so much that can happen with my living and eating the way I do. Now I see this as the time for me to take action and do what I always have set out to do. I never did it before because I always was worrying about everyone else. I never took how I felt about things into consideration when it came to things I wanted to accomplish in this life. The other thing is I made excuses repeatedly because I always saw myself failing anything I tried.
My world view is shifting. I’m not happy and I haven’t been happy for a long time. I truly believe the reason for that is; all these years I’ve always tried to do what’s safe. I believe once I start doing what I feel in my heart and stop letting other people dictate the moves I should make in life, things will start to happen with ease.
I know that I’m not the only person who’s had those family members who believe you’re one way, but you’re a completely different person when they’re not watching.
The person they know me to be is kind, helpful, loyal, honest, and very agreeable. The person I am is a polar opposite from that. At one point all I thought of was fashion and how I can achieve being the most attractive person in the room. As years have passed those thoughts have changed. But before now I dreamt of being the most attractive in any room. But the more I got passed up for other women around me, the more my self-esteem fell.
Now that I’m older I know it’s not always what someone look like that attracts others, it’s how they make you feel. Without even knowing it over the years I had been working on myself. Let my friends or my Mom tell it, I’ve always been really good with people. But that’s not because I want to be, it’s more because I feel like I have to be. There’s a fulfillment I get every time I have an encounter with someone and they leave uplifted and happier then the did before we spoke.
But what I’ve come to know is that this isn’t good. I’ve realized I take other people’s emotions into myself and it makes me sick in return. In short; I’m a people pleaser. Something I’ve been working on but I know that it’s going to take sometime to get out of these habits. One thing is for sure, I’m going to continue to fight to let this habit go. Because dying for the cause is not something I plan on doing.
What I want you to take from this is; if you’re like me and what people do and say affect you extremely, work on finding ways to decompress. If you’re health isn’t good currently and you know that without having to go to anyone’s hospital do something about it now. Don’t wait until something major happens and you’re forced to make a change or loose your life. Let me not even take it that far. What if you were told that we have to amputate a limb? This happened because you weren’t maintaining a healthy diet. I’m telling you this, because this was me. For the longest I thought hospital visits were something they created as a money making ploy. Not the whole system, but something I thought were a scam. Now I see that there is some truth in this.
I’m going to tell you right now, I don’t know how these next few months are going to go. But I’m going to make a real attempt to change my life for the better and only do what I want to do from now on.
If you’ve made it this far, I thank you for staying and sticking it out. As always I love you and please make sure to take care of YOU.