Experiences · Feelings · relationship

That’s the way love goes

Good Morning!!! 

I was out with my boyfriend the other day, and I was just watching the way some men treat their women. I say some because I know everyone isn’t like the type of man I’m about to describe; my boyfriend’s sure not. And men if you’re like this, don’t be ashamed. There’s always time to correct it, if you want to.

The type of man I’m talking about is selfish, a liar, a manipulator, a user, someone that likes to use the person their with for their gain…… Don’t get me wrong, we all are with people we can take a little something from. But, the difference is; you take but you also give and the relationship isn’t always about your come up. That’s what I think a lot of people don’t get; women included. Because this can pertain to regular platonic relationships, as well.

I feel this trait is learned, and could be unlearned if the User wanted to unlearn it. But the way this world is, it just seems like everyone is okay with being the type of person that takes and takes and never gives. I know there are plenty givers out there. Also that some people that have become takers, have only become this way because someone behaved this way toward them.

Me for instance,  I was with a taker for a very long time; damn near a decade. It wasn’t easy. But I stayed because I had hope that things would go back to the way they use to be, but that never happened. Once he figured me out, the nice him was out the door and he started to show me his true self. Just like that girl in If loving you is wrong; I stayed and did for him, gave him money, took him were ever he wanted to go, and anything else he asked for. I tried to be his everything, and lost myself in the process.  All because I wanted that old thing back. Not realizing, that is what people do in the beginning of a relationship. They show you their sweet side first. I like to call it “The dream”, because that’s exactly what it is. There is nothing real in those first 6 to 8 months. You are, like I’ve heard other people say, Wearing rose colored glasses”. If I knew that, I wouldn’t have stayed with him for as long as I did. But like they say, “You live and you learn”.  

The one thing I’m thankful for is my ability to bounce back with out any visible scars. I’m thankful that I’m not the type of person that harvest hate for a potential spouse because of what the last one did. I’m sure a lot of people don’t mean to put others through what they’ve been through. But for many of us,  “That’s the way love goes”Janet Jackson

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Have a beautiful day!!!

As always…….

Experiences · Feelings · Poem · relationship · self-esteem

Letter To My Ex

We’d been together for years then. Me loving you, you not loving me.

I was too young to realize that was the name of the game. You did everything to show me what we had wasn’t real. But I didn’t want to believe I f***** up when I chose you.

I refused to believe what we had wasn’t meant to be. Even after all the mental abuse you inflicted upon me, I still loved you. Wanted so bad to give you the babies you said I would or could never have.

You see, at that time I didn’t realize God was setting me up for something better when he showed me I could have children; just not with you. I could have had your children, but he didn’t see it fit. I thank him for that. At the time I didn’t know what I was setting myself up for, but he did. I’m thankful for the things you taught me.

Even though at the time it hurt like hell to let you go. My first love; the one I gave my whole heart too. The same one who was a friend at times and in an instant was an enemy. Friend because you knew how to make me laugh. Many times I think that’s what held us together as long as it did. But we both know we weren’t suppose to be.

My heart was wide open. All I wanted was to be loved. Maybe because at the time I didn’t love myself. But I’ve learned, you can’t expect others to love you the way you deserve if you don’t know what that love looks like.

 After all these years, I can finally say I’ve found someone who loves me like I love them. Everyday I wake up I thank God he put this man in my life. I even thank him for you. You know why? Because him placing you in my path helped me to recognize the real thing when it came.

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Love you all!!!

empowering · Experiences · motivational · Venting

LIFE

Have you ever experienced a point in life where you felt stuck?

I’ve been feeling like this ever since February 20th, 2019 (the day I lost my job of 15yrs). Truthfully, it’s been longer than that. I thought it was going to be something easy to get over, but it hasn’t been. I have a job now, I’m grateful for it. The only problem is I know I could have been doing so much better if I would have followed my own drum instead of the beat of someone else’s.

When I think about it, I realize most of the choices I made in life have been what other people wanted for me. There aren’t that many things that I’ve decided on in my own. I guess I’m scared of being the one to blame when things don’t go well. I’ve realized in life you’re always going to have choices. I should be looking at it as a good thing, because it means life always has an opportunity to change for the better.

You see, so many times we go through things and concentrate on the negativity of the change or the lose, instead of focusing on how the change is going to benefit us or the people around us. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Slowly but surely I’ve observed how this change was good for me. For one, I’m way more focused on what I want. I’ve been able to post more regularly, I’ve published a book, spoken at an open mic night, soon will be starting a podcast, started a YouTube channel, and in a couple weeks I’ll be going back to college. I have to say God blessed me when he removed me from that place. At the time I didn’t see it. But little by little I can see his plan unfolding and I’m so grateful for this opportunity to live life again.

I know you all my not understand the emotion behind my words and feelings. But just to let you know where I’m coming from; I use to be someone who had no direction! I had a dog of a boyfriend from 19 to 28 he treated me like I was less than dirt on the bottom of a shoe. He constantly lied, cheated, stole from me, put me down in always imaginable, and disappeared sometimes for months at a time. Then to couple that with a step-father who insulted me, demeaned me any chance he got, and cheated on my mother constantly. That isn’t even the half of it. To be honest I could write a whole novel on my negative interactions with men including my sperm donor. I just don’t feel the need to, not yet anyway.

I have to say I’m grateful, even though sometimes I can’t tell if things are improving. One thing I know; they’re not staying the same.

So if you’re like me and life has brought you 180 you need to continue on that path and know most change is for your good. Even if it seems a little or a lot uncomfortable. For the things we really want in life we are always going to have to experience some discomfort in order to appreciate it when something good comes along.

 

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empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Informative · motivational · Short stories · Thoughts

Change your mind, Change your Future

Change your mind, Change your future

Some people don’t believe it could be that simple… Well it is. All you have to do is start thinking positively and the negative things that loom over you and your life will slowly start to distance themselves form you. I’m sure you’ve heard “Negativity brings more negativity” and “Positivity brings more positivity”. You may think it’s just something that people with money say to get you to buy into what they’re trying to sale. I can’t lie, I thought so too, for a long time. But that was do to me living in my own bubble. I had to realize, life could be so much more enjoyable if I open my eyes to it’s possibilities. That’s something we have to stop doing, “limiting ourselves”. Start to realize, “Life is only what we make it. You want to have an enjoyable life, where you build connections and live freely and happily; know it first starts with “you” , second; the way you view the world around you, third “Are you living for yourself or the people around you?”

I had to ask myself all of those questions. Through doing that I’ve realized, the life I’m living isn’t the life I would be proud of if I was to leave the world today. The only thing I feel I’ve done is waste time. But I’m not going to dwell on that. I choose to think more about the time I have and what I want to do with it. See, many of us do that; focus on the past instead of coveting and working on our future. Just know, the longer you focus on the past you’re going to continue to live in the past.

Prime example: Melody was born and raised in the projects. As she grew up, she realized she wanted more. For a long time she dreamed of making enough money to move out. Finally her opportunity came. For about 3 close to 4yrs, she lived the life of her dreams. Next thing you know, she lost the job that allowed her to live the life she came to expect. In turn that changed her life’s course. She was no longer happy, because of that she could know longer be a positive light where there was only darkness.

The moral of the story is to never let your outside world influence or change the way your inside world operates. What I mean is, if your happy be that because you are internally happy, not because of material things; those things could be gone tomorrow. Start appreciating the small, yet big things in life; like your health, your loved ones health, the connections to others. There are far more things to be grateful for then what I’ve listed. So wake up every morning and look yourself in the mirror and list at least three things you’re grateful for. I guarantee it will make a difference in your day. If you continue to do it, it will make a difference in your life.

I have to be honest with you all though. I’m starting to have a shift in energy because of the type of things I’m choosing to read. I just have to say that these books are amazing and they’re helping me to look at life in a completely different light. I’m starting to understand, life doesn’t happen to you. You decide what happens and the way your life works out. For so long, I thought I had no control over my life. That I was just a bystander and what ever happened, just did because that’s the way life goes. Right?

No! That’s not the way for anyone to believe life is. Once you start to feel like you’re a bystander, it’s time to change the author and start to shake some things up. Who wants a life like that? Not me! I want to be able to decide my next move, go on those trips around the world I’ve always dreamed of. Marry that man who is absolutely crazy about me. Then finally at the end of my days look back at it all and say “I did that!”

If you would like to know the list of books I’m reading, or if you enjoyed the post and can relate; please leave a comment. I would love to know what kind of journey you are having. Maybe I could learn something from you.

As always……

Experiences · Feelings

Fish out of Water

During this past month I’ve learned and seen a lot. For the most part I’ve felt like a fish out of water. Reason being; I started working with children again. Don’t get me wrong I love children. But as far as working with them, I know that’s not my strong suit.

I know how to make them feel comfortable and inspired, but when it comes to discipline, I’m not your girl. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been an authority figure, so it’s kind of foreign to me. I hope with time it changes, but I’m not going to hold my breath.

I apologize that the blogs have become shorter. But please be patient with me; I will be posting regularly, very soon….

If you’ve ever had a time in life when you felt inadequate, what did you do to over come it?

What was the situation?

And…

Did you master it? 

Video Provided By: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gL4_yEAdYUs