Experiences · Feelings · motivational · relationship · self-esteem

Transitioning?

Good Morning!!!!!

Question of the day: Moving back with your parents; how would you feel about that after experiencing real independence?

  S*** is getting real, real quick. I knew this day was coming, I just didn’t realize how fast it was gonna get here. The last time I checked I still had five months. At that time 5 months seemed like a lot of time to get my s*** together. But as we all know when you’re in a time crunch, days roll around like minutes, and months go around like hours.

   So now I’m about two months away from the final day of living in my lovely first apartment. I’m sure once the day comes for me to move I’m gonna be so emotional, because I really created a bond and a love for where I live. There were so many days coming home from work an event whatever the case was; I would be so happy to just go home. What made me so at peace with being home alone is the fact that I saw it as an accomplishment. Also there was a peace in coming home knowing I was the boss of me and didn’t have to do anything if I didn’t want too.

For years before I moved out of my mother’s house I thought I would never be able to move out. Now I know I’m capable of taking care of myself. The relationship didn’t work out, but at least I can say I’ve learned a hell of a lot about myself in the process. It almost brings me to tears thinking of how much I pushed the real me down to fit into other peoples ideal of me. I have way more to learn, but I know I’m well on my way to becoming the free unbound spirit I know I was always meant to be.

Believe me I know it’s a hard task to be 100% you and not care about the judgement and dirty looks you may get from others because you choose to do things differently. Especially when you’re a highly sensitive person. Many may not understand why being highly sensitive makes being a free spirit that much harder; I’m gonna explain it to you.

Highly sensitive people like myself and many others don’t always do what’s in their heart and minds to do because they’re extremely affected by the thoughts and feelings of the people around them. So if you tell an HSP something is going to make you unhappy or upset, they’re gonna try to do everything in their power to keep you from experiencing those emotions. That’s why a lot of Highly Sensitive People (HSP’s) or sometimes Empaths put their wants and needs on the back burner because we’re more concerned with making others feel at ease over ourselves.

  I know moving back is not going to be an easy transition, but God willing it will be a productive one. One thing I definitely don’t want to happen is; loosing sight of my goals. Which is producing & selling more books, making and selling more soaps, having a successful Podcast & YouTube. I’m sure I left something out. If you can’t tell, I want to live a life of abundance in everyway. 

   I guess I feel like this because I spent so much time caring about what other people thought about me and what I do. For years depression and anxiety took over my days, making me paralyzed to the different things I wanted to try and accomplish. I was so overwhelmed with how others viewed me I gave no thought to how I viewed and felt about myself. As I write this I feel the tears wanting to escape, because not that long ago depression and anxiety were ruling my days. I’m still a work in progress. I still have those days when I feel sad and anxious. But you know what gets me through?…. Knowing I have goals to accomplish and how good I’m going to feel when everything I’ve been working for comes to fortition.

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As Always

Experiences · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem

Never Settle

Hope you’re having a successful Sunday!!!!

Question of the day: Why is it necessary to give your all?

That question comes to mind because as far back as I can remember every woman around me has always been expected to give their all to the man they’re with. Why?

Many times these men don’t seem to do nearly as much or give as much as the woman they’re with. It’s like you keep giving and giving until you have nothing left for yourself. Now a days they say; “Take care of you before you think of taking care of someone else.” I’m happy that’s something that’s stressed now, because it wasnt back then.

When I was growing up; hell even now women are taught to cater to their man or another woman will. I mean really what kind of s*** is that?! So you’re telling me if there’s some nasty perverted thing he wants to do and I don’t, he has the right to cheat on me?…. I think not!

If you’re with a man that thinks like that it’s time for you to throw away the whole man Honey. What’s the use of trying to make it work? Clearly if you feel differently than he does about the situation; his view on it is never gonna change…. unless he loves you and is willing to do without.

But to all my women making it who realize they’re the prize, keep doing you. The right man in time will find you. Just keep your head up and never settle for less.

AS ALWAYS

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · relationship · self-esteem

A Woman’s Worth

Everyday women are put against each other. Constantly made to feel that we aren’t whole unless we have another half, preferably of the male persuasion. I just want to let you know in case anyone has never told you; you are the prize. Please don’t believe it’s the other way around.

So many women are plagued with the thought of feeling less than or inadequate because of the absence of a male. If he doesn’t want you that’s his problem not yours; stop making it so. There’s only so much you can do. One thing you should never do for sure is bend your back to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you.

A Woman's Worth | Ashanti Holliday/title>

I understand both sexes go through the same things, but all I know is what I’ve lived and seen. It just feels like women a lot of the times get the short end of the stick (in the black community). So many of these women end up taking care of the men the choose to be with. Prime example: Many women in my family take care of the men they have or are with, and not just in the sense of cooking for them, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. No, these women do it all, from paying all the bills, to cleaning, taking care of the children, and some even taking care of mechanical things. Granted they didn’t do the physical work, but the did provide the money to fix the problem.

The sad thing is little girls from all over the world are taught to put a man on a pedestal; especially those who have grown up without a father. The thing that breaks my heart most is the women who haven’t experienced the love of a man will endure all most anything to experience it just once. Most women will go through hell and high water, because they haven’t realized their worth. 

What I want to say to girls like me who grew up without the love of your father or a father figure; “You will never get that man to love you like you love him until you can love you first, without him.” 

Need soap? Want a soap that’s going to keep your skin hydrated an supple? Go on over to Soapsbyshad.etsy.com
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If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

As Always

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts

Married Man

Image result for married man cheating

Good Afternoon!!

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. That is do largely to me trying to find myself; not really. I was trying to get trapped in another relationship. But the only people who seemed to come my way are men not worth my time. They all had some type of hang up about them. I’m not going to really get in to that, because we would be here all day if I did.

But like I stated in a previous blog, there was one guy I was interested in. Wasn’t because of his looks because he’s not that good looking at all. It was just that once I had the chance to meet him in person I already had some form of feelings for him. As we all know when you like someone’s personality or presence it makes you find them more attractive.

I don’t know why but it seems like I always attract and am attracted to the asshole; because that was exactly what he was. He would say things and not care how they affected me. Some part of my liked that, because he was being honest. I guess I appreciated his honesty because there are so many people around me that babysit my feelings. At least with him if he said something I knew he meant it. But that over time got old really quick.

The other thing I’ve failed to mention was the fact that he was attached to someone; they have kids together and everything. The only reason I continued to talk to him after that was mainly because of boredom and depression. As a friend he would be ideal, but nothing more than that. But me not knowing when to keep a guy as a friend and when to enter a relationship with one, I continued to let him pursue me. Making him aware that I am not fond of sharing and that I will never knowingly share a man I intend on being intimate with. But he kept right on and I let him.

To be honest nothing really happened between us, but it could have. Over time I really wanted to see what he was capable of when it came down to the dirty deed. But something in me just won’t let me go that far. Mainly because I know, no matter how long we’ve known each other or how close we get he has someone he is messing over to get with me. He always told me she knew about me; not me per say but she knew there was another woman he was engaging in sexual activity with.  He tried, and I wanted to let go, but him not being mine just made me so uneasy.

I thought of throwing away my morals plenty times when it concerned him, but then I began to think “Why”? I’m not benefiting out of this situation. Take for instance my car is beginning to over heat. You think he offered to even look at it or give me some money to fix the problem “No”; at the end of the day I am left by myself with all of my problems. So for me it’s a high risk, but for him he’s just playing a game. Trying to see what woman is going to be dumb or desperate  enough to except scraps of  a man instead of her own.

Final Thought

If you can’t be his one and only and you’re the secret, you’re getting the short end of the stick. I don’t care what you say.

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Informative · Rant · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts · Venting

Going through the Motions

Good Morning!!!

As always I hope everyone is doing well. First off I have to say there is a reason that I haven’t been blogging lately. There have been some things that I’ve been going through and feelings have been fluctuating. Some days I feel good other days I feel deep and in my feelings, but either way I’m going to find a way to push through.

Recently I met someone I believed could have been a beautiful distraction, but later realized what he was offering I was not a connoisseur of. But I’m not going to lie, I had fun through the learning process. The only thing about it was the feelings that come after everything is said and done.

So now I’m stuck by myself. I have family and friends, but I am not as close to them all as I should be. Reason for that is; my constant need to be in a relationship or in this case a “situationship”. I’ve always managed to forget what I have going on and worry more about the man in my life. I guess I feel that way because I’ve never experienced the feeling of a man being absolutely crazy about me. I’m sure many women know what I mean.

What that stems from is not having a real male figure in my life who showed me love and affection. True there was a male figure in my life, but he never showed me love and kindness. What ever he did for me he wanted a pat on the back for, it never came from the heart. So as a result of growing up with a male like that as a role model, I unintentionally sot out men who were like him. When I tell you I had no idea that’s what I was doing until I got in my mid-thirties!

I really feel like I wasted time. So many times I swallowed my opinions and feelings to keep receiving the attention of a man. Truth be told I’ve never felt worthy of any mans attention, because all the men in my life while growing up left or treated me poorly; my father, step-father, guys I went to school with, and teenage boyfriends.

Many people may believe it’s possible to raise a child with only one parent being in their child’s life. It may be true, but it wasn’t the case for me. I feel I would have developed more of a balanced opinion on men and women if I had more male figures in my life. Hell, if I had even one stable positive male role model in my life growing up I wouldn’t have such  low expectations of the men who come in my life. But I know that it’s something I have to learn and grow from.

On to the next…..

Experiences · Feelings · relationship · Thoughts · Venting

Confusion

Good Morning!!!

Hope life is going well and all things are prosperous.

You know how you meet someone and you believe only that person can give you that feeling? Well recently I met someone that is very attractive sexually. I’m sure when I say that most people would believe I mean visually. Nope that’s not what I’m talking about. You know how sometimes some people just have that aura about them that makes them seem like the best thing since sliced bread. Well, this man had that thing.

There were a lot of things I did not like about him, but there were also a lot of things that turned me on beyond belief! As I am not in the business of bashing anyone, I am only going to list the qualities I enjoyed; which are; his strength, arrogance, and dominance. I know I could probably find that find that in any men. But there was just something about this man that made him that much more appealing. I’m sure it was because he had a no holds barred attitude. If there was something he wanted to say or wanted, he did not hesitate to go after it.

I guess you could say, that’s something that was missing in my last relationship. Supposedly love was there, but I never felt it. I fooled myself in to believing it was there. But you know how sometimes you’re bored and you go through your text messages? Well, I did this recently. I started looking over the text messages between me and my Ex and realized, he checked out a long time ago. I was the one holding on for dear life.

Friends and family keep asking me why am I still continuing to live with this man. I answer straight and say; “I’m not ready to give up my independence.” See, once this lease is over and done with, I want to know I can take care of myself with out the assistance of any one. That’s why I’ve been working on trying to build a brand. That’s also the reason I’ve been trying to busy myself with meeting other people so that my situation with him does not take me over.

I’m positive there are other women and men who have been through this. If you have please let me know if you believe I’m getting through this in the right manner or should I have left yesterday.

As always

empowering · Experiences · health · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts

Control- Good or Bad?

Good Morning!!!!

Hope everyone is well, and getting everything they ever asked for out of life.

Today I was thinking of how we go through life and are disappointed time and time again. But I’ve learned it’s through the disappointments we learn.

For example:

You date, go out, have a great time with that person. Then later on realize they were nothing like you initially believed them to be. There are never any problems between the two of you. He loves you and you love him. There are things you noticed, but nothing alarming. 

Yeah he may be a little over protective. But as women we kind of enjoy when our men get a little jealous. So you think nothing of it. Then there are other little things that start to arise when you finally take that plunge and move in together. Things like, “I don’t see a reason why you would need to stay out longer then 4 or 5 hours.” or “You should go to the gym bae. You’ll feel so much better when you do.”

Some of these things aren’t as bad in small doses. But when this becomes his or her norm, it starts to take a toll on you as a person. You may not notice it at first. But what starts to happen is, you start to feel like the walls are closing up on you, and you have no room to move or do anything you would typically do. You’re trying to save yourself from the ear full you’re sure they’ll give you if they found out you engaged in something they didn’t approve of. You may not realize it, but that person is controlling you.

Whenever you have someone telling you what they want and they’re doing it in a way that makes you afraid they’ll leave if you say “No” that is controlling, and that isn’t the person you want to waste your energy on.

Below is a clip from Divorce Court of a couple where the man was considerably older than his fiancé.  In this clip you’ll see how he maintained and demanded control through the entire relationships.

If you have ever been in a relationship such as this please leave a comment below, letting others know how you got out of it. And if you’re someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with this type of partnership, I would love to know your take on the situation.

As Always

Video Provided By: YouTube

Experiences · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories

Fall down 9 stand up 10

Good Morning!

 

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

As I’m sure you know, if you’ve been on this blog before; I always have a way of taking things from my life and making them applicable to you all, well at least I try to. This time is no different.

I took time to look at myself and really evaluate what I wanted from this point forth. I realized I don’t want the typical things women my age would want. Like being or getting married and two or more children with a pet or two. You see, I took a different route. I tried getting a husband in  hopes of starting a family when I was 18 leading up to recently. When in reality I should have been focusing on my career. Thinking that I would have the chance to better myself while I was with my husband and had my many kids, but that’s not the way things worked out.

I found out life is a whole lot harder than what grown ups back then made it look like. There aren’t abundant amounts of chances given to every and anyone. You have to take what you want, you can’t wait for someone to give it to you; you’ll be waiting forever if you think that’s gonna happen.

In short life is a beast and sometimes you have to fall down a couple of times, get a couple of  scrapes and scars before you finally understand the lesson you were being taught. There is no shame in learning late. The same comes when you take all the experiences from your life and you didn’t allow them to do what they were intended to do, which is teach. 

 

Image result for fall down 9 get up 10

 

 

Photos Provided By: Pinterest, 

Experiences · Feelings · relationship · Short stories · story telling · Thoughts · Venting

The story of Us

We had been fighting for months. Me trying to make things right, him pulling away. It seemed that this cycle was never going to end. All I wanted is for things to go back to the way they use to be; but I knew they wouldn’t because he didn’t want them to. Part of me thought he was loosing his mind, because he always seemed to pick a fight over the smallest things. It got so bad till there was nothing I could do without worrying how he was going to react.

Now I was a woman who was unknowingly attached to a man who no longer wanted her. The pain of that realization crippled me every time it crossed my mind. Months prior he made me aware he no longer wanted to be with me. Said I wouldn’t understand and that he didn’t want to go into detail because it would make me cry.

So at this current time I’m here hurting; contemplating if I will ever let myself be this vulnerable again. Days pass, not a word has been uttered between the two of us since he delivered that cruel blow. Sometimes I think he says the things he says to get a reaction. Then when I do react, he tries to minimize it.

“Hey Frtitz, what’s up man? How you doing?”

He was on the phone with a friend. Something he hardly ever did while we were together, but since our split his been way more talkative and more active. Every time I hear him come into a room it instantly makes me uncomfortable, stirs up anger and confusion.

All these feeling are do to never having the chance to express how I truly felt. I know and have known for a while that he is not and was not the man for me. The longer we were together the more he proved that to me. We just didn’t have the same interest. I was interested in a life partner, and it has been made clear to me he wanted someone for the moment.

They say it’s a good idea to sit down and talk. Talk about the things you expect from that relationship. Rather than do what I did, and just go with the flow. Sometimes going with the flow works, but hardly ever when building with someone else is concerned. A valuable lesson I’ve been taught repeatedly, but never learned until now.

Now that I’m getting older there’s no time for the bulls***. For the first time all attention is going to be on me. Who knows, I may do some traveling or do something crazy; something that’s going to make me feel alive. It’s about time I concern myself with the betterment of me. Get to know and love me; a concept I took in to consideration but never acted on.

My Sad Truth

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts

Who Should Pay?

In this day and age it seems there’s a power struggle going on between men and women. A lot of men and women want to be taken care of, but at the same time want to have say so over their relationships.

My view on the whole thing; everyone’s’ needs can be met if we’re on the same page mentally. The sad part is, many of us get with people because we’re more concerned with their outer than their inner. This society is so mesmerized by how well put together or attractive someone is, they fail to find out what that person’s core values are. That’s where we mess up. I’m not gonna be like, ” Dude is ugly as f*** but I’m gonna still find out what he got in his head”.

I’m gonna be honest, that isn’t my initial thought. Usually if I date someone that isn’t attractive, they end up having a quality I found attractive to make me see differently. That’s how most of my relationships went, anyway. I’ve only dated someone visually attractive, once. The reason for that; many times people who are attractive and know they are, have big heads and I don’t need those problems.

But, getting back to the topic at hand. People date who they want. They marry who they want. We can have this argument until we’re blue in the face, but we’ll never be on one accord. One reason is everyone if asked would have a different opinion on the matter. You have some women who wouldn’t mind being the bread winner; the same is true for some men. All that really matter’s is if you’ve created a strong foundation.

If both are working to keep that relationship strong, there is nothing capable of breaking that bond. It’s not about who pays for this and who pays for that. It’s more of, ‘I got you and you got me’. Everything that we bring into the household and this partnership is both ours, equally. There’s no; ‘I make all the financial decisions because I make the money’ or ‘No sex because you’re not helping me around the house’.

If you have or are in a marriage or relationship were everything feels split down the middle; I want to let you know, that isn’t what you believe it to be. True committed relationships are when you have developed a union; a force to be reckoned with. Everything belongs to the two of you. There is no that’s mine and that’s hers. So until you can be that open you’re having experiences, that will eventually lead up to a relationship (hopefully).   

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Also if you’re looking for a great book to read Check out

Loyalty, love, lies, and Betrayal