empowering · Experiences · self-esteem

Self Worth

Good Morning!!!

I know I’ve been M.I.A for a good while now. That was do in part to my health. But as the days pass I’m feeling better.

Well let’s get to the blog; shall we?

I’m sure this isn’t the first time I’ve written about it or you’ve read something else from someone else regarding the same topic. But, I want to give you my viewpoint.

We always want someone who’s gonna do for us what the next person won’t.

But….. have you ever thought of it from the viewpoint of; “I’m that person who won’t do those things for myself?”

We hear it over and over again about self worth. How we’re not suppose to allow someone to come in and take up space if they have no respect for us. But we never think of; Why does it  happen in the first place?”

Many of us allow these time wasters and cum critters to waste our time because we weren’t taught from young how to spot and what to do when they come your way. That’s why you have so many Good women and men out here marrying and wasting decades with ain’t s*** people.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned; If you can’t have a great time by yourself, how the hell are you supposed to have fun with somebody else?!

So many of us are looking for another person to save us. Many of us go whole life times expecting to find that one person who’s going to take us away from all the sad, upset, confusing things or people that are our life. Not realizing we are who we’re looking for.

See, one of the saddest things to learn when you’ve lived all your days and still haven’t found happiness is;

You are your own hero. You had the power to change your reality all along.

So to those who don’t believe happiness begins with self worth and discovery. Please reevaluate your values and morals.

I’m really just trying to save those of us out here who have the mindset of, “If he/she leaves me, what kind of life will I have without them?”

There are people everyday taking their own life or someone else’s because the person they chose made a different choice and decided to be with someone else.

I understand love makes us do some crazy things while we’re in it. That’s why the best person for you to fall for first and always is YOU. One thing’s for sure, you’re never leaving YOU.

Might be a little corny but as long as you keep this in mind breakups will be way easier. “Self Worth Makes the Dream Work”.

Remembering that and really practicing it will put people on high alert as to how to handle you. What that means is; once people realize you’re good with them in or out of your life, they’ll either straighten up real quick or exit stage left. Keep in mind no love lost. It’s just you have found your voice and realized your worth; and you’ve realized you’re not down for the Tom Foolery anymore.

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As Always

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · motivational · Rant · self-esteem · Thoughts

Confidence?

Good Morning!!!

Hope you all are doing great!!!

Today is going to be a great day!!! I was finally able to get internet service in the classroom 🤯!!! I can’t believe it!!!

Well let me get to the subject at hand.

Being 100 and 10% YOU.

This is something that seems to be next to impossible for most of us to do. We’re able to accomplish it; but it seems to only be when we’re around people we know and love. Many because we know they love us and we could never do anything too weird or out of the way that would make them want to take their love away. In other words; We trust them.

That’s all well and good, but we me included need to always be the person we are truly. It’s a hard task to manage, but I believe it is something that needs to be done.

That changes when you have people who come from different countries. I don’t know what it is, but many of them have learned to walk with confidence and stand in their truth; so it seems. I might be wrong. But I love the confidence and boldness of people who come from places like Puerto Rico, Haiti, The Dominican Republic and so on.

What makes the people so attractive and attention grabbing is their ability to behave or react freely. The whole time staying true to themself. Something I would really love to learn.

If you have found that spark and have learned to live as your 100 and 10% self, please pass the secret along.

As always

Experiences · Feelings · motivational · relationship · self-esteem

Transitioning?

Good Morning!!!!!

Question of the day: Moving back with your parents; how would you feel about that after experiencing real independence?

  S*** is getting real, real quick. I knew this day was coming, I just didn’t realize how fast it was gonna get here. The last time I checked I still had five months. At that time 5 months seemed like a lot of time to get my s*** together. But as we all know when you’re in a time crunch, days roll around like minutes, and months go around like hours.

   So now I’m about two months away from the final day of living in my lovely first apartment. I’m sure once the day comes for me to move I’m gonna be so emotional, because I really created a bond and a love for where I live. There were so many days coming home from work an event whatever the case was; I would be so happy to just go home. What made me so at peace with being home alone is the fact that I saw it as an accomplishment. Also there was a peace in coming home knowing I was the boss of me and didn’t have to do anything if I didn’t want too.

For years before I moved out of my mother’s house I thought I would never be able to move out. Now I know I’m capable of taking care of myself. The relationship didn’t work out, but at least I can say I’ve learned a hell of a lot about myself in the process. It almost brings me to tears thinking of how much I pushed the real me down to fit into other peoples ideal of me. I have way more to learn, but I know I’m well on my way to becoming the free unbound spirit I know I was always meant to be.

Believe me I know it’s a hard task to be 100% you and not care about the judgement and dirty looks you may get from others because you choose to do things differently. Especially when you’re a highly sensitive person. Many may not understand why being highly sensitive makes being a free spirit that much harder; I’m gonna explain it to you.

Highly sensitive people like myself and many others don’t always do what’s in their heart and minds to do because they’re extremely affected by the thoughts and feelings of the people around them. So if you tell an HSP something is going to make you unhappy or upset, they’re gonna try to do everything in their power to keep you from experiencing those emotions. That’s why a lot of Highly Sensitive People (HSP’s) or sometimes Empaths put their wants and needs on the back burner because we’re more concerned with making others feel at ease over ourselves.

  I know moving back is not going to be an easy transition, but God willing it will be a productive one. One thing I definitely don’t want to happen is; loosing sight of my goals. Which is producing & selling more books, making and selling more soaps, having a successful Podcast & YouTube. I’m sure I left something out. If you can’t tell, I want to live a life of abundance in everyway. 

   I guess I feel like this because I spent so much time caring about what other people thought about me and what I do. For years depression and anxiety took over my days, making me paralyzed to the different things I wanted to try and accomplish. I was so overwhelmed with how others viewed me I gave no thought to how I viewed and felt about myself. As I write this I feel the tears wanting to escape, because not that long ago depression and anxiety were ruling my days. I’m still a work in progress. I still have those days when I feel sad and anxious. But you know what gets me through?…. Knowing I have goals to accomplish and how good I’m going to feel when everything I’ve been working for comes to fortition.

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As Always

Experiences · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem

Never Settle

Hope you’re having a successful Sunday!!!!

Question of the day: Why is it necessary to give your all?

That question comes to mind because as far back as I can remember every woman around me has always been expected to give their all to the man they’re with. Why?

Many times these men don’t seem to do nearly as much or give as much as the woman they’re with. It’s like you keep giving and giving until you have nothing left for yourself. Now a days they say; “Take care of you before you think of taking care of someone else.” I’m happy that’s something that’s stressed now, because it wasnt back then.

When I was growing up; hell even now women are taught to cater to their man or another woman will. I mean really what kind of s*** is that?! So you’re telling me if there’s some nasty perverted thing he wants to do and I don’t, he has the right to cheat on me?…. I think not!

If you’re with a man that thinks like that it’s time for you to throw away the whole man Honey. What’s the use of trying to make it work? Clearly if you feel differently than he does about the situation; his view on it is never gonna change…. unless he loves you and is willing to do without.

But to all my women making it who realize they’re the prize, keep doing you. The right man in time will find you. Just keep your head up and never settle for less.

AS ALWAYS

Experiences · Feelings · motivational · self-esteem · Thoughts

Trust You!

GOOOOD MORNING BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!!!!

 

 

As always, I hope all is well and you are following the road less traveled, but the one that you feel in your heart belongs to you. Like I’ve said may times before; “You aren’t living unless you’re living a life of freedom and remain to be uninhabited by your surroundings.

Too many times we have been stopped from doing things we really have wanted to do because we were listening to the opinions of others. Sometimes it’s good to listen to others, but sometimes it’s not.

Let Your Brain Take the Road Less Traveled - The Human FactorMy whole life has been dictated by others. Mainly because I was afraid to take accountability for the things I chose. Cause this way I could sometimes do what I wanted, because someone suggested it and not get blamed for the outcome. But the only thing with that is sometimes people choose what you would have chosen, then other times they don’t. When that happens you’re focused with making the decision whether you are going to do what they suggest, or are you going to follow your own mind and do what you want to do anyway?

That’s why I’ve learned to follow my own advise. Don’t misunderstand me, I still ask people their opinion; but I don’t fall for the peer pressure of doing something because someone told me too. 

It’s gonna be a struggle at first, but you’ll be so happy once you learn to trust yourself. Cause what happens when you finally start following your own mind is; you stop being a follower and become a leader. In becoming a leader you also unlock you mind and finally give yourself the permission to be you, unapologetically. That is when the true beauty of living comes in to play.

 

Question of the day:What is something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t because of the opinions of others?

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Need soap? Want a soap that’s going to keep your skin hydrated and supple? Go on over to SoapsbyShad.Etsy.com
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As Always 

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · relationship · self-esteem

A Woman’s Worth

Everyday women are put against each other. Constantly made to feel that we aren’t whole unless we have another half, preferably of the male persuasion. I just want to let you know in case anyone has never told you; you are the prize. Please don’t believe it’s the other way around.

So many women are plagued with the thought of feeling less than or inadequate because of the absence of a male. If he doesn’t want you that’s his problem not yours; stop making it so. There’s only so much you can do. One thing you should never do for sure is bend your back to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you.

A Woman's Worth | Ashanti Holliday/title>

I understand both sexes go through the same things, but all I know is what I’ve lived and seen. It just feels like women a lot of the times get the short end of the stick (in the black community). So many of these women end up taking care of the men the choose to be with. Prime example: Many women in my family take care of the men they have or are with, and not just in the sense of cooking for them, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. No, these women do it all, from paying all the bills, to cleaning, taking care of the children, and some even taking care of mechanical things. Granted they didn’t do the physical work, but the did provide the money to fix the problem.

The sad thing is little girls from all over the world are taught to put a man on a pedestal; especially those who have grown up without a father. The thing that breaks my heart most is the women who haven’t experienced the love of a man will endure all most anything to experience it just once. Most women will go through hell and high water, because they haven’t realized their worth. 

What I want to say to girls like me who grew up without the love of your father or a father figure; “You will never get that man to love you like you love him until you can love you first, without him.” 

Need soap? Want a soap that’s going to keep your skin hydrated an supple? Go on over to Soapsbyshad.etsy.com
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If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

As Always

Experiences · Feelings · health · Informative · self-esteem · Thoughts

Social Anxiety!!!!

Hey everyone. Hope you’re having a lovely productive day.

My topic if choice today is social anxiety. I chose this topic because it is something I battle with on a day to day basis. I can’t say that I have been medically diagnosed, but I’m sure that is what this is.

Everyday I dread going outside of my house. Not because I hate going outside, because I love nature. I’m just not a fan of meeting and speaking to new people. Don’t get me wrong I would love to expand the number of friends I have. I just become very frustrated, flustered and uncomfortable when meeting new people.

I wish socializing came easy to me like breathing, but it doesn’t. My mind is constantly filled with negative thoughts of how my interaction with the next person is going to play out.

It’s not as if I’m asking them to do something. That is definitely not the case. It’s more of wanting them to except and love me for who I am.

I never understood it, but I always have strived for approval of every person that has ever entered my life; from my Mom all the way done to the cashier at the grocery store. I know that no one has a great relationship with everyone they every met. If they do it’s usually because they are not being true to themselves, in most cases.

So at the current moment I’m working on me and taking steps to having a better quality of life.

Who has felt like this?

If you have, it would be nice to know I’m not alone.

As always

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Continue reading “Social Anxiety!!!!”
empowering · Experiences · Feelings · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts

Married Man

Image result for married man cheating

Good Afternoon!!

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. That is do largely to me trying to find myself; not really. I was trying to get trapped in another relationship. But the only people who seemed to come my way are men not worth my time. They all had some type of hang up about them. I’m not going to really get in to that, because we would be here all day if I did.

But like I stated in a previous blog, there was one guy I was interested in. Wasn’t because of his looks because he’s not that good looking at all. It was just that once I had the chance to meet him in person I already had some form of feelings for him. As we all know when you like someone’s personality or presence it makes you find them more attractive.

I don’t know why but it seems like I always attract and am attracted to the asshole; because that was exactly what he was. He would say things and not care how they affected me. Some part of my liked that, because he was being honest. I guess I appreciated his honesty because there are so many people around me that babysit my feelings. At least with him if he said something I knew he meant it. But that over time got old really quick.

The other thing I’ve failed to mention was the fact that he was attached to someone; they have kids together and everything. The only reason I continued to talk to him after that was mainly because of boredom and depression. As a friend he would be ideal, but nothing more than that. But me not knowing when to keep a guy as a friend and when to enter a relationship with one, I continued to let him pursue me. Making him aware that I am not fond of sharing and that I will never knowingly share a man I intend on being intimate with. But he kept right on and I let him.

To be honest nothing really happened between us, but it could have. Over time I really wanted to see what he was capable of when it came down to the dirty deed. But something in me just won’t let me go that far. Mainly because I know, no matter how long we’ve known each other or how close we get he has someone he is messing over to get with me. He always told me she knew about me; not me per say but she knew there was another woman he was engaging in sexual activity with.  He tried, and I wanted to let go, but him not being mine just made me so uneasy.

I thought of throwing away my morals plenty times when it concerned him, but then I began to think “Why”? I’m not benefiting out of this situation. Take for instance my car is beginning to over heat. You think he offered to even look at it or give me some money to fix the problem “No”; at the end of the day I am left by myself with all of my problems. So for me it’s a high risk, but for him he’s just playing a game. Trying to see what woman is going to be dumb or desperate  enough to except scraps of  a man instead of her own.

Final Thought

If you can’t be his one and only and you’re the secret, you’re getting the short end of the stick. I don’t care what you say.

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Informative · Rant · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts · Venting

Going through the Motions

Good Morning!!!

As always I hope everyone is doing well. First off I have to say there is a reason that I haven’t been blogging lately. There have been some things that I’ve been going through and feelings have been fluctuating. Some days I feel good other days I feel deep and in my feelings, but either way I’m going to find a way to push through.

Recently I met someone I believed could have been a beautiful distraction, but later realized what he was offering I was not a connoisseur of. But I’m not going to lie, I had fun through the learning process. The only thing about it was the feelings that come after everything is said and done.

So now I’m stuck by myself. I have family and friends, but I am not as close to them all as I should be. Reason for that is; my constant need to be in a relationship or in this case a “situationship”. I’ve always managed to forget what I have going on and worry more about the man in my life. I guess I feel that way because I’ve never experienced the feeling of a man being absolutely crazy about me. I’m sure many women know what I mean.

What that stems from is not having a real male figure in my life who showed me love and affection. True there was a male figure in my life, but he never showed me love and kindness. What ever he did for me he wanted a pat on the back for, it never came from the heart. So as a result of growing up with a male like that as a role model, I unintentionally sot out men who were like him. When I tell you I had no idea that’s what I was doing until I got in my mid-thirties!

I really feel like I wasted time. So many times I swallowed my opinions and feelings to keep receiving the attention of a man. Truth be told I’ve never felt worthy of any mans attention, because all the men in my life while growing up left or treated me poorly; my father, step-father, guys I went to school with, and teenage boyfriends.

Many people may believe it’s possible to raise a child with only one parent being in their child’s life. It may be true, but it wasn’t the case for me. I feel I would have developed more of a balanced opinion on men and women if I had more male figures in my life. Hell, if I had even one stable positive male role model in my life growing up I wouldn’t have such  low expectations of the men who come in my life. But I know that it’s something I have to learn and grow from.

On to the next…..

empowering · Experiences · health · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts

Control- Good or Bad?

Good Morning!!!!

Hope everyone is well, and getting everything they ever asked for out of life.

Today I was thinking of how we go through life and are disappointed time and time again. But I’ve learned it’s through the disappointments we learn.

For example:

You date, go out, have a great time with that person. Then later on realize they were nothing like you initially believed them to be. There are never any problems between the two of you. He loves you and you love him. There are things you noticed, but nothing alarming. 

Yeah he may be a little over protective. But as women we kind of enjoy when our men get a little jealous. So you think nothing of it. Then there are other little things that start to arise when you finally take that plunge and move in together. Things like, “I don’t see a reason why you would need to stay out longer then 4 or 5 hours.” or “You should go to the gym bae. You’ll feel so much better when you do.”

Some of these things aren’t as bad in small doses. But when this becomes his or her norm, it starts to take a toll on you as a person. You may not notice it at first. But what starts to happen is, you start to feel like the walls are closing up on you, and you have no room to move or do anything you would typically do. You’re trying to save yourself from the ear full you’re sure they’ll give you if they found out you engaged in something they didn’t approve of. You may not realize it, but that person is controlling you.

Whenever you have someone telling you what they want and they’re doing it in a way that makes you afraid they’ll leave if you say “No” that is controlling, and that isn’t the person you want to waste your energy on.

Below is a clip from Divorce Court of a couple where the man was considerably older than his fiancé.  In this clip you’ll see how he maintained and demanded control through the entire relationships.

If you have ever been in a relationship such as this please leave a comment below, letting others know how you got out of it. And if you’re someone who doesn’t see anything wrong with this type of partnership, I would love to know your take on the situation.

As Always

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