Short stories

Love thy Self

Good Morning!!

How is everyone doing today?

I hope things are going in your favor and that you are making some major strides in securing your future.

There’s something I was made aware of last night. That thing was; you can’t just date anyone and expect for you all to fit eventually. This is something I never really paid attention to in relationships past. I really thought before that you could date someone and eventually you all would grow together, no matter the difference. Now that I’m older I see that is not the case. There are things you’re gonna run into that just are not going to fit and never will. I guess that is the lesson past relationships taught me.

You may be wondering or you already know I had to experience this fairly recent in order to be talking about it today. You would be right in your assumption. I was open to giving this guy a chance, but he didn’t want the same things I wanted. He was more concerned with what I wanted to do with my life then what he wanted to do with his own. All in all he seemed like a nice guy; just not the guy for me.

The other thing was my mother was so happy when she saw me speaking to him. Mainly because she wants some grandbabies. Not only that, she believes having someone to love you makes you feel more complete. She’s not understanding along with other people I’m close with, that at the current time I’m not looking for another half, nor do I want one. I’m really just wanting to take the time to find out what I want for myself. That is why I have not spoken to or seriously engaged in conversation with anyone I could potentially get close to. I know how I am, and because of that I know that everything I’m trying to make work for me now would come to a stand still if I seriously pursued a relationship. That is something that just can not happen at the current moment.

I’m grateful I was able to stop and assess the situation before it got any bigger. I say that because I have been in situations like that before and I’ve rolled with it; not really providing any pushback. All because I didn’t feel I was worthy of an opinion. Dare I say,

“Not anymore Baby!”

You are gonna hear this mouth, especially if I don’t like something. Or you may not hear from me at all, because I already know what your end game is. I’m not falling for it again.

To many times I have been left with egg on my face.

Not this time Honey”

I am the one that is going to decide my future. No one other than me gets a say so in what I choose to do with my life. I have given boyfriends past too much control over my life and greatness. That will never happen again.

“I have far to much to do to be fooled up with you!”

For those of you who feel you need someone to be happy; please know that isn’t true. What is true, is that you are supposed to love you before you could ever allow yourself to love them and them love you back. If you’re not in this headspace I suggest you take the time to learn to love you before you add someone else to the equation.

As Always 

Short stories

Development Self

Good Morning!

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday! Nothing like having it off! You should have seen me yesterday. Every time I found myself getting sleepy or starting to feel low energy, it spiked once I reminded myself there was no work today!

The other thing is, I had a therapy session yesterday. It didn’t go as well as I would have liked. Mainly because I haven’t been consistent in my healing. Truth be told I’ve slacked off and reverted back to old ways. Mainly because it’s comfortable and it’s the way I’ve been for years. I understand change only happens when you make it happen. For a point of time you have to put conscious effort in to changing behaviors for them to become a habit. I guess this is the faze that I am currently in.

Some of you are probably not concerned with the self development aspect of the blog. But this is something I use to help me hold myself accountable for my actions and growth. The more I think about it and given the way I think, there is no way I should have financial issues. But as I’ve stated before, fear has been a really huge debilitator for me. So even though I may be a hell of a lot afraid of what on lookers have to say, I am going to doing it anyway. Just throw it out there and see what sticks.

This is something a lot of us suffer from. Mainly because we have fallen down way more than we have gotten up and some where along the road we’ve decided it isn’t worth the risk. Truth is, it’s always worth the risks when it involves bettering the quality of your life. What is slowly sinking in ( and I mean slowly, like molasses) is that even though you have thoughts and you may even have people around you telling you that what you want to do will not work or it is close to impossible to make happen; you have to continue to pursue it. The gift was given to you and you have to learn to step out in faith and take the chance to find out what will happen.

Last thing, even though you may respect their opinion, you have to keep in mind they aren’t God. Therefore they have no idea what will happen once you start trusting yourself and walking in your purpose.

As Always 

Short stories

Hard truth

Good morning!

I really hope everyone is having a great day.

Over the past week things have been hittin differently. I’m not sure if it was the car accident or my baby of 15 years passing or my car clunking out on me, that has me thinking of things a little different. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had a mindset of working for myself. But this is the first time I’m choosing to act on it.

For years I’ve tried things, hoping that it would be my ticket out of Monotony Ville. To no avail I’m still where I started from; to be honest even lower. Reason being, I’ve allowed life to happen to me and not for me.

What that means is, I haven’t taken planned disciplined action towards goals I wanted and still want to accomplish. That was my first major mistake. In doing that I did myself a diservice.

I knew what it would take for me to make it. I just didn’t exercise what I knew. This was mainly because I wanted to find a faster way to make it. As a result of trying and failing to find a quicker way to make money, I lost way more then I’ve gained.

The plan is to now apply what I’ve learned and turn my negatives ( inconsistencies) to the life I’ve been dreaming of. The true goal is to keep one target in mind and hit it. I can’t tell you how many quote unquote “great ideas” I’ve had. But because of inconsistency I never saw them through. Because I was looking for the financial reward before putting in the work needed to receive it.

If you’re like me-looking for a quick way to obtain financial freedom. Please slow down. Learn how to focus on one goal at a time. I find that is a better way to set and achieve your goals.

As Always

Short stories

Vitamin D?

Good Morning Yall,

I’m sure this day is turning out to be the blessing that it is, for you. The only thing you have to do is believe it and know it is going to be a great day because you woke up this morning. I’m sure you probably hear that a lot, because I know I do; but it’s true. Simple things like waking up aren’t promised to us. So we need to learn to slow down and appreciate the little things.

With that being said, I had a session with my therapist; as I tend to do these days. We ended up speaking about the Covid-19 vaccine. Mainly because there have been plenty people around me who’ve gotten the shot. The only reason I haven’t gotten it is because I have the tendency to be a bit of a conspiracy theorist. But after having a factual conversation about it I’m really considering getting the shot. Considering; doesn’t mean I am, just considering it.

On another note regarding health. I had No clue vitamin D was so important to peoples over all health. From what I’ve read, we get most of our vitamin D from the Sun. Then there are other sources such as; food, UV lamps, or a supplement.

Truth be told your diet is one of the main deciding factors as to how much vitamin D your body can absorb; the other is your level of activity. Remember you need movement for the natural flow of things. You don’t move- things start to settle. The longer you are inactive, the harder it becomes to move and have your body’s natural flow take place.

It’s sad that I’m just now understanding health and the way it works. There’re things I should have been raised knowing. But to be honest health was the last thing anyone from my neck of the woods was worried about. Life was more about surviving and having the chance to better your life once you got old enough to make your own decisions.

So now that I am a grown woman, I just feel like I’m playing catch up. At times it feels like I’m fumbling through life with the lights off. Hoping to find my way (eventually).

Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who feels like this? I need to know I’m not the only one in my late 30’s still trying to figure this thing out.

Photo Provided By: Vitamin D Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

As Always

Short stories

Female Male Dynamic

Question: Has the female male dynamic changed much since the 2000s?

  There has been much going on between the woman and man since the beginning of time. First the men were the providers and protectors and the women were the nurturers and the ones you went to for reason. They were also the ones who kept the house in order along with other duties. In this day and age that has changed. As most of us know times have advanced, and as a result, so has the role of the woman. I’m sure this isn’t true across the board, but everyday we’re making strides for women every where  to have the same rights as any man.

With that being said, there are some things I see a lot of women going through because we are the bearers and carriers of the seed. Because of this we are many times the one who takes responsibility when our other half does not want too. This is something I’ve spoken about before and just can’t shake loose. I’m sure this has a lot to do with growing up in a single parent household; my mother being the backbone of our family, emotionally and financially.

She like many other woman who’ve become mothers at ages as young as 12, 16 or sometimes younger, have had to put themselves to the side to make a way for the little person they have growing inside them. That’s if they’re willing to take on the responsibility.

I ask a simple question that deserves an answer.

“Why?”

Why is society the way it is? How did we get to this point? I understand in love or because of a woman’s nature she will fall victim to deception. That may have a lot to do with men being the decision makers.

I wish we all could be open minded and truly hear what our fellow (wo)man has to say. Regardless of gender, color, ethnicity, sexual orientation or any other factor I’ve failed to mention. I feel once we’re able to move beyond that we’ll all become better versions of ourselves.

If this is or has been a concern of yours, I would love to hear your thoughts

As Always

Short stories

Thoughts about growing up

How is everyone doing?!

There are thoughts that have been swirling around in my mind for years. First one:

“Am I capable of making it on my own?”

This is and has been a huge concern of mine my whole adult life. I believe it’s something I constantly think about because I’ve never lived alone in all my 38 years on this earth.

The other thing that makes me question whether I have what it takes to make it is my procrastination. It’s baaaad! Really bad. There have been countless times that there’s something I have to do, but don’t because I continuously push that thing further and further back until I never do it. That’s the main reason when things are do I go in to a panic mode; because I never do things ahead of time. If I did, it would save me the unnecessary stress.

The other things I think of often are “Will I ever make it being my own boss” and the other is “Will I be alone forever?” For as far back as I can remember I’ve wanted to be my own boss. The thing that constantly sets me back is constantly trying and starting NEW things. I ‘ve realized I do this because I’m trying to find a way to make it out of a 9 to 5. Really doesn’t matter what 9 to 5 it is, I don’t want any of those! I really just want to pour in to something and in return that thing reward me and pour back into me.

Then with the thought of possibly being alone for the rest of my life… that is something I’m kind of looking forward to at the time. I’m just not sure how I’m gonna feel about that in the long-term. One thing’s for certain though, many men feel like women and many women are acting like men. It’s almost like we’ve switched roles. Just for clarification, I’m not speaking of every man. I’m only speaking of those that believe a woman is equal to a man in worth in every single way. Also those women and men who don’t recognize how important the union between a man and a woman is.

The problems I see arise these days when women and men enter into a relationship together, many times the man is putting out feminine energy and the woman is putting out masculine energy. In my opinion this seems to happen when boys get babied and girls get raised.

If you feel that isn’t a true statement, please make sure to leave a comment and it will be a topic on the podcast.

As Always

Short stories

Therapy!

Good Afternoon!

  I hope everyone is being careful and spending time with those they love.

Let me start by saying, “I love therapy!” I’ve always known I needed it. But to finally get it is a high like no other. There are things that have happened through my life I couldn’t make sense of or just needed some help working through. With therapy I feel that little girl in me coming alive. I’m still not exactly sure if I’m completely happy about that. One thing I am happy about is, getting to understand myself a lot better, being able to understand my behaviors and why I feel what I feel in certain situations.

I had not realized until yesterday that I’ve been in some really uncomfortable and toxic situations. All this time I thought the things I went through were normal. Mainly because all I really know is toxicity; when it comes to male female relationships. So in my adult life that is what I expected and deep down accepted.

Through this process I’ve been made aware struggle love isn’t necessary. I am capable of being in a relationship that serves me and not the other way around. I’m sure I’ve written about this before, but I’m writing about it again because I feel I understand it a little better.

We go through struggle love because it’s all we know. This is why a lot of unhealthy decisions are made; because whether we realize it or not, we’re making the same choices our parents made. It didn’t work for them and most likely it won’t work for us. But we continue to go around and around in a circle, until we receive help to learn there is a better way to go about life.

Codependency is a silent killer, and if you continue to put others before yourself you will always get the same result time and time again.

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As Always

Love you all! Have a beautiful productive day!

Short stories

Spring Break

What is up my beautiful people?

I’ve been thinking about this week for a long time. This week is Spring Break for Palm Beach County. And since I work with a school, it is also spring break for me! Meaning that I do not have to report to work for a full week! That alone is cause to celebrate. But what put the icing on the cake was my family coming down.

This was such a big thing because there is a part of our family that I haven’t seen in years (that’s partly my fault). I have to say though that I had a great time spending time with my cousins and just getting that complete feeling again. I really hadn’t noticed how much it affected me not to have them here.

I understand that not having them here is something I’m gonna have to get over. I will in do time. But the real thing I had to take in to account is my lack of change. I realized over the years there has been much that has changed with them, but I’ve stayed the same. Not in away saying that is a bad thing because it isn’t. It just makes me take a closer look at myself and helps me to realize; time waits for NO man. Meaning, it’s time for me to put fear to the side and start living freely and with out the worry of judgement.

Have you ever just had those close family members that you admire because they’re able to go through many situations without fear or they have fear but they find a way to make that fear none existent? Those are the qualities I’m working to build within myself. Honestly it was just inspiring to watch how fearless my family is. If they want something they go for it.

The other thing is, they all are fighters. I’m not speaking in the physically form per say, but they’ll fight if they had too. I’m really speaking of spiritually. They will go toe to toe for their family. That’s why I love my people. But there is still work we need to do. As I’m sure everyone’s family has something they need to work on.

Inconclusion, I can’t wait until we get together again.

As Always 

Short stories

What’s up? How is everyone doing today?

There is something that I’ve start doing that I’ve failed time and time again at. I’ve finally realized the reasoned I failed is because of my mindset.

I’m still in the beginning stages, pressing myself forward. But this time feels different than any time before. I think it has a lot to do with starting therapy and not being romantically entangled with anyone.

Before this stage of my life I always had a boyfriend. To be honest, I stayed and kept one for a lot of reasons. But the most profound reasons were for love and validation.

At the time I had no idea I felt so empty. The only time I would realize this was when I started to think about the lack of a male figure in my life. At the time I had no idea not having my father would play such a pivotal role. But the older I got the more I began to see how uncomfortable I was around the opposite sex (boyfriends excluded). This was largely do to not growing up seeing a positive model of a male.

But over the past few months I found that missing piece. I am happy to say I have a relationship with both my parents now. We’re still building. But the great thing is I finally have developed a relationship with my father.

For so long I allowed depression and self doubt to get in my way. I’m finally finding ways to push past those obstacles.

I’ve come to realize pushing past the downfalls helps build character; and I’m in character building mode.

In the coming months you’ll be able to attest to what I’m saying. I don’t want to give to much. All I’m gonna say is it’s going to be a big shift.

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Thanks for reading. Make sure to have a happy productive day