Experiences · Feelings · Thoughts · Venting

Go away Rona?

Good Morning!!!

Hope you all are remaining happy and healthy through out this thing.

Coronavirus Memes To Help You Get Through These Scary TimesIs it me or does it seem like the Coronavirus is the only thing that seems to be the topic for everyone these days? Don’t misunderstand me, I am fearful of it too. But there are way more things to be concerned about than this virus. How about the fact that there are going to be millions upon millions of people out of work once this thing blows over? There are so many people who are worried about how they are going to keep a roof over their head when those bills come. For some this has already begun to happen.

I myself won’t have to worry about that because I am a salary employee, so no matter what I still get paid even if I don’t attend work. For other people though this isn’t the case; if they don’t work they don’t get paid. I’m sure many business owners are concerned with the profit their business or business’ are bringing in, but just incase they forget there are people who work with and for your business that aren’t profiting nearly as much as you. I just ask that you be a little more compassionate when making your hiring and firing decisions.

Toilet paper shortage memes are everywhere amid coronavirus ...Unlike the 1%ers most people don’t have the time nor luxury of being in between work. I understand you may have some who may not take work or your company seriously, so they won’t work at the capacity they should. Therefore you have to make that dreaded decision to let them go. But what about those who have been with the company for years and have broken their backs to make sure their shows how much they appreciate their job?

Recently my mother’s mother in law got laid off from a job she had been working for close to 30yrs. I couldn’t believe it. She was really close to retirement. I have my own thoughts on that whole situation.

I can’t stand when the rich continue to get richer and the poor get poorer. I know there have been plenty of entrepreneurs who have begun to emerge through the years because things are not as hard as they use to be. But what about those who aren’t business savvy or have a freethinkers mindset? What are they suppose to do? For example a couple years back I told a woman I wanted to get a job online. She looked at me like I hade three heads. Even though I explained to her why, she still couldn’t understand it. I’m sure it was because she was an older woman close to retirement. Also I’m sure in her day they didn’t have that option, they had to work regardless if they were sick or whatever the case. They had to prove their worth. We’re lucky that it isn’t as hard as back than.

The other thing is some people have a hustler/ entrepreneurs  mentality and others don’t. Should we continue to punish the ones who don’t or leave them alone, let them live their life and wait on that 401k?

Just a question.

What are your thoughts?

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Experiences · Feelings · Rant · Thoughts · Venting

Timid

Morning Good People!!! Hope life is treating you well.

There is always something you’re going to have to deal with. As you may have guessed I’m not the type of person who likes conflict; hate it. But it seems like something is always happening to were I’m involved in something I didn’t intend on getting myself into.

If you didn’t know I’m someone who avoids occured moments at all costs. I hate feeling uncomfortable. I’m telling you, I believe that was my initial reason for wanting to work by myself. Cause at least working for yourself you for the most part control the situation.

People say, “Get a backbone!” But how when being this way has helped me so much in moving through the world?

Final Thought

I know at some point in time I will be that person who speaks up but I guess it’s just not now.

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Informative · Rant · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts · Venting

Going through the Motions

Good Morning!!!

As always I hope everyone is doing well. First off I have to say there is a reason that I haven’t been blogging lately. There have been some things that I’ve been going through and feelings have been fluctuating. Some days I feel good other days I feel deep and in my feelings, but either way I’m going to find a way to push through.

Recently I met someone I believed could have been a beautiful distraction, but later realized what he was offering I was not a connoisseur of. But I’m not going to lie, I had fun through the learning process. The only thing about it was the feelings that come after everything is said and done.

So now I’m stuck by myself. I have family and friends, but I am not as close to them all as I should be. Reason for that is; my constant need to be in a relationship or in this case a “situationship”. I’ve always managed to forget what I have going on and worry more about the man in my life. I guess I feel that way because I’ve never experienced the feeling of a man being absolutely crazy about me. I’m sure many women know what I mean.

What that stems from is not having a real male figure in my life who showed me love and affection. True there was a male figure in my life, but he never showed me love and kindness. What ever he did for me he wanted a pat on the back for, it never came from the heart. So as a result of growing up with a male like that as a role model, I unintentionally sot out men who were like him. When I tell you I had no idea that’s what I was doing until I got in my mid-thirties!

I really feel like I wasted time. So many times I swallowed my opinions and feelings to keep receiving the attention of a man. Truth be told I’ve never felt worthy of any mans attention, because all the men in my life while growing up left or treated me poorly; my father, step-father, guys I went to school with, and teenage boyfriends.

Many people may believe it’s possible to raise a child with only one parent being in their child’s life. It may be true, but it wasn’t the case for me. I feel I would have developed more of a balanced opinion on men and women if I had more male figures in my life. Hell, if I had even one stable positive male role model in my life growing up I wouldn’t have such  low expectations of the men who come in my life. But I know that it’s something I have to learn and grow from.

On to the next…..

Experiences · Feelings · relationship · Thoughts · Venting

Confusion

Good Morning!!!

Hope life is going well and all things are prosperous.

You know how you meet someone and you believe only that person can give you that feeling? Well recently I met someone that is very attractive sexually. I’m sure when I say that most people would believe I mean visually. Nope that’s not what I’m talking about. You know how sometimes some people just have that aura about them that makes them seem like the best thing since sliced bread. Well, this man had that thing.

There were a lot of things I did not like about him, but there were also a lot of things that turned me on beyond belief! As I am not in the business of bashing anyone, I am only going to list the qualities I enjoyed; which are; his strength, arrogance, and dominance. I know I could probably find that find that in any men. But there was just something about this man that made him that much more appealing. I’m sure it was because he had a no holds barred attitude. If there was something he wanted to say or wanted, he did not hesitate to go after it.

I guess you could say, that’s something that was missing in my last relationship. Supposedly love was there, but I never felt it. I fooled myself in to believing it was there. But you know how sometimes you’re bored and you go through your text messages? Well, I did this recently. I started looking over the text messages between me and my Ex and realized, he checked out a long time ago. I was the one holding on for dear life.

Friends and family keep asking me why am I still continuing to live with this man. I answer straight and say; “I’m not ready to give up my independence.” See, once this lease is over and done with, I want to know I can take care of myself with out the assistance of any one. That’s why I’ve been working on trying to build a brand. That’s also the reason I’ve been trying to busy myself with meeting other people so that my situation with him does not take me over.

I’m positive there are other women and men who have been through this. If you have please let me know if you believe I’m getting through this in the right manner or should I have left yesterday.

As always

Experiences · Feelings · relationship · Short stories · story telling · Thoughts · Venting

The story of Us

We had been fighting for months. Me trying to make things right, him pulling away. It seemed that this cycle was never going to end. All I wanted is for things to go back to the way they use to be; but I knew they wouldn’t because he didn’t want them to. Part of me thought he was loosing his mind, because he always seemed to pick a fight over the smallest things. It got so bad till there was nothing I could do without worrying how he was going to react.

Now I was a woman who was unknowingly attached to a man who no longer wanted her. The pain of that realization crippled me every time it crossed my mind. Months prior he made me aware he no longer wanted to be with me. Said I wouldn’t understand and that he didn’t want to go into detail because it would make me cry.

So at this current time I’m here hurting; contemplating if I will ever let myself be this vulnerable again. Days pass, not a word has been uttered between the two of us since he delivered that cruel blow. Sometimes I think he says the things he says to get a reaction. Then when I do react, he tries to minimize it.

“Hey Frtitz, what’s up man? How you doing?”

He was on the phone with a friend. Something he hardly ever did while we were together, but since our split his been way more talkative and more active. Every time I hear him come into a room it instantly makes me uncomfortable, stirs up anger and confusion.

All these feeling are do to never having the chance to express how I truly felt. I know and have known for a while that he is not and was not the man for me. The longer we were together the more he proved that to me. We just didn’t have the same interest. I was interested in a life partner, and it has been made clear to me he wanted someone for the moment.

They say it’s a good idea to sit down and talk. Talk about the things you expect from that relationship. Rather than do what I did, and just go with the flow. Sometimes going with the flow works, but hardly ever when building with someone else is concerned. A valuable lesson I’ve been taught repeatedly, but never learned until now.

Now that I’m getting older there’s no time for the bulls***. For the first time all attention is going to be on me. Who knows, I may do some traveling or do something crazy; something that’s going to make me feel alive. It’s about time I concern myself with the betterment of me. Get to know and love me; a concept I took in to consideration but never acted on.

My Sad Truth

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Thoughts · Venting

100% Me

There are often times we are faced with things we wouldn’t have chosen to go through, if left up to us. There are so many things I’ve experienced during this life time. Many of them if I had to do over again…  I wouldn’t have done. There’s damn sure people I wouldn’t have given a chance if I knew how they truly were.

I try to take positivity from the different events; sometimes it seems impossible. Sometimes life has a way of making you feel like all you’re going to constantly receive are blows to the head.

In short, ever since the start of this year I’ve been feeling like there was a dark cloud over me; I can’t explain it. You may be thinking something had to happen for me to feel like this; ‘Nope’ nothing happened. One thing I can say, this year my kindness and go with the flow attitude have been tested more than they ever have before.

I’ve learned, you can’t go with the flow all the time; you’re going to eventually need to have an opinion about things. Having an opinion insures others know how you feel about certain things and it also gives you more control over your life. Verses not saying anything and going with the flow living a life that is full of unwanted surprises.

I feel I’m learning this fact a little late, but I’m so happy I’ve learned it at all. This way I will gain more control over my life and what I want to do with it. Rather than just go with the flow of everyone else’s opinion of what I should do.

For those of you who go with the flow because you don’t want to ruffle any feather; learn to speak your mind. People respect you more when you do. Especially for those of you who are dating; speaking your mind is essential. If you let the other person decide everything, eventually you become boring and bland.

A lot of people will admit this and others won’t; but a lot of men and women love a challenge. So… if you’re hoping to win that person over with passivity, it won’t work. What’s going to happen is, they’re going to be entertained with you for a moment, then they won’t.  They’ll be on the prowl once again, looking for that person that provides everything they didn’t know they were missing. If you don’t embody what they’re missing that is okay. Yawl weren’t the right fit.  

One thing to always remember; never change to be someone’s perfect. You’ll never win. The only thing you can do is be you; if they don’t like you being your 100% self, F**K’EM! Just because you didn’t find a life long partner in them doesn’t mean you’re not going to find your princess or princess. 

With relationships you have to be patient. So to find that ONE you’re going to have to trust the process and just enjoy life until they come.

 

I really hope you enjoyed the post!! 

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Experiences · Feelings · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Thoughts · Venting

Stranger

Image result for controlling boyfriend

I thought I knew you. Looking back, I realize that was a silly assumption on my part.

Image result for signs of a controlling relationship
Signs of an Unhealthy relationship

You see, there are people who hide who they truly are. Then later on, that monster takes over the person you thought you knew. Things you once loved slowly turn into things you can’t stand. All because that monster picked it’s ugly head out. It seems nothing makes it happier than to catch you off guard. Once that happens, it make you feel uncomfortable and seemingly unwanted.

Once that happens there’s no reason to stay, or try to work things out. Unless you want to spend your days convincing someone who isn’t even on your level to love you and choose you. I don’t know about you… but I have way more life to live. I don’t have time, nor the energy or patience to cater to someone else’s insecurities.

KNOWING WHEN TO WALK AWAY

Years ago I remember watching a YouTube video. At the time I didn’t take it too seriously because it was meant to be a joke, but in all honesty that video carried a lot of weight. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was suppose to heed that message.

Image result for controlling boyfriendThe video was one warning women of what types of men to stay away from. The one closest to mine was the guy that was overly controlling and untrusting. I hadn’t realized it yet, but the longer we dated the more and more controlling and untrusting he became. In the beginning I believed it to be a sweet quality, because I never had someone care about my whereabouts & safety before; know one but my family. So naturally I basked in the attention. It wasn’t until much later I realized it was more about control than actual care.

Like they say you live and you learn. I have to say, I’ve learned plenty from this relationship. It taught me a very valuable lesson. Which is; “Never alter yourself to meet anyone else’s requirements, but your own.” It never works in the end if you do.

If you enjoyed this post, please make sure to like, share, comment, and follow this blog for many more life and advice post.

Photos Provided by: https://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com, http://www.lifecrisiscenter.org, https://www.supportgroups.com/relationship/controlling-relationships-warning-signs

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Rant · Thoughts · Venting

Reality

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Have you ever gone to sleep, and slept so good you didn’t want to get up?…

Not because the sleep was so good. Even though I’m sure that would be true. More because while you were asleep you had no worries. You didn’t have to think about going to work or what bills needed your attention. It was just you, and your bed.

That was the type of sleep I had just before waking. Then as soon as I woke up all those negative feelings came rushing back. I’m sure there’s going to be a silver lining coming from all of this negativity I’m experiencing. I just wish it would come already. I’m not going to bore you with the details that are my life. But I feel like I’m close to my lowest point.

I don’t want to make this one of those depressing blogs. I know….

Too late!

I don’t want it to seem like I don’t have anything to be grateful for because I do. I have plenty to be thankful for. My mother, family, my job(s), my published book, this blog, my intelligence. Really… I could keep going. But the things I’m searching for in life have not made their way to me yet; things like freedom and financial stability.

I’m trying to keep a positive mindset, but sometimes I find myself going down the rabbit hole of negativity.

If you have gone through this stage at any point in life, make sure to share your story. I would love to read them. Who knows, my story maybe simliar to yours.

All video and photos Provided by: YouTube.com,

empowering · Experiences · health · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts · Venting

Dating a Woman or Man CHILD

Good Morning!!!

Hope everyone is doing well…

There was a question that I needed the answer too. Not really needed the answer, but wanted the answer. And that question is,

“Have you ever or do you currently date someone that you feel more like a father or mother to rather than a spouse?”

If so, why do you think that is? I have a theory.

Theory 1: Many of us end up with this type of person because deep down we want someone who’s gonna need us just a little more than we need them.

Theory 2: We weren’t quite aware that being with this person would be so demanding. So in essence, we got blind sided.

There are plenty of possibilities, but those are two that make the most sense to me.

I didn’t want to exclude the men out, because I’m both sex’s have had to deal with someone who wasn’t taking on the kind of responsibility required for their age or that relationship. If you still aren’t feeling what I’m saying, let me give you an example. Okay…. let’s say you and your partner have been together for a very long time, and the longer you stay together the more demands they require from you. Things like; “Where are you going?” “When are you coming back?” “Don’t eat this or that.””There’s no need for you to leave this house for more than 4 hours.” “If I’m not home write a note letting me know where you are.” Then the death blow; silent treatment.

If you have experienced being with someone like this, it almost feels like you’re the child and they’re the adult. But it’s really more like having a new born baby who is in need of you every moment of every day. At first it can seem cute, but over time, it starts to really work on your nerves and self-esteem. Self-Esteem because, it’s only you and him most times; because to many outings may set him off. Then sometimes this may lead to what I mention earlier; silent treatment. 

I’ve been given silent treatment so often that it’s become a norm. I know it shouldn’t be. But the good thing is, I’ve learned not to internalize it. 

The Silver Lining

I’ve learned I don’t really need anyone else. It would be nice but it isn’t mandatory.

I would love to hear about some of your stories. So make sure to leave a comment, like share and follow

As Always,

Experiences · Movie Review · relationship · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts · Venting

Use it don’t let it use you

This morning I was face with a questioned I’ve always thought of but never answered.

What do you think of yourself?

Naturally, I didn’t stick to a simple answer. I just had to make it long; and that is what you’re about to read.

I feel like I’m naturally a nice person. But I’m overly nice most times because I’m trying to overcompensate for my lack of being my version of perfection.

If I’m honest, that’s another reason I get into relationships with emotionally unavailable men. To be real with you and myself; being with someone at this time in my life, is not appealing to me. I really just want to be by myself.

I’ve had the chance to come to this realization because of my current situation ship. I know now, that the main reason I decided to enter into this current relationship was do to me not wanting to experience life as I did, when I was living with my Mom and her now ex-husband. Besides it was time for me to leave anyway.

At first, I really loved and enjoyed my boyfriend’s company; still do. But the thing that won me over in no time was his honesty and openness. At the time I never experienced that much openness and honesty from any man; not even my father. That’s why something that’s supposed to be so simple, blew my mind. Later on I realized he wasn’t as open as he portrayed himself to be. Now after being together almost 5 yrs, I’m peeping more and more how incompatible we are for each other.

Once upon a time, I thought he was the one. Over the years I’ve come to learn we don’t view life the same. He thinks a good time is staying home and watching something on his computer or working on a car. Me on the other hand; I want to travel and see the world.

There’ve been times I’ve wanted to go on road trips with family, and haven’t been able to. I’m not blaming him, because this was going on long before we got together. Mainly because of my fear to have new experiences, past comments from boyfriends, or the fear of getting cheated on or broken up with because I spent what they deemed as to much time away from them.

But I have to say the beautiful part about getting older is, knowing and excepting ‘ everything isn’t in your control’. All you can do is live for yourself. That’s the only thing you do have control over. That’s also the way to become and maintain happiness; by not letting other people’s opinions become your reality. I’ve been on this earth for close to 37 yrs, and along the way, people have done nothing but tried telling me what I should do with my life; when they don’t know what to do with their own. Because of that, I grew up very confused; trying to please everyone else without taking into account what I really wanted. But thanks to God, my Mother and ALOT of self reflecting, I’m beginning to listen to ‘ME’ more.

That’s actually why I write; because it has and continues to help me escape my reality. I create characters like Passion, Sadie and many others because they’re away for me to either express what I’m currently feeling. In saying that; if you don’t know about either of these stories I’ll leave links at the bottom.

Hypnotically Beautiful

Passion

Last but not least

LOYALTY