Layered like an Onion

What’s up Ya’ll!

Hope everything is going well….

You know how you start thinking of different things that you’ve been through, through out your life? Well that was me the other day. I mean I always think of the different things I’ve been through. Thing is I just don’t understand how I kept my cool through out so many different times. I remember I was working out at the gym I had a person I thought was a friend. She was with a friend of hers. I said ‘Hi” and they proceeded to walk past me. Next thing you know I feel something wet on my back.

I was pissed but didn’t do anything about it because I was so concerned with others seeing me act out of character. Ask me why, I still don’t know till this day. Or the time I got used repeatedly by the same guy. At the time I thought that was the way it was. He would leave come back, leave come back. And I would be there to receive him every time. It was my warped perception of what I thought love was.

At the time I didn’t know what Love looked like between a man and woman, so I want by the examples around me. The sad part was every example there was always heartache and pain. There was never any couple that was happy more then 50% of the time. There were always problems coming about.

But to make a long story short, I’ve realized there is much that I have to talk about. I thought there was nothing I had to offer. But when I begin to think about it, there’s plenty. My only problem is I don’t let many people into my most intimate circle. It’s hard for me to let others see me in the raw. I’m so used to putting up a vail that many times I put up one on myself.

It wasn’t until I spoke to my potential “Dom” that I realized I don’t let that may people see the person I truly am. He pointed it out to me the other day. I just thought it was crazy he knew me on a way deeper level then most people know me.

It’s something about trust someone sexual that will allow you to bare all your layers. I say that because many of my ex’s know me way better than most of my family and friends. I’ve gotten a little better with opening up, but I still have a ways to go. As I’ve said before I do this because I don’t want to taint the image most people have of me. But when it gets down to the meat and potatoes of who I am; I’m a very complex being. Hell, I’ll still figuring my own self out.

One thing’s for sure, with every blog it helps me take a step in the right direction.

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