I was thinking of writing another part to Desire, but decided there are other things I should be talking about or want to talk about. For one, I’m so tired of living for other people. I didn’t realize until I got older that was what I was doing. I kind of knew, I just didn’t think much of it, until I realized how unhappy I was. Everyone around me told me to go to school. I know I could have gone to school and things would probably be much better for me, but then again no one can see the future, but God. There are times I wish I was more out going. Maybe if I was, I would probably have made it to where I want to be in life.
Most of us don’t realize how hard it is to make it. You know, doing something you really love? I thought once I put my mind to wanting to be an author and really work at it, the book deals where sure to come. The thing I didn’t take into account was getting eyes one my work. That’s what I’m having trouble with now. Everyday I have more and more people coming to check out my work, but not the amount needed to make it doing what I love. Honestly sometime I rather type than talk. I feel more fluid getting out my feelings and creativity that way.
There are other reasons I want to be a writer/ author; like living my days the way I choose. I know people say “Money isn’t everything.” Usually the people who say that are the ones with it. I’ve realized the more you make, financially life will be easier for you, but in every other way it will be harder. It’s almost like your damned if you do and damned if you don’t. At least that’s what it feels like. But, getting the chance to be a writer full time would be a dream come true. Reason being: I get to do what I love, be free to go and do what ever I choose, and I have the chance to get the alone time needed to create. I hate that being around people drains me. That’s not to say I don’t love or like people because I do. I just have the annoying blessing of empathy and by the end of the day my emotional battery is completely drained. Just yesterday I went to work, worked for only 4 hours and was exhausted by the time I got off. Mind you, I haven’t been to work for the past three days.
Sometimes I wonder how I got into the types of jobs I had. Most of them had to deal with direct interaction with large groups of people. I love hearing the stories that my customers tell me. Sometimes you can’t tell what someone has gone through until you give them the chance to speak. That’s probably why it’s so hard for me to pass judgement , because you never know what someone had to go through to get where they are. It may not look like much to you, but it may make a world of difference to them.
In closing I just want to say, life is hard and even harder if you aren’t a self assured, driven person. Even harder if you add being an empath to that.