Have you ever looked at your friends and thought about how and why you became friends in the first place? I seem to do that a lot. I’ve noticed the type of people I usually choose to hangout with have very strong personalities. They don’t take to much off of anyone. I finally figured out why I choose these type of people as friends; because they say the words sometime I feel I can’t. Many times I’m too worried about the consequence or hurting someone’s feelings. I know many people probably are thinking, “Why would you care about hurting someone else if they don’t care about hurting you?” I can’t even tell you. I’ve always been like this from the time I was a little girl til now; at the age of 36. You think somethings would change over time, but a lot has stayed the same especially with me.
By having these people with strong personalities as friends, I was hoping some of their ‘A’ type personality would rub off on me. But it has been countless years later and I’m still the same soft butterball I’ve always been. To be honest I have a real problem with putting other people before myself. I’ve realized, sometimes it doesn’t matter if I know the person or not; I will still go out the way to help them. I’m sure many would think that’s a good trait; but it’s not so good when you do it all the time. In the end I usually end up being the person without. I find that people are going to only do for you if you have a stable balance of respect or they want you to do something for them.
In the coming months asserting myself is something I’m going to work on. I’m sure it’s not going to be a cake walk, but I’m going to put in the work because I don’t wanna be everybody’s pushover anymore. For the people that have my type of personality; I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from. It’s almost like you feel paralyzed to do anything about some of the hurtful comments or experiences you’ve gone through or are still going through.
I was reading a book called, Disease to Please. In this book the author was explaining how adults become this way; she said it had a lot to do with learned behavior during childhood. It’s almost like you found a way to bend to other peoples will so you could in a sense survive. The problem with this learned behavior is, feeling like you have to continue to live your life this way. For most people pleasers like me, it’s hard to shack that survival tactic. It’s something easy to learn, but not something easy to unlearn. For years I haven’t allowed many people to get close to me, for fear of being hurt. It almost feels like I’m powerless to protect myself, but I’m learning to take that power back. Once I had a friend of mine I use to work with tell me; ” You’re like a wave, because you can work with anyone.” I know she meant it as a compliment but I secretly took it as an insult, because to me that just says; I’m too afraid to be myself because I fear people won’t like me for who I really am.
The one great thing about all of this is I have some where to let these emotions out. I’m thankful for that, and the learning experiences I’m still going through at the current time, because in the end they’re going to help me become a strong solid person.
Please SHARE, SHARE, SHARE.
Who knows, this may help someone who has been through similar situations as myself or are going through these situations at the current moment. Most people just want someone they can relate to.
Photos Provided By: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/44262008812015600/?lp=true, https://lifehacker.com/how-to-stop-being-a-pushover-1625771201, https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-stop-being-a-pushover?redirected_qid=5434568#!n=12