What is it about being a nice person?!!
It seems like the nicer you are the more ain’t shit people come to you trying to get you to do things they know they wouldn’t think twice to do for you!!! In my life time I’ve had so many people take advantage of my humility. That shit has got to change!!! I can’t do it anymore! I have to start saying what I mean and meaning what I say. Life’s too short to bite your tongue all the time. I’ve always known that, I just haven’t chosen to live by it. I’m not sure if I’m going to live by it but I’m damn sure going to try!
You see, there are people who I get close to and they find out that I’m nothing but a big puddle of mush and then ask me to do things they know I wouldn’t ask them to do, and the messed up part about it, most of them know how hard it is for me to say “NO”. I’m sure they play off of that, matter fact I know they know it’s hard for me to say “No” that’s the reason they ask me. I always thought the reason I hate saying “NO” was do to the way it makes people feel. But I’ve come to realize it’s not so much of how they feel but how it’s going to affect me in the long run. I know you might be thinking I’m thinking to deep into it, but I’ve been down this road a little too many times to count. Many times when I don’t do something that someone asks me, they usually stop talking to me. I know I should be saying, “Good reddens!” but it’s hard for me to let people go like that because in know way do I let people only get to know the top layer of me. When I really talk to someone they are getting to know me, and I take that very seriously. I guess that’s why I don’t open up to too many people for fear of being rejected or let down.
I know that I should have gotten over people trying to use me and learn to care about myself first, Caring for others has always been my main focus, so much so, that it feels like a curse at times. I love people even though they don’t always love me back. At times I feel that God made me a little to loyal, but then I remember my family and my mother, and instantly it makes sense.
I know that I’m all over the place. That’s because as I write I start to figure things out, and what I’ve come to realize is, loyal, loving and caring are never characteristics to regret. If you feel they are, maybe you need to reevaluate the people and energy you let into your circle. Once you do life becomes a lot easier.