Shadrieka

What’s up y’all?

I’m trying something NEW. Not sure how this is gonna work out, but I’m gonna give it a try. Recently I’ve decided to become more concerned with my health. I tried to do this over the years but for what ever reason it just wasn’t working out for me. I always ended up back sliding.

What has got me feeling like this is knowing that school will be open again VERY soon and the other this being tired of looking and feeling the way I do. I really just want to be happy with the way I look. It’s not like I’m ugly or anything, but I do need to work on getting in shape and clearing my skin.

Ever since we have been on this quarantine I’ve gotten comfortable with staying home. It’s not like I was really uncomfortable any way, because I’m an introverted Empath who thrives off of alone time. So it really was like a vacation to me. I didn’t have to worry about taking on anyone else’s emotions if I didn’t choose too. That was the most lovely part about this whole thing.

Now that I’ll be returning back to work I’ve been thinking of different ways I can cope with being around large groups of people. Thankfully I found The Empath’s Survival Guide. Reading this book is helping me to understand my emotions and actions at a deeper level. It’s also helping to correct my addictive behaviors. There’s also a whole section in there about ‘Food Empaths’; these are people like me, who eat to lesson the intensity of an emotion, whether it be yours or belongs to someone else.

Beginning this book along with not being emotionally attached to anyone  gives me the freedom and space to take care of me. This is truthfully the first time I’ve ever been truly unattached as far as entanglements and relationships go. At first I thought not having someone was going to be depressing, but it is the total opposite. I’ve realized I don’t want to be with anyone just to be with them. I want that type of love we see in the movies; that love that comes once in a blue moon (literally).

I know some feel my expectations are too high; but I have faith my perfect match is out there waiting on me. But first I have to experience me and come to know Shadrieka. You know, find out who she truly is, gain courage to stand in the forefront of my life and stop hiding behind everyone else and the decisions they believe are best for me. I’ve lived for others way to long. It’s time I become that free spirit I’ve always known myself to be.

Early Childhood

From the beginning I’ve always been a person who loves people. I can remember way before my mother met her now ex-husband I was a firecracker. I said whatever was on my mind. If I like someone I said it, if I didn’t I also said so. Then my mothers Ex-husband became my boogie man.

There was something about him I did not like. I told my mother this repeatedly. You think she listened to me? No! I remember sitting in the back seat behind him or behind my Mom, and when my Mother wasn’t looking he would always stare at me. At the time I didn’t know why he was staring at me, I only knew it made me feel really uncomfortable. At that time he wasn’t living with use. But little did I know he had a key to the house. So he would do little pop in visits.

As I got older he hung around more and more. I never told my Mom this, but I always used to sleep with a bra on; many times I would wake up and my bra would either be off completely, unhooked or half on. I always felt uneasy about that.

I’m sure you’re probably wondering why I never told her. Well.. I never told her because I know how my mother is about me; and the last thing I wanted to happen is my Mother going to jail on the count of doing something to him. Also I didn’t want to take the chance she wouldn’t believe me.

Through the years many things happened. I remember waking up with my arm on fire. I had no clue why my arm hurt so badly. Once I looked down I saw bite marks on my arm. These were deep bite marks that broke the skin.

I remember at the time I told her about it, she shrugged it off, saying I probably bit myself in my sleep. It could have been possible; but the teeth imprints were different from my own.

Well let me get back on subject. I know myself to be a free spirit, because I always want to do those things a normal person would not want to do. I believe I shied away from being this way because my spirit was broken down every step of the way. First by not having my father in my life. Then by having this man in my life who treated me like s***. This man in the largest way possible laid the foundation for what I came to except and expect from men as I grew up. Then when I got old enough to date I was introduced to a slew of frogs and toads.

I was indirectly made to believe I needed another half in order to be happy. But now that I’ve been in failed relationship after failed relationship, I see now there is NO need to be with someone if that someone isn’t your match. You’re better off being by yourself. Learn to love you and stop giving your love to those who DO NOT deserve it.

Enjoyed the blog? If so, make sure to Like, Comment & Share. I would love to see how or if hits home. Also this may help someone going through something. Letting them know there is always time to get it right.

As Always 

Photo Provided By: https://www.africa-press.com/nigeria/all-news/how-to-protect-your-child-from-child-abuse

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