empowering · Experiences · Feelings · motivational · Thoughts

Treasure Hunt

Good Morning Everyone!!!!

If you are one of the lucky ones like myself and are allowed frequent paid breaks from your job; I hope you’re enjoying this free time with every fiber of your being.

As for me, I want to enjoy myself. I just don’t know how.

Question: What childhood behavior or fear followed you to adulthood?

I’m not so sure I’ve written about this in depth, but I know I’ve written about it before.

Some may already know I have many fears. But the one I’ve developed from childhood is fear of authority figures ( especially men).

All though I’m grown and I have no one around me wanting to hurt me; it’s still a fear that lives in the back of my mind.

During this break all kinds of things have been going through my mind. Some good, some not so good. One thing’s for sure, I’m becoming more unmotivated as the days pass.

I’m sure this is happening because I’m back home. Don’t get me wrong I love being back home. I just hate the comfortability it gives me being here. It makes it hard to want to accomplish anything because I am provided the things I had to work so hard for, while I wasn’t here. I know that motivation should still be there. I have to be honest; it’s dwindling.

I know she loves me and wants me to stay a baby forever. But this struggle of being an adult with unresolved issues and childhood traumas and fears, are the things I hide behind when it comes to trying something new and exciting.


The Turn Around

After spending so many years living in my past I’m going to approach this coming year differently. Instead of holding on to past hurts and traumas I’m going to find new and creative ways to let them go.

A long time ago I realized I remain stagnant because I constantly listen to my own opinions, also the person I hang around the most is myself. How am I really suppose to change if I won’t allow new experiences to happen because I’m afraid of the possible outcome?

This is gonna be a real struggle, but it’s definitely something that needs to happen. I can’t have my inner world be richer and more vivid than my actual reality. I’m not going for it. I need and will only tolerate the type of life I would accept in my wildest dreams.

This is something I’ve been feeling for a long while, but have only had the courage to say up until recently.

I bring up courage because it takes courage to change and admit to yourself you live in the hurt because that’s what you know. Not only that it’s what you’ve become accustom and started to crave. This happens when hurt is what you’ve experienced the most. Over time you begin to crave it because it’s all you know.

Please keep in mind, hurt may have been what you’ve experienced and know better than happiness; but it doesn’t have to be. You can take that power back. Make life into what you believe it should be for you, at any point.

Never forget: How you choose to live is a mindset that can be changed at anytime. It’s like have a chest of treasure with a thousand keys. You know one fits, but you have to try them all till you find the one that fits.

That’s pretty much how life works. You have to go through life trying different (keys) until you find the one that unlocks the key to your treasure (happiness).

I hope you found something you can take away from this post.

Also, if you enjoyed the blog, please make sure to LIKE, SHARE, & FOLLOW for more blogs like this.

As Always

Luluslavishlathers.com

Treasure Hunt

Short stories

Paranoid

Good Morning Everyone!!!

As always I hope your day is extremely productive and pleasant.

I want to try something different. I want to give you who don’t know how it is to live with paranoia and different phobias and fears a series.

It won’t be too different from my posts now. For the most part I post what I’m experiencing at the current time. Well…. what I want to do is check in with y’all once a week letting you know how I’m dealing with my agoraphobia and paranoia.

So allow me to get this ball rolling. I’ve always been concerned with what others think of me. Many days it consumes me to the point of paralysis. It’s a constant struggle to allow others into my mental space.

I’ve never wanted to be a fully functional adult as bad as I want to now. Over the years I’ve allowed my childhood and different experiences from it to debilitate me from being a carefree spirit.

I know I have it in me, but it’s a struggle to let go of everything I’ve ever learned growing up. It weighs on me like a truck. At times I feel like I’m losing my mind!

The sad part is the only way I’ve managed to find a release is through my writing. The people around me don’t seem to realize how deeply the energy of others affects me.

I’m sure some may think I’m crazy. But like many things it’s debatable.

Well I have to bring this to a close. I have to go back.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing these feelings, please dont brush it off. You never know how deeply what you say may affect them.

As always, thanks so much for reading!

Short stories

Sugar Coated S***

What’s up Everyone?

 

Like you, I have stressors in life. Work is one of them. That’s why I don’t love my job. I’ve been working with child for close to 10 years now. Like I always say I love working with the baby’s, it’s the adults I have a problem with. Working with adults becomes my problem because I always feel like a disagreement is going to turn into something more than a that. So I bite the bullet and just suffer in silence.

At first it didn’t get to me as much, but over time it is starting to really piss me off . I try to take the high road but people believe because I don’t disagree or have anything negative to say that I’m a dimwit. That is far from the truth honey. I keep my mouth closed and my feelings bottled up, because I know if I was to say what was really on my mind some feelings would be hurt. Instead of me hurting someone else’s feeling mine get hurt, because through all the pain I’ve learned not to let others see my pain unless I allow them too. 

Poop Shit GIF - Poop Shit Fail - Discover & Share GIFsOver the years I’ve gotten so good at not expressing myself that sometimes it’s hard too. That’s why I believe it’s high time for me to see someone regarding my mental health. My mother always wants me to tell her my problems. I’m sure you already know why that is a “No go”.

I really believe speaking to someone about the things I’ve experienced, and the thoughts and feelings I have is going to be a great change of pace. It might be the very thing I need. I know there’s a stigma behind talking to someone regarding your feelings and mental stability. But we all need to talk to someone every now and again. 

I have yet to experience it, but it feels good to know soon I’ll be in the company of someone who has a passion for listening and helping others with their problems. Too many times I’ve tried to talk to the people around me, and they’ve either cut me off to talk about something that interests them or they use everything I say as ammo or to benefit themselves. 

So this will be a really great change in pace. Maybe This will help with my anxiety, feelings of depression, my self image, and my possible ADHD. 

We all go through things. What counts is how you rise above every heart break, all the physical, mental, and emotional abuse and how you choose to live life after experiencing these things.  Don’t get it twisted even the strongest of us needs some counsel. So don’t believe speaking to someone makes you weak because it doesn’t.

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As Always 

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