Short stories

Rolling with the punches

Good Morning!!!

It’s Friday!!!! Yayyy!!! We’re finally at the end of the work week!! I’m thankful this week went by a heck of a lot faster than last week.

Today’s topic as you’ve seen is “Rolling with the punches”. I feel like that’s what I’m doing and I’m sure a lot of you are also doing this at the current moment. Many times as I’ve stated before, I don’t believe it’s fair. But then again, life isn’t fair. The only thing you can do is live life the best way you know how.

Over the past few weeks there have been a few people around me who have passed away. I just have to say 2020 has been a f***** up year for a lot of us. I just thank God that my family is doing fine and I still have breath in my body ( a chance to turn my health around).

This past week I was hit with even more negative information about myself. At first it broke me down because I wasn’t sure how I was going to fix this problem. But eventually I came up with a solution.

In other posts you’ve seen that I’ve been talking about my health and the sun. Also mentioning how weak and terrible I felt. I have to say that was my own fault, because I know and have known what I have to do to be healthy. My problem is, I let my feelings guide me when most times I’m supposed to us logic.

I have to say though; I’m not going to like the way I have to eat now. But the great thing about it is….. it’s going to prolong my life, and give me a better quality of it.

At first I didn’t realize how big of a role food plays in the way you think and feel. It even is a factor in how successful you become. That’s crazy! It makes sense, but it’s still crazy. Once I learned that, I started to realize why some children were going through school like it was nothing. The answer is their health habits and a few other factors. Of course you have some kids who are going to excel regardless. But for others health is a very major step.

If you feel differently or agree, I would love to hear about how good or bad health has affected your life. I know it has affected mine.

As Always

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · motivational · Thoughts

Treasure Hunt

Good Morning Everyone!!!!

If you are one of the lucky ones like myself and are allowed frequent paid breaks from your job; I hope you’re enjoying this free time with every fiber of your being.

As for me, I want to enjoy myself. I just don’t know how.

Question: What childhood behavior or fear followed you to adulthood?

I’m not so sure I’ve written about this in depth, but I know I’ve written about it before.

Some may already know I have many fears. But the one I’ve developed from childhood is fear of authority figures ( especially men).

All though I’m grown and I have no one around me wanting to hurt me; it’s still a fear that lives in the back of my mind.

During this break all kinds of things have been going through my mind. Some good, some not so good. One thing’s for sure, I’m becoming more unmotivated as the days pass.

I’m sure this is happening because I’m back home. Don’t get me wrong I love being back home. I just hate the comfortability it gives me being here. It makes it hard to want to accomplish anything because I am provided the things I had to work so hard for, while I wasn’t here. I know that motivation should still be there. I have to be honest; it’s dwindling.

I know she loves me and wants me to stay a baby forever. But this struggle of being an adult with unresolved issues and childhood traumas and fears, are the things I hide behind when it comes to trying something new and exciting.


The Turn Around

After spending so many years living in my past I’m going to approach this coming year differently. Instead of holding on to past hurts and traumas I’m going to find new and creative ways to let them go.

A long time ago I realized I remain stagnant because I constantly listen to my own opinions, also the person I hang around the most is myself. How am I really suppose to change if I won’t allow new experiences to happen because I’m afraid of the possible outcome?

This is gonna be a real struggle, but it’s definitely something that needs to happen. I can’t have my inner world be richer and more vivid than my actual reality. I’m not going for it. I need and will only tolerate the type of life I would accept in my wildest dreams.

This is something I’ve been feeling for a long while, but have only had the courage to say up until recently.

I bring up courage because it takes courage to change and admit to yourself you live in the hurt because that’s what you know. Not only that it’s what you’ve become accustom and started to crave. This happens when hurt is what you’ve experienced the most. Over time you begin to crave it because it’s all you know.

Please keep in mind, hurt may have been what you’ve experienced and know better than happiness; but it doesn’t have to be. You can take that power back. Make life into what you believe it should be for you, at any point.

Never forget: How you choose to live is a mindset that can be changed at anytime. It’s like have a chest of treasure with a thousand keys. You know one fits, but you have to try them all till you find the one that fits.

That’s pretty much how life works. You have to go through life trying different (keys) until you find the one that unlocks the key to your treasure (happiness).

I hope you found something you can take away from this post.

Also, if you enjoyed the blog, please make sure to LIKE, SHARE, & FOLLOW for more blogs like this.

As Always

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Treasure Hunt

Short stories

Good Morning!!

It may sound a little corny for me to always start my posts with this. But I have to greet you all. It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.

I never want my blogs to be something you read just to pass time. I want them to always be something you can relate too. So here we go.

Recently I have changed my view on food in the most drastic way. For years I’ve struggled with eating healthier. It would usually only last for a couple of months.

What’s different about this time is; I feel like I’m fighting for my life.

As I said before I’ve always been interested in being fit.I just never cared enough to put in the work. Well times are changing and I realize now there is no other choice but to be fit and active.

This especially rings the truest now, because I’ve started to wake up to the fact I won’t be here forever. I’m sorry if that puts a bad taste in your mouth; but it’s true (I say this just incase you’re thinking your life expectancy).

For years I’ve hidden away from people. Secretly wanting to be noticed, but only for the good, never the bad. Also I was hiding from rejection and ever thing I could experience that would excite and scare me at the same time.

I’ve finally come to the realization that things are only as scary as you make them. The best way to over come that fear is to do it anyway. Think about the consequences later.

Many of us don’t realize this, but thinking is the thing that stops us from doing. I’m not saying thinking is a bad thing. But too much of it has the tendency to paralyze you, leaving you at a standstill. As a result Never accomplishing what you truly want out of life.

I hadn’t taken notice, but for a long time I’ve been caught up in the emotions of my past. I knew I had quite a few issues with the way I was brought up. But I never took inventory of my life. It wasn’t until I moved back home my “eyes” began to open and I started to see how I allowed past experiences to over power current encounters and situations.

So here’s to the future cause we got through the past.

If you need time to work on you. Take the time.

Also please take the time to look at life and really think on your current setup. Is this what you want or is it something else. If it is, the time to act is now.

As Always

Short stories

Paranoid

Good Morning Everyone!!!

As always I hope your day is extremely productive and pleasant.

I want to try something different. I want to give you who don’t know how it is to live with paranoia and different phobias and fears a series.

It won’t be too different from my posts now. For the most part I post what I’m experiencing at the current time. Well…. what I want to do is check in with y’all once a week letting you know how I’m dealing with my agoraphobia and paranoia.

So allow me to get this ball rolling. I’ve always been concerned with what others think of me. Many days it consumes me to the point of paralysis. It’s a constant struggle to allow others into my mental space.

I’ve never wanted to be a fully functional adult as bad as I want to now. Over the years I’ve allowed my childhood and different experiences from it to debilitate me from being a carefree spirit.

I know I have it in me, but it’s a struggle to let go of everything I’ve ever learned growing up. It weighs on me like a truck. At times I feel like I’m losing my mind!

The sad part is the only way I’ve managed to find a release is through my writing. The people around me don’t seem to realize how deeply the energy of others affects me.

I’m sure some may think I’m crazy. But like many things it’s debatable.

Well I have to bring this to a close. I have to go back.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing these feelings, please dont brush it off. You never know how deeply what you say may affect them.

As always, thanks so much for reading!

Short stories

First Day Back

Getting ready trying to keep the over thinker at bay.

To remind you guys, I haven’t been at work since March. For some this may not seem like a big deal. For me though it’s the biggest hump I’m gonna have to get over; especially because my seclusion which became my normal is not gonna be a thing anymore. Reason being… school is starting in a mere week.

I know I shouldn’t over think this, but I have a tendency to over think things. Then the thing I began over thinking gives me anxiety, then it just becomes a rabbit hole filled with emotions.

To be honest I believe that’s why I loved being on my own; I didn’t feel obligated to socialize. But the deeper I dig into this empath thing I realize not wanting to socialize and be around others was my participating in the numbing process.

Had to share this with you all because this is my therapy. I’m working on correcting this behavior. I don’t want to be the weird one for ever.

As Always

Short stories

Freedom is a mindset

What’s up Everyone?!!

I hope you all are doing well. There have been somethings that are changing everyday. Recently I found out schools are supposed to be opening again very soon. This wasn’t a concern for me for a long while now. But knowing we will be starting school really soon is kind of giving me anxiety. Mainly because I suffer from Agoraphobia.

I try to be normal, but I’ve been suffering from this for a very long time. I developed it when I was younger, do too having a tyrant as a Step-Father. In order to avoid his stares and disrespectful language I would remain in my room for days; only coming out to eat or go to the bathroom. All though this house belongs to my mother, I always felt in order not to be picked on or hurt I had to fit into the space I was given (figuratively). Growing up feeling like I was a burden caused me to fold under conflict. I found myself bending to meet other peoples expectations of me because I had been indirectly taught to bend like the air.

It’s something you learn to do when you’re a child. I’ve seen people talk about this time and time again. I think the term for it is “People Pleasure”. You become this way because you’ve had to learn how to maneuver around other peoples emotions. Then because of your developed need to please  others you have begun to loose yourself.

You may not realize it at the time, but the more often you neglect your own needs to meet the needs of someone else you’re loosing a piece of yourself. Trust me, I know. I’m 37yrs old and I have never made a big decision without input from those closest to me. As  a result life has been ‘SAFE’. We all know what that means (boring). 

I’m in ‘No’ way blaming anyone for the choices I’ve made, because in actuality they’re my choices. Many times I’ve used other peoples advice to justify how I felt or what I should do. So that if anything out of the way happened the full blame wouldn’t be only on my shoulders. But it’s time I stand firm in my decisions and stick to every and anything I start. If I don’t I fear I won’t make it in this world.

The other thing is; When it comes to fear I have it by the boatload. I really want to change the way I approach things, because I fear without changing I will forever be afraid to actually live. 

I have people telling me everyday how talented I am. I know I’m blessed to have the gifts I have. I’m sure I would have made it a long time ago if I did what I said I was gonna do, not only with what I’m comfortable doing. Like it’s been said so many times before,

Nicoleetruong (nicoleetruong) on Pinterest

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As Always