You know how you start thinking of different things that you’ve been through, through out your life? Well that was me the other day. I mean I always think of the different things I’ve been through. Thing is I just don’t understand how I kept my cool through out so many different times. I remember I was working out at the gym I had a person I thought was a friend. She was with a friend of hers. I said ‘Hi” and they proceeded to walk past me. Next thing you know I feel something wet on my back.
I was pissed but didn’t do anything about it because I was so concerned with others seeing me act out of character. Ask me why, I still don’t know till this day. Or the time I got used repeatedly by the same guy. At the time I thought that was the way it was. He would leave come back, leave come back. And I would be there to receive him every time. It was my warped perception of what I thought love was.
At the time I didn’t know what Love looked like between a man and woman, so I want by the examples around me. The sad part was every example there was always heartache and pain. There was never any couple that was happy more then 50% of the time. There were always problems coming about.
But to make a long story short, I’ve realized there is much that I have to talk about. I thought there was nothing I had to offer. But when I begin to think about it, there’s plenty. My only problem is I don’t let many people into my most intimate circle. It’s hard for me to let others see me in the raw. I’m so used to putting up a vail that many times I put up one on myself.
It wasn’t until I spoke to my potential “Dom” that I realized I don’t let that may people see the person I truly am. He pointed it out to me the other day. I just thought it was crazy he knew me on a way deeper level then most people know me.
It’s something about trust someone sexual that will allow you to bare all your layers. I say that because many of my ex’s know me way better than most of my family and friends. I’ve gotten a little better with opening up, but I still have a ways to go. As I’ve said before I do this because I don’t want to taint the image most people have of me. But when it gets down to the meat and potatoes of who I am; I’m a very complex being. Hell, I’ll still figuring my own self out.
One thing’s for sure, with every blog it helps me take a step in the right direction.
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Question of the day: Why is it necessary to give your all?
That question comes to mind because as far back as I can remember every woman around me has always been expected to give their all to the man they’re with. Why?
Many times these men don’t seem to do nearly as much or give as much as the woman they’re with. It’s like you keep giving and giving until you have nothing left for yourself. Now a days they say; “Take care of you before you think of taking care of someone else.” I’m happy that’s something that’s stressed now, because it wasnt back then.
When I was growing up; hell even now women are taught to cater to their man or another woman will. I mean really what kind of s*** is that?! So you’re telling me if there’s some nasty perverted thing he wants to do and I don’t, he has the right to cheat on me?…. I think not!
If you’re with a man that thinks like that it’s time for you to throw away the whole man Honey. What’s the use of trying to make it work? Clearly if you feel differently than he does about the situation; his view on it is never gonna change…. unless he loves you and is willing to do without.
But to all my women making it who realize they’re the prize, keep doing you. The right man in time will find you. Just keep your head up and never settle for less.
Hope you have found something constructive to do in this time. I can understand if you have or haven’t, because many of use aren’t use to sitting still for this long period of time; therefore we don’t know what to do.
Well, for me this was Day 4 of distant learning. Many of my students didn’t show up, but I was extremely happy to see the one’s who did. We said our “Hellos” and did a couple songs, tried helping a couple parents get online so they wouldn’t run into further problems logging on. I’m sure there’s going to be a time for all of us to learn more so we can better service the kids. I’m just happy to see them and have them see me. When they call my name in excitement because they’re seeing me for the first time in a long while, it makes my heart smile.
Working with these babies and others at a time made me want to have my own, but I’ve realized that isn’t the path I’m suppose to take. So for now I’m just going to be happy to be in these babies lives. Working with any and all kids is truly a blessing and a real pick me up.
I hope you all are staying safe out there and eating a lot better then me. I got a bag of Doritos I’m about to buss down right now.
Love you all, and I hope you have a beautiful productive day.