At the current moment there are so many things going through my mind. To be honest I do this to myself. Things could be so much easier if I just trusted myself.
Over the years there have been so many things I wanted to try; but didn’t go all the way with because of fear. Truth be told if fear wasn’t a major factor for me, I would’ve been some where in the world living it up. I truly believe that.
Instead I’m here working a job that isn’t my passion and wracking my brain trying to figure out a way to get out of the current situation I’m in.
See I’ve always had ideas. Some I acted on, but never gave my all too. The reason that is, is do to not really believing in myself. I understand that’s my downfall.
I’m in this situation because I’ve trusted other people’s advice more than I’ve trusted my own. This is another reason I feel lost. But I’m slowly making my way back.
I understand it’s going to take loads of work for me to get in the headspace I need to be in, in order to succeed at life. And I’m okay with that.
We all go through it at some point in our life. But what really matters is what you do to get out of it.
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I’m sure you’re looking at the title and you’re like, ” Does that even make any sense?” To be honest, I wouldn’t have known anything like this existed if it wasn’t me going through it. It’s not fun, let me tell you that.
It’s like I love and care about everyone that I’ve ever come in contact with. But, most times I’m either afraid to say something or I’m on a crabby mood and I don’t want to say anything. Either way it’s uncomfortable.
If I weren’t so emotional and cared how others viewed me, I would be at peace right now. I wouldn’t be tormented by my interactions with others. Worry if I was nice enough, if I came off rude, or if they liked me.
What I’ve found out is; personality types such as the INFP( my personality type) are highly sensitive and are constantly seeking the approval from others. Learning this early on would have helped me realize why I’m so different from others.
I’m sure many probably won’t believe this is a real thing. But for me it has helped me a lot in realizing who I am . Also letting me know I’m not that weird because there are other people out there just like me.
If you’re a antisocial people person don’t fret because you have a friend in me.
This sounds simple enough, right?… Well, this is a simple statement but is only obtainable when you’re completely comfortable with who you are. I believe this is so hard for a lot of us because many of us have become shells of ourselves.
Too often we let the outside world influence what we do and how we move through out the world. When in reality the only person on this earth you need to answer to is yourself. Life was meant to be lived and experienced fully. But what tends to happen is we get side tracked because life is happening to us and not the other way around.
I believe that’s why I admire the people who live life to the fullest, because they don’t allow outside influences to take them off their path. Even though life throws them lemons they still find a way to make lemonade.
At the current moment I’m working on adopting this trait. I mean really, what is better than moving through the world freely, uninhibited and living life on a whim? I truly believe I reached this consciences because the first half of my life was nothing to write about. But this second half is going to be another genre.
Regardless of what others say or are going to say about my choices I have to live for me. As so many other people have to live for themselves’. Too often we allow others power over us when they did nothing worthy of obtaining that occupation.
I guess that’s another reason why I don’t care for a 9 to 5. If I had my choice I most definitely would be moving through the folds of life. Not unemployed, but earning money on my own terms.
For as long as I can remember I’ve always stood out even when I didn’t want too. In many ways I felt and still feel like Jamie Chung’s character in Lovecraft Country (Ji-ah). Aside from the killing and snatching souls (lol).
It’s a good thing to be different. But the world likes to make you think different isn’t good. I especially find this to be true when you aren’t living the role you were supposed to play. So many of us are unhappy because we have been taught only how to survive. Surviving helps you get through life, but it doesn’t help you LIVE IT!!
That’s where we go wrong. We’re too focused on making it through and not taking it upon ourselves to explore. It’s okay if you get it wrong. The lesson comes by applying what you’ve learned.
Don’t you want to feel ALIVE?!
I know I do. That’s one of the main reasons I read so many self help books. I know reading may help me come up with how I want to go about living. But it’s up to me to put what I’ve learned and continue to learn in motion.
Change begins at the end of your Comfort Zone
So… are you living the life of your dreams? Or Are you merely existing?
Getting ready trying to keep the over thinker at bay.
To remind you guys, I haven’t been at work since March. For some this may not seem like a big deal. For me though it’s the biggest hump I’m gonna have to get over; especially because my seclusion which became my normal is not gonna be a thing anymore. Reason being… school is starting in a mere week.
I know I shouldn’t over think this, but I have a tendency to over think things. Then the thing I began over thinking gives me anxiety, then it just becomes a rabbit hole filled with emotions.
To be honest I believe that’s why I loved being on my own; I didn’t feel obligated to socialize. But the deeper I dig into this empath thing I realize not wanting to socialize and be around others was my participating in the numbing process.
Had to share this with you all because this is my therapy. I’m working on correcting this behavior. I don’t want to be the weird one for ever.
Question of the day: Why is it necessary to give your all?
That question comes to mind because as far back as I can remember every woman around me has always been expected to give their all to the man they’re with. Why?
Many times these men don’t seem to do nearly as much or give as much as the woman they’re with. It’s like you keep giving and giving until you have nothing left for yourself. Now a days they say; “Take care of you before you think of taking care of someone else.” I’m happy that’s something that’s stressed now, because it wasnt back then.
When I was growing up; hell even now women are taught to cater to their man or another woman will. I mean really what kind of s*** is that?! So you’re telling me if there’s some nasty perverted thing he wants to do and I don’t, he has the right to cheat on me?…. I think not!
If you’re with a man that thinks like that it’s time for you to throw away the whole man Honey. What’s the use of trying to make it work? Clearly if you feel differently than he does about the situation; his view on it is never gonna change…. unless he loves you and is willing to do without.
But to all my women making it who realize they’re the prize, keep doing you. The right man in time will find you. Just keep your head up and never settle for less.
There are a lot of things I could chose to write about; Covid-19 (I’m sure we’re all tired of hearing about that, I know I am), love or the lack of it, My Ex getting on my last damn nerve! (That one came in a really close second). But I’m not going to talk about any of those things today. What I want to talk about today is about being yourself and knowing your natural self is good enough to be with or around anyone.
That’s something I had to be reminded of last night while talking to my Mom. She made it clear to me how I come across on camera and on my podcast is very monotoned and boring, but I’m nothing like this in person. I told her the reason for that is; I don’t want to be judged. The truth is your going to get judged regardless. So you might as well have fun creating and stop second guessing yourself.
For a long time all I wanted to do was some type of entertainment. Not so much visually, I wanted to do things like Podcasts, blogs and books. But I realize while I want those things to flourish I’m going to have to put myself out there consistently . Not just that, I’m also going to have to be me with no apologizes.
I guess it is true; “There is no better time then now.” So if there’s anything that you’ve wanted to do for ages and haven’t because you were fearful of the outcome; there is no better time then now.
Hell, you’re stuck out home anyway. You might as well make it count for something.
Also, no one ever got anywhere happily by doing and being what others wanted. After all there is no one like you out there, so learn to bless every and anyone you meet with your natural beautiful self. Anything else would be a disservice to you and to them.