Short stories

Anti-Social People Person

What’s up? How are ya’ll doing today?

I’m sure you’re looking at the title and you’re like, ” Does that even make any sense?” To be honest, I wouldn’t have known anything like this existed if it wasn’t me going through it. It’s not fun, let me tell you that.

It’s like I love and care about everyone that I’ve ever come in contact with. But, most times I’m either afraid to say something or I’m on a crabby mood and I don’t want to say anything. Either way it’s uncomfortable.

If I weren’t so emotional and cared how others viewed me, I would be at peace right now. I wouldn’t be tormented by my interactions with others. Worry if I was nice enough, if I came off rude, or if they liked me.

What I’ve found out is; personality types such as the INFP( my personality type) are highly sensitive and are constantly seeking the approval from others. Learning this early on would have helped me realize why I’m so different from others.

I’m sure many probably won’t believe this is a real thing. But for me it has helped me a lot in realizing who I am . Also letting me know I’m not that weird because there are other people out there just like me.

If you’re a antisocial people person don’t fret because you have a friend in me.

As Always

Experiences · Feelings · health · Informative · self-esteem · Thoughts

Social Anxiety!!!!

Hey everyone. Hope you’re having a lovely productive day.

My topic if choice today is social anxiety. I chose this topic because it is something I battle with on a day to day basis. I can’t say that I have been medically diagnosed, but I’m sure that is what this is.

Everyday I dread going outside of my house. Not because I hate going outside, because I love nature. I’m just not a fan of meeting and speaking to new people. Don’t get me wrong I would love to expand the number of friends I have. I just become very frustrated, flustered and uncomfortable when meeting new people.

I wish socializing came easy to me like breathing, but it doesn’t. My mind is constantly filled with negative thoughts of how my interaction with the next person is going to play out.

It’s not as if I’m asking them to do something. That is definitely not the case. It’s more of wanting them to except and love me for who I am.

I never understood it, but I always have strived for approval of every person that has ever entered my life; from my Mom all the way done to the cashier at the grocery store. I know that no one has a great relationship with everyone they every met. If they do it’s usually because they are not being true to themselves, in most cases.

So at the current moment I’m working on me and taking steps to having a better quality of life.

Who has felt like this?

If you have, it would be nice to know I’m not alone.

As always

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Continue reading “Social Anxiety!!!!”
empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Informative · Rant · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts · Venting

Going through the Motions

Good Morning!!!

As always I hope everyone is doing well. First off I have to say there is a reason that I haven’t been blogging lately. There have been some things that I’ve been going through and feelings have been fluctuating. Some days I feel good other days I feel deep and in my feelings, but either way I’m going to find a way to push through.

Recently I met someone I believed could have been a beautiful distraction, but later realized what he was offering I was not a connoisseur of. But I’m not going to lie, I had fun through the learning process. The only thing about it was the feelings that come after everything is said and done.

So now I’m stuck by myself. I have family and friends, but I am not as close to them all as I should be. Reason for that is; my constant need to be in a relationship or in this case a “situationship”. I’ve always managed to forget what I have going on and worry more about the man in my life. I guess I feel that way because I’ve never experienced the feeling of a man being absolutely crazy about me. I’m sure many women know what I mean.

What that stems from is not having a real male figure in my life who showed me love and affection. True there was a male figure in my life, but he never showed me love and kindness. What ever he did for me he wanted a pat on the back for, it never came from the heart. So as a result of growing up with a male like that as a role model, I unintentionally sot out men who were like him. When I tell you I had no idea that’s what I was doing until I got in my mid-thirties!

I really feel like I wasted time. So many times I swallowed my opinions and feelings to keep receiving the attention of a man. Truth be told I’ve never felt worthy of any mans attention, because all the men in my life while growing up left or treated me poorly; my father, step-father, guys I went to school with, and teenage boyfriends.

Many people may believe it’s possible to raise a child with only one parent being in their child’s life. It may be true, but it wasn’t the case for me. I feel I would have developed more of a balanced opinion on men and women if I had more male figures in my life. Hell, if I had even one stable positive male role model in my life growing up I wouldn’t have such  low expectations of the men who come in my life. But I know that it’s something I have to learn and grow from.

On to the next…..