empowering · motivational · self-esteem · Thoughts

Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

Have you ever dated or married someone that you thought visually wasn’t on your level? You know, someone that you wouldn’t usually find attractive. I have, a couple of times. And I still ask myself till this day, ‘What was it that had me so head over heels for it to go that far?’ I’m talking riding by houses, dealing with cheating and disrespect on the regular. At the time I didn’t understand it. I thought I loved the man, but once I left him for good, I realized I couldn’t have loved him because I didn’t love myself. I think the real reason I was holding on to him so tight is do to seeing other women in my life constantly get disrespected by the men they were with. I think over time I expected any man that I was with to do me wrong, because of what I grew up seeing. But just because I expected it doesn’t mean I didn’t have my eyes open for something better.


Through friends of mine I started to see that good men did exist. The only question now was, ‘How was I going to get mine?’ I thought for a long time good men didn’t want women like me. They wanted eye candy and women that were going to give them a lot harder time than I was. That’s what it seemed like anyway. I remember man after man trying to date friends of mine, I know now it was because they wanted to sleep with them. I’ve realized some men will do anything for the chase. The funny thing is, one of my best friends at the time knew the reason for all the gifts and shopping sprees, and she played on their intelligence. Many times men would think she was naïve because she was young and a woman, but she was sitting back taking notes. There were so many times I wished to be like her, because she had the restraint to not let her heart get involved.

I can think back to when we were teens, she had one guy who meant a lot to her. After him she never really let herself get blinded by lust or love, ever again. She always had her plan A, B, or sometimes C. I can’t fault her for how she chose to deal with the breakup. She in so many words was a Playa, finessing men like a man would finesse a woman. She had game for days. She even had the intuition to know when a man was cheating or was no longer interested and she would get rid of them before they got rid of her. She was bad, but in a good way. I have to say I’ve learned a lot from her. But, I don’t think I could keep my feelings detached like she did.


There were countless times my heart got broken, because I wanted love so bad. She was always there to help pick up the pieces. At the time, the life she had was the one I wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to be that in control or selfish. I still don’t think I could. But one thing I have to say is, she got me through a lot of tough times, and I her. She helped me realize it was okay for me to be me. She always told me don’t change, no matter what.

I remember getting in this very toxic relationship when I was nineteen, her, another close friend and my family tried talking me out of being with the guy. I never listened. He wasn’t even my type. The way we got together was weird, because his 50 maybe 60 year old uncle was trying to talk to me first. That already seemed a little off to me. So, he started talking to me for his uncle, didn’t help that we worked together. Over time, him talking to me for his uncle turned into him talking to me for himself. From that came a almost nine year “Relationship.” I put relationship in parentheses because I realized that wasn’t what that was, although I thought it was at the time. But it turned out being just two people spending time together and engaging in extra curricular activities.


Time after time friends and family told me he was no good for me and that I could do so much better. But by then it was too late. His hooks were already in me and at times I felt like I was at the bottom of an ocean struggling to breathe. Waves of emotion would wash over me, because of things he would say to me or about me and things he would do. I was young and had no clue how a man was suppose to treat a woman. As I told you before I had no positive examples growing up. Well, I guess you can say there were positive examples but they didn’t seem obtainable. Simply because they were on television.


In the end, this relationship turned out to be a learning experience for me. It helped me to realize that beauty is only skin deep, and some people don’t even have that. But now I’ve learned to pay attention to the way a man treats me, rather than pay attention to his words. I’ve learned that words can be said by anyone, but action separates the men from the boys.

Always remember, ‘One monkey don’t stop no show. Love hard and love often.’

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Short stories


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I'm just getting warmed up. There are plenty more to come.

Chapter 1

“Hey baby, how are you doing this morning?” Jacoby was a loving devoted husband for all of ten years. He knew that he made the right decision marrying Stacy. He felt they belonged together.
“I’m fine baby. Are you going in to work today?”
“Yeah, I figure that I should because I just signed another vocalist to the label.”
“What’s his or her name?”
“Hold up! So, you telling me that you signed a woman?!”
“How are you so sure that it’s a female?”
“Because I know that there is no man out there that is going to call himself something as soft as Shadow.”
“Okay you’re right. What’s wrong with that?”
“I thought that you were supposed to be running things by me before you decide to sign anyone.”
“I knew that you would love her. That’s why I didn’t bother you with the details.”
“How are you so sure? You’re not an expert when it comes to knowing who I’ll like.”
“I’m not claiming to be. This girl just has that thing about her that makes you wanna get to know her. That’s what sales.”
“Okay, that’s all find and dandy. But you should have still ran it past me!”
“I’m sorry baby. It won’t happen again.”
“It better not!
So, let’s get back to this Shadow girl.”
“What about her?”
“When am I going to meet her?”
“Whenever you want to.”
“Okay, good. Come on let’s go.”
“Really baby? You jealous?”
“Who said that?”
“The way that you acting letting me know that you jealous.”
“I’m not jealous. I just need to know what kind of woman is around my man.”
“So, you are jealous. What, you don’t trust me?”
“Jacoby, you already know how me, and you got together. If that’s what you plan on doing to me, let me know now so I can cut my losses.”
“Baby don’t go there. That was different. I didn’t love her the way that I love you.”
“Oh, really?”
“Really.” Jacoby grabbed Stacy into a tight embrace reassuring that there was nothing to worry about.
“So, you don’t have a problem with me coming with you to work?”
“No not at all.”
Jacoby was hoping that Stacy’s mind was going to change. But it didn’t. He was sure that they would get along. The only thing was Stacy being jealous of how beautiful Shadow was. Jacoby already knew that he wasn’t going to hear the end of it.
“Okay, come on let’s go.”
The whole ride to the label was uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but he knew that the two of them meeting was inevitable.
“So, what does she look like?”
“In all of the time that we’ve known each other I have never known you to be the jealous type.”
“I’m not being jealous! Just a little inquisitive.”
“Try a lot.”
“Whatever. Don’t end up on the couch tonight.”
“Really? It’s that serious?”
“You making it that way. This is all you.”
“No, It’s not all me. You are making something out of nothing.”
“I already told you that I love you and I only want you.”
“Yeah, that’s what you say. But what a man says and what he really means is seen only through his actions. So, all this love that you showing me right now, you better keep on doing so after Ms. Shadow starts working with the company.”
“Have I changed at all since day one?”
“No. But you never hired a woman either.”
“Woman, man it shouldn’t matter. You should know that you can trust me.”
“That’s how I got you because your ex-wife trusted you. I’m not making that mistake.”
“Are you serious right now? You are really comparing yourself to Sheila?”
“I’m not comparing. I’m just stating facts.”
“What is that? That I can’t be trusted?”
“You said it, not me.”

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