Short stories

Love thy Self

Good Morning!!

How is everyone doing today?

I hope things are going in your favor and that you are making some major strides in securing your future.

There’s something I was made aware of last night. That thing was; you can’t just date anyone and expect for you all to fit eventually. This is something I never really paid attention to in relationships past. I really thought before that you could date someone and eventually you all would grow together, no matter the difference. Now that I’m older I see that is not the case. There are things you’re gonna run into that just are not going to fit and never will. I guess that is the lesson past relationships taught me.

You may be wondering or you already know I had to experience this fairly recent in order to be talking about it today. You would be right in your assumption. I was open to giving this guy a chance, but he didn’t want the same things I wanted. He was more concerned with what I wanted to do with my life then what he wanted to do with his own. All in all he seemed like a nice guy; just not the guy for me.

The other thing was my mother was so happy when she saw me speaking to him. Mainly because she wants some grandbabies. Not only that, she believes having someone to love you makes you feel more complete. She’s not understanding along with other people I’m close with, that at the current time I’m not looking for another half, nor do I want one. I’m really just wanting to take the time to find out what I want for myself. That is why I have not spoken to or seriously engaged in conversation with anyone I could potentially get close to. I know how I am, and because of that I know that everything I’m trying to make work for me now would come to a stand still if I seriously pursued a relationship. That is something that just can not happen at the current moment.

I’m grateful I was able to stop and assess the situation before it got any bigger. I say that because I have been in situations like that before and I’ve rolled with it; not really providing any pushback. All because I didn’t feel I was worthy of an opinion. Dare I say,

“Not anymore Baby!”

You are gonna hear this mouth, especially if I don’t like something. Or you may not hear from me at all, because I already know what your end game is. I’m not falling for it again.

To many times I have been left with egg on my face.

Not this time Honey”

I am the one that is going to decide my future. No one other than me gets a say so in what I choose to do with my life. I have given boyfriends past too much control over my life and greatness. That will never happen again.

“I have far to much to do to be fooled up with you!”

For those of you who feel you need someone to be happy; please know that isn’t true. What is true, is that you are supposed to love you before you could ever allow yourself to love them and them love you back. If you’re not in this headspace I suggest you take the time to learn to love you before you add someone else to the equation.

As Always 

Short stories

Development Self

Good Morning!

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday! Nothing like having it off! You should have seen me yesterday. Every time I found myself getting sleepy or starting to feel low energy, it spiked once I reminded myself there was no work today!

The other thing is, I had a therapy session yesterday. It didn’t go as well as I would have liked. Mainly because I haven’t been consistent in my healing. Truth be told I’ve slacked off and reverted back to old ways. Mainly because it’s comfortable and it’s the way I’ve been for years. I understand change only happens when you make it happen. For a point of time you have to put conscious effort in to changing behaviors for them to become a habit. I guess this is the faze that I am currently in.

Some of you are probably not concerned with the self development aspect of the blog. But this is something I use to help me hold myself accountable for my actions and growth. The more I think about it and given the way I think, there is no way I should have financial issues. But as I’ve stated before, fear has been a really huge debilitator for me. So even though I may be a hell of a lot afraid of what on lookers have to say, I am going to doing it anyway. Just throw it out there and see what sticks.

This is something a lot of us suffer from. Mainly because we have fallen down way more than we have gotten up and some where along the road we’ve decided it isn’t worth the risk. Truth is, it’s always worth the risks when it involves bettering the quality of your life. What is slowly sinking in ( and I mean slowly, like molasses) is that even though you have thoughts and you may even have people around you telling you that what you want to do will not work or it is close to impossible to make happen; you have to continue to pursue it. The gift was given to you and you have to learn to step out in faith and take the chance to find out what will happen.

Last thing, even though you may respect their opinion, you have to keep in mind they aren’t God. Therefore they have no idea what will happen once you start trusting yourself and walking in your purpose.

As Always 

Short stories

Hard truth

Good morning!

I really hope everyone is having a great day.

Over the past week things have been hittin differently. I’m not sure if it was the car accident or my baby of 15 years passing or my car clunking out on me, that has me thinking of things a little different. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had a mindset of working for myself. But this is the first time I’m choosing to act on it.

For years I’ve tried things, hoping that it would be my ticket out of Monotony Ville. To no avail I’m still where I started from; to be honest even lower. Reason being, I’ve allowed life to happen to me and not for me.

What that means is, I haven’t taken planned disciplined action towards goals I wanted and still want to accomplish. That was my first major mistake. In doing that I did myself a diservice.

I knew what it would take for me to make it. I just didn’t exercise what I knew. This was mainly because I wanted to find a faster way to make it. As a result of trying and failing to find a quicker way to make money, I lost way more then I’ve gained.

The plan is to now apply what I’ve learned and turn my negatives ( inconsistencies) to the life I’ve been dreaming of. The true goal is to keep one target in mind and hit it. I can’t tell you how many quote unquote “great ideas” I’ve had. But because of inconsistency I never saw them through. Because I was looking for the financial reward before putting in the work needed to receive it.

If you’re like me-looking for a quick way to obtain financial freedom. Please slow down. Learn how to focus on one goal at a time. I find that is a better way to set and achieve your goals.

As Always

Short stories

Vitamin D?

Good Morning Yall,

I’m sure this day is turning out to be the blessing that it is, for you. The only thing you have to do is believe it and know it is going to be a great day because you woke up this morning. I’m sure you probably hear that a lot, because I know I do; but it’s true. Simple things like waking up aren’t promised to us. So we need to learn to slow down and appreciate the little things.

With that being said, I had a session with my therapist; as I tend to do these days. We ended up speaking about the Covid-19 vaccine. Mainly because there have been plenty people around me who’ve gotten the shot. The only reason I haven’t gotten it is because I have the tendency to be a bit of a conspiracy theorist. But after having a factual conversation about it I’m really considering getting the shot. Considering; doesn’t mean I am, just considering it.

On another note regarding health. I had No clue vitamin D was so important to peoples over all health. From what I’ve read, we get most of our vitamin D from the Sun. Then there are other sources such as; food, UV lamps, or a supplement.

Truth be told your diet is one of the main deciding factors as to how much vitamin D your body can absorb; the other is your level of activity. Remember you need movement for the natural flow of things. You don’t move- things start to settle. The longer you are inactive, the harder it becomes to move and have your body’s natural flow take place.

It’s sad that I’m just now understanding health and the way it works. There’re things I should have been raised knowing. But to be honest health was the last thing anyone from my neck of the woods was worried about. Life was more about surviving and having the chance to better your life once you got old enough to make your own decisions.

So now that I am a grown woman, I just feel like I’m playing catch up. At times it feels like I’m fumbling through life with the lights off. Hoping to find my way (eventually).

Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who feels like this? I need to know I’m not the only one in my late 30’s still trying to figure this thing out.

Photo Provided By: Vitamin D Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

As Always

Short stories

Female Male Dynamic

Question: Has the female male dynamic changed much since the 2000s?

  There has been much going on between the woman and man since the beginning of time. First the men were the providers and protectors and the women were the nurturers and the ones you went to for reason. They were also the ones who kept the house in order along with other duties. In this day and age that has changed. As most of us know times have advanced, and as a result, so has the role of the woman. I’m sure this isn’t true across the board, but everyday we’re making strides for women every where  to have the same rights as any man.

With that being said, there are some things I see a lot of women going through because we are the bearers and carriers of the seed. Because of this we are many times the one who takes responsibility when our other half does not want too. This is something I’ve spoken about before and just can’t shake loose. I’m sure this has a lot to do with growing up in a single parent household; my mother being the backbone of our family, emotionally and financially.

She like many other woman who’ve become mothers at ages as young as 12, 16 or sometimes younger, have had to put themselves to the side to make a way for the little person they have growing inside them. That’s if they’re willing to take on the responsibility.

I ask a simple question that deserves an answer.

“Why?”

Why is society the way it is? How did we get to this point? I understand in love or because of a woman’s nature she will fall victim to deception. That may have a lot to do with men being the decision makers.

I wish we all could be open minded and truly hear what our fellow (wo)man has to say. Regardless of gender, color, ethnicity, sexual orientation or any other factor I’ve failed to mention. I feel once we’re able to move beyond that we’ll all become better versions of ourselves.

If this is or has been a concern of yours, I would love to hear your thoughts

As Always

Short stories

Thoughts about growing up

How is everyone doing?!

There are thoughts that have been swirling around in my mind for years. First one:

“Am I capable of making it on my own?”

This is and has been a huge concern of mine my whole adult life. I believe it’s something I constantly think about because I’ve never lived alone in all my 38 years on this earth.

The other thing that makes me question whether I have what it takes to make it is my procrastination. It’s baaaad! Really bad. There have been countless times that there’s something I have to do, but don’t because I continuously push that thing further and further back until I never do it. That’s the main reason when things are do I go in to a panic mode; because I never do things ahead of time. If I did, it would save me the unnecessary stress.

The other things I think of often are “Will I ever make it being my own boss” and the other is “Will I be alone forever?” For as far back as I can remember I’ve wanted to be my own boss. The thing that constantly sets me back is constantly trying and starting NEW things. I ‘ve realized I do this because I’m trying to find a way to make it out of a 9 to 5. Really doesn’t matter what 9 to 5 it is, I don’t want any of those! I really just want to pour in to something and in return that thing reward me and pour back into me.

Then with the thought of possibly being alone for the rest of my life… that is something I’m kind of looking forward to at the time. I’m just not sure how I’m gonna feel about that in the long-term. One thing’s for certain though, many men feel like women and many women are acting like men. It’s almost like we’ve switched roles. Just for clarification, I’m not speaking of every man. I’m only speaking of those that believe a woman is equal to a man in worth in every single way. Also those women and men who don’t recognize how important the union between a man and a woman is.

The problems I see arise these days when women and men enter into a relationship together, many times the man is putting out feminine energy and the woman is putting out masculine energy. In my opinion this seems to happen when boys get babied and girls get raised.

If you feel that isn’t a true statement, please make sure to leave a comment and it will be a topic on the podcast.

As Always

Short stories

Therapy!

Good Afternoon!

  I hope everyone is being careful and spending time with those they love.

Let me start by saying, “I love therapy!” I’ve always known I needed it. But to finally get it is a high like no other. There are things that have happened through my life I couldn’t make sense of or just needed some help working through. With therapy I feel that little girl in me coming alive. I’m still not exactly sure if I’m completely happy about that. One thing I am happy about is, getting to understand myself a lot better, being able to understand my behaviors and why I feel what I feel in certain situations.

I had not realized until yesterday that I’ve been in some really uncomfortable and toxic situations. All this time I thought the things I went through were normal. Mainly because all I really know is toxicity; when it comes to male female relationships. So in my adult life that is what I expected and deep down accepted.

Through this process I’ve been made aware struggle love isn’t necessary. I am capable of being in a relationship that serves me and not the other way around. I’m sure I’ve written about this before, but I’m writing about it again because I feel I understand it a little better.

We go through struggle love because it’s all we know. This is why a lot of unhealthy decisions are made; because whether we realize it or not, we’re making the same choices our parents made. It didn’t work for them and most likely it won’t work for us. But we continue to go around and around in a circle, until we receive help to learn there is a better way to go about life.

Codependency is a silent killer, and if you continue to put others before yourself you will always get the same result time and time again.

If you’ve enjoyed the post please make sure to LIKE, COMMENT & FOLLOW to not miss another post.

As Always

Love you all! Have a beautiful productive day!

Short stories

I want it so bad I can taste it

Working toward something just to get put off and start working on something else. There had been times when I was told what I wanted to do in life was not obtainable. I understood where these people were coming from, but this was my dream and there was NO way I was going to let someone tell me that I can’t get out of this life what I truly want.

For a long time I let what people told me dictate my actions. In many ways I’m still allowing peoples opinions to dictate my actions. Worrying how they would feel if I didn’t follow their advice. But it’s time for things to change and my life to take a new direction. Living for people has gotten me nothing but disappointment and a life that I’m unhappy with.

Let me be brutally honest; I followed what others told me to do because I was too afraid to listen to my own thoughts and what God had to tell me. Over the years there has been so much that he has given to me and I have done nothing with. There have been whole novels that he’s given to me in my sleep. Ideas I’ve been too afraid to act on, because it required me to be a lot more extroverted than I am initially.

Over the years there have been so many things I’ve tried. Money I’ve paid. All because I did not want to work for anyone; and that is still true today. Everyday I have thoughts on what I could do to become my own boss. As I’m sure you see there isn’t anything that has panned out as of yet. I’m sure that is do to my short tension span.

The one thing I know I would love to do for the rest of my life is write. But if I’m honest I know that I won’t be able to half ass writing. It’s not that it’s hard to get paid for it, it’s more of being a writer that stands out of the crowd. When you’re able to do that you have a better chance of better pay, more opportunities and recognition.

The only thing I’ve constantly have been working toward this whole time is getting paid for what I love to do. I’m going to continue to work at it. I’ll be trying to figure it out until I die, because I know that is what I was put here to do.

If there is anything you feel nagging at you, you haven’t done because you’re afraid of what people will say; go ahead and do that thing. It’s going to keep bothering you until you do it.

As Always 

Short stories

Being of Service

Good Evening!!!!

There’s something I’ve been doing for years that I’ve become really good at. That thing is being other people’s right hand. There is nothing wrong with that, it’s just not what I want to do with my life. Don’t get me wrong there are benefits to making someone else look good; sometime physical and sometimes emotional.

There are those of us that have become so good at this, we tend to do it seamlessly. Many times because we enjoy giving to others. For a time I enjoyed doing this. This was do to always needing approval from my peers and employers. But as of now that is not the current head space I’m in.

Sometimes the people you’re building up only look at you as your job title and nothing more. Then you have others that are able to see you for who you are. That type of relationship can become great, because the person who’s getting the help realizes how imperative it is to have you on their team. Then there are others who act as if they appreciate you. Then you find them doing or saying something that shows they see you as beneath them. This typically occurs when that person has more financially stability than the person who’s helping them.

This is a concept that I’m all too familiar with. That being said; I would love to blame that person for their actions, but it isn’t their fault. It’s mine for allowing that type of treatment. If you don’t know or if it slipped your mind, “People only treat you the way you allow them to.”

Inconclusion, helping others feels good, but only when it’s appreciated, not expected.

If you’ve experienced working in situations such as this, leave a comment on how you dealt with it or if you dealt with it.

Photo Provided By: (54) Pinterest

As Always

Short stories

Dream Life…..

Good Morning!

 

What’s up everyone?!….

 

           There is No life like the one you choose!

I’m sure many of you understand where I’m coming from. I heard this time and time again, but never really thought about it, until last night.

Lately I’ve been watching and listening to inspirational podcasts and shows. The even better thing about this is; the people I’ve been listening too look just like me. The reason this is important is because it helps me to know that there are NO road blocks in my way, only the ones I choose to create.

I’ve come to understand the reason I’m not living a life I desire and love is due to not putting in the work necessary to live a life of happiness. Many of us hate to admit it, but it’s the truth. How can you expect to be wealthy or living the type of life you dream of, if you’re not doing anything to work towards that dream.

Many of us day in and day out only do what is expected of us, because we’re in fear of standing out amongst the crowd and falling on our face. We find ourselves continuously going to a job we loathe because we live in fear of what might happen if we STOP!

I have allowed peoples expectations of me to dictate my moves all my life. This is something I’ve needed to work on for a very long time. I’m choosing to make a step to change my mindset, so that the concern others have over my life does not effect me decisions.

I’m sure you’re like, “Shadrieka you always say that!” It’s true. I have said that in the past, but this time I made a sold move by making an appointment to see a therapist. I’m hoping we’re a good fit and she can help me with my issues. You know, take away the fear of the constant changes you have to go through in order to evolve?

If peoples opinions and your negative self talk is keeping you in a negative mindset, to were you never act on the things you feel, maybe it’s time to make a drastic change. Because the life you desire is one you can have. It’s you who has to take that step to make it pssible.

 

As Always 

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