Getting ready trying to keep the over thinker at bay.
To remind you guys, I haven’t been at work since March. For some this may not seem like a big deal. For me though it’s the biggest hump I’m gonna have to get over; especially because my seclusion which became my normal is not gonna be a thing anymore. Reason being… school is starting in a mere week.
I know I shouldn’t over think this, but I have a tendency to over think things. Then the thing I began over thinking gives me anxiety, then it just becomes a rabbit hole filled with emotions.
To be honest I believe that’s why I loved being on my own; I didn’t feel obligated to socialize. But the deeper I dig into this empath thing I realize not wanting to socialize and be around others was my participating in the numbing process.
Had to share this with you all because this is my therapy. I’m working on correcting this behavior. I don’t want to be the weird one for ever.
I’m trying something NEW. Not sure how this is gonna work out, but I’m gonna give it a try. Recently I’ve decided to become more concerned with my health. I tried to do this over the years but for what ever reason it just wasn’t working out for me. I always ended up back sliding.
What has got me feeling like this is knowing that school will be open again VERY soon and the other this being tired of looking and feeling the way I do. I really just want to be happy with the way I look. It’s not like I’m ugly or anything, but I do need to work on getting in shape and clearing my skin.
Ever since we have been on this quarantine I’ve gotten comfortable with staying home. It’s not like I was really uncomfortable any way, because I’m an introverted Empath who thrives off of alone time. So it really was like a vacation to me. I didn’t have to worry about taking on anyone else’s emotions if I didn’t choose too. That was the most lovely part about this whole thing.
Now that I’ll be returning back to work I’ve been thinking of different ways I can cope with being around large groups of people. Thankfully I found The Empath’s Survival Guide. Reading this book is helping me to understand my emotions and actions at a deeper level. It’s also helping to correct my addictive behaviors. There’s also a whole section in there about ‘Food Empaths’; these are people like me, who eat to lesson the intensity of an emotion, whether it be yours or belongs to someone else.
Beginning this book along with not being emotionally attached to anyone gives me the freedom and space to take care of me. This is truthfully the first time I’ve ever been truly unattached as far as entanglements and relationships go. At first I thought not having someone was going to be depressing, but it is the total opposite. I’ve realized I don’t want to be with anyone just to be with them. I want that type of love we see in the movies; that love that comes once in a blue moon (literally).
I know some feel my expectations are too high; but I have faith my perfect match is out there waiting on me. But first I have to experience me and come to know Shadrieka. You know, find out who she truly is, gain courage to stand in the forefront of my life and stop hiding behind everyone else and the decisions they believe are best for me. I’ve lived for others way to long. It’s time I become that free spirit I’ve always known myself to be.
From the beginning I’ve always been a person who loves people. I can remember way before my mother met her now ex-husband I was a firecracker. I said whatever was on my mind. If I like someone I said it, if I didn’t I also said so. Then my mothers Ex-husband became my boogie man.
There was something about him I did not like. I told my mother this repeatedly. You think she listened to me? No! I remember sitting in the back seat behind him or behind my Mom, and when my Mother wasn’t looking he would always stare at me. At the time I didn’t know why he was staring at me, I only knew it made me feel really uncomfortable. At that time he wasn’t living with use. But little did I know he had a key to the house. So he would do little pop in visits.
As I got older he hung around more and more. I never told my Mom this, but I always used to sleep with a bra on; many times I would wake up and my bra would either be off completely, unhooked or half on. I always felt uneasy about that.
I’m sure you’re probably wondering why I never told her. Well.. I never told her because I know how my mother is about me; and the last thing I wanted to happen is my Mother going to jail on the count of doing something to him. Also I didn’t want to take the chance she wouldn’t believe me.
Through the years many things happened. I remember waking up with my arm on fire. I had no clue why my arm hurt so badly. Once I looked down I saw bite marks on my arm. These were deep bite marks that broke the skin.
I remember at the time I told her about it, she shrugged it off, saying I probably bit myself in my sleep. It could have been possible; but the teeth imprints were different from my own.
Well let me get back on subject. I know myself to be a free spirit, because I always want to do those things a normal person would not want to do. I believe I shied away from being this way because my spirit was broken down every step of the way. First by not having my father in my life. Then by having this man in my life who treated me like s***. This man in the largest way possible laid the foundation for what I came to except and expect from men as I grew up. Then when I got old enough to date I was introduced to a slew of frogs and toads.
I was indirectly made to believe I needed another half in order to be happy. But now that I’ve been in failed relationship after failed relationship, I see now there is NO need to be with someone if that someone isn’t your match. You’re better off being by yourself. Learn to love you and stop giving your love to those who DO NOT deserve it.
Enjoyed the blog? If so, make sure to Like, Comment & Share. I would love to see how or if hits home. Also this may help someone going through something. Letting them know there is always time to get it right.
Hope you’re having fun. Remember everyday is a new opportunity to have a better one.
What I wanted to get into with you today is; “Boundaries or the lack there of”. What are healthy boundaries? How do you know when you don’t have any boundaries? What happens as a result of not having them?
When you have boundaries you have the strength to say “No” without feeling you’re doing the other person a disservice. Also you have less stress, and as a result of being less stressed you typically are less angry. Which are all great things. The other great things are you have the tendency to take better care of yourself and you’re very self aware. These are things that can help you live your life more affectively.
As for what healthy boundaries look like; taking responsibility for your actions and emotions. Non-healthy boundaries are when you blame someone else for what was not in their control. Also when you take responsibility for something you had nothing to do with. Living this way isn’t going to be easy in the least, that’s why you have to develop boundaries.
Without them we absorb other peoples’ energy without intending too. This in turn cases us to stress. As a result of stressing we also agree to things we really want to disagree with, feel responsible for other peoples actions and continue to be mistreated or abused.
If you haven’t noticed, boundaries are a very important when it comes to selfcare. They have everything to do with the way we perceive ourselves and those around us.
Something else that may happen because of your lack of boundaries is; getting taken advantage of. Some of you may not realize this but this happens a lot. Let’s say, you have someone who has no boundaries and will do anything for the next person. Many times people do this because they feel they haven’t done enough unless they’ve given their all. When in reality someone who has boundaries will not go above and beyond because they understand and know how much they’re whiling to give.
Where as people who lack boundaries get angry with people who have healthy boundaries because they’re expecting that same level of selflessness. People with boundaries understand their self worth and are less likely to be taken advantage of because of their understanding of their value.
Question of the Day:
“How has not having boundaries effected your life?”
Hope everyone is doing well and this quarantine isn’t getting to you in the worst way. I really hope you’ve found some way to cope with the monotony of our NEW everyday life.
Recently I heard alcohol sales have spiked. “I guess so; there’s nothing to do!” Well there are thing to do, it’s just that they aren’t things that require you to attend different events unless it’s virtual. Also people who already have internet business’ or have wanted to start a business in the past have taken this opportunity to do so.
Another thing, there’s going to be a S*** load of newborns at the top of next year. I’m sure if you’re stuck in the house with your spouse there’s going to be some hanky-panky going on.
The funny thing is, the “Government” started off trying to control the population. Supposedly we have to many people on earth. But then again they didn’t want women to get abortions. To be honest trying to figure out their end game is giving me a headache. I’m sure that’s the way they want it to be, because if you can’t predict their next move how are you going to intercept their agenda? I guess that’s another question for another time.
We’re playing Chess not Checkers
Well I would love to know how you all feel about all these different things that have been going on in the world. Please make sure to leave a comment.
Question of the day: If marijuana was legal in your state would you be a regular consumer? Why or why not?
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There are a lot of things I could chose to write about; Covid-19 (I’m sure we’re all tired of hearing about that, I know I am), love or the lack of it, My Ex getting on my last damn nerve! (That one came in a really close second). But I’m not going to talk about any of those things today. What I want to talk about today is about being yourself and knowing your natural self is good enough to be with or around anyone.
That’s something I had to be reminded of last night while talking to my Mom. She made it clear to me how I come across on camera and on my podcast is very monotoned and boring, but I’m nothing like this in person. I told her the reason for that is; I don’t want to be judged. The truth is your going to get judged regardless. So you might as well have fun creating and stop second guessing yourself.
For a long time all I wanted to do was some type of entertainment. Not so much visually, I wanted to do things like Podcasts, blogs and books. But I realize while I want those things to flourish I’m going to have to put myself out there consistently . Not just that, I’m also going to have to be me with no apologizes.
I guess it is true; “There is no better time then now.” So if there’s anything that you’ve wanted to do for ages and haven’t because you were fearful of the outcome; there is no better time then now.
Hell, you’re stuck out home anyway. You might as well make it count for something.
Also, no one ever got anywhere happily by doing and being what others wanted. After all there is no one like you out there, so learn to bless every and anyone you meet with your natural beautiful self. Anything else would be a disservice to you and to them.