Experiences · Short stories

Going through…..

Happy Saturday!!!!

What’s good with everyone? Hope you had a great week!!!

There’re so many things going through my head at this moment. But the one that sticks out the most is moving and the whole situation with that. I know if I was to tell you what I had to go through (emotionally) throughout this past year you would probably tell me to run. I would say you’re probably right. I’m not saying I want to stay. Well let me rephrase that, I would love to stay; if it meant I didn’t have to live with “Him”.

I don’t know what it is, but the more the days pass the more dislike and disgust I gain towards him. Let me stop lying, I know why I don’t like his ass. You want a list? Here it goes. He’s controlling, complacent, insecure, deceitful, manipulative, secretive, unprogressive. Believe me the list could go on, but I’m gonna stop it right there.

I’m sure the question you’re probably asking is, “If he was all those things through out the years, why did you continue to be with him?” I would have to say, I was being lazy and also a little afraid. Afraid of ‘What’, you may want to know. Afraid of the unknown. I was happy knowing I had the control of who showed up at my house. See, not many people knew where I lived and I loved that. If I’m being honest, I enjoyed it because there weren’t unannounced pop-ups or people needing me all the time. I had more freedom because I didn’t have to worry about looking into they’re faces’ when I said “NO”. Fine Print: 9/6/16: Are You A People Pleaser? (With images ...

If you don’t know, I’m the type of person who will do all I can to help the next person out without any concern or thought for myself. I’ve done this so much over the years. Believe me, it’s not that I want to be like this, this is just the way I am. I’ve been trying to learn how to put myself first. But I’m afraid once I move back home, I’ll be putting my needs on the back burner once again.

These days I know I can’t do that. But I feel if a person makes me feel bad enough, I’m gonna go right back to my old ways. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing things for the special people in my life; I just don’t want to feel obligated too. Let me be far, it’s not them it’s me. Every time I’ve ever said “No” in the past, I always felt like, they would through me away. I know that’s an extreme thought, but I can’t help but think like that. I think the reason I feel like this is because I’m a big “People Pleaser” and with that comes a lot of mental and sometimes emotional turmoil.

Many times when you’re this type of person you fight with yourself, because you know you don’t want to do the thing they’re asking. A lot of times you do it anyway, because with this disorder you are always looking for acceptance and validation; cause deep down you don’t believe that you’re as great a person as everyone keeps telling you, you are.

The other thing about being a ‘People Pleaser’ is, many times the ones who’re doing the asking don’t realize how much of a heavy burden they’ve put on your shoulders by asking you to do something. It’s not their job to know, because in actuality the problem lies with you. People Pleasing is a hard thing to shack. I mean you’re agreeable even when you wanna cuss a b**** out! It’s too much sometime, but hey that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Question of the Day: If you are a People Pleaser, how do you cope with it? Or If you once were a People Pleaser, how did you change that and learn to put you first?

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Experiences · Feelings · motivational · relationship · self-esteem

Transitioning?

Good Morning!!!!!

Question of the day: Moving back with your parents; how would you feel about that after experiencing real independence?

  S*** is getting real, real quick. I knew this day was coming, I just didn’t realize how fast it was gonna get here. The last time I checked I still had five months. At that time 5 months seemed like a lot of time to get my s*** together. But as we all know when you’re in a time crunch, days roll around like minutes, and months go around like hours.

   So now I’m about two months away from the final day of living in my lovely first apartment. I’m sure once the day comes for me to move I’m gonna be so emotional, because I really created a bond and a love for where I live. There were so many days coming home from work an event whatever the case was; I would be so happy to just go home. What made me so at peace with being home alone is the fact that I saw it as an accomplishment. Also there was a peace in coming home knowing I was the boss of me and didn’t have to do anything if I didn’t want too.

For years before I moved out of my mother’s house I thought I would never be able to move out. Now I know I’m capable of taking care of myself. The relationship didn’t work out, but at least I can say I’ve learned a hell of a lot about myself in the process. It almost brings me to tears thinking of how much I pushed the real me down to fit into other peoples ideal of me. I have way more to learn, but I know I’m well on my way to becoming the free unbound spirit I know I was always meant to be.

Believe me I know it’s a hard task to be 100% you and not care about the judgement and dirty looks you may get from others because you choose to do things differently. Especially when you’re a highly sensitive person. Many may not understand why being highly sensitive makes being a free spirit that much harder; I’m gonna explain it to you.

Highly sensitive people like myself and many others don’t always do what’s in their heart and minds to do because they’re extremely affected by the thoughts and feelings of the people around them. So if you tell an HSP something is going to make you unhappy or upset, they’re gonna try to do everything in their power to keep you from experiencing those emotions. That’s why a lot of Highly Sensitive People (HSP’s) or sometimes Empaths put their wants and needs on the back burner because we’re more concerned with making others feel at ease over ourselves.

  I know moving back is not going to be an easy transition, but God willing it will be a productive one. One thing I definitely don’t want to happen is; loosing sight of my goals. Which is producing & selling more books, making and selling more soaps, having a successful Podcast & YouTube. I’m sure I left something out. If you can’t tell, I want to live a life of abundance in everyway. 

   I guess I feel like this because I spent so much time caring about what other people thought about me and what I do. For years depression and anxiety took over my days, making me paralyzed to the different things I wanted to try and accomplish. I was so overwhelmed with how others viewed me I gave no thought to how I viewed and felt about myself. As I write this I feel the tears wanting to escape, because not that long ago depression and anxiety were ruling my days. I’m still a work in progress. I still have those days when I feel sad and anxious. But you know what gets me through?…. Knowing I have goals to accomplish and how good I’m going to feel when everything I’ve been working for comes to fortition.

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empowering

Marriage?

What You Should Know About Child Marriage - David O. - Medium
The bond between two who have decided to become one.

Question of the day: Is Marriage still Necessary?

Marriage…..

A lot of us don’t see the point in it anymore. I guess you could say I would love to be married without having to be legally bonded to the other person. Like they say marriage is a contract. I don’t know the specifics, but there’s no way I’m gonna let someone make money off of me.

I can’t lie though, I would love to be married for reasons other than security, insecurities, or finances. I’m some what of a romantic, so the idea of someone choosing to spend their life with me is a flattering thought.

I understand decades upon decades ago, it was neccessary and sometimes mandatory for women to get married to men of a particular stature because they needed security and financial support.

These days that’s a thing of the past. Even though I’m sure there’re many who still get married because of a person’s economical status, it’s less of a requirement.

Earlier I was reading a post on “Marriage”, if it was a thing of the past or if it was still necessary. The person’s stance on the matter was “No” because they believed it had everything to do with needing something from the other person.

In this post the writer made it seem as if being married is a sign of weakness. But from what I’ve experienced it can be a beautiful fruitful union if both parties are willing and ready to put in the work.

What’s sad is, people have been taught and conditioned to believe if you need someone in your life, you’re weak; that’s far from the truth. The real strength comes when you’ve been hurt over and over again and still have the strength to love and be open and honest with your other half. That’s why when most refer to marriage they say things like, “When two become one” or ” Your other half?” They say this because there’s an unseen security that comes with being in great marriage, where you understand him and he understands you.

Need soap? Want a soap that’s going to keep your skin hydrated and supple? Go on over to SoapsbyShad.Etsy.com
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If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

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Experiences · Feelings · Short stories · story telling

Am I Worthy?……

Of Course I am.

What’s up everyone?

 

Hope your day is going well.

 

I apologize if my recent blogs seem to be  putting men in a negative light. All I want to say is; If you don’t have that negative view on men, please don’t develop one now because of me.

I guess you could say I’m a feminist. I believe the only reason I became this way is do to my experiences with men. I’m just gonna say a lot of them were not good interactions. But I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, because life could have been a lot worse. I’m just lucky I have plenty of strong women around me who have taught me to be the ambitious, strong, independent woman I am.

There are many times I don’t realize just how strong I am. Also I know I have a one sided view because there aren’t many males that I speak to. So most likely I don’t know how the typical male thinks unless I’m dating him. Even then I fall flat some times.

For those of you though who have great relationships with the men in your lives’; please don’t let anything disrupt that. It’s not an easy thing for a man and a woman to remain on the same page. That’s one reason I think its always been said, men and woman can’t be friends; Cause if we don’t have sex in common; What is there?  Before I used to feel that way, not anymore. There are many men out here that are just fine with being a woman’s friend. But…. overtime attraction arises and either the woman or man begins to like the other. This is do to time spent, and putting in the energy to get to know the other person. There are other factors, but those are some of the main ones.

If you are in a loving caring committed relationship; more power to you. Cause from what I’ve seen they don’t come easy. That’s why I’m gonna give myself the time to be free and spread my wings. I’m sure my luck will change, but I’m in no hurry to find Mr. Right. I’ve finally come to a point in life where I feel like being single. After all, being with someone has gotten me nothing but heartache, pain and an overwhelming feeling of suffocation. 

I know someone good is out there, but forgive me for not wanting to find him; not yet that is. And for all of you who’re saying; ” He’s gonna be someone else’s Mr. Right because you takin to long.” Keep on saying it, because that isn’t gonna rush anything over here. Only God knows when that special man will come into my life and when the time is right. I know he will move heaven and earth if need be to get me to see that, that man is for me because only he can. So don’t worry about me because I know ho’s got my back.

 

Question of the day: Does a woman’s worth diminish because she’s unattached? How about if she’s childless? 

Asking for a friend.

 

 

 

Need soap? Want a soap that’s going to keep your skin hydrated and supple? Go on over to SoapsbyShad.Etsy.com
&
If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

 

Enjoyed the blog?… If so CashApp: ShadsShortStories

 

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