Getting ready trying to keep the over thinker at bay.
To remind you guys, I haven’t been at work since March. For some this may not seem like a big deal. For me though it’s the biggest hump I’m gonna have to get over; especially because my seclusion which became my normal is not gonna be a thing anymore. Reason being… school is starting in a mere week.
I know I shouldn’t over think this, but I have a tendency to over think things. Then the thing I began over thinking gives me anxiety, then it just becomes a rabbit hole filled with emotions.
To be honest I believe that’s why I loved being on my own; I didn’t feel obligated to socialize. But the deeper I dig into this empath thing I realize not wanting to socialize and be around others was my participating in the numbing process.
Had to share this with you all because this is my therapy. I’m working on correcting this behavior. I don’t want to be the weird one for ever.
Everyday you hear the infamous saying, ” Content is King?” When I heard that saying I thought they meant the content you produce has to be better then those in the same field as you; but that isn’t even close to what they’re saying. What really is meant by this saying is, “If you put out content on a consistent bases you’ll learn more and in turn will grow from your consistency.”
All these years I believed my content wasn’t up to par. Mainly because I wrote from a place of experience and feeling and others write from facts or gossip. Gossiping or bringing down someone for the betterment of myself was never a thing of mine. If possible I love to build people up whenever I get the chance. It makes me feel good to make others feel good.
That’s why I started this blog; to keep a journal of different things I’ve encountered through out the years, also I just love to write. Through writing I realized I’m the same way whether you meet me in person or we were just chatting online; I’m always gonna find some way to pour into everyone I encounter. I just feel pouring into others sometimes is as good as pouring into yourself.
Like I was saying, “Content is King” in the sense that you consistently produce bodies of work for others to consume, so you can continue to grow throughout the process. Never be afraid to start.
Real failure comes when you don’t try.
Give yourself that chance to be great. Who know you could possibly when a Noble Peace Prize or what you thought would mean nothing to anyone meant something to everyone. In this games you have to be brave enough to fall on your face a couple of times. Eventually you will get there, just keep on trying.
I chose this as my opening statement because a lot of us deal with things, all because we believe we can’t or don’t deserve to have better. Or we just except our circumstances because we haven’t learned there are better ways of living.
I’m sure daily, you’ve gone through many unwanted, not so great feelings of emotion, that you’ve learned to stuff down, just to get through the day.
That isn’t they way life should be. You should never feel like, “I just need to get through it.”. Do you remember when you were a kid and all you could think of was what you would be able to do when you got grown?
Well, you’re grown now…. What are you doing about it? Do you have that life you’ve always dreamed of? Or are you living a life full of mediocrity, because you’re to scared to leave that box of comfort and complacency?
For a long time, I’ve let others determine how I walk my path in life. Not really taking on the responsibility of living the life I truly want, because I’m afraid of failing. But I’ve learned, failure is something I’m gonna to have to grow to except, if I want to make this life become that dream life I always wanted.
What I’ve learned on this two month vacation, I will take with me through life. During this time I really got to learn me all over again. What I learned during this time; I love people, I don’t like structured environments, I love freedom over any other feeling, and I’m strong enough without the aid of a relationship.
I have to say, learning all of this and gaining strength and confidence in myself is a gift I’ve always had, but because of past circumstances I lost that bold fun loving girl, I use to be. Because of those circumstances, I learned a long time ago how fit into the space I was given. For so long, I couldn’t express how I really felt, because there was always some form of retaliation once I did.
But the beautiful thing about becoming an adult is, you have more control over your energy, and who you allow to be in it. You don’t have to be around those people who bring you down, or the ones who only know you when they need something, or those “friends” who manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to. There isn’t anything wrong with shutting these people out of your life. Don’t let them make you feel like there is. Sometime you have to cut others off, so you can become the best version of “you”; and there’s nothing wrong with that. You even have Oprah telling you the same thing, so listen up and know those situations were given to you, so you could learn and grow from them.
Remember you have one life. What you decide to do with it is nobodies fault but your own. So when you get to the end of life; do you want to wonder would could have happened or are you going to have the balls to go out and make some s*** happen? The choice is yours.
Safe Never Got Anyone Anywhere.
If you are someone like myself who is or has developed an introverted personality; try everyday to change your reality. Sis it’s all in your head. The truth is, most people forget you as soon as you walk away; and chances are, you’re not doing anything they haven’t seen before, anyway. So get out your head and do you, without the fear of judgement; because the reality is no one’s judging you as hard as you’re judging yourself.
The night before was hectic. Passion tried to keep her affair with Jaylen quiet, but someone had already spread the word to her husband. She tried getting it out of him who it was, but it was no use, he wasn’t budging. Partly because he was pissed the guy was even in the house.
Years before, he initially asked for the marriage to be one of convenience; but at the time he believed Passion would be so in love with him, he would be doing most of the dating. Lets just say, that isn’t the way it went down. Now he was caught between a rock and a hard place, because he was the one who opened Pandora’s Box. Now to try to close it; he knew it was not going to go over well with his wife.
“Hey Babe….” Passion was doing her best at trying to keep the peace; but one thing she didn’t take too kindly to, was being ignored. Something Kevall was great at. “Oh, so you ignoring me now?!”
He was so pissed, he didn’t want to say anything to her. He actually wanted her to hurt like he was hurting; but being the mature, logical man he was he knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do.
“Passion you gotta understand; by having your little f***buddy here last night, it makes it look like you playin me!”
“Bae, that is the last thing I was trying to do. I would never do that to you; you have been to good to me for me to do you like that.”
“Thank you for saying that. But that isn’t the picture people from the party last night, are going to paint. I’m sure they’re talking s*** about us right now; really about you.”
“What you mean, ‘Me’?”
“I’m sure they’re thinking you’re dogging me out, and I’m too green to read between the lines.”
“I don’t care what no one has to say. This is my life; and you shouldn’t either.”
“That sounds good in theory; but you know how looking bad to your employees could transition into not so good attention for your business?”
“Yeah,.. I guess you’re right. Let me go and see if I can put these rumors to rest.”
“Good, you go ahead and do that; but not until you do something for me first.” It had been a really long time since Kevall saw his wife in her natural state. Usually, they would go days without seeing each other. So to see her now with out any makeup wearing his college sweatershirt, it made him fall in love all over again. “You are so… beautiful.”
“Ahhh, thanks babe. You are so sweet.”
“I’m not saying it to be sweet, i’m saying it because I mean it. You are more beautiful now than the day we got married.”
Passion had no idea how to react. It wasn’t the compliment that surprised her, it was the love and sincerity she saw in his eyes as he said it.
“And you are just as sexy as the day I met you.”
Kevall felt it was finally time to ask the dreaded question. He wasn’t sure what her answer would be, but he figured he would give it a go.
“Babe, how would you feel… about us shutting all our “friends” out, so we can work on us?”
“What you mean?” She knew exactly what he meant. She was actually trying to buy some time, so she could find a nicer way to reject the idea.
“Come on Passion, you know exactly what I mean. I’m happy with having only you. “I only want you.
I realized that the other night.”
“Are you serious? We’ve been married for twenty plus years. Doing this polyamory thing for the last ten; and now you want only me. ”
“You’re saying it like it’s an inconvenience to you.”
“Well… it is? Can I think about it?”
“I don’t see what’s to think about. I’m your husband, and you love me; right?”
“Of course I do. But Momma’s having to much fun, and I don’t believe i’m done playing yet.”
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Big girl love- Loving a woman that isn’t the normal size i.e. a woman that has extra meat on her body a.k.a the best kind of lover.
So many people believe you have to either be curvy or stick thin to get some one to really love you. I’m here to say that is not true. People say that because they’re either trying to make themselves feel better or they have a very narrow way of thinking. I hated seeing things on tv that always reinstated that “fact”. The whole time I was growing up, television always had a way of making me feel I wasn’t pretty enough because I wasn’t skinny enough. I’m happy it’s not so reinforced now, because there are all types of little boys and girls out there who are going to be looking for love. The last thing they need is for something or someone to tell them they aren’t capable of being loved because they don’t look like the average attractive man or woman.
Anyone has the capacity to love and be loved. Not everyone has the same preferences. Not a fact but an opinion; I think God gave us eyes so we could decide what is visually appealing to us as individuals. The problem I see with that most times is, people have the chance to go after the person they really like, but don’t because they’re afraid of what people are going to say about their choice. I know, because I use to be that girl who boys liked, but didn’t want other people to know they liked because I wasn’t slim. We gotta stop doing that, making it seem like a girl or guy isn’t attractive because they don’t look like the norm. That goes for everyone, not just over weight.
I know there are a lot of us out here that won’t dare go talk to someone we consider out of our league. Reason being, fear of getting shot down or embarrassed. But I ask you, “How are you going to get that man or woman if you don’t face your fears and take a chance?” That’s what life’s all about, taking chances. You never know, the next chance you take may change the course of your life for the better. Besides, most people think that getting a man requires you looking a certain way, that isn’t always true. Nine times out of ten men want a woman that exudes confidence. As long as you have that, you can damn near get any man you want and that also goes for women.
I’ve learned that the physical has little to no weight in this world, if you have unwavering confidence. True, you are going to have those times that people will think of you in a certain way, but that’s only until you open your mouth and they get to know you. Once people see the confidence shine through, they almost have no choice but to think of you in a higher regard, as long as you’re exuding confidence and not cockiness. Those two things are very distinct, one attracts and the other repels. Make sure you’re unleashing the right one.
As I stated, I grew up watching things that painted big women in a unflattering light. These women were either the side chick, the pay master, constantly getting cheated on, the cutty buddy a.k.a the one they never wanted to be seen with. Every single one of these things happens to all types of women, doesn’t matter their size. But the media made it seem like by being a ‘fat’ woman or girl, you deserved to be treated that way because you didn’t look like a Rihanna or a Beyoncé. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve learned people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. It has nothing to do with weight. So the next time you see a man or woman you find attractive, talk to them, see if you can get that number. You never know, they may be looking for someone just like you.
Once you love and realize what you have to offer, you take the power. Loving yourself is the real key to unwavering confidence. Once you learn how to do that, what someone else thinks about you, stops being the concern. What you think about them becomes more of importance.
Movies I’ve watched with plus-size women leads. Some are recent and others are from my childhood.
I couldn’t just leave you with only movie references. I had to give you a couple of books too. The only author that I know of that writes plus-size stories is Carl Weber. He also happens to be a really great writer. I think you might like what you find.
I saw something I thought didn’t happen as much with men as it does with women. That was men dealing with abusive women. I didn’t know abusive women were so wide spread. It seems men get abused almost as much as women. The unfair thing when it comes to the law is, they’re usually seen as the potential abuser if the police were to be called during an altercation. What a lot of people don’t understand is men aren’t protected under the same set of laws when it comes to something like that. It’s even worse when it involves people of different ethnic groups.
Time after time things are done to men that aren’t looked at as abuse because in most cases, it’s a woman doing it to a man. For instance, if a woman out of anger slaps her husband or boyfriend across the head, it’s not seen as abuse. But if the tables were turned and a man did that to a woman it would be seen for what it is. It shouldn’t matter what gender the person is. What’s sad, we have been conditioned to think when a woman hits a man it’s comic relief some how. Beating on someone is never funny. I remember a couple of weeks ago I saw this clip on Facebook of a woman dumping food on her man’s head and also throwing objects at him, because he wanted to do something she didn’t agree with. I have to say, the way she handled that situation was childish. If you have a disagreement while in a relationship you are suppose to be adult enough to talk out your problems. Not throw a temper tantrum because you can’t get things your way. I have to admit though, when I was younger I engaged in that type of behavior. Believe me, I’m not proud of it but that was a chapter in my life that will never be repeated because I’ve learned if you feel the need to put your hands on someone your in a relationship with, that isn’t the person for you or you need help to resolve your issues. For me, I needed to get away from that person because he caused me to turn into something I no longer recognized.
In other cases with men dealing with abusive partners, they have to humble their selves immensely in order to keep the peace because they don’t know what might set their partner off. When you have to tiptoe around someone it’s never good or healthy. There’s no reason you should feel like you’re walking on eggshells when you’re with someone you love or are getting to know romantically. But a lot of men stay because they’ve been taught that a man is suppose to be able to take a hit. Not only that, a lot of times their ego has a lot to do with the reasons they stay. Reason being, most men don’t want to look soft in front of another man. So instead of being open about getting abused by their partner they’ll lie, try to make it seem like everything is okay, just so they can save face. But there’s a big problem with that way of thinking. You could get badly injured messing around with someone that has no concern for your wellbeing. But there’s something worse that could happen while with an abusive partner, doesn’t matter if it’s a male or female abuser. They could bring death upon you.
That’s something a lot of people in abusive relationships don’t keep in mind. All it takes is for the abuser to feel like you deserve to get hit or punched or sometimes hit by a car, what ever it is. Is it worth your life?! Do you love this person that much?! They hit you a little too hard or choked you just a little too long. Is it worth it?!
I never understood people that could literally go to bed with someone that just beat them or choked them. Aren’t you afraid that you’ll go to sleep and never wake up? I’m sure people who deal with someone like that has to be fearful every minute of everyday. That is no way to live. You’re suppose to be happy and enjoying life, not being someone’s physical or emotional punching bag. Yes, there are emotional abusers too. Those are the people that dump on you to make themselves’ feel better. The point is, if the person doesn’t make you happy or makes you happy but you’re either fearful or sad most of the time, it’s time to let them go. This life is too short to deal with unnecessary pain and discomfort. Although you think you’ll never find anyone that makes you feel like they made you feel, press on!No matter how they make you feel when things are good, it doesn’t matter because they have a problem and need to get help. The sad thing is, as long as you continue to tolerate it, they’re going to keep pushing the limits because you continue to put up with it. In a lot of ways it’s like teaching a child what’s right and what’s wrong. You wouldn’t let your child get away with it, so don’t let them. Put them in their place and stand your ground. Don’t let fear trap you and make you stay with someone that doesn’t deserve you.
I’m sure you’re probably thinking, “Why does she care?” I care because someone really close to me went through years of abuse with almost every person they entered into a relationship with. I believe that’s another reason why I’m so sensitive to other peoples emotions. It was no fun watching someone you love and know deserves so much more, go through having their legs broken because they were thrown from a moving car or constantly having black eyes because their partner was having a bad day. There were countless things this individual went through. I don’t know how they did it, but I’m so thankful they did. Most people that go through hard times like this for years, sometimes decades, commit suicide. I’m so happy they saw the light before their was any, and realized they were worth so much more than any person in relationships with them ever made them feel.
To whomever reads this, I hope this post helps you in some way to acknowledge you deserve better. Man, woman whatever, everyone deserves happiness and someone that’s going to make them feel wanted, needed, loved, protected and safe. If you’re in a relationship and the person can’t offer that, there’s no need in wasting your time or energy.
Below are the links to the pictures. Also the first two websites listed are places that are dedicated to resolving this issue.