Short stories

Never be afraid to be YOU

12 Inspiring Quotes About Fear

Good Morning!!!

 

Hope everyone is doing fine…. I was going through trying to figure out what I was going to write about today. There’s so many things that go through my mind, but not all of them can make it to the post. Most recently I was thinking about starting up a couple other things. The only problem with this is making sure I stay consistent. Remaining consistent has always been a struggle for me; No matter what I’m supposed to do. The only time I seem to get things done is when it’s for someone else. That is a habit that must change.

As for the things I want to start doing; YouTube. I started a channel a while ago but stopped making content because I obsess over every aspect of the video, to the point of me not posting one. I’m working on letting that perfectionist go. I tell myself there are many things I plan to do in life, but they never seem to go any further then that. So to correct that I’m working on keeping my word to myself. It may be one of the hardest things I’m gonna have to learn, but it’s something I’m actively working on improving.

 One of the other things is getting my Podcast up and running. I tell you; there are so many was out here to make money, you just have to be open to the possibilities of what may happen once you let go. This is something I constantly have to remind myself of, because I always contain my real self. I do this for fear of not being accepted. Amazon.com: WeSellPhotos What Do I Fear Motivational Inspirational Quotes  Poster Photo Picture Framed Wall Art Print for Players Coach Trainers  Motivators Office Classroom Gift (8x10 Photo Unframed): Posters & Prints

The bad thing about always silencing or containing your true reactions and emotions; you start to loose yourself. I know this from experience, because I don’t know if the person I am in everyday life is the person I am when I’m alone. The person I am when I’m alone is someone completely different. Hell… the people I create in my stories are a lot more exciting then I am. 

I think I learned how to permanently silence and hide myself once I was taught to care what other people think. The hard part now is to unlearn that behavior. The only thing I want to do is be the person I would have been without the years and years of indoctrination. The great thing is; at least I understand unlearning and not doing what’s expected of me will bring me closer to who I’m supposed to be. 

I know that deep down, under all these insecurities I am a free spirited, open, loving, kind, generous soul who does what she wants without the nagging voice saying; Don’t be too different. You run the risk of being rejecting when you’re not digestible. Even though I know this isn’t true, it’s still something that keeps me from showing the world who I truly am.

If you took the time to read this blog in its entirety;  Thank you!  

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As Always

 

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Short stories · story telling

Part 3- Hypnotically Beautiful

If you haven’t read Part 1&2, Part 3 won’t make any sense to you. So I suggest you read those before you read this.

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“So where did I get my color from?”

“If you stop interrupting me, I’ll tell you.”

“Okay….”

“Well, I remember how hard it was for me, growing up. People didn’t and most still don’t take to kindly to people who look like me. So, because I didn’t want you to go through the same thing; I did something that would assure me, you would have a way better life than I ever had.”

“Okay Ma, but you’re still not telling me what you did.”

“Well the day I found out I was pregnant with you, I had my mom; your grandma helped me put a vail over you. With this vail I asked for you to never go through the pain me and so many others like me had to go through, growing up.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“It means, I know women are only able to control men if they have something a man wants; and you my dear, have everything. I made sure of that. That’s why you are so beautiful, smart, and assertive; because you have to be in control of your own destiny, if not these men will run all over you.”

“So you’re telling me; you chose they way I look?!”

“Yes, but only because I wanted to keep you safe. I didn’t want you to worry about men trying to force themselves on you. I figured if you were beautiful and looked white, men would give you the respect every woman deserves.”

“Well, I’m sorry to tell you; What you were trying to avoid, is still happening. I’m not saying, anyone has forced me to do anything. But one guy got awfully close to taking what he wanted.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because it was a white boy, and I didn’t want anything to happen to you.”

“If something like that happens again, you better tell me. I can take care of myself. Don’t forget; I’m your mother it’s my job to protect, you not the other way around.”

“I know Momma, but I know how crazy you get.”

“Like I said, you better tell me next time.”

“Okay, I promise.”

“How did you get away?”

“It was the strangest thing…. he had the chance to do whatever he wanted to, to me, but  stopped; it was weird Ma……. He had already ripped my dress open, snatched my panties from my body. But once he looked into my eyes, his whole demeanor changed.”

“So.. what made him stop?”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know. After looking into my eyes, for what seemed like an eternity, he ran off, screaming ‘devil’ repeatedly at the top of his lungs.

“Baby, you are no devil. But you do have power far greater than I’ve ever known.”

“What kind of power?”

“That I can’t tell you yet. But your Grandma, told me you were going to be a force to reckon with; especially for men. I’m sure what happened to that young boy, happened because he tried to violate you; and somewhere deep, you knew what would have taken place if you didn’t do anything; so you used your gift.”

“I wish you could tell me more about this ‘gift’.”

“The only thing I know, is it fully activates on your 18th birthday.”

“Did the same thing happen to you Ma?”

“Yes, but your gifts will be way more advanced than mine.”

“How come?”

“Because, both me and your father’s family follow the same practices… Never before has there been two Magical souls, come together to make one; until me and your father.”

“How are you so sure, I’ll be magical?”

“Baby your future has already been seen. I know what’s instore, that’s why I’m trying to prepare you for what’s about to come.”

women artwork digital art painting inked girls tattoo looking at viewer blue eyes face nose rings portrait Max Twain

Drop a comment. What do you think of the story so far?

What do you think is going to happen next?

Be you, do you, and live your best life.

Feelings · Informative · Rant · Thoughts

Fat Shaming in 2019. Really?

I don’t really know if this is considered news; but recently Future got called out for fat shaming, because he supposedly said ‘No Fatties’ at a club event. To be honest that doesn’t sound like something he would say; but hey, you never know. This in turn caused a plus-size model to be turned away. Not sure if she was the only full figured woman in attendance, but she definitely was turned away. After being embarrassed she tried contacting the club and Future’s publicist but received no response. She finally got an answer when she contacted Future on Instagram and was told by him that he did not say that, and basically she shouldn’t have said he said that unless she got it from his mouth. That’s not what he said verbatim, but that was pretty much the gist of it.

I bring this up because there is shaming people because they are gay, poor, and weird; but, something is always done to stop people from making fun of them. There always seems to be some type of movement to stop a person from criticizing someone other than fat people for their differences. There are people who make fun of people who are fat because they think it’s funny. I really never understood the humor in making someone feel self conscience because they may not look like the ‘Average person’.

News flash: Everyone isn’t the same, never will be.

That’s why we are individuals because we think differently, there for we look differently. I’m not saying to turn a blind eye and not help when you see they need help to get healthier. I’m only saying, sometimes a person’s body size doesn’t always have to mean that they’re unhealthy. Sometimes that’s just the way some of our bodies are setup.

Another thing I wanted to touch on is; these people out here who believe a person that is fat is nasty, stank, and doesn’t like to wash their a**. I’m not gonna lie and say that it isn’t true in some cases. But that is only some of the time, that doesn’t apply to every fat person you come in to contact with. I don’t know about anyone else… But, I make sure I take a bath everyday some times 2x to 3x a day. So, many times that is just an individual experience. Also, their are people out here that are thin that don’t shower and smell soooo bad, they literally make your stomach turn. No lie; I was at work one time and this women came in; she may have stood at my counter for maybe.. 4 or 5 minutes. She always had a smell to her, but that day she smelled stronger than usual. By the time she left I had to leave. My stomach couldn’t take anymore. I was sick to my stomach. I ended up going home maybe 20 minutes after she left.

I know some people maybe thinking ” Why not just loose the weight? So you won’t have to worry about being ‘Fat Shamed’.” I get that some people may think that is the solution, but I think you should loose weight because you want to for yourself and your family. Not because someone else thinks you should.

Little known fact: People only change because they want too.

By making fun of the way someone looks; or treating them differently because of their looks, doesn’t make a person want to change. There are times I go pleases and people treat me with little to no respect because of my looks. I don’t understand how people can be so vain to think that the way you look constitutes they way this world treats you.

I understand some of us do it because we have been taught to be that way or because we aren’t use to being around people who are different from us. It almost reminds me of the way other children would look at my children I us to work with in IND (Intensive Needs). They made fun of them because they couldn’t understand why they were different; and also how to handle them and their differences. But once they got to know them and hung around them, they understood they were people just like them with feeling and emotions.

” data-wplink-url-error=”true”>Also don’t for get to check out my recently published book LOYALTY:LOVE, LIES, and BETRAYAL By: Shadrieka Franks

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empowering · Informative · motivational · self-esteem · Thoughts

Big Girl Love

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Big girl love- Loving a woman that isn’t the normal size i.e. a woman that has extra meat on her body a.k.a the best kind of lover.

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So many people believe you have to either be curvy or stick thin to get some one to really love you. I’m here to say that is not true. People say that because they’re either trying to make themselves feel better or they have a very narrow way of thinking. I hated seeing things on tv that always reinstated that “fact”. The whole time I was growing up, television always had a way of making me feel I wasn’t pretty enough because I wasn’t skinny enough. I’m happy it’s not so reinforced now, because there are all types of little boys and girls out there who are going to be looking for love. The last thing they need is for something or someone to tell them they aren’t capable of being loved because they don’t look like the average attractive man or woman.

Anyone has the capacity to love and be loved. Not everyone has the same preferences. Not a fact but an opinion; I think God gave us eyes so we could decide what is visually appealing to us as individuals. The problem I see with that most times is, people have the chance to go after the person they really like, but don’t because they’re afraid of what people are going to say about their choice. I know, because I use to be that girl who boys liked, but didn’t want other people to know they liked because I wasn’t slim. We gotta stop doing that, making it seem like a girl or guy isn’t attractive because they don’t look like the norm. That goes for everyone, not just over weight.

big love

I know there are a lot of us out here that won’t dare go talk to someone we consider out of our league. Reason being, fear of getting shot down or embarrassed. But I ask you, “How are you going to get that man or woman if you don’t face your fears and take a chance?” That’s what life’s all about, taking chances. You never know, the next chance you take may change the course of your life for the better. Besides, most people think that getting a man requires you looking a certain way, that isn’t always true. Nine times out of ten men want a woman that exudes confidence. As long as you have that, you can damn near get any man you want and that also goes for women.

Thick-Girl-Quotes-anybody-can-drive-in-a-staight-line-it-takes-a-real-driver

I’ve learned that the physical has little to no weight in this world, if you have unwavering confidence. True, you are going to have those times that people will think of you in a certain way, but that’s only until you open your mouth and they get to know you. Once people see the confidence shine through, they almost have no choice but to think of you in a higher regard, as long as you’re exuding confidence and not cockiness. Those two things are very distinct, one attracts and the other repels. Make sure you’re unleashing the right one.

As I stated, I grew up watching things that painted big women in a unflattering light. These women were either the side chick, the pay master, constantly getting cheated on, the cutty buddy a.k.a the one they never wanted to be seen with. Every single one of these things happens to all types of women, doesn’t matter their size. But the media made it seem like by being a ‘fat’ woman or girl, you deserved to be treated that way because you didn’t look like a Rihanna or a Beyoncé. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve learned people treat you the way you allow them to treat you. It has nothing to do with weight. So the next time you see a man or woman you find attractive, talk to them, see if you can get that number. You never know, they may be looking for someone just like you.

Once you love and realize what you have to offer, you take the power. Loving yourself is the real key to unwavering confidence. Once you learn how to do that, what someone else thinks about you, stops being the concern. What you think about them becomes more of importance.

Movies I’ve watched with plus-size women leads. Some are recent and others are from my childhood.

1.) ” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>Hairspray

2.) BabyCakes

3.) Phat Girlz

4.) I Feel Pretty

5.) The Bachelorette

I couldn’t just leave you with only movie references. I had to give you a couple of books too. The only author that I know of that writes plus-size stories is Carl Weber. He also happens to be a really great writer. I think you might like what you find.

1.) The Man In 3B

2.) Torn Between Two Lovers

3.) Full-Figured 12

These are only books that I’ve read. I’m sure he has many more with and without a plus-size lead.

Photos Provided by: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/lezeleganceradio/2015/05/03/shes-pretty-for-a-big-girl-the-weight-factor-to-dating-love, http://confidenceisyou.blogspot.com/2015/08/big-girls-need-love-too.html, http://picsmine.com/49-catchy-thick-girl-quotes-sayings/, www.naturallyjorrie.com/who-says-big-girls-cant-slay-in-lingerie/

health · Informative · relationship · Thoughts

My Babies

Many people are afraid, feel pity, or are disgusted by children with special needs. I never understood why. I see special needs and regular ED children as God’s little angels. People just don’t understand just how special these children are. But I can’t fault you if you’ve never had the pleasure of knowing someone like this.

little girlI had the opportunity to work with these children for close to six years. At first I was a little nervous, because I wasn’t sure if they were going to like me. And wouldn’t you know it, the first day I got put with one of the most difficult students in the class. I found out she was only difficult when she was either tired of you or didn’t like you. I could never say she didn’t like me, because she always blew me kisses. Other people she would spit at or hit. Another thing, they are extremely sensitive to other peoples energy. What that means is, if your only “acting” like you like them, they’ll let you know they know your intentions. That’s what a lot of people don’t get. With children it’s all about energy, that goes for regular ED children as well. It doesn’t matter what you give them or how nice you’re pretending to be, they can always read the “fake”.

That’s why it sometimes pisses me off or makes me sad when I see someone treating a person with a disability like they’re nothing, because they deserve so much more. Children and adults with special needs have the ability to see a person’s soul before they see anything else. When they love you, or like you, you know it’s real because they aren’t stifled by societies views. The only thing is, many times their brains are impacted by their disability and it breaks your heart sometimes to realize they don’t remember you. That’s one of the reasons why the person taking care of them can’t go long periods of time without seeing them, because they’ll forget who that person is.

a6689e648196ee9d867d8478d78f9de8 Just to think about it, I remember seeing one of “my babies” a year after he graduated 5th grade. I tell you, I wanted to cry when I realized he didn’t remember me, but I was prepared. My mother and the teacher I was working with helped me to be alright with it. I have to say, I loved all my kids, you couldn’t tell me they weren’t “my babies”. I loved them so much, and still do. I wonder how they’re doing….. I just hope they’re living a comfortable, happy, complication free life. What I mean by “complication” is medical complications, because they all had a lot of them. All “my babies” had their own special talents and all of them were smart, funny, and sneaky. I remember one of the little boys I use to take care of, he was so mannish. He loved to hit women on the butt. Certain people thought he didn’t know what he was doing, but he knew. They blamed it on his disability. How are you going to blame mannish ways on a disability? I don’t know, but that’s exactly what they did. Then there was “my daughter” . This little girl was so smart. Her smarts came from her mother working with her everyday. I tried teaching her things too, but I could only teach her things the teacher allowed.

Most of these children I had ever since kindergarten. So naturally, I got emotional when they graduated. I miss them. I wish there was a way for me to know if they’re alright. But there’s one I think of almost daily. I’m sure it’s because I spent so much time with him. I remember he would get so happy when I would come back from lunch. My co-worker/ friend would always tell me how quiet and disengaged he would become when I left the room. But when I came back it was a different story. He would kick, laugh, scream and squeal until I came over to talk to him. Working with those children, I never had a bad day.

But, I have to say I did have a couple of sad ones. My first sad day came when I found out one of my students passed away. I knew something was really wrong with her because she stayed in the hospital way too long. Every time she was suppose to get out something would happen and she would have to stay in longer. Then it happened, she died. When I found out it felt like my heart dropped down to my stomach, I couldn’t stop crying. Not to mention, this happened my first year there. If you didn’t know, I’m an extremely sensitive person. So things like death I don’t handle well, especially the death of a child I was just getting to know and starting to build a relationship with. It took me a long time to get over that, but eventually I excepted it and got over it. But that wasn’t the only time I lost one of “my babies”. The second time was three years later. I hadn’t had the chance to really get to know this little girl, but it stung to know she was gone.

Inconclusion, don’t let someone’s differences stop you from getting to know them. You never know they could be your blessing.
cute little girl

 

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Race · story telling · Thoughts

Unconditional Love

imitation-of-life I was thinking of a movie I grew up with, ‘Imitation of Life’. That movie made me cry every time I saw it. If you haven’t seen it, it was a story about two women raising their children. The white mother had a daughter with blonde hair and blue eyes and the black mother had a daughter that had brown hair and brown eyes. But if you didn’t know her mother was black you would think she was white. The sadness starts when it becomes clear Sara Jane (the daughter of Annie) hates the fact she has a black mother. Truth be told the movie was really focused on Sara Jane and Annie. It focused on the resistance Sara Jane had towards being classified as black. Every chance she got she rejected her true identity, which was being a black woman that looked white.

That’s one reason why I don’t think of people as a color because genes determine what we look like. A black woman could have a child with light eyes or straight hair. It all depends on the genes. That’s why I didn’t and still don’t understand why race is such a big issue. Everyone’s the same, we just look different. But I have to say, I do understand why it became such a big issue back then. People made it that way. From then to now we’re having the same issues and it all boils down to power and acceptance. That’s why  Sara Jane struggled with her identity and why so many others lived a life similar to the one she tried to live. All because of acceptance and not wanting to go through what darker skin blacks had to endure i.e. the one’s that couldn’t pass.imitation-of-life-still-02_758_426_81_s_c1

The relationship between Annie and Sara Jane took me for a ride. There was never a time Sara Jane looked happy around her mother. Even though Annie was the best all around, Sara Jane was never happy. I’m sure it had plenty to do with her thoughts about the limitations that would be placed on her because of her classification. Time after time she ran away, lied, and denied her identity.  But there came a time when she lost what really meant most to her. That thing wasn’t really a thing at all. It was the person that loved her more than anyone else in this world, her mother. It wasn’t until then, she realized the era of her ways, but by then it was too late. Her mother was gone and she lost the chance to be the type of daughter her mother deserved. sarah-jane1

 

I guess you could say I chose to write about this movie because it seems like we’re reverting back to the way this country use to be. A lot of people think that it’s a good thing. I’m sure it’s not everyone but the number of people with this backwards thinking is growing. Like it or not, we all came from the same place. We maybe different but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t connected. So if your the type of person that believes someone isn’t on your level because of their race; I’m sorry to inform you honey, the only difference between you and them is the amount of melanin in your skin. But underneath, you both are the same. So learn to love your brothers and sisters because like I said, we’re all connected. There’s no need to hate or spread chaos and dismay because you want to remain in power or for the sake of ignorance. My answer to curing ignorance, is to expand your mind and open your heart to people that don’t look like you. You never know how knowing them may bless your life.

brunch (1)

 

 

 

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