Morning Good People!!! Hope life is treating you well.
There is always something you’re going to have to deal with. As you may have guessed I’m not the type of person who likes conflict; hate it. But it seems like something is always happening to were I’m involved in something I didn’t intend on getting myself into.
If you didn’t know I’m someone who avoids occured moments at all costs. I hate feeling uncomfortable. I’m telling you, I believe that was my initial reason for wanting to work by myself. Cause at least working for yourself you for the most part control the situation.
People say, “Get a backbone!” But how when being this way has helped me so much in moving through the world?
I know at some point in time I will be that person who speaks up but I guess it’s just not now.
Passion was over the whole conversation with Kevall. She loved him, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go back to the way things were. She wasn’t satisfied then. During that time of being married and faithful, she felt she lost a little bit of herself.
Over the years since them decided to be polyamorous, she started to become more and more of the woman she felt she had always been. Which was something very beautiful in it self. She no longer felt unattractive or insecure because she had the chance to become that beautiful sexual butterfly she always believed herself to be.
By learning how many men and women viewed her, she unlocked the deadbolt to her sexuality; more like burst that door off of the hinges. Now because life proved to be so good over the years; she wasn’t sure she was ready to turn back.
“So… what you gonna do?”
“I don’t know, girl.”
“Well, you know the only reason he wants you to stop now, is because he don’t want to look stupid to everyone else. Also I think by having Jaylen there the other night, it made things real to him.”
“Yeah, I think you right, girl. But I still don’t know what to do. I’m sure if I tell him ‘No’ he’s gonna get all up in his feelings.”
“You know it…. I hate to be the bearer of bad new; but he may even leave you. Are you ready for that?”
Passion wasn’t finished being a connoisseur of the many different flavors that were sexuality. So she wasn’t quite sure what to say or how to feel. On one hand, she didn’t want to loose him. On the other, she felt it was unfair for him to ask her to change once again, because of his ego.
“Shonda, I really don’t know… I never gave that a thought.”
“Are you still happy being his wife? Or are you more interested in becoming a THOT?”
“Damn! Why you got to say it like that?”
“I don’t mean anything by it. I’m just saying, know what you’re giving up before you decide to walk away from a 20+ year marriage.”
“Well, he’s definitely not going to get his answer today. I’m gonna take some time to think about it. Matter a fact… Girl what you doing this weekend?”
“Taking Brent to his father’s….. You know, he hasn’t seen him since we got divorced?”
“Are you serious?!”
Shonda was a divorcée, mother, and business woman; who took pride in everything she ever did. Things between her and her now ex-husband Ross, had gone sour because he couldn’t except her success. Mainly because she was taking nothing but W’s and he couldn’t catch a break. Sure he had a job, but because of the way he was raised, he felt it was the mans job to be the earner, protector, and provider. So naturally when roles switched, so did their feelings for each other.
“Yeah, girl. Unfortunately I am.”
“How long has it been? Because isn’t Brent; What?… 15 now.”
“Yep. But get this.. He saying I’m keeping him away from his son…. How?!”
“Well, are you?”
“For real? You really gonna ask me that?.. “You know I would never do that! My mother did that to my Dad. That’s why our relationship is strained till this day.”
“Shonda, please don’t get offended. It’s just, sometimes Baby Mother’s do things like that, because their trying to hurt their Baby’s Father just as bad as he hurt them.”
“Passion, there’s a big difference between being a Baby Momma and a WIFE. After all, I do have morals. No matter how mad I get, I would never do anything like that. Because, It wouldn’t be only hurting him it’ll be hurting my child.”
“Damn… Sorry. Didn’t mean to take it there. All I was trying to ask is; Do you wanna take a trip with me?”
“B**** where?! You know I’m down.”
“I’m thinking… South Africa?”
“Let me know when you ready.”
“Okay good! I’m gonna talk this over with Kevall tonight. Then I’ll call you with the details.”
“What made you wanna take this trip?”
“I just need to clear my head and possibly get some good pipe , before I make this decision.”
The night before was hectic. Passion tried to keep her affair with Jaylen quiet, but someone had already spread the word to her husband. She tried getting it out of him who it was, but it was no use, he wasn’t budging. Partly because he was pissed the guy was even in the house.
Years before, he initially asked for the marriage to be one of convenience; but at the time he believed Passion would be so in love with him, he would be doing most of the dating. Lets just say, that isn’t the way it went down. Now he was caught between a rock and a hard place, because he was the one who opened Pandora’s Box. Now to try to close it; he knew it was not going to go over well with his wife.
“Hey Babe….” Passion was doing her best at trying to keep the peace; but one thing she didn’t take too kindly to, was being ignored. Something Kevall was great at. “Oh, so you ignoring me now?!”
He was so pissed, he didn’t want to say anything to her. He actually wanted her to hurt like he was hurting; but being the mature, logical man he was he knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do.
“Passion you gotta understand; by having your little f***buddy here last night, it makes it look like you playin me!”
“Bae, that is the last thing I was trying to do. I would never do that to you; you have been to good to me for me to do you like that.”
“Thank you for saying that. But that isn’t the picture people from the party last night, are going to paint. I’m sure they’re talking s*** about us right now; really about you.”
“What you mean, ‘Me’?”
“I’m sure they’re thinking you’re dogging me out, and I’m too green to read between the lines.”
“I don’t care what no one has to say. This is my life; and you shouldn’t either.”
“That sounds good in theory; but you know how looking bad to your employees could transition into not so good attention for your business?”
“Yeah,.. I guess you’re right. Let me go and see if I can put these rumors to rest.”
“Good, you go ahead and do that; but not until you do something for me first.” It had been a really long time since Kevall saw his wife in her natural state. Usually, they would go days without seeing each other. So to see her now with out any makeup wearing his college sweatershirt, it made him fall in love all over again. “You are so… beautiful.”
“Ahhh, thanks babe. You are so sweet.”
“I’m not saying it to be sweet, i’m saying it because I mean it. You are more beautiful now than the day we got married.”
Passion had no idea how to react. It wasn’t the compliment that surprised her, it was the love and sincerity she saw in his eyes as he said it.
“And you are just as sexy as the day I met you.”
Kevall felt it was finally time to ask the dreaded question. He wasn’t sure what her answer would be, but he figured he would give it a go.
“Babe, how would you feel… about us shutting all our “friends” out, so we can work on us?”
“What you mean?” She knew exactly what he meant. She was actually trying to buy some time, so she could find a nicer way to reject the idea.
“Come on Passion, you know exactly what I mean. I’m happy with having only you. “I only want you.
I realized that the other night.”
“Are you serious? We’ve been married for twenty plus years. Doing this polyamory thing for the last ten; and now you want only me. ”
“You’re saying it like it’s an inconvenience to you.”
“Well… it is? Can I think about it?”
“I don’t see what’s to think about. I’m your husband, and you love me; right?”
“Of course I do. But Momma’s having to much fun, and I don’t believe i’m done playing yet.”
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Passion for a long time lost interest in her husband, because he got a little to soft for her liking. But after what just went down between the two, she was thinking about giving up all her side pieces and focusing on him.
Just as she start to fantasize about the acts that took place, moments before; she was jarred from her thoughts.
“Why are you smiling so big? I thought I was the only one who could put a smile on your face that big.”
The voice was from none other than Jaylen. He snuck up on her. She was so caught in her thoughts, she hadn’t realized he was standing right behind her. Once she realized who it was, she instantly became aggravated.
“I don’t see how you thought that. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not your woman.” She said as she turned to face him.
“I know that. Damn! I just wanted to see if you wanted me to bless you once the last person leaves.”
“No, I’m good.”
“What’s up with you tonight? Every since I got here, you have been a real….”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yeah, but you were definitely thinking it… It’s okay though. There’s nothing you can say that would offend me.”
“Passion I’m not trying to get on your bad side.”
“Too late, you already have.”
“How?! I didn’t even do anything.”
Passion started to look around to make sure her husband was no where in ear shot; because her conversation with Jaylin started to escalate.”
“Jaylin, keep your voice down!” She said in a hushed tone; trying to avoid drawing attention to herself. But it was too late.
“I thought we had something special.” Jaylin was on the verge of tears. Even though she let him know from the beginning, she wasn’t looking for anything serious. Somewhere down the line he started developing feelings for her. Totally thinking that he was going to make her his wife in the future.
“See, I knew I shouldn’t have messed with you!”
Jaylin held back as long as he could; but once she uttered those words, he couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I’m very serious.” By know the whole room was looking at the two of them. Shonda hadn’t realized what was going on, because she was busy trying to conduct her own hookup with the other youngin in the room. But once she did she headed over to the two.
“Hey, Passion…. What are you doing tomorrow?”
“I’m sorry Shonda, but me and Passion have some business to take care. Could you please excuse us?”
“No. You’re fine girl. Yeah, I’m free. What’s up?” Passion gave Jaylin a look that made it clear, she was done with the conversation.
You would have thought he would’ve made his way to a different part of the room; but he hovered around Passion and Shonda the whole night. As he listened in on some of their conversation, he found out passion was married and the house they were inn was hers.
When he learned she was a married woman, he planned to blackmail her into giving him what ever he wanted. But one thing he didn’t take in to account; her and her husband had an open marriage.
“Good morning, Love. How did you sleep?” Desire almost wanted to pat herself on the back for a job well done. Remembering just a few hours prior she was making him, say her name. She must have tried every trick she ever learned to make him cum. But instead everything she did to bring him closer to orgasm seemed to bring her, closer. She was getting more and more aroused by the pleasure she was giving, but Klaus being the man he was couldn’t let her have all the fun; so naturally he took back control. He started with a gentle kiss behind her ear, then worked his way down her neck and then to her breast. By the time he reached her flower, she was sopping wet with nectar. Every flick of his tongue sent chills up and down her spine, and every kiss seemed to make her want him inside her even more.
“I slept pretty good.” Klaus said as he had a smile on his face that spread from ear to ear, remembering the activities that took place the night before.
“So, what do you wanna do now?” Desire was hoping they would be able to spend the whole day together, so they could have time to get to know each other on a deeper level. But Klaus had other plans.
“What time is it, Babe?”
“A little before 10.”
“What?! I gotta go!” Klaus quickly sprung into motion. Trying to get home as quick as possible, because he didn’t want his wife to notice he hadn’t been home all night. But little did he know, his effort to get home before she noticed was just a waste of energy, because the night before she took the liberty of putting a tracker on his phone.
“Where are you going?!”
“I’m sorry, Babe. But, I really have to go. I have a meeting in the next hour I have to get prepared for.” Lying came so easy for him; sometimes he lied so well he almost believed his self.
“When are you gonna finally tell me what you do?!”
“I told you; when the time is right.”
“I don’t understand why it isn’t right, right now. You act like we haven’t been dating for the past month. It’s not like you don’t know me. Hell, we’ve been f****** practically since we met!” Desire was becoming desperate to find out his line of work. She didn’t understand his reason for keeping what he did for a living as a secret from her; he knew why. He wished he could tell her, because he was really starting to feel something real with her. But he knew the truth would bring a holt to what ever they could become in the near future.
“Babe, I will tell you soon. Okay?”
“Okay. ” Desire began to pout because she wanted to know why everything had to be so top secret with him.
“I’ll call you when I get out of the meeting. Okay?”
“Alright. Make sure you do that.”
As Klaus got ready to leave he noticed his wife’s car outside of Desire’s house. Panic surged through his whole body at the thought of Sheila catching him there; but he had to play it off.
“Are you expecting someone?”
“I see someone walking to the door.”
“And, what is that suppose to mean? I thought you had to go. What’s stopping you now!”
“Babe please understand if I meet one of your friends, I don’t want it to be like this.” Klaus wasn’t quite sure if the reverse psychology was working but he was just taking shots at the air hoping something would stick.
“What are you talking about? Like what?”
“I rather them see me when I’m not in a rush.”
By now Desire had seen who was walking to her door and she wasn’t sure how she was going to get her to leave.
“Don’t worry about it. Give me a minute I’ll let you know when you can come out.”
“Okay, Babe. I’m not trying to be rude, but can you make it quick. Thanks” He said as he smacked her butt, retreating back into the room.
Desire had no clue what she was going to say, but she kept in mind to make it quick, because she didn’t want her man to miss out on making his money.
Knock!!! Knock!!!! Knock!!!
“Hold on!” She had no clue what she was going to say, but she was sure something was going to spring to mind.
“Open this door! I know he in there!”
“Sheila? What are you doing here?”
“Monique don’t play dumb! You know why I’m here!”
“I promise you, I really don’t know why you’re here.”
Sheila gave her some time to cut the act, but soon notice the confused expression all over her face.
“Are you for real?! You don’t know that the man you f***** last night is my husband!”
In that moment Desire felt as if her whole world came crashing down around her. Here she was feeling all the butterflies and flutters of the heart; just to find out that the person she decided to finally whole heartedly give herself to was nothing but a philanderer. And what made it even worse was the fact he was the husband of the woman who broke her heart. Sure she wanted to hurt Sheila in the worst way, but not like this.
I’ve noticed men only acting like men when they’re trying to hookup. What is that?! I thought men are suppose to act like men all the time. They want women to act like women all the time, then they need to take their own advice, and do the same. IF I hear another man complain about what the next woman has on I’m gonna scream! Ahhhh!!! It’s so annoying! Most of them want to be the boss but don’t want to pay the cost. There’ve been so many men who want their woman to do what they say, like she’s their child or something, but also wants her to pay her own way and split everything down the middle. I don’t know about you, but that’s something that doesn’t sit right with me. The only way you’re going to get me to listen and do what you say is if you’re taking care of me. But even then I’m going to be rebellious, because 1.) I’m not your child, 2.) I’m a grown ass woman, and 3.) I make my own money.
Men calling women out of their name is a definite pet peeve of mine. I don’t get it, why do you feel the need to disrespect a woman?! I’ve seen men call women b******, h*** and a whole lot of other things I’m not gonna mention. Most times because she’s out of his or their league or because she curved him. Whatever the case, it never gives you the right to say derogatory things about a woman, and that goes for women too. I just wish we could learn to build each other up rather than tearing each other down. Everyone deserves respect until they prove other wise, these days people don’t think like that. Most people believe you are only given the respect you earn. I’m sure that’s a large reason as to why we have so many disrespectful millennials. It seems like almost every person that I’ve met born after 1985 has a really s***** disposition. It almost feels like, this generation is a very self serving one, who puts themselves before anything or anyone. That characteristic could be looked at as something positive, but it could also be seen as something negative. Especially when it’s perceived that you can throw away a persons feelings and needs just to serve your own. Summed up in one word A**hole.
Another thing, many women are put to the test constantly when they’re in relationships. Time after time love and respect are tested, when women are in relationships with the wrong man. So many times women stay because “I love him” or “He’s a good provider” or “He’s the father of my kids”. It doesn’t matter if that man beat her within an inch of her life or says so many hurtful things til her self-esteem is none existent. Point is There are so many excuses for a woman to stay. But men I ask you, “Do you want to be her excuse or the piece to her puzzle?” Some of you may think, you’re that piece. Well I have news for you Honey, if she’s always crying, sad or mad because of something you did, sorry you’re not. In order for you to become a piece to her puzzle you have to bring something other than heartache and pain to the table.
In closing, most women just want to be loved, protected, and respected (cheating is a form of disrespect). If you’re not ready to provide those three things let her know, and stay single until then.
To the women out there; Have you ever dated someone that makes you question why you’re with them in the first place? I have, and it wasn’t pretty. I don’t know what made me think of this, but I was thinking about an ex today. That man wasn’t worth the time nor the effort I put into him. He was a F#%*boy if I ever saw one. Everything about him should have made me run the other way, but I didn’t. Something in me always allows me to give people chance after chance, regardless if I already know how they are. I’m always hoping they’ll change for the better. That was the case with him, I thought eventually he would want to do better by me. But that never happened. If anything things got worse. There was time after time I went through hell and back because of this man. Ask me “Why?” I still wouldn’t know til this day. At first I thought it was love, but the older I get the more I realize that it was anything but that. I think it was either because of the sex or because I didn’t want to be alone or maybe even a combination of the two. Either way that relationship or situationship, whatever you want to call it, didn’t serve me as much as it served him.
I’m telling you, I wasgreen (open/ too trusting). When I was younger I thought relationships were easy. I was sooo wrong. If I was being honest with myself, I could have prepared my self for the type of f%#&ery that was coming my way. But no, I didn’t do that, because I thought things were going to be easier for me because I knew what I didn’t want. I was wrong about that too. I was so wrong that I ended up dating the same type of man I didn’t want. Not for a couple of months or year. I dated that man for over EIGHT years close to NINE! We were together from the time I was 19 to 28. The one thing I can say is, he taught me a lot when it comes to being in a relationship. Because of him, I now know what I’m willing to put up with and what I have to walk away from.
Now I can look back on my experience with him and understand that it was not suppose to be forever, even though I wanted it to be. Not because I loved him, but because I didn’t want to be alone. When I was younger, I never was the popular attractive girl. I was the friend of the popular attractive girls. I was cute, but not the type of girl guys wanted. At the time I thought that was a bad thing. Now that I’m older, it really doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’ve realized being attractive isn’t everything. Being smart trumps being attractive any day. If your persuasive, charming and smart, the world is your oyster, there’s almost nothing you can’t do. If I had the chance to talk to my younger self, I would tell her, “Everything will work itself out. What is for you, is for you. No one can take that from you.” Knowing that would have stopped me from trying so hard to please those that could care less about pleasing me. It would have also saved me a lot of money. I can remember so many times this one ex in particular always hit me up for money. I thought I loved him, so I gave him money almost every time he asked for it. I don’t know why, but I always felt guilty if I couldn’t give him what he asked for. Over time my relationship with him turned into me giving and giving and giving, without getting anything back in return. I’ve realized now that people are going to treat you how you let them. At the time I didn’t have standards, that’s why he was able to use me the way that he did. If I’m honest with myself and you, I was his pay master. Like I said, I paid for almost everything he ever asked for. Looking back on it, it really pisses me off to think he took advantage of my kindness, low self-esteem and love for him. Like I said he was a f%#*boy if I ever say one! I guess by putting my experiences out there, I’m hoping to save a lot of young girls and women from unnecessary heartache . If you have someone you’re with and you feel like they don’t appreciate you because they constantly cheat, begging for money, trying to pressure you into doing things that aren’t in your best interest, lie, disappear and any other bad thing I didn’t cover.Run as fast as you can!!! Just know that isn’t the last man that is going to come your way. You are going to find love, just give yourself time. Learn to love you first, so you know how he’s suppose to love you when he comes. There’s no rush, that right man will come when he’s suppose to. You don’t have to go looking for him because he will find you.
I saw something I thought didn’t happen as much with men as it does with women. That was men dealing with abusive women. I didn’t know abusive women were so wide spread. It seems men get abused almost as much as women. The unfair thing when it comes to the law is, they’re usually seen as the potential abuser if the police were to be called during an altercation. What a lot of people don’t understand is men aren’t protected under the same set of laws when it comes to something like that. It’s even worse when it involves people of different ethnic groups.
Time after time things are done to men that aren’t looked at as abuse because in most cases, it’s a woman doing it to a man. For instance, if a woman out of anger slaps her husband or boyfriend across the head, it’s not seen as abuse. But if the tables were turned and a man did that to a woman it would be seen for what it is. It shouldn’t matter what gender the person is. What’s sad, we have been conditioned to think when a woman hits a man it’s comic relief some how. Beating on someone is never funny. I remember a couple of weeks ago I saw this clip on Facebook of a woman dumping food on her man’s head and also throwing objects at him, because he wanted to do something she didn’t agree with. I have to say, the way she handled that situation was childish. If you have a disagreement while in a relationship you are suppose to be adult enough to talk out your problems. Not throw a temper tantrum because you can’t get things your way. I have to admit though, when I was younger I engaged in that type of behavior. Believe me, I’m not proud of it but that was a chapter in my life that will never be repeated because I’ve learned if you feel the need to put your hands on someone your in a relationship with, that isn’t the person for you or you need help to resolve your issues. For me, I needed to get away from that person because he caused me to turn into something I no longer recognized.
In other cases with men dealing with abusive partners, they have to humble their selves immensely in order to keep the peace because they don’t know what might set their partner off. When you have to tiptoe around someone it’s never good or healthy. There’s no reason you should feel like you’re walking on eggshells when you’re with someone you love or are getting to know romantically. But a lot of men stay because they’ve been taught that a man is suppose to be able to take a hit. Not only that, a lot of times their ego has a lot to do with the reasons they stay. Reason being, most men don’t want to look soft in front of another man. So instead of being open about getting abused by their partner they’ll lie, try to make it seem like everything is okay, just so they can save face. But there’s a big problem with that way of thinking. You could get badly injured messing around with someone that has no concern for your wellbeing. But there’s something worse that could happen while with an abusive partner, doesn’t matter if it’s a male or female abuser. They could bring death upon you.
That’s something a lot of people in abusive relationships don’t keep in mind. All it takes is for the abuser to feel like you deserve to get hit or punched or sometimes hit by a car, what ever it is. Is it worth your life?! Do you love this person that much?! They hit you a little too hard or choked you just a little too long. Is it worth it?!
I never understood people that could literally go to bed with someone that just beat them or choked them. Aren’t you afraid that you’ll go to sleep and never wake up? I’m sure people who deal with someone like that has to be fearful every minute of everyday. That is no way to live. You’re suppose to be happy and enjoying life, not being someone’s physical or emotional punching bag. Yes, there are emotional abusers too. Those are the people that dump on you to make themselves’ feel better. The point is, if the person doesn’t make you happy or makes you happy but you’re either fearful or sad most of the time, it’s time to let them go. This life is too short to deal with unnecessary pain and discomfort. Although you think you’ll never find anyone that makes you feel like they made you feel, press on!No matter how they make you feel when things are good, it doesn’t matter because they have a problem and need to get help. The sad thing is, as long as you continue to tolerate it, they’re going to keep pushing the limits because you continue to put up with it. In a lot of ways it’s like teaching a child what’s right and what’s wrong. You wouldn’t let your child get away with it, so don’t let them. Put them in their place and stand your ground. Don’t let fear trap you and make you stay with someone that doesn’t deserve you.
I’m sure you’re probably thinking, “Why does she care?” I care because someone really close to me went through years of abuse with almost every person they entered into a relationship with. I believe that’s another reason why I’m so sensitive to other peoples emotions. It was no fun watching someone you love and know deserves so much more, go through having their legs broken because they were thrown from a moving car or constantly having black eyes because their partner was having a bad day. There were countless things this individual went through. I don’t know how they did it, but I’m so thankful they did. Most people that go through hard times like this for years, sometimes decades, commit suicide. I’m so happy they saw the light before their was any, and realized they were worth so much more than any person in relationships with them ever made them feel.
To whomever reads this, I hope this post helps you in some way to acknowledge you deserve better. Man, woman whatever, everyone deserves happiness and someone that’s going to make them feel wanted, needed, loved, protected and safe. If you’re in a relationship and the person can’t offer that, there’s no need in wasting your time or energy.
Below are the links to the pictures. Also the first two websites listed are places that are dedicated to resolving this issue.