Experiences · Feelings · relationship · Thoughts · Venting

Confusion

Good Morning!!!

Hope life is going well and all things are prosperous.

You know how you meet someone and you believe only that person can give you that feeling? Well recently I met someone that is very attractive sexually. I’m sure when I say that most people would believe I mean visually. Nope that’s not what I’m talking about. You know how sometimes some people just have that aura about them that makes them seem like the best thing since sliced bread. Well, this man had that thing.

There were a lot of things I did not like about him, but there were also a lot of things that turned me on beyond belief! As I am not in the business of bashing anyone, I am only going to list the qualities I enjoyed; which are; his strength, arrogance, and dominance. I know I could probably find that find that in any men. But there was just something about this man that made him that much more appealing. I’m sure it was because he had a no holds barred attitude. If there was something he wanted to say or wanted, he did not hesitate to go after it.

I guess you could say, that’s something that was missing in my last relationship. Supposedly love was there, but I never felt it. I fooled myself in to believing it was there. But you know how sometimes you’re bored and you go through your text messages? Well, I did this recently. I started looking over the text messages between me and my Ex and realized, he checked out a long time ago. I was the one holding on for dear life.

Friends and family keep asking me why am I still continuing to live with this man. I answer straight and say; “I’m not ready to give up my independence.” See, once this lease is over and done with, I want to know I can take care of myself with out the assistance of any one. That’s why I’ve been working on trying to build a brand. That’s also the reason I’ve been trying to busy myself with meeting other people so that my situation with him does not take me over.

I’m positive there are other women and men who have been through this. If you have please let me know if you believe I’m getting through this in the right manner or should I have left yesterday.

As always

Experiences · Feelings · Poem · relationship · self-esteem

Letter To My Ex

We’d been together for years then. Me loving you, you not loving me.

I was too young to realize that was the name of the game. You did everything to show me what we had wasn’t real. But I didn’t want to believe I f***** up when I chose you.

I refused to believe what we had wasn’t meant to be. Even after all the mental abuse you inflicted upon me, I still loved you. Wanted so bad to give you the babies you said I would or could never have.

You see, at that time I didn’t realize God was setting me up for something better when he showed me I could have children; just not with you. I could have had your children, but he didn’t see it fit. I thank him for that. At the time I didn’t know what I was setting myself up for, but he did. I’m thankful for the things you taught me.

Even though at the time it hurt like hell to let you go. My first love; the one I gave my whole heart too. The same one who was a friend at times and in an instant was an enemy. Friend because you knew how to make me laugh. Many times I think that’s what held us together as long as it did. But we both know we weren’t suppose to be.

My heart was wide open. All I wanted was to be loved. Maybe because at the time I didn’t love myself. But I’ve learned, you can’t expect others to love you the way you deserve if you don’t know what that love looks like.

 After all these years, I can finally say I’ve found someone who loves me like I love them. Everyday I wake up I thank God he put this man in my life. I even thank him for you. You know why? Because him placing you in my path helped me to recognize the real thing when it came.

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Love you all!!!