I hope everyone is being careful and spending time with those they love.
Let me start by saying, “I love therapy!” I’ve always known I needed it. But to finally get it is a high like no other. There are things that have happened through my life I couldn’t make sense of or just needed some help working through. With therapy I feel that little girl in me coming alive. I’m still not exactly sure if I’m completely happy about that. One thing I am happy about is, getting to understand myself a lot better, being able to understand my behaviors and why I feel what I feel in certain situations.
I had not realized until yesterday that I’ve been in some really uncomfortable and toxic situations. All this time I thought the things I went through were normal. Mainly because all I really know is toxicity; when it comes to male female relationships. So in my adult life that is what I expected and deep down accepted.
Through this process I’ve been made aware struggle love isn’t necessary. I am capable of being in a relationship that serves me and not the other way around. I’m sure I’ve written about this before, but I’m writing about it again because I feel I understand it a little better.
We go through struggle love because it’s all we know. This is why a lot of unhealthy decisions are made; because whether we realize it or not, we’re making the same choices our parents made. It didn’t work for them and most likely it won’t work for us. But we continue to go around and around in a circle, until we receive help to learn there is a better way to go about life.
Codependency is a silent killer, and if you continue to put others before yourself you will always get the same result time and time again.
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I’ve been thinking about this week for a long time. This week is Spring Break for Palm Beach County. And since I work with a school, it is also spring break for me! Meaning that I do not have to report to work for a full week! That alone is cause to celebrate. But what put the icing on the cake was my family coming down.
This was such a big thing because there is a part of our family that I haven’t seen in years (that’s partly my fault). I have to say though that I had a great time spending time with my cousins and just getting that complete feeling again. I really hadn’t noticed how much it affected me not to have them here.
I understand that not having them here is something I’m gonna have to get over. I will in do time. But the real thing I had to take in to account is my lack of change. I realized over the years there has been much that has changed with them, but I’ve stayed the same. Not in away saying that is a bad thing because it isn’t. It just makes me take a closer look at myself and helps me to realize; time waits for NO man. Meaning, it’s time for me to put fear to the side and start living freely and with out the worry of judgement.
Have you ever just had those close family members that you admire because they’re able to go through many situations without fear or they have fear but they find a way to make that fear none existent? Those are the qualities I’m working to build within myself. Honestly it was just inspiring to watch how fearless my family is. If they want something they go for it.
The other thing is, they all are fighters. I’m not speaking in the physically form per say, but they’ll fight if they had too. I’m really speaking of spiritually. They will go toe to toe for their family. That’s why I love my people. But there is still work we need to do. As I’m sure everyone’s family has something they need to work on.
Inconclusion, I can’t wait until we get together again.
How have you all been?! I hope you have good news for me.
First off, I am sincerely sorry for not posting on the regular. But I’m back and getting better as we speak.
We are finally on Winter Break. THANK YOU GOD!!! There is something that comes over you when you know that you’re going to get a full 2 weeks to yourself. As many may know, it’s mainly about the freedom that comes with the break. Especially if you don’t have any obligations to anyone or anything.
One thing I have to admit though; I’m so thankful I’m here with my family. After spending so many years with someone who didn’t want to do anything for any occasion, this is a real change. I have to admit, my Mom is doing it up for the holidays. I’m a little out of practice when it comes to getting in the Christmas spirit. But I can’t wait to start having fun with revisiting it.
What’s special about this time of YEAR
I forgot how fun this time of year could be. Many of us rush around so much that we find ways to rush right through life. Forgetting the people, things and places we love, because we’re so engrossed in other things we have no control over. We get mad at those who may have made a simple mistake, many times because we’re mad with something we don’t have the power to change.
If you haven’t noticed this time of year is for giving and being thankful for the people you love who are your ‘ride or dies’. I’m sure over the years the number changes; but if you even have one person in your corner that is willing to go to bat for you, that’s all that counts.
Too often we think if we’re nice to this person and do everything they ask us, that we’ve made a new friend. Many times when we gain friends like that they don’t turn out to be friends, they turn out to be users. It took me a long time to figure this out, but people use you because you set yourself up to be used. It’s your job to let that person know what you will and won’t take. The other thing is, you have to remember in many cases people are like children; if you constantly give them what they want they’re going to act like a spoiled child when it comes to you and demand the same treatment you started out giving them. It’s not that they don’t care about you, it’s only that they’ve becomes accustomed to treating you like a doormat (because you allowed it.)
Back to what makes this time of year so special. For a lot of us, we get to spend time with family and friends. Picking out things we know they’ll love and expecting that perfect gift from that someone special. Knowing they have know choice but know what to get you for Christmas because you dropped hints over a thousand times. Even aside from that, the great memories that’ll be made with some of the most special people in your life.
I hope you all have a beautiful Winter Break, plenty of fun and you have more than enough chances to make new memories with those you love.
There is something most people don’t understand about me; and that is I am only nice because I don’t know how to be anything but. I choose to be the one that is going to be there for you through your hard times because it feels like that is the right thing to do. I also do this because I want you to know that I care and I want you to give me that same thing back. But do you think a large percentage of the people I give love to give love back?… The do. But that’s besides the point.
The point I’m trying to make is, you can give love to as many people as you choose; ultimately it’s your choice. But never forget that person also has a choice in whether they want to reciprocate that love or not. I know when we fall in love or we have friends we think we’re close too we become vulnerable, because we open ourselves’ up to them. Many times allowing ourselves’ to be used in the process, because we’re trying to be there in anyway we can out of love and respect for them. The problems start to arise when we think that person cares just as deeply for us as we care for them. Then we later find out for them the bond wasn’t that deep.
What many people fail to realize is, people are going to use you if you let them. That is why you always have to reevaluate connections. It’s sad you have to do this, but it’s completely necessary. This is the only way you can save yourself from being used. Give them the same energy they’re giving you. Also if that person is more instrumental in your down fall than your success LET THEM GO!!!! Stop trying to hold on! There is nothing there for you. Life will be a lot better without their negative cloud hovering over you.
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I feel a little bit better today. Not much has changed but the way I feel. I don’t feel as irritated and angry. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me. I’ve realized it’s good to hold your true emotions back sometime.
Well any, there is so much to be grateful for. Sometimes the ways of the world get in the way. You don’t realize how blessed you are because you have something in your life blocking you form that realization. That was me yesterday. I just felt inconvenienced and wanted to shut myself off from the world. I have to admit though, that is me on an everyday basis. Not because I don’t like people, mainly because I want to protect my energy.
People that I’ve grown up with and even my mother thinks I’m a little too sensitive because I take on other people’s problems as my own. I’m sorry! I don’t know how else to be. I’ve always internalized all problems, even if they weren’t mine. I understand that is something I need to work on. That is one of the main reasons I can’t be around certain people; because they will drain me of my energy. Whether you realize it or not it takes a lot of energy to really care about the next person’s problems.
At times I felt that I was an emotional dumping ground. That’s why I’m trying to prepare myself for when I move in with my mom. I know that I’m not going to be able to be home too often because she likes to invite people over; then wants me to come out and greet those people. She just doesn’t understand how uncomfortable that is for me.
Some times I get into moods where I don’t want to talk to anyone. When I’m around her, I have to talk to the people around her; if I don’t, I feel regretful of not saying anything to the other person, because I’m stuck thinking about the way I made them feel because I didn’t acknowledge them.
To be honest it’s a viscous cycle. That’s one of the main reasons I’m a person that like to stay to myself. The only time you’ll see me around other people is when I have to be or when it’s people I know really well and I consider them my friend. Not that I don’t have times when I can talk to complete strangers, because I can also do that; and have lovely conversations with them. I just believe over time I’ve allowed my shyness to dictate the way I live my life.
I have tried working on that, and I’m gonna to continue to work on that. The bad thing about being shy is never feeling free enough to do what you feel, and it’s not good in business either. That is another reason I need to work on getting passed this stage.
Do you know anyone who has this problem? And if that person is you, how are you helping yourself through this process?
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As always hope your day is going the way you intended.
Question of the day: Family putting pressure on you to get married and have kids?
This is something many women and men have gone through at some point in their life. I’m having to deal with that question being asked more frequently because I’m in my late 30’s. Some people may not understand how invasive that one question can be. Truth is, you don’t know what kind of issues that man or woman could be going through in attempts to be considered normal a.k.a fertile.
Just to think back; once I was at a past job and a guy asked me my age, at that time I was 27. The next question immediately was; “Do you have any kids?” When I said “No” he looked at me as if there was something wrong with me. To be honest it pissed me off, because here you are , you don’t know me from a can of paint but you want to get all in my ovaries and find out what’s going on down there before you have the chance to get to know the person.
Sometimes it’s not easy to get pregnant. Just because a person has a little difficulty conceiving doesn’t mean they are less than a woman or man. I never got that, so many of us believe that we aren’t a real man or woman because we’ve had problems with conceiving children.
To be straight up with you, life is too short to sit up here and be concerned with things you can’t change. I understand that not being able to get what you feel you want or need is a bummer, but there is way too much life to live to focus on the things you have little to no control over. That’s why it’s important to always look on the bright side. You’re more likely to grow in the right healthy direction if you do.
I never know quite how to start out these posts. All I know is I have something I want to say….
I was a little amped this morning. Maybe it had something to do with me finally going to the gym. Well anyway, I was just thinking how I want life to be for me in the next couple of years There are so many things I want to change. First of all, I want to roll out of bed and already be at work. Working for myself is the goal. Like I have said before, time and time again.
I’m working towards the goal I have set forth for myself. I’m sure it’s going to be a fun journey learning everything it entails being an entrepreneur.
For many years I never pursued being the leader of my own company, because honestly I was to concerned about finding love. Well as I’ve said before, that time has passed. It’s now time for me to put myself first, learn me before I decide to give all my time and energy to someone else.
A lot of times we don’t realize this, but as women we have been brought up thinking that family and a husband is the thing to have; and if you don’t have that by a certain age you have failed.
That is a flawed way of thinking.
Thinking and believing that being someone’s other half is your life’s purpose leaves you vulnerable to all the time wasters and f*ck boys/f*ckgirls. What ends up happening is you start to question yourself (Well I know I did). You start thinking and believing that you aren’t good enough because most of these time wasters want to do just that; waste your time. But you as a woman have to be mindful of how much of your time you’re wasting on these people who aren’t looking for the same things you are. If you’re not careful, you could easily loose your chance to have children, following behind someone who wants to play house but doesn’t want the responsibilities that come with it.
I started thinking long ago… “Do I really want to be married just for the sake of saying I have a husband?” I thought and thought about it for a long time. I actually had someone I wanted and thought I was going to marry; but the longer we stayed together the more it became clear to me that, that was something that was never going to happen.
You see, a lot of us look at these social media posts, the families, kids, husbands, big promotions, lavish gifts; and jealousy starts to stir in our spirit. The next time that happens, I just want you to think, ” What did they have to do to get (him, her or it). Keep in mind, ” All that glitters isn’t gold. You don’t know what is going on behind closed doors or what that person had to do to get that promotion or that huge house.
It’s a sad reality, but many times people forget to live for themselves, because they’re too busy try to live for everyone else. So if there’s anything you take from this post, I would love for it to be ” Live everyday as your last. Without any inhibitions or doubt that the way you choose to live is wrong; because there is no right way,
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Ah, this time of year. It’s one where you should enjoy time with loved ones and celebrate having one other. Many of us loose sight of the real meaning of this beautiful holiday. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the holiday where you get what ever you’ve been asking for, all year. It’s the time of year to give thanks for the things you have and the people that are still here who you’re able to spend this special time with.
I understand we get so wrapped up (pun intended) in getting the perfect gift or feeling guilty because we’re not able to spending a lot of money on our loved ones’. But, the amount given should never be the focus of the giving. The focus should be the thought and love that you put into deciding on the perfect thing for them. A lot of people probably think that’s straight up B.S., because that’s not the way a lot of us living during these times think; but it’s the way we need to start thinking.
Have you ever took notice of people who have plenty money and seem to have the perfect life? Those people who are use to having money don’t worry about the dollar amount of a gift. The gift many times is from the heart, and something personal that shows how much they care and know the person. So this holiday try giving with your heart and not your wallet.
I lost the 3 to 4 lbs. I gained last week, Thank God!!! That’s one less thing I have to worry about. But the gaining of the weight really seems to happen to women more commonly; probably because we are the ones that are suppose to carry the children. So our bodies seem to always be ready and willing to carry some extra unwanted weight.
Week 2 and I’m happy I decided to document this weight loss. By keeping track of it, it helps me to stay on track. I know it’s not going to be easy to continue to lose, but I’m going to keep on trying. Like I stated in one of my last posts It Begins!!! I know we all go through times in our lives when we have wanted to lose or gain weight and we also have times when wanting to make that happen becomes more than a thought and you realize you’re finally ready to do something about it. That time is now for me.
Getting older and realizing how the body changes for the worst when not properly cared for, makes you come to know that something has to be done if you want to have better days than you previously had, I definitely do. So this is something that has become mandatory, not just for me but for the ones I love. I’m hoping one day I can take what I’m learning about health and help others in my family and some of those that are close to me with they’re eating and activity habits.
I know better than most what happens that makes you lethargic and immobile. When you’re a child that wasn’t so much the case because you use to be able to go and play with friends for hours until the street lights came on. Now days, children don’t know anything about going outside and making up games and playing with friends, because they have or are use to playing their electronical games. The activity levels are even higher when you have siblings, because you always have someone to aggravate or get aggravated by (lol) . The point is, when we grow up all that activity stops because life starts to happen; this can be in the form of children, financial hardship, stress, you name it, it happens. That’s why I think if we focused a little less on worldly things and more on ourselves and the people around us, life would be a lot more fulfilling. You would feel there is more of a purpose to life than working to pay bills and killing yourself to make as much money as you can, while you can.
I’m just now, starting to really understand how much importance this world has placed on money and appearances. The funny thing is, the media uses the people that are out of shape and may not look the best, to make those who do look the way we dream of looking; to make us feel like we could always be better. If you want to be better, there’s nothing wrong with that; just make sure it was your decision and not something you decided to do because of the media. Love you, regardless of what others think or feel about you. FYI, most times they don’t know you, and the other half of the time, if they do, their thoughts of you are never as bad as you think they are. But if they are, chances are that person is a hater and you have something going for you that they wish they had.
I’m coming to you today about a topic that shouldn’t even be a thing; Mothers being jealous of their children. What is that?! I thought parents are suppose to want to see their children do well. What is this jealousy that some parents harbor towards their children?
What brings me to this subject is something that happened recently. I can’t really speak on the details. But, imagine you’re living your best life, and all of that gets taken away because you have people around you that want to see you fail.
Constantly things go wrong for people because they decide to listen to what other people tell them. Sometimes it’s good to get feedback. But if it’s the type of feed back that could alter your life in a negative way, you should take time to reflect, what is really going to be the best thing for you and all parties involved. Always remember, people only know what you show them. That’s why it’s key to never let certain people know everything, because the way they choose to handle it is not always going to be the way you would. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but the only one that counts are from those that are involved in that situation. Stop allowing other peoples’ voice to over shadow your own. Sometime their only speaking up to get what you got. Like they say “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. In some cases, your friends can turn out to be worse than your enemies, you just haven’t realized it yet. That’s why you have to be selective on who you choose to let in your circle.
Many people don’t recognize sabotage when it’s place in front of them. Especially if that sabotage is coming from a family member or (friend). It’s common for someone to believe as long as you got family, you have nothing to worry about. Truth be told, you have to worry about family messing you over, long before you have to worry about a friend doing so. It wasn’t like that when I was growing up. Your mother was your mother and she loved you with all of her heart, and would never want to do anything to intentionally hurt you, because hurting you would be like hurting herself. As for cousins, aunties, uncles, and siblings this was also true for them, because a lot of us believed there was no deeper bond than blood. These days those values aren’t instilled in families. Many children today, don’t learn this concept. They may have been told to watch out for each other, but children are going to do what you do, not what you say do.
There are too many parents that are the “Do as I say, not as I do” type parent. That may be why we have so many young people out here that value things over actual family and human connection, it’s sad when you think about it. There are so many people who would cherish a car or piece of clothing because of the designer attached to the label, but be quick to throw away something that was passed down through the family for generation to generation.
They say, “Money is the root of all evil”. I refuse to believe that, because God gave us free will. If money is the root to you mistreating, hurting others, and just being an over all bad person; it’s because that’s who you were long before you had the money. Money just amplified the type of person you already are.
So, if you know a person that was mean before they had money, most likely they’re going to be mean once they have the money. There’s no difference, the vision of what kind of person they are becomes clearer. Especially since money, in most cases always that person to act like the ass they always were, without any kind of consequence.
As for the parents that are jealous of their children,…. GROW UP! Stop trying to blame your kids because your life didn’t end up they way you wanted it too. In no way is that their fault. If you got pregnant young, it’s nobodies fault but your own. You laid up there and got pregnant. In most cases no one put a gun up to your head and said, “Spread your legs, and have this baby!” You chose to do so. So the next time you have an ill thought towards your child because you feel like they messed up your life; know that it was you who did it to yourself.
Please leave a comment stating if you have ever run into this type of parent.
I would love to hear what you have to say. As always I love you all, and……….