Short stories

Sugar Coated S***

What’s up Everyone?

 

Like you, I have stressors in life. Work is one of them. That’s why I don’t love my job. I’ve been working with child for close to 10 years now. Like I always say I love working with the baby’s, it’s the adults I have a problem with. Working with adults becomes my problem because I always feel like a disagreement is going to turn into something more than a that. So I bite the bullet and just suffer in silence.

At first it didn’t get to me as much, but over time it is starting to really piss me off . I try to take the high road but people believe because I don’t disagree or have anything negative to say that I’m a dimwit. That is far from the truth honey. I keep my mouth closed and my feelings bottled up, because I know if I was to say what was really on my mind some feelings would be hurt. Instead of me hurting someone else’s feeling mine get hurt, because through all the pain I’ve learned not to let others see my pain unless I allow them too. 

Poop Shit GIF - Poop Shit Fail - Discover & Share GIFsOver the years I’ve gotten so good at not expressing myself that sometimes it’s hard too. That’s why I believe it’s high time for me to see someone regarding my mental health. My mother always wants me to tell her my problems. I’m sure you already know why that is a “No go”.

I really believe speaking to someone about the things I’ve experienced, and the thoughts and feelings I have is going to be a great change of pace. It might be the very thing I need. I know there’s a stigma behind talking to someone regarding your feelings and mental stability. But we all need to talk to someone every now and again. 

I have yet to experience it, but it feels good to know soon I’ll be in the company of someone who has a passion for listening and helping others with their problems. Too many times I’ve tried to talk to the people around me, and they’ve either cut me off to talk about something that interests them or they use everything I say as ammo or to benefit themselves. 

So this will be a really great change in pace. Maybe This will help with my anxiety, feelings of depression, my self image, and my possible ADHD. 

We all go through things. What counts is how you rise above every heart break, all the physical, mental, and emotional abuse and how you choose to live life after experiencing these things.  Don’t get it twisted even the strongest of us needs some counsel. So don’t believe speaking to someone makes you weak because it doesn’t.

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As Always 

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Short stories

Friend or Foe?

Have you ever been that person who completely immerses yourself into what other people want?

 

That was me. I always was making myself uncomfortable for other people. Partly because I thought no one would want to be around me if they knew how I really felt. I would push down my feelings constantly for fear of hurting someone else. I still do this, I just don’t engage in the behavior on a regular anymore. Partly because I’ve realized I wasn’t living for myself, if I constantly did what everyone else wanted or thought I should do.

The true problem comes in to play when other people think you should conform to what they think is best. What happens with that is when someone else is coming up with a solution, many times they’re going to come up with the solution that best fits their needs. Many times if you’re a caring and compassionate person you often times think how is this thing going to affect us all, not so much how can I get what I want from this person without even caring about their overall situation.

For example: Let’s say you had a friend or family member who came to you asking you to sign for a car. You don’t have to pay for it but they want to use your information to obtain it. Then when you tell them or make it plan you’re not going to do it, they cut you off and pretty much blame you for not getting said car. 

See the problem is I’ve given these people the feeling that they have dominion over me and THEY DO NOT! This is the life I have to live and the choices I have to make. If I had someone who said NO to me for something I asked for I would be a little upset but I wouldn’t stop talking to them because of it. But I guess that is just me. It took a very long time for me to get to this point. Before people would ask me to do things and I would do them and pay the consequences later. When these things were going on, do you think the ones who got me into these situations tried helping me to get out of the trouble I got in? No! When ever I went through something I had to get myself out of it or call my family to help me out.

Don’t miss understand what I’m saying, I have friends I know would have my back and then there are others I thought were there for me  but were only there to see me fall and to take from me in the process. Some people are only friends when they reap benefits from being associated with you. 

There are some people I knew weren’t going to be loyal, but I still gave them the chance to show me a different face and they failed. On another note, I’m going to try to move past this and concentrate on the many things I’m sure will be coming my way in the future.

Had to vent. Hope you did not mind. eliminate 

 

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As Always

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · health · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Thoughts

Live Free

Something I’m starting to realize as I get older:

I DONT NEED A MAN!!!

I’m sure a lot of you may be thinking, “Duh!” But for a long time, I thought I needed someone to complete me. I always thought I wasn’t enough. This thinking held me back from a lot of things. But, you live and you learn. Going through relationship after relationship, has taught me; you have to be happy with you first, before you can expect anyone else to be. Self love is the key component to living. I mean, I’ve always known that. But to actually come into an awakening, knowing everything will be just fine; I don’t need anyone else but me. Is a true blessing.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point, but I’m happy to say that I’ve finally made it. Some people never make it to this point. So my plan to progress through this journey is to, let go and be free, because I’ve always been somewhat controlled; after all, that is the way I was taught to be. But I’m gonna be out here getting my bag, just like everyone else. Who wants to work a 9 to 5?…. Go ahead I’ll wait….

NO ONE!!!!

That’s who. I’m starting to feel 2020 is going to be my year. But if it isn’t, I’m gonna find a way to make it so. I’m learning new things about myself everyday. For instance; I love not having to answer to anyone. That’s something I’ve always done in past relationships. Don’t get it twisted, I’m with someone, but it’s complicated. For the past month to month and a half, I’ve been doing me without having to answer to anyone and it feels good. Another thing, I’ve been able to be selfish. Something I’ve never been able to do before. I’ve always cared more about the person I’m with happiness than my own. I know… that’s an issue; I’m working on it. Also, I’m starting to see my true nature starting to shine through. I’m a hustler baby!!! Who would have known?

My Mother.

It fills me with joy, knowing I’m capable of handling my own business. Even though sometimes I might not want to; I know I have to. Ladies and gentlemen; know you can’t hide behind someone forever. If you’re not use to doing things for yourself, you need to get use to it. You never want to be in a situation were you’re afraid to leave because the thought of going out into the world scares the s*** out of you; that’s no way to be. Trust me I know. For years I hid behind friends, family, and boyfriends because the thought of meeting knew people scared the crap out of me. Not because I had an actual fear of people; but for the mere fact of, when I meet new people I have the tendency to play out the future interaction in my head. Just thinking there is a chance the person won’t like me or want to know me, has always put me on edge. But I’m learning and starting to except more and more everyday (as you should too); what other people think of me is not my concern. The only person’s opinion who matters is my own. I think if we all started to use that as our motto, we would be better off.

Through this platform, I hope to help those who are having a hard time excepting themselves. If you feel what I’m saying or know someone who can relate, please share this post with them. It might just make what they’re going through a little bit easier.

If Fear Runs Your LIFE Are You Really Living?

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As Always, I love and thank you all for the love and support!!!

empowering · Experiences · motivational · Venting

LIFE

Have you ever experienced a point in life where you felt stuck?

I’ve been feeling like this ever since February 20th, 2019 (the day I lost my job of 15yrs). Truthfully, it’s been longer than that. I thought it was going to be something easy to get over, but it hasn’t been. I have a job now, I’m grateful for it. The only problem is I know I could have been doing so much better if I would have followed my own drum instead of the beat of someone else’s.

When I think about it, I realize most of the choices I made in life have been what other people wanted for me. There aren’t that many things that I’ve decided on in my own. I guess I’m scared of being the one to blame when things don’t go well. I’ve realized in life you’re always going to have choices. I should be looking at it as a good thing, because it means life always has an opportunity to change for the better.

You see, so many times we go through things and concentrate on the negativity of the change or the lose, instead of focusing on how the change is going to benefit us or the people around us. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Slowly but surely I’ve observed how this change was good for me. For one, I’m way more focused on what I want. I’ve been able to post more regularly, I’ve published a book, spoken at an open mic night, soon will be starting a podcast, started a YouTube channel, and in a couple weeks I’ll be going back to college. I have to say God blessed me when he removed me from that place. At the time I didn’t see it. But little by little I can see his plan unfolding and I’m so grateful for this opportunity to live life again.

I know you all my not understand the emotion behind my words and feelings. But just to let you know where I’m coming from; I use to be someone who had no direction! I had a dog of a boyfriend from 19 to 28 he treated me like I was less than dirt on the bottom of a shoe. He constantly lied, cheated, stole from me, put me down in always imaginable, and disappeared sometimes for months at a time. Then to couple that with a step-father who insulted me, demeaned me any chance he got, and cheated on my mother constantly. That isn’t even the half of it. To be honest I could write a whole novel on my negative interactions with men including my sperm donor. I just don’t feel the need to, not yet anyway.

I have to say I’m grateful, even though sometimes I can’t tell if things are improving. One thing I know; they’re not staying the same.

So if you’re like me and life has brought you 180 you need to continue on that path and know most change is for your good. Even if it seems a little or a lot uncomfortable. For the things we really want in life we are always going to have to experience some discomfort in order to appreciate it when something good comes along.

 

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