Over the past week things have been hittin differently. I’m not sure if it was the car accident or my baby of 15 years passing or my car clunking out on me, that has me thinking of things a little different. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had a mindset of working for myself. But this is the first time I’m choosing to act on it.
For years I’ve tried things, hoping that it would be my ticket out of Monotony Ville. To no avail I’m still where I started from; to be honest even lower. Reason being, I’ve allowed life to happen to me and not for me.
What that means is, I haven’t taken planned disciplined action towards goals I wanted and still want to accomplish. That was my first major mistake. In doing that I did myself a diservice.
I knew what it would take for me to make it. I just didn’t exercise what I knew. This was mainly because I wanted to find a faster way to make it. As a result of trying and failing to find a quicker way to make money, I lost way more then I’ve gained.
The plan is to now apply what I’ve learned and turn my negatives ( inconsistencies) to the life I’ve been dreaming of. The true goal is to keep one target in mind and hit it. I can’t tell you how many quote unquote “great ideas” I’ve had. But because of inconsistency I never saw them through. Because I was looking for the financial reward before putting in the work needed to receive it.
If you’re like me-looking for a quick way to obtain financial freedom. Please slow down. Learn how to focus on one goal at a time. I find that is a better way to set and achieve your goals.
Forgive me. I know that was a little cheesy. But I work in a school. What do you expect?
Well something that crosses my mind often is freedom. Freedom to be who you are, do what you want to do, go where you want to go.
I’m sure this is a major concern of mine, because everything I do I have to answer to someone. To be honest, I’m tired of it!
There have been many days I just want to go walk away from everything that isn’t making me happy.
Recently, I spoke to my therapist and she asked; “Why are you so concerned with making lots of money?” I told her; “The way I see it, money equates to freedom.”
For a long time I knew I wanted to be wealthy, but I was never clear on the Why. Now I understand why. This may not always be the answer others give. But freedom is definitely my why.
If you find yourself struggling with bouts of depression and they’re because of your current position, try finding and focusing on that thing that puts a spring in your step. For me that is financial freedom. That may not be what makes you happy and that is okay. We are all different.
Why is it when you style is comfort people believe you have no money for clothes. It seems if you dress comfortably and for the job, you are looked down upon because you choose not to wear your Sunday’s best to work?
Especially with what I do. I work with Pre-k. As most of us know they can be a bit messy. Not to mention having to changing poopy diapers or clothes because the baby had an accident. In my mind there’s just NO reason to wear nice clothes at this point.
If you disagree please leave a comment. Also what should I tell the people who believe I need a hand out because of the way I dress?
Just to give you a little insight: I usually wear loose fitting jeans or pants, work shirts, or a loose fitting shirt. I wear loose fitting clothes so I can move around with the babies. It would be uncomfortable if I had to wear a fitted shirt and paints and do as much movement as I’m required to do.
Also if you can relate I would love to hear some of your stories. So please drop them in the comment section.
If you are one of the lucky ones like myself and are allowed frequent paid breaks from your job; I hope you’re enjoying this free time with every fiber of your being.
As for me, I want to enjoy myself. I just don’t know how.
Question: What childhood behavior or fear followed you to adulthood?
I’m not so sure I’ve written about this in depth, but I know I’ve written about it before.
Some may already know I have many fears. But the one I’ve developed from childhood is fear of authority figures ( especially men).
All though I’m grown and I have no one around me wanting to hurt me; it’s still a fear that lives in the back of my mind.
During this break all kinds of things have been going through my mind. Some good, some not so good. One thing’s for sure, I’m becoming more unmotivated as the days pass.
I’m sure this is happening because I’m back home. Don’t get me wrong I love being back home. I just hate the comfortability it gives me being here. It makes it hard to want to accomplish anything because I am provided the things I had to work so hard for, while I wasn’t here. I know that motivation should still be there. I have to be honest; it’s dwindling.
I know she loves me and wants me to stay a baby forever. But this struggle of being an adult with unresolved issues and childhood traumas and fears, are the things I hide behind when it comes to trying something new and exciting.
The Turn Around
After spending so many years living in my past I’m going to approach this coming year differently. Instead of holding on to past hurts and traumas I’m going to find new and creative ways to let them go.
A long time ago I realized I remain stagnant because I constantly listen to my own opinions, also the person I hang around the most is myself. How am I really suppose to change if I won’t allow new experiences to happen because I’m afraid of the possible outcome?
This is gonna be a real struggle, but it’s definitely something that needs to happen. I can’t have my inner world be richer and more vivid than my actual reality. I’m not going for it. I need and will only tolerate the type of life I would accept in my wildest dreams.
This is something I’ve been feeling for a long while, but have only had the courage to say up until recently.
I bring up courage because it takes courage to change and admit to yourself you live in the hurt because that’s what you know. Not only that it’s what you’ve become accustom and started to crave. This happens when hurt is what you’ve experienced the most. Over time you begin to crave it because it’s all you know.
Please keep in mind, hurt may have been what you’ve experienced and know better than happiness; but it doesn’t have to be. You can take that power back. Make life into what you believe it should be for you, at any point.
Never forget: How you choose to live is a mindset that can be changed at anytime. It’s like have a chest of treasure with a thousand keys. You know one fits, but you have to try them all till you find the one that fits.
That’s pretty much how life works. You have to go through life trying different (keys) until you find the one that unlocks the key to your treasure (happiness).
I hope you found something you can take away from this post.
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I know I’ve been M.I.A for a good while now. That was do in part to my health. But as the days pass I’m feeling better.
Well let’s get to the blog; shall we?
I’m sure this isn’t the first time I’ve written about it or you’ve read something else from someone else regarding the same topic. But, I want to give you my viewpoint.
We always want someone who’s gonna do for us what the next person won’t.
But….. have you ever thought of it from the viewpoint of; “I’m that person who won’t do those things for myself?”
We hear it over and over again about self worth. How we’re not suppose to allow someone to come in and take up space if they have no respect for us. But we never think of; Why does it happen in the first place?”
Many of us allow these time wasters and cum critters to waste our time because we weren’t taught from young how to spot and what to do when they come your way. That’s why you have so many Good women and men out here marrying and wasting decades with ain’t s*** people.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned; If you can’t have a great time by yourself, how the hell are you supposed to have fun with somebody else?!
So many of us are looking for another person to save us. Many of us go whole life times expecting to find that one person who’s going to take us away from all the sad, upset, confusing things or people that are our life. Not realizing we are who we’re looking for.
See, one of the saddest things to learn when you’ve lived all your days and still haven’t found happiness is;
You are your own hero. You had the power to change your reality all along.
So to those who don’t believe happiness begins with self worth and discovery. Please reevaluate your values and morals.
I’m really just trying to save those of us out here who have the mindset of, “If he/she leaves me, what kind of life will I have without them?”
There are people everyday taking their own life or someone else’s because the person they chose made a different choice and decided to be with someone else.
I understand love makes us do some crazy things while we’re in it. That’s why the best person for you to fall for first and always is YOU. One thing’s for sure, you’re never leaving YOU.
Might be a little corny but as long as you keep this in mind breakups will be way easier. “Self Worth Makes the Dream Work”.
Remembering that and really practicing it will put people on high alert as to how to handle you. What that means is; once people realize you’re good with them in or out of your life, they’ll either straighten up real quick or exit stage left. Keep in mind no love lost. It’s just you have found your voice and realized your worth; and you’ve realized you’re not down for the Tom Foolery anymore.
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It may sound a little corny for me to always start my posts with this. But I have to greet you all. It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.
I never want my blogs to be something you read just to pass time. I want them to always be something you can relate too. So here we go.
Recently I have changed my view on food in the most drastic way. For years I’ve struggled with eating healthier. It would usually only last for a couple of months.
What’s different about this time is; I feel like I’m fighting for my life.
As I said before I’ve always been interested in being fit.I just never cared enough to put in the work. Well times are changing and I realize now there is no other choice but to be fit and active.
This especially rings the truest now, because I’ve started to wake up to the fact I won’t be here forever. I’m sorry if that puts a bad taste in your mouth; but it’s true (I say this just incase you’re thinking your life expectancy).
For years I’ve hidden away from people. Secretly wanting to be noticed, but only for the good, never the bad. Also I was hiding from rejection and ever thing I could experience that would excite and scare me at the same time.
I’ve finally come to the realization that things are only as scary as you make them. The best way to over come that fear is to do it anyway. Think about the consequences later.
Many of us don’t realize this, but thinking is the thing that stops us from doing. I’m not saying thinking is a bad thing. But too much of it has the tendency to paralyze you, leaving you at a standstill. As a result Never accomplishing what you truly want out of life.
I hadn’t taken notice, but for a long time I’ve been caught up in the emotions of my past. I knew I had quite a few issues with the way I was brought up. But I never took inventory of my life. It wasn’t until I moved back home my “eyes” began to open and I started to see how I allowed past experiences to over power current encounters and situations.
So here’s to the future cause we got through the past.
If you need time to work on you. Take the time.
Also please take the time to look at life and really think on your current setup. Is this what you want or is it something else. If it is, the time to act is now.
If you’re not able to tell I’m extremely happy that we are about to start the weekend. The only problem is when the weekend ends and we have to report back to work on Monday.
The other bad thing is; the only time I feel inspired is when I’m at work. I guess it’s because there are so many other things I wish I could be doing while I’m there. Like you, there are things I tell myself I’m gonna do when I get off, but it just doesn’t happen. Once I get off I’m singing a different tune. I’m sure it’s because I have to be there and not because I want to be. Not saying I have a had job. It’s not hard at all. I just know I could be doing so much more with my time.
I have recently started engaging in selfcare. Something I never thought too much about until now. I love the things I’m starting to find out about myself. I found out my personality type and also that I am an empath a while ago. Now I’m doing Shadow Work. I’m sure some people may feel like this is a little unorthodox. Trust me, it’s only because of the name, because there’s nothing witchy about it. Truth be told, the only thing I really care about is if it’s going to help me find the pieces of me I lost as a child. I guess we’ll find out.
If you’re interested and want to know more about my journey back to me. Or you already know about Shadow Work and it’s helped you.
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How many people out here are living the life of your dreams?
I really want know if it’s possible. A part of me knows that it is possible. It’s just obstacles come up. Not like they’re big obstacles or anything. They are mainly emotions or fears we all have, that debilitate us to the point of never accomplishing our true GOD given gift.
What I’m praying to learn is how to go throughout life fearlessly accomplishing every goal I’ve ever had for myself.
If you’re someone like me who wants to live freely but don’t know how to, I would say the first step is to get out of your head and stop second guessing yourself.
Inclusion, make sure you’re living life regret free. It’s the best way to experience life (so I’ve heard).
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