empowering · Feelings · motivational · relationship · self-esteem

Should a woman fight over a man?

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This gets on my last nerves…. I never understood why some women think it’s their place to fight over a man. I could only understand fighting over someone  in the case of that person you’re fighting is trying to do something to harm your other half; but if they’re cheating that’s a ‘No Bueno’. There are women out here looking like fools fighting over men who clearly don’t want them. If you don’t see the signs, let me point some of them out for you.

Signs he doesn’t want your a** anymore

  1. He lets you walk in with out trying to stop you; when he knows he has someone else he just had sex with or plans to have sex with, in the facility.
  2. He hides nothing from you. You constantly find his phone unlocked with text messages, pictures, and calls from different people he has had sex with.
  3. He’s affectionate to the person he was creeping on you with out in public; because in actuality a part of him wants to get caught so he can be done with you.
  4. In the mist of a fight he sides with the other woman/man and helps them fight you.

There are so many more to add, but I think you get the point. What I’m trying to get people in situations like this to understand is: Love you more than you could ever love him, because at the end of the day your happiness is all that matters. If that happiness isn’t with him/her, so be it. Maybe you weren’t supposed to be with them in the first place. Know that love isn’t supposed to hurt and loving someone is supposed to build you up, never break you down. If that is happening in any relationship you have, you gotta to put on your big boy/ big girl draws and walk away from them and that situation. Think about it like this: A relationship is like a job. If it no longer serves you; why are you putting in your time and effort for something that you aren’t going to reap the benefits for? I understand emotion can make you do some crazy things, but you need to eventually take over and think logically. I get wanting to save your first true love. Me for instance, I feel as if I did everything knowingly possible to save my past relationship; but he just wasn’t into saving us like I was. That’s why it’s important to pay attention and watch a persons actions to find out if their intentions for you are the same as your intentions for them. Let them lead with action rather than words because it’s a whole lot easier to say “I love you”, “I only want you”, and  “I wanna marry you one day” rather putting in the work to show that you hold a special place in their heart and life.

I really hope this helps someone who might be on the fence about leaving a toxic relationship.

 Have you ever gone through a time in life when you thought it was okay to fight the accomplice and not your other half for what they did?

If so, how did you feel when it was all said and done?

Know you deserve better……

empowering · relationship · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts

F%#*BOY

To the women out there; Have you ever dated someone that makes you question why you’re with them in the first place?
I have, and it wasn’t pretty. I don’t know what made me think of this, but I was thinking about an ex today. That man wasn’t worth the time nor the effort I put into him. He was a F#%*boy if I ever saw one. Everything about him should have made me run the other way, but I didn’t. Something in me always allows me to give people chance after chance, regardless if I already know how they are. I’m always hoping they’ll change for the better. That was the case with him, I thought eventually he would want to do better by me. But that never happened. If anything things got worse. There was time after time I went through hell and back because of this man. Ask me “Why?” I still wouldn’t know til this day. At first I thought it was love, but the older I get the more I realize that it was anything but that. I think it was either because of the sex or because I didn’t want to be alone or maybe even a combination of the two. Either way that relationship or situationship, whatever you want to call it, didn’t serve me as much as it served him.

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I’m telling you, I was green (open/ too trusting). When I was younger I thought relationships were easy. I was sooo wrong. If I was being honest with myself, I could have prepared my self for the type of f%#&ery that was coming my way. But no, I didn’t do that, because I thought things were going to be easier for me because I knew what I didn’t want. I was wrong about that too. I was so wrong that I ended up dating the same type of man I didn’t want. Not for a couple of months or year. I dated that man for over EIGHT years close to NINE! We were together from the time I was 19 to 28. The one thing I can say is, he taught me a lot when it comes to being in a relationship. Because of him, I now know what I’m willing to put up with and what I have to walk away from. no-time-for-fuckboys-women-s-t-shirts-women-s-t-shirt

Now I can look back on my experience with him and understand that it was not suppose to be forever, even though I wanted it to be. Not because I loved him, but because I didn’t want to be alone. When I was younger, I never was the popular attractive girl. I was the friend of the popular attractive girls. I was cute, but not the type of girl guys wanted. At the time I thought that was a bad thing. Now that I’m older, it really doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’ve realized being attractive isn’t everything. Being smart trumps being attractive any day. If your persuasive, charming and smart, the world is your oyster, there’s almost nothing you can’t do.
If I had the chance to talk to my younger self, I would tell her, “Everything will work itself out. What is for you, is for you. No one can take that from you.” Knowing that would have stopped me from trying so hard to please those that could care less about pleasing me. It would have also saved me a lot of money. I can remember so many times this one ex in particular always hit me up for money. I thought I loved him, so I gave him money almost every time he asked for it. I don’t know why, but I always felt guilty if I couldn’t give him what he asked for. Over time my relationship with him turned into me giving and giving and giving, without getting anything back in return. I’ve realized now that people are going to treat you how you let them. At the time I didn’t have standards, that’s why he was able to use me the way that he did. If I’m honest with myself and you, I was his pay master. Like I said, I paid for almost everything he ever asked for. Looking back on it, it really pisses me off to think he took advantage of my kindness, low self-esteem and love for him. Like I said he was a f%#*boy if I ever say one!
I guess by putting my experiences out there, I’m hoping to save a lot of young girls and women from unnecessary heartache . If you have someone you’re with and you feel like they don’t appreciate you because they constantly cheat, begging for money, trying to pressure you into doing things that aren’t in your best interest, lie, disappear and any other bad thing I didn’t cover. Run as fast as you can!!! Just know that isn’t the last man that is going to come your way. You are going to find love, just give yourself time. Learn to love you first, so you know how he’s suppose to love you when he comes. There’s no rush, that right man will come when he’s suppose to. You don’t have to go looking for him because he will find you.

Be your own lover before you can be his

Photos Provided By: https://www.facebook.com/certifiedFckboy/, https://pollygolightly.com/2016/05/02/10-ways-to-spot-a-fuckboy-in-his-natural-habitat/https://pollygolightly.com/2016/05/02/10-ways-to-spot-a-fuckboy-in-his-natural-habitat/, http://sextingandthecity.com/blog/how-to-spot-a-fuckboy