I apologize for the inconsistencies. I’ve been trying to put myself on a schedule; still working on it. Also for the men who read my blog, I apologize in advance. I mean nothing personal. As always these blogs are a way to track my past present and future. Now that I’ve said that, lets get into the s**** and giggles.
First off, I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their much needed time off from work. I’m sure there are a lot of us out here who don’t feel that way. But let’s face it, we really did need a little bit of a breather. Who knew it was going to last this long though; not I.
Well let’s do the damn thing!!!
Well as most of you all who read my blogs know, I have an EX. I try not to let him be the center of my day; but damn; how can I not?! His ass is always home! I have to admit I’m a little relaxed right now. I needed something for the amount of hate I feel towards him.
I thought I could hang in there for a year I figured it was just a year and I could deal with the bulls*** until it was time to say “hasta la vesta!” But the closer it gets to the expiration of this lease, I’m becoming more and more bitter. The thing that bothers me the most is, “Who’s fault was this break up?” I’m sure a lot of you’ll probably say that it doesn’t always have to be someone’s fault. I know that’s true. But….. I’ve NEVER BEEN BROKEN UP WITH before! I guess that’s the thing that really through me for a loop. Every other time I’ve been the one to call it quits first.
Aside from that though, I knew this thing was coming to an end. There were so many signs. For one, we’re too much alike. Sometimes that can be a good thing; in this case it wasn’t. I have to be honest though; I’m happy in a weird way that this all will be over, soon.
If you know my pain and have gone through anything similar, please make sure to leave a comment below. It would be nice to know how you managed to get over the pain.
This love shit is so hard. I swear I thought my heart wasn’t wrapped up into this guy. To be honest I don’t think it’s my heart, it’s more because I don’t like change. I hate opening up to someone just to find out that they aren’t who they claimed to be. Now all that time and effort is wasted. I seem to always have this problem. I get with someone and disregard all the red flags before I got serious with them.
I’m not going to say that I won’t be able to go on because that would be a lie. I just wish we were able to work through our issues. But how can you work through something if both parties aren’t interested in making it work. It almost feels like he started these arguments with me because he wanted to find an out. If I would have never gone to him, he would have never let me know that he was done, and I would have still been thinking that he was just mad and didn’t want to talk.
I really truly believe that I’m going to save myself from this type of pain for a long time. I hate feeling this way. I feel like I did when me and my ex of 9yrs broke up. I knew with him I was in an emotionally abusive relationship; but in this one I had a clue but every time I seemed to think so he switched up and didn’t make it seem like it was what it was. But then again I’m a very sensitive person, so anything you say to me I’m going to take literally. Maybe he means it. But even if he doesn’t mean it, I’m going to find a way to survive on my own. I’m tired of going through this heartbreak every couple of years. For the time being I’m going to focus on me.
If you’ve ever had a time in life you wanted to give up; know this battle was only given to you because you can handle it. On the other side of that mountain of lose, depression, and doubt; you will find your purpose and through your purpose you will gain your reward(s).
Time after time we get into relationships and bare the most intimate vulnerable parts about ourselves’ because we believe we have found our other half; someone that gets you and you get them. We do this so much, and get our hearts broken over and over again in the process, that some of us stop loving and learn how to play the game of “Who’s gonna break who’s heart first?”. This is something we came up with to avoid the pain of a broken heart. The only draw back to this game is, actually loosing your other half because you’re trying to hurt them before they hurt you. Sometimes you come out on top. But what are you going to do when you find that one person who was absolutely perfect for you; and you messed everything up because you treated them just like every other person who really wasn’t there for you?
I know we all go through heartbreak. Some of us know how to move past it and keep loving and then there are others who’s hearts are so closed off that they don’t want to take the chance on love. These are the people who don’t want to take risks because they are afraid they’re going to loose and be heartbroken once again.
I understand being betrayed, lied to, and broken hearted can be a very painful thing. I remember the last time someone broke my heart; I was 27, there was this guy I dated for almost 9yrs. This wasn’t the first time he broke my heart, but I was determined to make it his last. He went out of the country and didn’t tell me he was leaving. Then showed up like everything was okay. But that wasn’t the thing that broke my heart; it was when he told me he had to leave because he found out one of the women he was with was pregnant. This woman was all the way in France; that’s what broke my me. Knowing that he was giving his self to other people and then coming back to me.
The purpose of this blog is for those of you who are dealing with someone who just isn’t giving you the type of effort you’re giving them. If that happens too often and they’re not willing to step up and do more, it’s time to go. There is to much life to be living to be sitting up with someone just because you’re afraid to be alone. Realize you don’t need them. You might just mess around and live your best life because you don’t have them there dragging you down because they’re financially, emotionally, or mentally messed up and putting their negative vibes on to you.
Please remember to love you first. If a person or situation isn’t good for you, learn to distance yourself from them or it. I’m not saying kick them out of your life; I’m only saying all that energy you’re putting into it or them; learn to put that same energy into yourself.