Short stories

When Will it End?

Disclaimer: Today’s topic I understand can be a little sensitive. So if you’re easily offended or the discussion of race offends you, you may want to leave now.

Good Morning Everyone,

 

I know the last week hasn’t been a pleasant one. There has been so much going on in the news with the George Floyd Killing. I didn’t watch the video. For someone like me who is very sensitive to others feelings and trauma; I physically couldn’t watch it.

When is it gonna STOP?! The killing for no reason, the harassing, bulling, taunting, lying.  I never understood why some won’t just let us live harmoniously in sync with one another.

To be honest I don’t think it will ever change. I’m glad that things aren’t as bad as they once were; but there’s still a lot of work that needs to be done. Theses men, women and children out here are loosing their lives’! The sad thing is; people only mourn them for a couple of days to a couple of weeks, then they’re forgotten. At least until there is another black man, woman, or child killed again for some stupid idiotic reason!

Many Black people say: “Why do we need White allies?”. We need allies from all ethnic groups, but we particularly need ones who are White because they’re the ones with universal respect. With there acknowledgement of prejudices happening against those of other ethnic backgrounds it could light a fire under those who feel our lives have no value.

There’s so much to say, but I fear the words escape me at the moment. So I’m just gonna tell you how I feel when going into ‘White spaces’. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a person who loves people, but love my people more. I believe everything about us is beautiful; from our many times coily hair, to the magical melanin in our skin, that can make us dark as night. I can go on and on about what I love about being Black.

Apologies are cold comfort in yogurt-shop racial profiling | The ...But with all the positives come negatives; the constant fear of being pulled over, or the uneasiness of having someone follow you around the store, believing you’re going to steal because of your skin color. These are things White people don’t have to worry about. There’s a s*** load more of things Whites don’t ever have to contemplate; all because they’re the “Right” color. Loosing their life because someone felt threatened by their tone.

The more the reality hits me of how unequal we are, the more it saddens me that the only thing that make me different is my color. It saddens me because there are a lot of people out here who while kill a Black person before they would ever think of harming an animal. Many times I’ve seen how others are so quick to standup for Animal Rights, but when it comes to Black People it’s like saying, ‘F*** YOU! You should be happy that I’m even letting you breathe right now! 

I just wonder if those bigoted Whites were to get treated as they treat us, how would they feel to loose a loved one because the officer felt “threatened”? What if they had to prepare they’re children to be extra nice and polite, all because they wanted to make sure they came home alive. Or they lost someone of their ethnicity every month; how would they feel? What if they didn’t have the privilege of doing whatever and saying whatever to whom ever?  Just a question, that deserves an answer. 

 I’ve already made this too long, so I’ll stop here.

My Father Could Have Been Killed By Police – STIR Journal
The heartbreaking thing is; this isn’t all the men, women, and children lost during a police encounter.

Photos Provided By: http://www.stirjournal.com/2016/04/22/my-father-could-have-been-killed-by-police/, https://youtu.be/SASUEbuCnzA

As Always

Experiences · Feelings · Poem · relationship · self-esteem

Letter To My Ex

We’d been together for years then. Me loving you, you not loving me.

I was too young to realize that was the name of the game. You did everything to show me what we had wasn’t real. But I didn’t want to believe I f***** up when I chose you.

I refused to believe what we had wasn’t meant to be. Even after all the mental abuse you inflicted upon me, I still loved you. Wanted so bad to give you the babies you said I would or could never have.

You see, at that time I didn’t realize God was setting me up for something better when he showed me I could have children; just not with you. I could have had your children, but he didn’t see it fit. I thank him for that. At the time I didn’t know what I was setting myself up for, but he did. I’m thankful for the things you taught me.

Even though at the time it hurt like hell to let you go. My first love; the one I gave my whole heart too. The same one who was a friend at times and in an instant was an enemy. Friend because you knew how to make me laugh. Many times I think that’s what held us together as long as it did. But we both know we weren’t suppose to be.

My heart was wide open. All I wanted was to be loved. Maybe because at the time I didn’t love myself. But I’ve learned, you can’t expect others to love you the way you deserve if you don’t know what that love looks like.

 After all these years, I can finally say I’ve found someone who loves me like I love them. Everyday I wake up I thank God he put this man in my life. I even thank him for you. You know why? Because him placing you in my path helped me to recognize the real thing when it came.

If you enjoyed this post, please LIKE, SHARE, and COMMENT.

Love you all!!!

empowering · Feelings · motivational · Quotes · Thoughts

Hurt People

Have you ever thought of some of the things you’ve gone through in this life? How did it make you feel to experience some of the situations you’ve gone through? Would you change any of the choices you made? Also do you sometime ask yourself; ” Why me?”

 

I have asked myself those questions time and time again. When I was younger I didn’t understand why it was necessary for me to go through so many things that caused me pain. Every time something happened to me I always wondered: “What was the reason for the hurt?” As you may imagine I had a lot of talks with God. Thinking that there was a reason he was allowing so many bad things to happen to me. It felt like he was either allowing my heart to get broken over and over because he wanted me to learn something from those situations or it was my choices that were causing me to get hurt; either way it was God teaching me something.

It’s funny how you get older and things that use to hurt to think about, don’t bother you as much as they once did. I think the reason for that is the constant things we go through allows us to see things in a different light. For instance, if you had or have someone in your life that is or was treating you bad; you learn that sometimes people do cruel things because you’re everything they want to be, or they’re unhappy with themselves. So naturally because life isn’t working in their favor, they try their hardest to rain on your parade, because like they say; hurt people hurt people.

There are so many people in this world that have gone through unimaginable things; many times because of another person. But many times this person is hurting someone else because that is all they know. Other times people hurt other people to make themselves feel better, because life isn’t going so well for them. When you have someone that wants to see you hurt, learn not to take it personal because there is something in them that is very broken that needs to be mended before they can ever be happy for you. Some people will find the bad when there is only good. I understand, because for a long time I would do the same thing. Not so much with other people, but when it pertained to me.

I couldn’t tell you how much I’ve gone through. I’m sure it’s not as much as others, but I’ve gone through things just the same. And I feel God gives you tests so you can appreciated your reward(s) when he presents it to you.

Like I’ve heard so many times before: ” With great suffering, comes great reward.

Photos Provided By: https://www.ortussolutions.com/blog/into-the-box-web-development-conference-we-need-your-feedback-and-well-reward-you-for-it, https://www.123rf.com/photo_34171406_rewards-word-in-colorful-stars-illustrating-a-reward-bonus-prize-enticement-or-incentive-for-good-pe.html

Informative · Thoughts

Piece to HER Puzzle

disrespect-quote-6-picture-quote-1I’ve noticed men only acting like men when they’re trying to hookup. What is that?! I thought men are suppose to act like men all the time. They want women to act like women all the time, then they need to take their own advice, and do the same. IF I hear another man complain about what the next woman has on I’m gonna scream! Ahhhh!!! It’s so annoying! Most of them want to be the boss but don’t want to pay the cost. There’ve been so many men who want their woman to do what they say, like she’s their child or something, but also wants her to pay her own way and split everything down the middle. I don’t know about you, but that’s something that doesn’t sit right with me. The only way you’re going to get me to listen and do what you say is if you’re taking care of me. But even then I’m going to be rebellious, because 1.) I’m not your child, 2.) I’m a grown ass woman, and 3.) I make my own money.
Men calling women out of their name is a definite pet peeve of mine. I don’t get it, why do you feel the need to disrespect a woman?! I’ve seen men call women b******, h*** and a whole lot of other things I’m not gonna mention. Most times because she’s out of his or their league or because she curved him. Whatever the case, it never gives you the right to say derogatory things about a woman, and that goes for women too. I just wish we could learn to build each other up rather than tearing each other down. Everyone deserves respect until they prove other wise, these days people don’t think like that. Most people believe you are only given the respect you earn. I’m sure that’s a large reason as to why we have so many disrespectful millennials. It seems like almost every person that I’ve met born after 1985 has a really s***** disposition. It almost feels like, this generation is a very self serving one, who puts themselves before anything or anyone. That characteristic could be looked at as something positive, but it could also be seen as something negative. Especially when it’s perceived that you can throw away a persons feelings and needs just to serve your own. Summed up in one word A**hole.

how-to-get-rid-of-your-boyfriends-wandering-eyeAnother thing, many women are put to the test constantly when they’re in relationships. Time after time love and respect are tested, when women are in relationships with the wrong man. So many times women stay because “I love him” or “He’s a good provider” or “He’s the father of my kids”. It doesn’t matter if that man beat her within an inch of her life or says so many hurtful things til her self-esteem is none existent. Point is There are so many excuses for a woman to stay. But men I ask you, “Do you want to be her excuse or the piece to her puzzle?” Some of you may think, you’re that piece. Well I have news for you Honey, if she’s always crying, sad or mad because of something you did, sorry you’re not. In order for you to become a piece to her puzzle you have to bring something other than heartache and pain to the table.
In closing, most women just want to be loved, protected, and respected (cheating is a form of disrespect). If you’re not ready to provide those three things let her know, and stay single until then.!!!Attention!!!

Photos Provided By: https://www.lovepanky.com/women/how-to-tips-and-guide-for-women/how-to-get-rid-of-your-boyfriends-wandering-eye,

empowering · relationship · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts

F%#*BOY

To the women out there; Have you ever dated someone that makes you question why you’re with them in the first place?
I have, and it wasn’t pretty. I don’t know what made me think of this, but I was thinking about an ex today. That man wasn’t worth the time nor the effort I put into him. He was a F#%*boy if I ever saw one. Everything about him should have made me run the other way, but I didn’t. Something in me always allows me to give people chance after chance, regardless if I already know how they are. I’m always hoping they’ll change for the better. That was the case with him, I thought eventually he would want to do better by me. But that never happened. If anything things got worse. There was time after time I went through hell and back because of this man. Ask me “Why?” I still wouldn’t know til this day. At first I thought it was love, but the older I get the more I realize that it was anything but that. I think it was either because of the sex or because I didn’t want to be alone or maybe even a combination of the two. Either way that relationship or situationship, whatever you want to call it, didn’t serve me as much as it served him.

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I’m telling you, I was green (open/ too trusting). When I was younger I thought relationships were easy. I was sooo wrong. If I was being honest with myself, I could have prepared my self for the type of f%#&ery that was coming my way. But no, I didn’t do that, because I thought things were going to be easier for me because I knew what I didn’t want. I was wrong about that too. I was so wrong that I ended up dating the same type of man I didn’t want. Not for a couple of months or year. I dated that man for over EIGHT years close to NINE! We were together from the time I was 19 to 28. The one thing I can say is, he taught me a lot when it comes to being in a relationship. Because of him, I now know what I’m willing to put up with and what I have to walk away from. no-time-for-fuckboys-women-s-t-shirts-women-s-t-shirt

Now I can look back on my experience with him and understand that it was not suppose to be forever, even though I wanted it to be. Not because I loved him, but because I didn’t want to be alone. When I was younger, I never was the popular attractive girl. I was the friend of the popular attractive girls. I was cute, but not the type of girl guys wanted. At the time I thought that was a bad thing. Now that I’m older, it really doesn’t matter to me anymore. I’ve realized being attractive isn’t everything. Being smart trumps being attractive any day. If your persuasive, charming and smart, the world is your oyster, there’s almost nothing you can’t do.
If I had the chance to talk to my younger self, I would tell her, “Everything will work itself out. What is for you, is for you. No one can take that from you.” Knowing that would have stopped me from trying so hard to please those that could care less about pleasing me. It would have also saved me a lot of money. I can remember so many times this one ex in particular always hit me up for money. I thought I loved him, so I gave him money almost every time he asked for it. I don’t know why, but I always felt guilty if I couldn’t give him what he asked for. Over time my relationship with him turned into me giving and giving and giving, without getting anything back in return. I’ve realized now that people are going to treat you how you let them. At the time I didn’t have standards, that’s why he was able to use me the way that he did. If I’m honest with myself and you, I was his pay master. Like I said, I paid for almost everything he ever asked for. Looking back on it, it really pisses me off to think he took advantage of my kindness, low self-esteem and love for him. Like I said he was a f%#*boy if I ever say one!
I guess by putting my experiences out there, I’m hoping to save a lot of young girls and women from unnecessary heartache . If you have someone you’re with and you feel like they don’t appreciate you because they constantly cheat, begging for money, trying to pressure you into doing things that aren’t in your best interest, lie, disappear and any other bad thing I didn’t cover. Run as fast as you can!!! Just know that isn’t the last man that is going to come your way. You are going to find love, just give yourself time. Learn to love you first, so you know how he’s suppose to love you when he comes. There’s no rush, that right man will come when he’s suppose to. You don’t have to go looking for him because he will find you.

Be your own lover before you can be his

Photos Provided By: https://www.facebook.com/certifiedFckboy/, https://pollygolightly.com/2016/05/02/10-ways-to-spot-a-fuckboy-in-his-natural-habitat/https://pollygolightly.com/2016/05/02/10-ways-to-spot-a-fuckboy-in-his-natural-habitat/, http://sextingandthecity.com/blog/how-to-spot-a-fuckboy

empowering · motivational · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts

Toxic Love

I saw something I thought didn’t happen as much with men as it does with women. That was men dealing with abusive women. I didn’t know abusive women were so wide spread. It seems men get abused almost as much as women. The unfair thing when it comes to the law is, they’re usually seen as the potential abuser if the police were to be called during an altercation. What a lot of people don’t understand is men aren’t protected under the same set of laws when it comes to something like that. It’s even worse when it involves people of different ethnic groups.

toxic love 3

Time after time things are done to men that aren’t looked at as abuse because in most cases, it’s a woman doing it to a man. For instance, if a woman out of anger slaps her husband or boyfriend across the head, it’s not seen as abuse. But if the tables were turned and a man did that to a woman it would be seen for what it is. It shouldn’t matter what gender the person is. What’s sad, we have been conditioned to think when a woman hits a man it’s comic relief some how. Beating on someone is never funny. I remember a couple of weeks ago I saw this clip on Facebook of a woman dumping food on her man’s head and also throwing objects at him, because he wanted to do something she didn’t agree with. I have to say, the way she handled that situation was childish. If you have a disagreement while in a relationship you are suppose to be adult enough to talk out your problems. Not throw a temper tantrum because you can’t get things your way. I have to admit though, when I was younger I engaged in that type of behavior. Believe me, I’m not proud of it but that was a chapter in my life that will never be repeated because I’ve learned if you feel the need to put your hands on someone your in a relationship with, that isn’t the person for you or you need help to resolve your issues. For me, I needed to get away from that person because he caused me to turn into something I no longer recognized.

Toxic love 4

In other cases with men dealing with abusive partners, they have to humble their selves immensely in order to keep the peace because they don’t know what might set their partner off. When you have to tiptoe around someone it’s never good or healthy. There’s no reason you should feel like you’re walking on eggshells when you’re with someone you love or are getting to know romantically. But a lot of men stay because they’ve been taught that a man is suppose to be able to take a hit. Not only that, a lot of times their ego has a lot to do with the reasons they stay. Reason being, most men don’t want to look soft in front of another man. So instead of being open about getting abused by their partner they’ll lie, try to make it seem like everything is okay, just so they can save face. But there’s a big problem with that way of thinking. You could get badly injured messing around with someone that has no concern for your wellbeing. But there’s something worse that could happen while with an abusive partner, doesn’t matter if it’s a male or female abuser. They could bring death upon you.

That’s something a lot of people in abusive relationships don’t keep in mind. All it takes is for the abuser to feel like you deserve to get hit or punched or sometimes hit by a car, what ever it is. Is it worth your life?! Do you love this person that much?! They hit you a little too hard or choked you just a little too long. Is it worth it?!

Toxic love2

I never understood people that could literally go to bed with someone that just beat them or choked them. Aren’t you afraid that you’ll go to sleep and never wake up? I’m sure people who deal with someone like that has to be fearful every minute of everyday. That is no way to live. You’re suppose to be happy and enjoying life, not being someone’s physical or emotional punching bag. Yes, there are emotional abusers too. Those are the people that dump on you to make themselves’ feel better. The point is, if the person doesn’t make you happy or makes you happy but you’re either fearful or sad most of the time, it’s time to let them go. This life is too short to deal with unnecessary pain and discomfort. Although you think you’ll never find anyone that makes you feel like they made you feel, press on! No matter how they make you feel when things are good, it doesn’t matter because they have a problem and need to get help. The sad thing is, as long as you continue to tolerate it, they’re going to keep pushing the limits because you continue to put up with it. In a lot of ways it’s like teaching a child what’s right and what’s wrong. You wouldn’t let your child get away with it, so don’t let them. Put them in their place and stand your ground. Don’t let fear trap you and make you stay with someone that doesn’t deserve you.

I’m sure you’re probably thinking, “Why does she care?” I care because someone really close to me went through years of abuse with almost every person they entered into a relationship with. I believe that’s another reason why I’m so sensitive to other peoples emotions. It was no fun watching someone you love and know deserves so much more, go through having their legs broken because they were thrown from a moving car or constantly having black eyes because their partner was having a bad day. There were countless things this individual went through. I don’t know how they did it, but I’m so thankful they did. Most people that go through hard times like this for years, sometimes decades, commit suicide. I’m so happy they saw the light before their was any, and realized they were worth so much more than any person in relationships with them ever made them feel.

To whomever reads this, I hope this post helps you in some way to acknowledge you deserve better. Man, woman whatever, everyone deserves happiness and someone that’s going to make them feel wanted, needed, loved, protected and safe. If you’re in a relationship and the person can’t offer that, there’s no need in wasting your time or energy.

Below are the links to the pictures. Also the first two websites listed are places that are dedicated to resolving this issue.

Photos Provided By: http://www.familyofmen.com/, https://equalitycanada.com/, 2.bp.blogspot.com/_pPyFslik5p8/TK3p3857wwI/AAAAAAAAAj4/rB3HsxvrqtQ/s400/327143-54317-58.jpg, buzznigeria.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/mean-black-woman-beating-her-black-husband-never-hit-a-woman-2015.jpg

health · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts

Broken Men

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   Am I the only one that believes the way some men handle their emotions needs to change? There is a stigma with men and not being able to express their self. I know plenty people think about men and the way their emotions are going to come out in the long run. But what about the wives and girlfriends of these men that keep their emotions bottled up? Speaking as someone that has been in this situation before, it’s not fun.

See the source image

 

          I understand it isn’t good for the man because it causes them to act out in other ways. For example: high blood pressure, depression, becoming abusive either verbally or physically, cheating, and the list grows. Men need to start expressing their self to people closest to them, so their family, friends or lover could know what’s going on with them. That is the hardest thing to deal with, having someone you want to share everything with and can’t because they have a wall up. There’s no way for that relationship to grow when you emotionally can’t be open with the person you supposedly love. So many things come from people not being able to express their self. I understand that it isn’t just men, but that’s who this post is directed towards.

A lot of these abusive relationships come from men that have been hurt and don’t know what to do with the pain. I’m sure a lot of us don’t think about that, but that’s what it is. There are so many things that could have played a role in the way a young man looks at the world and the people in it. I’ll give you a very real story that happened to someone close to me.

Jaylen was a little boy loving life. Living and enjoying being a little boy. Being that he was very young he hadn’t encountered anything or anyone who meant him harm. That was until his mother fell in love with a man she thought was the love of her life. This man seemed like the perfect gentlemen for the first couple of months to year. But what the mother didn’t know was this man was more interested in her son than he was in her. See the source image
Months went by, the mother continued to be blindly in love. Signs of sexual abuse constantly got dropped in her lap, but she paid little to no attention to them, not wanting to face reality and thinking to highly of the man and not trusting in her baby. Also not realizing this once little bubbly, energetic, ball of joy, changed. Do to what’s been happening to him, he had become depressed, angry and didn’t trust anyone. But by the time the mother figured it out, it was too late. The pain and anger had already set in. 

There are so many problems with this situation. For one, the mother saw the signs, but did nothing because she didn’t want to face reality. But the biggest problem was she didn’t offer her son anyway to heal from the pain. Most likely she didn’t know what to do to help him heal, she didn’t believe him, or she didn’t care. I’m sure many people are probably thinking “How could she not care that someone raped her little boy?!” or “How could she not believe him?!” It’s very possible.

But the problem is whatever the case was, you now have this very angry confused little boy who grows up to be this angry confused man. Who doesn’t know how to deal with his anger. So he goes out and hurts other people, because hurt people, hurt people. Or he suffers in silence because he feels so much pain that he doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems. Or the one I think rings most true; He’s too embarrassed and uncomfortable to admit the nightmares he experienced as a child, because he may feel it makes him appear less of a man.

stressed black man

We have to work on making our men feel like men, especially when they were put in situations they didn’t have the power to change. Let them know what they went through is not who they are. It’s something they went through, and over came. Also be there for them when they’re ready to open up about things that’s bothering them in their past, present or future. They will love you even more for that. And remember when he tells you something critical, you don’t have the right to tease him about it or bring it up in an argument, no matter how mad you get. That’s going to cause him to shut down and go further into depression.

In conclusion, therapy works wonders. If you have a problem and need someone to talk to and you either have the money or the insurance to do so, go see a therapist. Let them help you work your life out. Even if you don’t have money or insurance find someone you trust and that’s willing to listen, and pour your heart out. You don’t realize it now, but getting all that bad energy out helps you move forward in life. Your spouse will be extremely happy you did. Never feel like you have to hold things back from your therapist because in the end, your only hurting yourself.

 

Always Remember, Lead With Love!

 

 

Photos provided by: www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/man-sad-e1327286109478.jpghttps://c1.staticflickr.com/1/681/22055347934_006c2312cc_b.jpg, https://www.entertainmentmalawi.com/live-a-stress-free-life-you-wont-be-measured-by-what-you-don-have/