Short stories

Shadrieka

What’s up y’all?

I’m trying something NEW. Not sure how this is gonna work out, but I’m gonna give it a try. Recently I’ve decided to become more concerned with my health. I tried to do this over the years but for what ever reason it just wasn’t working out for me. I always ended up back sliding.

What has got me feeling like this is knowing that school will be open again VERY soon and the other this being tired of looking and feeling the way I do. I really just want to be happy with the way I look. It’s not like I’m ugly or anything, but I do need to work on getting in shape and clearing my skin.

Ever since we have been on this quarantine I’ve gotten comfortable with staying home. It’s not like I was really uncomfortable any way, because I’m an introverted Empath who thrives off of alone time. So it really was like a vacation to me. I didn’t have to worry about taking on anyone else’s emotions if I didn’t choose too. That was the most lovely part about this whole thing.

Now that I’ll be returning back to work I’ve been thinking of different ways I can cope with being around large groups of people. Thankfully I found The Empath’s Survival Guide. Reading this book is helping me to understand my emotions and actions at a deeper level. It’s also helping to correct my addictive behaviors. There’s also a whole section in there about ‘Food Empaths’; these are people like me, who eat to lesson the intensity of an emotion, whether it be yours or belongs to someone else.

Beginning this book along with not being emotionally attached to anyone  gives me the freedom and space to take care of me. This is truthfully the first time I’ve ever been truly unattached as far as entanglements and relationships go. At first I thought not having someone was going to be depressing, but it is the total opposite. I’ve realized I don’t want to be with anyone just to be with them. I want that type of love we see in the movies; that love that comes once in a blue moon (literally).

I know some feel my expectations are too high; but I have faith my perfect match is out there waiting on me. But first I have to experience me and come to know Shadrieka. You know, find out who she truly is, gain courage to stand in the forefront of my life and stop hiding behind everyone else and the decisions they believe are best for me. I’ve lived for others way to long. It’s time I become that free spirit I’ve always known myself to be.

Early Childhood

From the beginning I’ve always been a person who loves people. I can remember way before my mother met her now ex-husband I was a firecracker. I said whatever was on my mind. If I like someone I said it, if I didn’t I also said so. Then my mothers Ex-husband became my boogie man.

There was something about him I did not like. I told my mother this repeatedly. You think she listened to me? No! I remember sitting in the back seat behind him or behind my Mom, and when my Mother wasn’t looking he would always stare at me. At the time I didn’t know why he was staring at me, I only knew it made me feel really uncomfortable. At that time he wasn’t living with use. But little did I know he had a key to the house. So he would do little pop in visits.

As I got older he hung around more and more. I never told my Mom this, but I always used to sleep with a bra on; many times I would wake up and my bra would either be off completely, unhooked or half on. I always felt uneasy about that.

I’m sure you’re probably wondering why I never told her. Well.. I never told her because I know how my mother is about me; and the last thing I wanted to happen is my Mother going to jail on the count of doing something to him. Also I didn’t want to take the chance she wouldn’t believe me.

Through the years many things happened. I remember waking up with my arm on fire. I had no clue why my arm hurt so badly. Once I looked down I saw bite marks on my arm. These were deep bite marks that broke the skin.

I remember at the time I told her about it, she shrugged it off, saying I probably bit myself in my sleep. It could have been possible; but the teeth imprints were different from my own.

Well let me get back on subject. I know myself to be a free spirit, because I always want to do those things a normal person would not want to do. I believe I shied away from being this way because my spirit was broken down every step of the way. First by not having my father in my life. Then by having this man in my life who treated me like s***. This man in the largest way possible laid the foundation for what I came to except and expect from men as I grew up. Then when I got old enough to date I was introduced to a slew of frogs and toads.

I was indirectly made to believe I needed another half in order to be happy. But now that I’ve been in failed relationship after failed relationship, I see now there is NO need to be with someone if that someone isn’t your match. You’re better off being by yourself. Learn to love you and stop giving your love to those who DO NOT deserve it.

Enjoyed the blog? If so, make sure to Like, Comment & Share. I would love to see how or if hits home. Also this may help someone going through something. Letting them know there is always time to get it right.

As Always 

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Short stories

Freedom is a mindset

What’s up Everyone?!!

I hope you all are doing well. There have been somethings that are changing everyday. Recently I found out schools are supposed to be opening again very soon. This wasn’t a concern for me for a long while now. But knowing we will be starting school really soon is kind of giving me anxiety. Mainly because I suffer from Agoraphobia.

I try to be normal, but I’ve been suffering from this for a very long time. I developed it when I was younger, do too having a tyrant as a Step-Father. In order to avoid his stares and disrespectful language I would remain in my room for days; only coming out to eat or go to the bathroom. All though this house belongs to my mother, I always felt in order not to be picked on or hurt I had to fit into the space I was given (figuratively). Growing up feeling like I was a burden caused me to fold under conflict. I found myself bending to meet other peoples expectations of me because I had been indirectly taught to bend like the air.

It’s something you learn to do when you’re a child. I’ve seen people talk about this time and time again. I think the term for it is “People Pleasure”. You become this way because you’ve had to learn how to maneuver around other peoples emotions. Then because of your developed need to please  others you have begun to loose yourself.

You may not realize it at the time, but the more often you neglect your own needs to meet the needs of someone else you’re loosing a piece of yourself. Trust me, I know. I’m 37yrs old and I have never made a big decision without input from those closest to me. As  a result life has been ‘SAFE’. We all know what that means (boring). 

I’m in ‘No’ way blaming anyone for the choices I’ve made, because in actuality they’re my choices. Many times I’ve used other peoples advice to justify how I felt or what I should do. So that if anything out of the way happened the full blame wouldn’t be only on my shoulders. But it’s time I stand firm in my decisions and stick to every and anything I start. If I don’t I fear I won’t make it in this world.

The other thing is; When it comes to fear I have it by the boatload. I really want to change the way I approach things, because I fear without changing I will forever be afraid to actually live. 

I have people telling me everyday how talented I am. I know I’m blessed to have the gifts I have. I’m sure I would have made it a long time ago if I did what I said I was gonna do, not only with what I’m comfortable doing. Like it’s been said so many times before,

Nicoleetruong (nicoleetruong) on Pinterest

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As Always 

empowering · Experiences · Feelings

Stop Surviving, Start Living!!

What’s up Everyone?!

 

Everyday lived is a day filled with blessings. To see your blessings, sometime you have to slow down. I know it’s hard because we all want instant gratification. But have you ever heard the saying, “Good things come to those who wait”? I never really understood or believed that to be true, but the older I get the more it rings true.

All week I was thinking; “How am I going to survive the summer without work?” It brought me close to tears, because if I don’t work I don’t eat, let alone I won’t be able to pay my bills. It frustrated me so, because I’m trying to put all my effort and energy into this business I’m starting. I really don’t want to take away from that. But if I have to, it is what it is.

One thing I’ve realized during this pandemic is there are so many great huge things I want to do, and there’s no better time than the present. We constantly put off our dreams to survive. But what if we made a change and started dreaming to live. I get it may sound like a dead end, but life would be at least bearable then. At least for those of us who go to work to just pay bills.

I get I don’t think like the average person. For me there’s always a positive way to see things. Whether that be removing myself from that situation or building on it. If you allow yourself, you could see your way out of anything that isn’t serving you. The problem is; we allow the world to take our dreams, hold them captive and for some of us they never are released. Many of us remain prisoners of our society and never give another thought to that dream of doing something better and bigger than ourselves. All because of the road blocks that seem to appear every time we attempt to do something great. 

I have to say; I almost fell pry to it. I wanted to give up. Then I realized God wouldn’t have given me these visions of doing something bigger than myself if he didn’t want me to execute his plan. Most of all, what I’m doing now is causing me great happiness. Like I’ve said before; I know many of us don’t have the desire to have our own. Not because we don’t want it, but because of the workload that comes with having and owning your slice of the pie. Not saying laziness is the cause because it isn’t. It’s the life altering obligations some of us have that sometimes cause us to miss our mark.

Inconclusion, find that thing that brings you fulfillment. Whether that be having children, being a wife or owning a business; just live, stop surviving. 

 

 

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As Always

 

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · health · Short stories

Take life By the Gonads

Good morning!!!!

As always hope your day is going the way you intended.

Isolated Happy Family With Newborn Baby. Royalty Free Cliparts ...Question of the day: Family putting pressure on you to get married and have kids?

This is something many women and men have gone through at some point in their life. I’m having to deal with that question being asked more frequently because I’m in my late 30’s. Some people may not understand how invasive that one question can be. Truth is, you don’t know what kind of issues that man or woman could be going through in attempts to be considered normal a.k.a fertile.

Making sense of a miscarriage | MosaicJust to think back; once I was at a past job and a guy asked me my age, at that time I was 27. The next question immediately was; “Do you have any kids?” When I said “No” he looked at me as if there was something wrong with me. To be honest it pissed me off, because here you are , you don’t know me from a can of paint but you want to get all in my ovaries and find out what’s going on down there before you have the chance to get to know the person.

Sometimes it’s not easy to get pregnant. Just because a person has a little difficulty conceiving doesn’t mean they are less than a woman or man. I never got that, so many of us believe that we aren’t a real man or woman because we’ve had problems with conceiving children.

Signs That You're Killing it at Living Life – That Awkward Tan LineTo be straight up with you, life is too short to sit up here and be concerned with things you can’t change. I understand that not being able to get what you feel you want or need is a bummer, but there is way too much life to live to focus on the things you have little to no control over. That’s why it’s important to always look on the bright side. You’re more likely to grow in the right healthy direction if you do.

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If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

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As Always

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Informative · motivational · story telling · Thoughts

Happiness?

Disclaimer: If you’re not into deep posts; this will not be your cup of Related image. If you are keep Image result for reading.

We go through different parts of life thinking; ” If I could just get over this hump and move on to the next stage, I’ll be happy.” The problem with that type of thing is, if you’re always waiting on the next stage, how are you going to be happy? You need to live how you choose NOW!!!

Knowing and feeling in your heart you are meant for greatness; then settle for something you feel is not suppose to be your life, is a CHOICE. I get you may have to work to take care of others and yourself. That isn’t all life is about. 

It’s so easy to fall in that trap of thinking; you’re not suppose to be having fun, because people around you are struggling. But the truth of the matter is; if they really wanted a better, more fulfilling life, they would put their selves in the path for great things to happen. You can’t say; “Life has been so hard for me and so easy for you.” You never know what the next person had to go through, in order to get to the place in life they’re at. Many times if someone made it, it’s because of their hard work and refusing to give up; that’s a must. There’s no way you can go through life without going through some type of hardship. If you’re thinking you can, life will definitely remind you otherwise.

As we all know money is the thing that makes the world go round. So stop believing that it’s the root of all evil because it isn’t. It’s what you do with it that determines that.

Inconclusion, the next time you’re feeling guilty because you’re doing what you’re suppose to; making that money, working hard, and enjoying life; don’t. You’ve earned the right to live the way you choose.    

Life is all about Choices. What do you Choose?

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Experiences · Feelings · health · Informative · Thoughts

Healthy Movement

I’ve been going to the gym for the past couple of days. I can’t really say why I feel the urge to go know, I just do. The only thing is, I hope to stay consistent. There have been many times I’ve started going and then stopped because of my really bad anxiety. But when I go, I feel 10x better than I feel when I don’t go. The sad part about it; I know I’m doing something that is going to help me live a better quality of life, it’s going to give me more energy, strengthen my brain, improve my sex life and a long list of other benefits.

Also if you don’t want to go to the gym, you have many more alternatives.

Improve Quality of Life by doing these Activities, Consistently.

  1. Rock Climbing
  2. Swimming
  3. Basketball
  4. Volleyball
  5. Dancing
  6. Take a walk
  7. Parasail
The possibilities are endless. The key is to get out and move.

Possible affects of getting older, without consistent MOVEMENT

Image result for swimming

I can’t front, the main reason I’m becoming concerned with movement and exercise; I’m getting older. As a result of that, I’ve been feeling like I need to move more now; so I’ll be able to take care of myself later. I don’t want to be like a lot of people my age. Sad to say, I see a lot of them not doing to well. They usually are sick, or stiff (limited range of motion). Some of them are even to the point of having to have they’re children do everything for them. I don’t have any children, so that means I would either have to pay someone to take care of me or start taking care of myself now, so I can be active and mobile, all the way up to the time I’m suppose to leave this earth.
If I had one wish for anyone, it would be to live the life of your dreams and realize your health is your wealth. That’s something I’ve learned as I get older. Not that I have a handle on it yet, but I’m getting there.Related image
Growing up, when I was living with my Grandmas and Aunts, they cooked on the regular. When I started living with my Mom she didn’t cook as much because she had to work. So health wasn’t the focus; there was to much to manage other than what I and she ate. Not saying what my Aunts and Grandmas cooked was healthy. It was just that it was home made, unlike things you buy from some restaurants and fast food places. You never know what you could be digesting. That’s why I believe so many of us are overweight; for the mere fact, we are eating things that were never meant for our bodies to digest.
Image result for fast food
That’s another reason I believe your favorite actress or singer looks so good; because they’re able to afford a lifestyle of eating well, while also being healthy.
In closing, I want you to think about your lifestyle and diet, and determine if it’s helping you or hurting you. If it’s helping, please continue what your doing. But if it’s hurting you and you want to live a full, long, free, blessed life; you need to change somethings, so you won’t have to check out early. I don’t know what it is about getting older. But you start to see your life so much clearer when you do.
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Be Blessed, and Live In The Moment…..

health · Informative · motivational · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts

Quest To Get Healthy

Day 5

I feel so good! I miss this feeling. I know you’re probably like, “What is she talking about?” Well, I’ve been going to the gym since this past  Saturday, and it has made a world of difference in how I react to the world and myself. Usually, I’m so depressed and don’t want to do anything. Mainly because I feel like no matter what I do, there is no way for me to gain true happiness. I know the happiness has to come from with in, in order for no one to be able to take it away, but that’s something I struggle with. For so long I’ve allowed others to determine how I feel about myself, that’s going to change. I’m going to learn to take full responsibility for my feelings and actions, something I should have done a long time ago.

I can’t explain how good it’s made me feel to get up and workout. Granted, everyday isn’t easy getting out of bed at 5 in the morning, but it’s well worth it. Knowing that I’m helping my body get in the best shape of my life is like trying something knew. You’re not sure if you’re going to like it once you do it, but at least now you have the experience. This is especially true for me, because I have been a big girl all of my life. I’ve never experienced being skinny or even slim thick, if that is even a real thing. All my life I have been bigger than everyone my age. When I say bigger I don’t mean 20 pounds or 40 pounds heavier, I mean 50 to 100 pounds. Let me give you an example, in 3rd grade most kids were maybe 60 to 80lbs. Me on the other hand, I was 183lbs in third grade! I thought maybe I had an inactive thyroid, but that wasn’t the problem. What turned out being the problem was the food I was eating, everything I ate was processed. fit

I didn’t learn until later what processed food did to the body. Let’s just put it like this, it’s not good. That’s why I’m trying to change my ways now, while I still can. I don’t know about you, but I want to live for a long time. And not like how these other people are (Existing). I want to be up and getting around like a 20yr old until the day I die, living life the way I choose, not the way others expect me too. Living on your own terms is and always will be the true definition of life.

Make sure to check back in with me, because I plan to do a before and after every month, so you can see the difference working out has made in my life. By watching my journey I hope to inspire you to take one of your own, and it doesn’t have to be fitness. It is anything that you’ve always wanted to do but never have because you never seemed to have the time or the energy.

Have a Beautiful Day!

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empowering · motivational · Thoughts

Is It Enough?

Is faithfulness enough to keep a relationship going?

Well that’s something I find myself asking a lot these days. For a long time I thought loyalty and being faithful was everything. But now I’m starting to see that it isn’t. Although it’s a deal breaker for me, it doesn’t seem to be so for a lot of other people out there. It should. I’m a firm believer in, “Everyone deserves the right to have someone that is completely devoted to them”. Although so many men and some women like to believe we weren’t made to be pairs, I think we were. Take for example, when a woman gets pregnant, there’s only one egg and one sperm that come together to make a baby. There’s not billions of sperm and eggs working together in unison. Although there are billions of sperm fighting to get to the egg, it’s not the same scenario when it comes to the egg. There’s only one, and because there is only one egg there is only one sperm that can penetrate that egg for the chance to create life. That’s just one example of why I think everyone has another half, although some people may not believe in the other half theory, there are others that do. From my experience, most romantics believe in the other half theory. Then you have others that believe we were put here to experience life and procreate, just not with one designated person. Although that is a very free spirited way of looking at it, that’s not the way everyone views life and love.

Bad Relation

Secondly, Faithfulness and loyalty are great traits to have, but that can’t be the only thing you bring to the table. I wish that more women and men would make that a requirement when it comes to being in a relationship. There are a lot of people these days that feel open relationships are the way to go. For some people that may work. I actually could understand why someone would want to be in a open relationship. There’s a lot of good that could come from them if you think about it. But one thing’s for sure, if your a jealous person *Do Not*, I repeat *DO NOT* engage in an open relationship. Reason being, your feelings are going to get hurt. For those women and men who enter a open relationship believing that it’s all about having fun or you think you could change his or her mind because, “They’re just going through a faze.” I hate to break it to you, most likely it’s not a faze. That’s the way they’re choosing to live until they find someone they’re willing to change for. Other times that’s just who they are. The one thing you have to always keep in mind is, “Is this what I want or is it what they want?” Many people do things for the other person, not taking in to account their own feelings. I understand it might be a little hard to consider both of you all’s feelings. It’s important to remember, most monogamous relationships don’t serve both people at the same time. If yours does, you’re blessed.

abusive-relationship-JFW

But the thing I want to focus on is monogamy, because women and some men will deal with an unhealthy relationship just because the person has not cheated on them, or so they think. I know so many women that have been with men for years that do nothing for them, but stay with them because of faithfulness. I say, “If the love isn’t there and you’re miserable, Why stay?” That’s a question more people need to be asking their self. I would think it would be better to be alone then to be with someone you can’t enjoy life with. But I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that question, many people are not comfortable with the thought of being alone. Sometimes they aren’t comfortable with it because they don’t have the confidence it takes to be secure enough to stand alone. This could be because of a number of reasons. It could be, they have low self worth because of body image or being constantly degraded by someone they love dearly. The possibilities are endless. When that happens and you find yourself in either a negative head space or relationship, you need to distance yourself away from that person. If it’s negative thoughts then you need to be around people that are going to make you feel good about yourself. Also work on loving you for who you are, rather than what you think people want you to be.

bully

That’s what’s wrong with a lot of us today. We worrying more about what the next person is going to say about our relationship more than worrying about our own happiness. I feel that’s why a lot of us are in relationships with people we really don’t want to be with. Either because we don’t want the next person to have them, they have money, they have great business connections, fear of being alone and what others are going to say, fear of passing through too many men (that one’s for the women), or fear of failing. What ever the case, it all equates to fear of being judged by people on the outside looking in. What you need to keep in mind is, those people only get a glimpse of what your life is like with that person. They’re not in the relationship with you all. So there’s no way they could possibly tell you what is best for you, only you know that. So stop being afraid to live, love and enjoy life. Even if it’s not with the man or woman everyone expects or hopes you end up with. After all it is your life.deserve

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