Question: Has the female male dynamic changed much since the 2000s?
There has been much going on between the woman and man since the beginning of time. First the men were the providers and protectors and the women were the nurturers and the ones you went to for reason. They were also the ones who kept the house in order along with other duties. In this day and age that has changed. As most of us know times have advanced, and as a result, so has the role of the woman. I’m sure this isn’t true across the board, but everyday we’re making strides for women every where to have the same rights as any man.
With that being said, there are some things I see a lot of women going through because we are the bearers and carriers of the seed. Because of this we are many times the one who takes responsibility when our other half does not want too. This is something I’ve spoken about before and just can’t shake loose. I’m sure this has a lot to do with growing up in a single parent household; my mother being the backbone of our family, emotionally and financially.
She like many other woman who’ve become mothers at ages as young as 12, 16 or sometimes younger, have had to put themselves to the side to make a way for the little person they have growing inside them. That’s if they’re willing to take on the responsibility.
I ask a simple question that deserves an answer.
Why is society the way it is? How did we get to this point? I understand in love or because of a woman’s nature she will fall victim to deception. That may have a lot to do with men being the decision makers.
I wish we all could be open minded and truly hear what our fellow (wo)man has to say. Regardless of gender, color, ethnicity, sexual orientation or any other factor I’ve failed to mention. I feel once we’re able to move beyond that we’ll all become better versions of ourselves.
If this is or has been a concern of yours, I would love to hear your thoughts
I’m trying something NEW. Not sure how this is gonna work out, but I’m gonna give it a try. Recently I’ve decided to become more concerned with my health. I tried to do this over the years but for what ever reason it just wasn’t working out for me. I always ended up back sliding.
What has got me feeling like this is knowing that school will be open again VERY soon and the other this being tired of looking and feeling the way I do. I really just want to be happy with the way I look. It’s not like I’m ugly or anything, but I do need to work on getting in shape and clearing my skin.
Ever since we have been on this quarantine I’ve gotten comfortable with staying home. It’s not like I was really uncomfortable any way, because I’m an introverted Empath who thrives off of alone time. So it really was like a vacation to me. I didn’t have to worry about taking on anyone else’s emotions if I didn’t choose too. That was the most lovely part about this whole thing.
Now that I’ll be returning back to work I’ve been thinking of different ways I can cope with being around large groups of people. Thankfully I found The Empath’s Survival Guide. Reading this book is helping me to understand my emotions and actions at a deeper level. It’s also helping to correct my addictive behaviors. There’s also a whole section in there about ‘Food Empaths’; these are people like me, who eat to lesson the intensity of an emotion, whether it be yours or belongs to someone else.
Beginning this book along with not being emotionally attached to anyone gives me the freedom and space to take care of me. This is truthfully the first time I’ve ever been truly unattached as far as entanglements and relationships go. At first I thought not having someone was going to be depressing, but it is the total opposite. I’ve realized I don’t want to be with anyone just to be with them. I want that type of love we see in the movies; that love that comes once in a blue moon (literally).
I know some feel my expectations are too high; but I have faith my perfect match is out there waiting on me. But first I have to experience me and come to know Shadrieka. You know, find out who she truly is, gain courage to stand in the forefront of my life and stop hiding behind everyone else and the decisions they believe are best for me. I’ve lived for others way to long. It’s time I become that free spirit I’ve always known myself to be.
From the beginning I’ve always been a person who loves people. I can remember way before my mother met her now ex-husband I was a firecracker. I said whatever was on my mind. If I like someone I said it, if I didn’t I also said so. Then my mothers Ex-husband became my boogie man.
There was something about him I did not like. I told my mother this repeatedly. You think she listened to me? No! I remember sitting in the back seat behind him or behind my Mom, and when my Mother wasn’t looking he would always stare at me. At the time I didn’t know why he was staring at me, I only knew it made me feel really uncomfortable. At that time he wasn’t living with use. But little did I know he had a key to the house. So he would do little pop in visits.
As I got older he hung around more and more. I never told my Mom this, but I always used to sleep with a bra on; many times I would wake up and my bra would either be off completely, unhooked or half on. I always felt uneasy about that.
I’m sure you’re probably wondering why I never told her. Well.. I never told her because I know how my mother is about me; and the last thing I wanted to happen is my Mother going to jail on the count of doing something to him. Also I didn’t want to take the chance she wouldn’t believe me.
Through the years many things happened. I remember waking up with my arm on fire. I had no clue why my arm hurt so badly. Once I looked down I saw bite marks on my arm. These were deep bite marks that broke the skin.
I remember at the time I told her about it, she shrugged it off, saying I probably bit myself in my sleep. It could have been possible; but the teeth imprints were different from my own.
Well let me get back on subject. I know myself to be a free spirit, because I always want to do those things a normal person would not want to do. I believe I shied away from being this way because my spirit was broken down every step of the way. First by not having my father in my life. Then by having this man in my life who treated me like s***. This man in the largest way possible laid the foundation for what I came to except and expect from men as I grew up. Then when I got old enough to date I was introduced to a slew of frogs and toads.
I was indirectly made to believe I needed another half in order to be happy. But now that I’ve been in failed relationship after failed relationship, I see now there is NO need to be with someone if that someone isn’t your match. You’re better off being by yourself. Learn to love you and stop giving your love to those who DO NOT deserve it.
Enjoyed the blog? If so, make sure to Like, Comment & Share. I would love to see how or if hits home. Also this may help someone going through something. Letting them know there is always time to get it right.
I apologize if my recent blogs seem to be putting men in a negative light. All I want to say is; If you don’t have that negative view on men, please don’t develop one now because of me.
I guess you could say I’m a feminist. I believe the only reason I became this way is do to my experiences with men. I’m just gonna say a lot of them were not good interactions. But I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, because life could have been a lot worse. I’m just lucky I have plenty of strong women around me who have taught me to be the ambitious, strong, independent woman I am.
There are many times I don’t realize just how strong I am. Also I know I have a one sided view because there aren’t many males that I speak to. So most likely I don’t know how the typical male thinks unless I’m dating him. Even then I fall flat some times.
For those of you though who have great relationships with the men in your lives’; please don’t let anything disrupt that. It’s not an easy thing for a man and a woman to remain on the same page. That’s one reason I think its always been said, men and woman can’t be friends; Cause if we don’t have sex in common; What is there? Before I used to feel that way, not anymore. There are many men out here that are just fine with being a woman’s friend. But…. overtime attraction arises and either the woman or man begins to like the other. This is do to time spent, and putting in the energy to get to know the other person. There are other factors, but those are some of the main ones.
If you are in a loving caring committed relationship; more power to you. Cause from what I’ve seen they don’t come easy. That’s why I’m gonna give myself the time to be free and spread my wings. I’m sure my luck will change, but I’m in no hurry to find Mr. Right. I’ve finally come to a point in life where I feel like being single. After all, being with someone has gotten me nothing but heartache, pain and an overwhelming feeling of suffocation.
I know someone good is out there, but forgive me for not wanting to find him; not yet that is. And for all of you who’re saying; ” He’s gonna be someone else’s Mr. Right because you takin to long.” Keep on saying it, because that isn’t gonna rush anything over here. Only God knows when that special man will come into my life and when the time is right. I know he will move heaven and earth if need be to get me to see that, that man is for me because only he can. So don’t worry about me because I know ho’s got my back.
Question of the day: Does a woman’s worth diminish because she’s unattached? How about if she’s childless?
I’m sure a lot of us are still going or are a little crazy because of this quarantine we’re under. Don’t worry it’ll get better all in time.
Well… you know there’s always something I want to bring to you all’s attention; and that’s manners. What happened to them?
Back in the day the South was known for their strong stance on manners and using them. But as time passes it seems manners are quickly becoming something of the past.
What got me to thinking about this is a conversation I had with my Mom, just yesterday. I was speaking to her and she mention how men used to treat women with respect; open doors for them, offer a helping hand when they realized something may be too heavy to lift. Now days…. women are left to fend for themselves. Many men have forgotten or either put down the practices that classified them as men, in the first place. A lot of them will watch you struggle with bringing the groceries in or fixing something around the house before they ever part their lips to say,
Many times that’s because they have no romantic interest in you or they’re used to you and really don’t care about putting on that front like they care. Honestly it seems like most men these days are only trying to help you out if they’re trying to get your number. That is unless they’re an older Gentleman who was raised in the manner of treating every woman with respect and knowing the role of a man.
For example: Ladies have you ever dated someone who when you first started dating they did everything we know a man should do; you know like pulling out your chair, opening the door for you, paying the tap, help when the situation calls for it? I can keep on going but I’ll stop there. My point is, they start that way and stop once they get what they’ve been working for or once they’ve figured out you don’t know your worth. This is especially true if you are not the type of woman that holds a man accountable. The sad reality is they’ll cater to you, but only if you make it a requirement.
That ‘s why I feel so many women are going through the problem of having a man respect them and remain loyal, because… women out here are settling for less.
Stop being pushovers! You have to stand strong in what you want and need out of a relationship, cause if you don’t he’s gonna take you as a joke and play with your time and your heart; And we can’t have that; can we?
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As always hope your day is going the way you intended.
Question of the day: Family putting pressure on you to get married and have kids?
This is something many women and men have gone through at some point in their life. I’m having to deal with that question being asked more frequently because I’m in my late 30’s. Some people may not understand how invasive that one question can be. Truth is, you don’t know what kind of issues that man or woman could be going through in attempts to be considered normal a.k.a fertile.
Just to think back; once I was at a past job and a guy asked me my age, at that time I was 27. The next question immediately was; “Do you have any kids?” When I said “No” he looked at me as if there was something wrong with me. To be honest it pissed me off, because here you are , you don’t know me from a can of paint but you want to get all in my ovaries and find out what’s going on down there before you have the chance to get to know the person.
Sometimes it’s not easy to get pregnant. Just because a person has a little difficulty conceiving doesn’t mean they are less than a woman or man. I never got that, so many of us believe that we aren’t a real man or woman because we’ve had problems with conceiving children.
To be straight up with you, life is too short to sit up here and be concerned with things you can’t change. I understand that not being able to get what you feel you want or need is a bummer, but there is way too much life to live to focus on the things you have little to no control over. That’s why it’s important to always look on the bright side. You’re more likely to grow in the right healthy direction if you do.
I apologize for the inconsistencies. I’ve been trying to put myself on a schedule; still working on it. Also for the men who read my blog, I apologize in advance. I mean nothing personal. As always these blogs are a way to track my past present and future. Now that I’ve said that, lets get into the s**** and giggles.
First off, I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their much needed time off from work. I’m sure there are a lot of us out here who don’t feel that way. But let’s face it, we really did need a little bit of a breather. Who knew it was going to last this long though; not I.
Well let’s do the damn thing!!!
Well as most of you all who read my blogs know, I have an EX. I try not to let him be the center of my day; but damn; how can I not?! His ass is always home! I have to admit I’m a little relaxed right now. I needed something for the amount of hate I feel towards him.
I thought I could hang in there for a year I figured it was just a year and I could deal with the bulls*** until it was time to say “hasta la vesta!” But the closer it gets to the expiration of this lease, I’m becoming more and more bitter. The thing that bothers me the most is, “Who’s fault was this break up?” I’m sure a lot of you’ll probably say that it doesn’t always have to be someone’s fault. I know that’s true. But….. I’ve NEVER BEEN BROKEN UP WITH before! I guess that’s the thing that really through me for a loop. Every other time I’ve been the one to call it quits first.
Aside from that though, I knew this thing was coming to an end. There were so many signs. For one, we’re too much alike. Sometimes that can be a good thing; in this case it wasn’t. I have to be honest though; I’m happy in a weird way that this all will be over, soon.
If you know my pain and have gone through anything similar, please make sure to leave a comment below. It would be nice to know how you managed to get over the pain.
I hope everyone is happy and living their best life, despite the state of the world. Don’t let that get you down. There are reasons to be in your feelings and unhappy, but look past those things and be happy for the things you still have; breath in your body for one.
Today wanted to do something a little different, I created a video on YouTube. If this goes well I think posts like this will become a regular thing.
But just to give you a little insight on the video you’re about to view, it’s for women who haven’t learned to value themselves; constantly looking for validation from the person their with or others around them.
Everyday women are put against each other. Constantly made to feel that we aren’t whole unless we have another half, preferably of the male persuasion. I just want to let you know in case anyone has never told you; you are the prize. Please don’t believe it’s the other way around.
So many women are plagued with the thought of feeling less than or inadequate because of the absence of a male. If he doesn’t want you that’s his problem not yours; stop making it so. There’s only so much you can do. One thing you should never do for sure is bend your back to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you.
I understand both sexes go through the same things, but all I know is what I’ve lived and seen. It just feels like women a lot of the times get the short end of the stick (in the black community). So many of these women end up taking care of the men the choose to be with. Prime example: Many women in my family take care of the men they have or are with, and not just in the sense of cooking for them, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. No, these women do it all, from paying all the bills, to cleaning, taking care of the children, and some even taking care of mechanical things. Granted they didn’t do the physical work, but the did provide the money to fix the problem.
The sad thing is little girls from all over the world are taught to put a man on a pedestal; especially those who have grown up without a father. The thing that breaks my heart most is the women who haven’t experienced the love of a man will endure all most anything to experience it just once. Most women will go through hell and high water, because they haven’t realized their worth.
What I want to say to girls like me who grew up without the love of your father or a father figure; “You will never get that man to love you like you love him until you can love you first, without him.”
As always, I hope your day has been going well and things have continued to get better in this trying time. But truth be told we all need a little something to distract us from the things going on around us.
Question: How many of us have dated someone we thought had our best interest at heart just to find out they were really looking out for themselves?
It’s a shame but it happens to a lot of us. We think the person has taken a real interest in us, only to find they were way more interested in what we could provide. I know women have been raised and bred to take the husband with the most to offer. It’s sad though, most us still think like this.
I’m not sure if you know, but we are able to go out and get it for ourselves these days. I get it, most of us want to take a shortcut and have wealth and everything else we need in a short amount of time. But the reward comes when you’ve worked for what you want, rather than trying to scam someone out of what they have worked so hard to build.
Also, it isn’t only women doing the scamming these days, it’s the men. They do the typical good guy things, wait till you fall for them, then their true colors start to show. In a since, they have become better manipulators then most women. The sad part is a lot of these men look to their women to take care of them in every sense of the word. Many don’t see anything wrong with it. They feel because women have been the ones being taken care of since the beginning of time, that it should be their turn to get cared for.
In this since I don’t see that as a justification for roles to change. When you think about it women have endured so much just to be where we are right now. Many of our female ancestors have been beaten, raped, had no rights and the list goes on. So for a man to want to come up off the back of a woman is a little suspect in my eyes.
Granted you have those who have done their fair share of caring for the women they’re with, and just getting sh***** on repeatedly. I can understand why they may have a mentality to use a women for everything she has, because it’s been done to him. Don’t get me wrong; just because I can understand doesn’t mean I’m agreeing with it, because I’m not.
All I say is make sure you can really trust the man or woman you’re with before you start giving them access and spending upseen amounts of money on them or on their behalf. Otherwise you’re going to feel like a real fool if you were to find out they were only with you because of what you could do for them.
If you’ve ever dated or are dating someone you believe has or is currently doing this to you or someone close to you. Make sure to drop a comment below.
I would love to read about some of you alls experiences.
Does a woman have to be able to hold her own, to command the attention of man?
These days society tells us, we have to be a man’s equal, in every way. That isn’t a bad thing. Some women don’t mind working and bringing that ‘bag’ home. Then you have others who were taught, a man is suppose to take care of them. It seems these days more men want women to be the ones doing the caring. I’m not saying all men, but there’s a large amount of them who do.
I never thought I would see the day a man would be okay with a woman paying the bulk of the bills. I get sometimes you may fall on hard times, and need your wife or girlfriend to lift you up. But too many times you come across men who’s soul purpose is to find a woman or person they can use. I’ve seen countless examples of men using women, vice verse, and even in some same sex relationships. The sad thing is, men think they’re justified for using a woman, because they claim women have been doing it for ages. That may have been true; but there was always a trade off.
What many men don’t or do not want to realize is back in the day when young beautiful girls married rich older or old men, it was for power or wealth. Many times it wasn’t their choice to marry the men the were betrothed to. They did it for the well being of their family or for their country.
The truth is, women have been gifts to men for centuries; in some countries, still are. I get that some men have learned to do this because they had a woman break their heart, however long ago. But you gotta learn to shack it off and keep trying until you get it right.
One thing I love about being a woman, is our resilience. Many of us go through heartbreak after heartbreak, and still find a way to love, every time. Men on the other hand, are not so forgiving. Most men are only going to allow their heart to be broken once or twice, before they go through a “HOE faze”. Then usually, once they’ve gotten it out of their system and find the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with; they’ll love again, it won’t ever be like that first time, though.
Why have women given their power away?
Many women don’t even know; being a woman is a very powerful thing. I think it’s because a lot women aren’t taught their value. So when these f***boys come around, we believe everything they say. The reason that is, a lot of times because we haven’t had a male figure around to help raise us. Everything relating to men, you always had to ask your mom, friends or go out and get a man; so you could find out for yourself.
As a result, you end up being a lot more confused then you initially were. To top it all off, your heart gets broken and then you continue to repeat the cycle until you “wake up”.
The problem isn’t only that; it’s also always having in the back of your mind, if you don’t do everything he askes, he’s going to find someone else who will. The truth is, if he wants to find someone else; he’s going to find someone else.
I hate, when people say “If you don’t do it another person will”. It’s sad, but that is what people say when they want their way and you refuse to give it to them. This seems to especially apply to men. It’s gotten so bad, women are telling other women “What you won’t do another woman will”.
I thought as women, we are suppose to have each others backs; or am I trippin?
If you didn’t know, now you know. That’s how we’ve lost our power; because to many of us don’t have morals. We don’t make them work for it anymore. The bar is set so low, when it comes to what well except and tolerate. This is the time to change that; especially if you’re giving him that “good good”!
You’re the prize, not him!
Inconclusion, a woman does not have to be a man’s equal on all level; no matter what society tells us. It’s all about what you and he are looking to gain from the relationship. Also, relationships aren’t a one size fit all. Sometimes you’re going to have a man who doesn’t want his wife to work, she might want to; there’s nothing wrong with that. It just means they’re not a match or they may be able to compromise and find a solution.
The key is to find someone that is your equal mentally. Once that connection is built, everything else falls in place.