This love shit is so hard. I swear I thought my heart wasn’t wrapped up into this guy. To be honest I don’t think it’s my heart, it’s more because I don’t like change. I hate opening up to someone just to find out that they aren’t who they claimed to be. Now all that time and effort is wasted. I seem to always have this problem. I get with someone and disregard all the red flags before I got serious with them.
I’m not going to say that I won’t be able to go on because that would be a lie. I just wish we were able to work through our issues. But how can you work through something if both parties aren’t interested in making it work. It almost feels like he started these arguments with me because he wanted to find an out. If I would have never gone to him, he would have never let me know that he was done, and I would have still been thinking that he was just mad and didn’t want to talk.
I really truly believe that I’m going to save myself from this type of pain for a long time. I hate feeling this way. I feel like I did when me and my ex of 9yrs broke up. I knew with him I was in an emotionally abusive relationship; but in this one I had a clue but every time I seemed to think so he switched up and didn’t make it seem like it was what it was. But then again I’m a very sensitive person, so anything you say to me I’m going to take literally. Maybe he means it. But even if he doesn’t mean it, I’m going to find a way to survive on my own. I’m tired of going through this heartbreak every couple of years. For the time being I’m going to focus on me.
It seems like the good men and women usually end up with someone that doesn’t appreciate them. Is it coincidence? I don’t really know. It almost seems like the people that date and marry people who do them wrong, feel like they deserve the ill treatment. Consciously, not so much so, but subconsciously there’s something going on in their mind that makes them feel they aren’t worthy of someone really loving them.
I have to say, I can relate. For years I dated and loved a person who couldn’t have cared less about me, and the only reason that happened was, my insecurities constantly making me feel like he was the best that I was ever going to find. I also have to admit he constantly told me things along those lines. Time after time he tore me down, never once tried to theoretically pick me. But soon I realized he wanted me to stay down so it could make him feel like he was the best thing that ever happened to me. For years, I dealt with his name calling, drinking, and mental abuse, thinking that it was going to get better if I just stuck it out. But, soon I knew it wasn’t going to get any better because he had to be a better man and love him before he could ever love me, and I knew that wasn’t going to happen while I was with him. He needed time to make a change that big.
I’m able to write about past experiences like this because I have moved past them. Now I am in such a good place. I have gotten older, and I know that I deserve the type of love I give, nothing less. And for anyone that happens to come across this blog, and you’re going through it with your man or woman, and they’re just not doing or treating you how you deserve, “Let that ass go!” No matter what they say or do after the argument or fight is done. If they’re not making any efforts to become a better person for you and themselves, there’s no reason to stick around because it’s only going to get worse. Trust the process. There is always someone out their better. So, no matter how many times they say that you won’t find someone better, you keep looking because your wife or husband is out their. You weren’t put on this earth for only their satisfaction, you’re suppose to experience a life filled with happiness too. All was remember that.
Am I the only one that believes the way some men handle their emotions needs to change? There is a stigma with men and not being able to express their self. I know plenty people think about men and the way their emotions are going to come out in the long run. But what about the wives and girlfriends of these men that keep their emotions bottled up? Speaking as someone that has been in this situation before, it’s not fun.
I understand it isn’t good for the man because it causes them to act out in other ways. For example: high blood pressure, depression, becoming abusive either verbally or physically, cheating, and the list grows. Men need to start expressing their self to people closest to them, so their family, friends or lover could know what’s going on with them. That is the hardest thing to deal with, having someone you want to share everything with and can’t because they have a wall up. There’s no way for that relationship to grow when you emotionally can’t be open with the person you supposedly love. So many things come from people not being able to express their self. I understand that it isn’t just men, but that’s who this post is directed towards.
A lot of these abusive relationships come from men that have been hurt and don’t know what to do with the pain. I’m sure a lot of us don’t think about that, but that’s what it is. There are so many things that could have played a role in the way a young man looks at the world and the people in it. I’ll give you a very real story that happened to someone close to me.
Jaylen was a little boy loving life. Living and enjoying being a little boy. Being that he was very young he hadn’t encountered anything or anyone who meant him harm. That was until his mother fell in love with a man she thought was the love of her life. This man seemed like the perfect gentlemen for the first couple of months to year. But what the mother didn’t know was this man was more interested in her son than he was in her. Months went by, the mother continued to be blindly in love. Signs of sexual abuse constantly got dropped in her lap, but she paid little to no attention to them, not wanting to face reality and thinking to highly of the man and not trusting in her baby. Also not realizing this once little bubbly, energetic, ball of joy, changed. Do to what’s been happening to him, he had become depressed, angry and didn’t trust anyone. But by the time the mother figured it out, it was too late. The pain and anger had already set in.
There are so many problems with this situation. For one, the mother saw the signs, but did nothing because she didn’t want to face reality. But the biggest problem was she didn’t offer her son anyway to heal from the pain. Most likely she didn’t know what to do to help him heal, she didn’t believe him, or she didn’t care. I’m sure many people are probably thinking “How could she not care that someone raped her little boy?!” or “How could she not believe him?!” It’s very possible.
But the problem is whatever the case was, you now have this very angry confused little boy who grows up to be this angry confused man. Who doesn’t know how to deal with his anger. So he goes out and hurts other people, because hurt people, hurt people. Or he suffers in silence because he feels so much pain that he doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems. Or the one I think rings most true; He’s too embarrassed and uncomfortable to admit the nightmares he experienced as a child, because he may feel it makes him appear less of a man.
We have to work on making our men feel like men, especially when they were put in situations they didn’t have the power to change. Let them know what they went through is not who they are. It’s something they went through, and over came. Also be there for them when they’re ready to open up about things that’s bothering them in their past, present or future. They will love you even more for that. And remember when he tells you something critical, you don’t have the right to tease him about it or bring it up in an argument, no matter how mad you get. That’s going to cause him to shut down and go further into depression.
In conclusion, therapy works wonders. If you have a problem and need someone to talk to and you either have the money or the insurance to do so, go see a therapist. Let them help you work your life out. Even if you don’t have money or insurance find someone you trust and that’s willing to listen, and pour your heart out. You don’t realize it now, but getting all that bad energy out helps you move forward in life. Your spouse will be extremely happy you did. Never feel like you have to hold things back from your therapist because in the end, your only hurting yourself.