This love shit is so hard. I swear I thought my heart wasn’t wrapped up into this guy. To be honest I don’t think it’s my heart, it’s more because I don’t like change. I hate opening up to someone just to find out that they aren’t who they claimed to be. Now all that time and effort is wasted. I seem to always have this problem. I get with someone and disregard all the red flags before I got serious with them.
I’m not going to say that I won’t be able to go on because that would be a lie. I just wish we were able to work through our issues. But how can you work through something if both parties aren’t interested in making it work. It almost feels like he started these arguments with me because he wanted to find an out. If I would have never gone to him, he would have never let me know that he was done, and I would have still been thinking that he was just mad and didn’t want to talk.
I really truly believe that I’m going to save myself from this type of pain for a long time. I hate feeling this way. I feel like I did when me and my ex of 9yrs broke up. I knew with him I was in an emotionally abusive relationship; but in this one I had a clue but every time I seemed to think so he switched up and didn’t make it seem like it was what it was. But then again I’m a very sensitive person, so anything you say to me I’m going to take literally. Maybe he means it. But even if he doesn’t mean it, I’m going to find a way to survive on my own. I’m tired of going through this heartbreak every couple of years. For the time being I’m going to focus on me.
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There are so many ways to relax. So many of us are running from place to place so much, that we forget to take time out for ourselves.
We’re either on our phones, computers, watching television, working, or a countless amount of other things. We are so use to being on the go, that when many of us sit still for even a minute, we’re hit with anxiety of the next thing we need to get done. That is no way to live.
When you start to think of anxiety on a larger scale you start to realize, many of us suffer from anxiety because we don’t get adequate amounts of rest. Also many of us don’t exercise, get large amounts of sunlight, and don’t have a diet high in live foods.
Today I want to give you, just five simple things you could do to lower anxiety and help you learn to be more in the moment; rather than thinking of the next thing on your to do list.
F.Y.I- I also do these things.
Meditate- It’s something I’ve done in the past and I’m working on now. My only problem is, I always seem to fall asleep…. But aside from that, I love meditation; it helps you learn to be more in the moment. Sometimes you need that stillness because it teaches you to slow down and really appreciate life, people, connections, and all the things life has to offer.
Diffusers & Essential Oils- There’s nothing like going to your favorite room in the house, turning on your nature sounds and having your diffuser pump out the scent of your favorite essential oil! A lot of people don’t know this, but this is exactly what I do when I go to bed. Then when I wake up in the morning, I feel completely refreshed and relaxed.
Sunbathe- Sunbathing after working in a building all week, is relaxation in itself. There’s nothing like going out in the sun when you’ve been deprived of it. Besides it being beneficial to your health, it also just feels sooo good!
Take a walk through Nature- On rough days, I like to go and either take a walk or sit in nature. All those worries you had before getting there, just seem to fall away.
If you do decide to do this, make sure to be in the moment. Appreciate all the sounds, visuals, feelings, and smells it has to offer. Once you learn to do that, those worries and that anxiety are just gonna melt away.
Read A Good Book!- Many people don’t realize the power a well written, good book has. Reading can be an escape from all the stress, pain, anxiety, and discomfort you experience in your day to day life. I can say for myself, there have been some books that have helped me through some really hard times.
You want to make sure that the type of book you’re reading is nothing like your life. That’s why I stick to Erotica, Fantasy, and Science Fiction. I tend to go more for erotica. You wouldn’t believe how much reading something so engrossed in sex, could make you feel so relaxed.
Below are links to some of the things I use, when I’m feeling a little stressed out and need to relax.
Bath Bombs– Sometimes that’s all you need; A really great smelling bath bomb, that’ll relax you. Along with candles and dim lighting. Now that’s a vibe!
The great thing about the one’s shown above, they’re organic; that’s what I loved about them. That means, you won’t have to worry about harsh chemicals leeching into you skin while you’re trying to relax.
If you love natural scents and oils, you’ll love this. I have them both; since having them, I don’t see how I’ve been able to live without them. All you have to do is add water, your favorite essential oil or oils , and relaxation is yours.
These two are just the thing you need to mellow out, on days when your boss gets on your nerves or you have a very important event coming up; and anxiety is kicking your butt. The other added benefit of this diffuser is it’s 7 LED colors. You could use it for a night light or what I like to use it for; setting the mood for some grown-up activity (if you know what I mean). You also have total control over which of the seven colors you want to show, and if you want it bright or dim.
You know I couldn’t end this blog, without dropping a book or two. These two books are FIRE!If you want to read something that is full of emotion and sex; these are the ones for you.
There are so many more that I could’ve added. But I’m sure I’ll eventual add my long list of bomb books.
Loyalty: Love, Lies, and Betrayal is a little different from the books above; mainly because I wrote it. Also for the mere fact there is a male lead; and he’s bisexual.
I had so much fun writing this book, that I’m sure you’ll have just as much fun reading it. Fair warning; the revision that’s coming out in a couple of days, is going to be way better then the original. If you’d like to wait till then to get your copy, make sure to mark July 1st on your calendar.
Mental health in the Black Community. It’s something that isn’t talked about as much as it should be. There are so many of us walking round trying to act like we have it all together, but we know that isn’t true. There are problems with every race of people, but the difference between them and people of the Black Community is, they get help when they need it. Pride isn’t the number one concern for them. To be honest, I think therapist are under utilized. All those thoughts in your head need to get out, sometimes that’s what’s driving you crazy. Having someone listen to your problems and ideas has always helped ease pressure, pain, and sadness.
It’s not like therapy is a new concept, but for people of color it was always taught not to go and tell other people your business. That maybe another reason why so many people of color have a large amount of unresolved issues within their community. It doesn’t hurt to seek help, if you belief you need it. Let us not make that a stigma. Mental health is just like any other illness. Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed that you need to speak to a professional about your mental health and clarity.
Below is a video of The Breakfast Club interviewing Taraji P. Henson and Tracie Jenkins. The two women run down a list of the way mental health is not talked about enough through out the Black Community, also how mental health has affected their lives.
I hope this helps people to realize they are not the problem. They just need someone to listen to them and help them through their problems.
And for those of you who would like to know the name of Taraji P. Henson’s foundation, it’s The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation (BLHF). I’m only citing this foundation because I believe she’s doing this for the right reasons. Once I find other foundations with pure intention I will list them at a later date.
Am I the only one that believes the way some men handle their emotions needs to change? There is a stigma with men and not being able to express their self. I know plenty people think about men and the way their emotions are going to come out in the long run. But what about the wives and girlfriends of these men that keep their emotions bottled up? Speaking as someone that has been in this situation before, it’s not fun.
I understand it isn’t good for the man because it causes them to act out in other ways. For example: high blood pressure, depression, becoming abusive either verbally or physically, cheating, and the list grows. Men need to start expressing their self to people closest to them, so their family, friends or lover could know what’s going on with them. That is the hardest thing to deal with, having someone you want to share everything with and can’t because they have a wall up. There’s no way for that relationship to grow when you emotionally can’t be open with the person you supposedly love. So many things come from people not being able to express their self. I understand that it isn’t just men, but that’s who this post is directed towards.
A lot of these abusive relationships come from men that have been hurt and don’t know what to do with the pain. I’m sure a lot of us don’t think about that, but that’s what it is. There are so many things that could have played a role in the way a young man looks at the world and the people in it. I’ll give you a very real story that happened to someone close to me.
Jaylen was a little boy loving life. Living and enjoying being a little boy. Being that he was very young he hadn’t encountered anything or anyone who meant him harm. That was until his mother fell in love with a man she thought was the love of her life. This man seemed like the perfect gentlemen for the first couple of months to year. But what the mother didn’t know was this man was more interested in her son than he was in her. Months went by, the mother continued to be blindly in love. Signs of sexual abuse constantly got dropped in her lap, but she paid little to no attention to them, not wanting to face reality and thinking to highly of the man and not trusting in her baby. Also not realizing this once little bubbly, energetic, ball of joy, changed. Do to what’s been happening to him, he had become depressed, angry and didn’t trust anyone. But by the time the mother figured it out, it was too late. The pain and anger had already set in.
There are so many problems with this situation. For one, the mother saw the signs, but did nothing because she didn’t want to face reality. But the biggest problem was she didn’t offer her son anyway to heal from the pain. Most likely she didn’t know what to do to help him heal, she didn’t believe him, or she didn’t care. I’m sure many people are probably thinking “How could she not care that someone raped her little boy?!” or “How could she not believe him?!” It’s very possible.
But the problem is whatever the case was, you now have this very angry confused little boy who grows up to be this angry confused man. Who doesn’t know how to deal with his anger. So he goes out and hurts other people, because hurt people, hurt people. Or he suffers in silence because he feels so much pain that he doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems. Or the one I think rings most true; He’s too embarrassed and uncomfortable to admit the nightmares he experienced as a child, because he may feel it makes him appear less of a man.
We have to work on making our men feel like men, especially when they were put in situations they didn’t have the power to change. Let them know what they went through is not who they are. It’s something they went through, and over came. Also be there for them when they’re ready to open up about things that’s bothering them in their past, present or future. They will love you even more for that. And remember when he tells you something critical, you don’t have the right to tease him about it or bring it up in an argument, no matter how mad you get. That’s going to cause him to shut down and go further into depression.
In conclusion, therapy works wonders. If you have a problem and need someone to talk to and you either have the money or the insurance to do so, go see a therapist. Let them help you work your life out. Even if you don’t have money or insurance find someone you trust and that’s willing to listen, and pour your heart out. You don’t realize it now, but getting all that bad energy out helps you move forward in life. Your spouse will be extremely happy you did. Never feel like you have to hold things back from your therapist because in the end, your only hurting yourself.