Short stories

When Will it End?

Disclaimer: Today’s topic I understand can be a little sensitive. So if you’re easily offended or the discussion of race offends you, you may want to leave now.

Good Morning Everyone,

 

I know the last week hasn’t been a pleasant one. There has been so much going on in the news with the George Floyd Killing. I didn’t watch the video. For someone like me who is very sensitive to others feelings and trauma; I physically couldn’t watch it.

When is it gonna STOP?! The killing for no reason, the harassing, bulling, taunting, lying.  I never understood why some won’t just let us live harmoniously in sync with one another.

To be honest I don’t think it will ever change. I’m glad that things aren’t as bad as they once were; but there’s still a lot of work that needs to be done. Theses men, women and children out here are loosing their lives’! The sad thing is; people only mourn them for a couple of days to a couple of weeks, then they’re forgotten. At least until there is another black man, woman, or child killed again for some stupid idiotic reason!

Many Black people say: “Why do we need White allies?”. We need allies from all ethnic groups, but we particularly need ones who are White because they’re the ones with universal respect. With there acknowledgement of prejudices happening against those of other ethnic backgrounds it could light a fire under those who feel our lives have no value.

There’s so much to say, but I fear the words escape me at the moment. So I’m just gonna tell you how I feel when going into ‘White spaces’. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a person who loves people, but love my people more. I believe everything about us is beautiful; from our many times coily hair, to the magical melanin in our skin, that can make us dark as night. I can go on and on about what I love about being Black.

Apologies are cold comfort in yogurt-shop racial profiling | The ...But with all the positives come negatives; the constant fear of being pulled over, or the uneasiness of having someone follow you around the store, believing you’re going to steal because of your skin color. These are things White people don’t have to worry about. There’s a s*** load more of things Whites don’t ever have to contemplate; all because they’re the “Right” color. Loosing their life because someone felt threatened by their tone.

The more the reality hits me of how unequal we are, the more it saddens me that the only thing that make me different is my color. It saddens me because there are a lot of people out here who while kill a Black person before they would ever think of harming an animal. Many times I’ve seen how others are so quick to standup for Animal Rights, but when it comes to Black People it’s like saying, ‘F*** YOU! You should be happy that I’m even letting you breathe right now! 

I just wonder if those bigoted Whites were to get treated as they treat us, how would they feel to loose a loved one because the officer felt “threatened”? What if they had to prepare they’re children to be extra nice and polite, all because they wanted to make sure they came home alive. Or they lost someone of their ethnicity every month; how would they feel? What if they didn’t have the privilege of doing whatever and saying whatever to whom ever?  Just a question, that deserves an answer. 

 I’ve already made this too long, so I’ll stop here.

My Father Could Have Been Killed By Police – STIR Journal
The heartbreaking thing is; this isn’t all the men, women, and children lost during a police encounter.

Photos Provided By: http://www.stirjournal.com/2016/04/22/my-father-could-have-been-killed-by-police/, https://youtu.be/SASUEbuCnzA

As Always

Experiences · Feelings

On my own

Image result for emotional abuse

This love shit is so hard. I swear I thought my heart wasn’t wrapped up into this guy. To be honest I don’t think it’s my heart, it’s more because I don’t like change. I hate opening up to someone just to find out that they aren’t who they claimed to be. Now all that time and effort is wasted. I seem to always have this problem. I get with someone and disregard all the red flags before I got serious with them.

I’m not going to say that I won’t be able to go on because that would be a lie. I just wish we were able to work through our issues. But how can you work through something if both parties aren’t interested in making it work. It almost feels like he started these arguments with me because he wanted to find an out. If I would have never gone to him, he would have never let me know that he was done, and I would have still been thinking that he was just mad and didn’t want to talk.

I really truly believe that I’m going to save myself from this type of pain for a long time. I hate feeling this way. I feel like I did when me and my ex of 9yrs broke up. I knew with him I was in an emotionally abusive relationship; but in this one I had a clue but every time I seemed to think so he switched up and didn’t make it seem like it was what it was. But then again I’m a very sensitive person, so anything you say to me I’m going to take literally. Maybe he means it. But even if he doesn’t mean it, I’m going to find a way to survive on my own. I’m tired of going through this heartbreak every couple of years. For the time being I’m going to focus on me.

Photo Provided By: https://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/Local/Maritzburg-Fever/dont-ever-feel-like-you-deserve-abuse-20190206-2

empowering · Feelings · motivational · relationship · self-esteem

Should a woman fight over a man?

Loyalty: Love, Lies, and Betrayal on sale now for $4.99

This gets on my last nerves…. I never understood why some women think it’s their place to fight over a man. I could only understand fighting over someone  in the case of that person you’re fighting is trying to do something to harm your other half; but if they’re cheating that’s a ‘No Bueno’. There are women out here looking like fools fighting over men who clearly don’t want them. If you don’t see the signs, let me point some of them out for you.

Signs he doesn’t want your a** anymore

  1. He lets you walk in with out trying to stop you; when he knows he has someone else he just had sex with or plans to have sex with, in the facility.
  2. He hides nothing from you. You constantly find his phone unlocked with text messages, pictures, and calls from different people he has had sex with.
  3. He’s affectionate to the person he was creeping on you with out in public; because in actuality a part of him wants to get caught so he can be done with you.
  4. In the mist of a fight he sides with the other woman/man and helps them fight you.

There are so many more to add, but I think you get the point. What I’m trying to get people in situations like this to understand is: Love you more than you could ever love him, because at the end of the day your happiness is all that matters. If that happiness isn’t with him/her, so be it. Maybe you weren’t supposed to be with them in the first place. Know that love isn’t supposed to hurt and loving someone is supposed to build you up, never break you down. If that is happening in any relationship you have, you gotta to put on your big boy/ big girl draws and walk away from them and that situation. Think about it like this: A relationship is like a job. If it no longer serves you; why are you putting in your time and effort for something that you aren’t going to reap the benefits for? I understand emotion can make you do some crazy things, but you need to eventually take over and think logically. I get wanting to save your first true love. Me for instance, I feel as if I did everything knowingly possible to save my past relationship; but he just wasn’t into saving us like I was. That’s why it’s important to pay attention and watch a persons actions to find out if their intentions for you are the same as your intentions for them. Let them lead with action rather than words because it’s a whole lot easier to say “I love you”, “I only want you”, and  “I wanna marry you one day” rather putting in the work to show that you hold a special place in their heart and life.

I really hope this helps someone who might be on the fence about leaving a toxic relationship.

 Have you ever gone through a time in life when you thought it was okay to fight the accomplice and not your other half for what they did?

If so, how did you feel when it was all said and done?

Know you deserve better……

empowering · Feelings · motivational · Quotes · Thoughts

Hurt People

Have you ever thought of some of the things you’ve gone through in this life? How did it make you feel to experience some of the situations you’ve gone through? Would you change any of the choices you made? Also do you sometime ask yourself; ” Why me?”

 

I have asked myself those questions time and time again. When I was younger I didn’t understand why it was necessary for me to go through so many things that caused me pain. Every time something happened to me I always wondered: “What was the reason for the hurt?” As you may imagine I had a lot of talks with God. Thinking that there was a reason he was allowing so many bad things to happen to me. It felt like he was either allowing my heart to get broken over and over because he wanted me to learn something from those situations or it was my choices that were causing me to get hurt; either way it was God teaching me something.

It’s funny how you get older and things that use to hurt to think about, don’t bother you as much as they once did. I think the reason for that is the constant things we go through allows us to see things in a different light. For instance, if you had or have someone in your life that is or was treating you bad; you learn that sometimes people do cruel things because you’re everything they want to be, or they’re unhappy with themselves. So naturally because life isn’t working in their favor, they try their hardest to rain on your parade, because like they say; hurt people hurt people.

There are so many people in this world that have gone through unimaginable things; many times because of another person. But many times this person is hurting someone else because that is all they know. Other times people hurt other people to make themselves feel better, because life isn’t going so well for them. When you have someone that wants to see you hurt, learn not to take it personal because there is something in them that is very broken that needs to be mended before they can ever be happy for you. Some people will find the bad when there is only good. I understand, because for a long time I would do the same thing. Not so much with other people, but when it pertained to me.

I couldn’t tell you how much I’ve gone through. I’m sure it’s not as much as others, but I’ve gone through things just the same. And I feel God gives you tests so you can appreciated your reward(s) when he presents it to you.

Like I’ve heard so many times before: ” With great suffering, comes great reward.

Photos Provided By: https://www.ortussolutions.com/blog/into-the-box-web-development-conference-we-need-your-feedback-and-well-reward-you-for-it, https://www.123rf.com/photo_34171406_rewards-word-in-colorful-stars-illustrating-a-reward-bonus-prize-enticement-or-incentive-for-good-pe.html

health · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts

Broken Men

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   Am I the only one that believes the way some men handle their emotions needs to change? There is a stigma with men and not being able to express their self. I know plenty people think about men and the way their emotions are going to come out in the long run. But what about the wives and girlfriends of these men that keep their emotions bottled up? Speaking as someone that has been in this situation before, it’s not fun.

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          I understand it isn’t good for the man because it causes them to act out in other ways. For example: high blood pressure, depression, becoming abusive either verbally or physically, cheating, and the list grows. Men need to start expressing their self to people closest to them, so their family, friends or lover could know what’s going on with them. That is the hardest thing to deal with, having someone you want to share everything with and can’t because they have a wall up. There’s no way for that relationship to grow when you emotionally can’t be open with the person you supposedly love. So many things come from people not being able to express their self. I understand that it isn’t just men, but that’s who this post is directed towards.

A lot of these abusive relationships come from men that have been hurt and don’t know what to do with the pain. I’m sure a lot of us don’t think about that, but that’s what it is. There are so many things that could have played a role in the way a young man looks at the world and the people in it. I’ll give you a very real story that happened to someone close to me.

Jaylen was a little boy loving life. Living and enjoying being a little boy. Being that he was very young he hadn’t encountered anything or anyone who meant him harm. That was until his mother fell in love with a man she thought was the love of her life. This man seemed like the perfect gentlemen for the first couple of months to year. But what the mother didn’t know was this man was more interested in her son than he was in her. See the source image
Months went by, the mother continued to be blindly in love. Signs of sexual abuse constantly got dropped in her lap, but she paid little to no attention to them, not wanting to face reality and thinking to highly of the man and not trusting in her baby. Also not realizing this once little bubbly, energetic, ball of joy, changed. Do to what’s been happening to him, he had become depressed, angry and didn’t trust anyone. But by the time the mother figured it out, it was too late. The pain and anger had already set in. 

There are so many problems with this situation. For one, the mother saw the signs, but did nothing because she didn’t want to face reality. But the biggest problem was she didn’t offer her son anyway to heal from the pain. Most likely she didn’t know what to do to help him heal, she didn’t believe him, or she didn’t care. I’m sure many people are probably thinking “How could she not care that someone raped her little boy?!” or “How could she not believe him?!” It’s very possible.

But the problem is whatever the case was, you now have this very angry confused little boy who grows up to be this angry confused man. Who doesn’t know how to deal with his anger. So he goes out and hurts other people, because hurt people, hurt people. Or he suffers in silence because he feels so much pain that he doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems. Or the one I think rings most true; He’s too embarrassed and uncomfortable to admit the nightmares he experienced as a child, because he may feel it makes him appear less of a man.

stressed black man

We have to work on making our men feel like men, especially when they were put in situations they didn’t have the power to change. Let them know what they went through is not who they are. It’s something they went through, and over came. Also be there for them when they’re ready to open up about things that’s bothering them in their past, present or future. They will love you even more for that. And remember when he tells you something critical, you don’t have the right to tease him about it or bring it up in an argument, no matter how mad you get. That’s going to cause him to shut down and go further into depression.

In conclusion, therapy works wonders. If you have a problem and need someone to talk to and you either have the money or the insurance to do so, go see a therapist. Let them help you work your life out. Even if you don’t have money or insurance find someone you trust and that’s willing to listen, and pour your heart out. You don’t realize it now, but getting all that bad energy out helps you move forward in life. Your spouse will be extremely happy you did. Never feel like you have to hold things back from your therapist because in the end, your only hurting yourself.

 

Always Remember, Lead With Love!

 

 

Photos provided by: www.blackloveandmarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/man-sad-e1327286109478.jpghttps://c1.staticflickr.com/1/681/22055347934_006c2312cc_b.jpg, https://www.entertainmentmalawi.com/live-a-stress-free-life-you-wont-be-measured-by-what-you-don-have/