I’m sure I said this before; but you have to get a little uncomfortable to be comfortable. What that means is there are going to be somethings you’re not going to want to do, because it doesn’t pay or it seems to be tedious and a big waste of time. But those are the things you’re going to have to do to get to the places in life you want to be.
As many of us later on find out, life isn’t as easy as some people make it look. Sometimes you feel like your head is barely above the surface. Expenses keep pilling, responsibility seems to keep increasing, but the pay stays the same. Over and over we go through the feelings of worry, frustration, anger, and depression; and not always in that order.
I’ve been told many time that I take everything and everyone in my life to seriously. I’ve been told to lighten up many times; advice I really need to learn to apply to my everyday life. If I don’t, I fear I’m going to make myself sick from worry. But how can the girl who indirectly plans every interaction make this change and let things just happen? I don’t know but I’m willing to learn.
So when I say “Do what you have to do, so later you can do what you wanna do” That means go through all the rough and uncomfortable shifts early, so that by the time you’re in your late 30’s early 40’s you can be comfortable and have your money work for you.
Once this happens for me, I fear I won’t know what to do with myself; in a good way. Just think about it; arriving at a point of wealth many people do not get the chance to obtain.
The only things I want are to have my huge condo, over looking the water, spacious bathroom; tub separated from the show. The main feature of the show is it’s an over the head shower in the center of the bathroom, with a sky light. The last thing a lap dog and to take care of every single person in my family who has and continues to struggle.
Wealth can be built, but you have to be willing to take the risk
“Now you wanna have some type of control over somebody!… I gave you the chance to lead. You didn’t want to. So now I’ve learned the strength is in leading myself; since I can’t trust you to do it!”
“That’s unfair!… When we got married we both were in our early twenties. I didn’t know anything about being the head of any ones household. I was learning and so were you.”
“I understand that and I knew that at the time. But when you said you wanted to entertain other women, it broke my heart! You don’t understand I would have done anything for you! But once you crossed that lined, the game completely changed.”
“If you didn’t want to go through with it, we didn’t have to.” This was the first time Kevall had taken the time to really listen to what his wife wanted; partly because he was afraid of loosing her. He knew this polyamory thing was going to come and bite him right in the ass one day. He just hoped this wouldn’t be the day.
“You say that now. But how many times had I told you I wanted you and only you, and that I didn’t need nor wanted anyone else?”
That was me saying, ‘I don’t want to go through with this polyamory thing’.”
“Why didn’t you just come out and plainly say it?!”
“Hold up! Don’t get mad at me because you wanted to soil your royal oats. All of this I your fault.
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“Kevall, I’m gonna need you to hold down the office for me for a couple of days.”
“Why? Where you going?”
Passion looked at him questionably because she had gone on hundreds of trips over the years and he had never taken a real interest in where she went. So this was a little off putting to her.
“Why all of a sudden you care?”
“I’ve always cared. I just never said anything. I didn’t believe it was my place to ask because we were polyamorous at the time.”
“That hasn’t changed.”
“Well.. why not?!” Kevall wanted so badly for her to realize she hadn’t needed attention from other men, because he planed to make up for all the years he wasted without trying to get to know his wife. The question still was ” Was he too late? “I thought we were working on us?”
“Kevall I know you would love me to be that very agreeable Passion, you met so many years ago; but things have changed… I really love living and being this way. It makes me feel so free and sexually fluid. Something I didn’t welcome at first, but as time went on I began to appreciate.”
“Why can’t you appreciate it with me?”
“I do. I just don’t want your dick to be the only one I get to hop on from time to time. I need and crave other options. Hell.. sometimes I don’t want dick; I want a vagina. So you see, I’ve become so comfortable with our setup, that I’m not just able to break away from that way of life so easily.”
“That still hasn’t answered the question.”
“Where are you going?!” By this point, Kevall was frustrated because of his fear of loosing Passion.
“With who?” He hadn’t felt the pang of jealousy in years. Even though he had never really been the jealous type, for some reason his feelings toward his wife started to intensify.
“Have you booked the flight yet?”
“Why is that ‘Good’?”
“Because, you’re not going.”
“What the F*** you mean, ‘I’m not going’?”
“Just what I said.”
She was put off by his sudden need to become a take change type of guy. She wasn’t use to that at all, where it concerned him.
“From my recollection, you’re my husband; not my father!”
“I don’t have to be your father in order to demand that from you.”
“Oh, yes the hell you do! Especially if you expect me to do it!”
“Passion, what happened to honoring your husband?”
“Oh now you wanna play that game.” Passion hadn’t believed how much had changed with in the span of a couple days. Just last week he was piping some girl down in the car outside of their house. She was a little mad about it, but had not said anything because she had also done that a time or two; Kevall just never caught her.
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Passion was over the whole conversation with Kevall. She loved him, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go back to the way things were. She wasn’t satisfied then. During that time of being married and faithful, she felt she lost a little bit of herself.
Over the years since them decided to be polyamorous, she started to become more and more of the woman she felt she had always been. Which was something very beautiful in it self. She no longer felt unattractive or insecure because she had the chance to become that beautiful sexual butterfly she always believed herself to be.
By learning how many men and women viewed her, she unlocked the deadbolt to her sexuality; more like burst that door off of the hinges. Now because life proved to be so good over the years; she wasn’t sure she was ready to turn back.
“So… what you gonna do?”
“I don’t know, girl.”
“Well, you know the only reason he wants you to stop now, is because he don’t want to look stupid to everyone else. Also I think by having Jaylen there the other night, it made things real to him.”
“Yeah, I think you right, girl. But I still don’t know what to do. I’m sure if I tell him ‘No’ he’s gonna get all up in his feelings.”
“You know it…. I hate to be the bearer of bad new; but he may even leave you. Are you ready for that?”
Passion wasn’t finished being a connoisseur of the many different flavors that were sexuality. So she wasn’t quite sure what to say or how to feel. On one hand, she didn’t want to loose him. On the other, she felt it was unfair for him to ask her to change once again, because of his ego.
“Shonda, I really don’t know… I never gave that a thought.”
“Are you still happy being his wife? Or are you more interested in becoming a THOT?”
“Damn! Why you got to say it like that?”
“I don’t mean anything by it. I’m just saying, know what you’re giving up before you decide to walk away from a 20+ year marriage.”
“Well, he’s definitely not going to get his answer today. I’m gonna take some time to think about it. Matter a fact… Girl what you doing this weekend?”
“Taking Brent to his father’s….. You know, he hasn’t seen him since we got divorced?”
“Are you serious?!”
Shonda was a divorcée, mother, and business woman; who took pride in everything she ever did. Things between her and her now ex-husband Ross, had gone sour because he couldn’t except her success. Mainly because she was taking nothing but W’s and he couldn’t catch a break. Sure he had a job, but because of the way he was raised, he felt it was the mans job to be the earner, protector, and provider. So naturally when roles switched, so did their feelings for each other.
“Yeah, girl. Unfortunately I am.”
“How long has it been? Because isn’t Brent; What?… 15 now.”
“Yep. But get this.. He saying I’m keeping him away from his son…. How?!”
“Well, are you?”
“For real? You really gonna ask me that?.. “You know I would never do that! My mother did that to my Dad. That’s why our relationship is strained till this day.”
“Shonda, please don’t get offended. It’s just, sometimes Baby Mother’s do things like that, because their trying to hurt their Baby’s Father just as bad as he hurt them.”
“Passion, there’s a big difference between being a Baby Momma and a WIFE. After all, I do have morals. No matter how mad I get, I would never do anything like that. Because, It wouldn’t be only hurting him it’ll be hurting my child.”
“Damn… Sorry. Didn’t mean to take it there. All I was trying to ask is; Do you wanna take a trip with me?”
“B**** where?! You know I’m down.”
“I’m thinking… South Africa?”
“Let me know when you ready.”
“Okay good! I’m gonna talk this over with Kevall tonight. Then I’ll call you with the details.”
“What made you wanna take this trip?”
“I just need to clear my head and possibly get some good pipe , before I make this decision.”
“Passion, what’s up with you and little young thang over there?”
“What you talking about?”
“Rosalind told me, she saw you with some young buck. And since Junior over there, is the only youngin we recently hired, it got to be him.”
“Shonda, why you all in my business?”
“Excuse me, but I thought you were Ms. Free as a bird. The one who throws the rock, but doesn’t hide her hand.”
“Oh don’t get it twisted, I am still that b****. I just don’t feel like talkin about it.”
“What?!… I can’t believe that one. Is this the same Passion I went to FAM with; the same girl who had an orgy with 2 girls and a guy?… The same one who couldn’t wait to tell me; so instead of calling, she ran all the way over to my dorm room, because she just had to see my reaction as she told the story?”
“Yeah; she is me. But this here, is just a tune up; every now and again. It’s really nothing to talk about.”
“I don’t give a damn! I still want to know.”
“Ooh, you noisy.”
“Like yo ass not…. Op, there he go!”
“And.. What that suppose to mean?” Passion started to get a little irritated; because she really wanted to forget all about ‘the youngin’ being in between her thighs.
He was good, but not good enough.
“Don’t look, but I thank he’s coming over here.”
“Damn! I was trying to avoid his ass.” Before she could even think of leaving, he was standing before her.
“Hey, Mrs. Whitaker. How are you doing, this evening?”
“I’m well. How about you?”
“Could be better.” He didn’t have to say a word; she knew exactly what was on his mind. It seemed ever since she put him in his place, he became extremely aroused, whenever she was near.
“Passion, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”
“Ah, yeah. Jaylen this my good friend Shonda. Shonda this is Jaylen. Would you two excuse me for a minute?” Passion was almost willing to give in; once she remembered his oral fixation, with various parts of her body. But soon remembered, the party they were currently attending, was being thrown at her house; an idea set into motion, by her ever so thoughtful husband.
“Babe, where are you going?”
“No where. Just wanted to get some air…. You know what? I was just thinking about you.”
But are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“Can I join you?”
“Well… yeah, I guess.” As she stood there, looking at her gorgeous husband; in they’re 20 million dollar home; surrounded by people who either loved her or wanted to f*** her. She realized how blessed she was to marry a man like Kevall. A man who loved her despite her many flaws. “On one condition.”
“I need you to take control of all this; like you use too.” She said as she glided her hands up and down her body.
“What you mean, like I use too?” Kevall felt a little offended by Passion’s comment. He knew he hadn’t been putting in that work, like he use to; but he figured it was good enough.
“I didn’t stutter.” Passion was never one to bite her tongue.
“Well.. come here.” Sometimes Kevall believed Passion said certain things to upset him; because she knew he would always take his frustrations with her, out in the bed room. He knew how kinky his wife was, and he had to admit, that was one of the things he loved most about her.
“Stop playing, and bring that sexy a** over here. “
“Make me.” Kevall was the only man Passion would allow to take control; because she trusted him.
Kevall realized she wasn’t budging. So he walked his chiseled, sexy, creamy mocha colored self over to her. Gave her a gentle, passionate kiss on the lips. Before she knew it, he had her bent over, fully clothed rubbing his girth between the folds of her womanhood.
“Ahhh… Stop it! I can’t take it, anymore. Please put it in!”
“Shhh… you don’t want your friends to hear us.”
“We’re not doing anything; yet”
Part 3, coming next Friday. Please make sure to LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE, and FOLLOW; so you wont miss another post.
“Mmmmm… Your lips feel so good on my skin. Knowing you, has come with many benefits.” Passion said looking down at Jaylen. Who moments before was immersed in all of her glorious juices.
Passion was a woman of many faces. Her love for sex always seemed to over power any emotion. She never would admit it, but she was addicted to the pleasure and closeness sex brought. Many times it didn’t matter with who. Woman or man did not concern her. The only thing that mattered was getting that fix. So naturally when Jaylen was hired, she instantly made him her concubine.
“I agree Ms. Whitaker, it has.” Jaylen managed to say in between slurps.
Knock.. Knock… Knock…
“Ahh… Be with you, in a minute!” Passion was caught of guard. It was approaching 10pm, and because of the time, she believed everyone went home for the night.
“Who could that be?!” Jaylen said in a whisper to avoid being heard. He was just as surprised as her; even a little more so, because this job was the only thing keeping him from being on the street.
“Shhhh… whoever it is, will here you!” Passion was surprised, but she knew how to play it cool. She had been caught to many times before, not to learn a thing or two from her sexual escapades.
“Are you okay in there Mrs. Whitaker?!”
“Rosalind, is that you?” Passion walked over to a desk with plenty of monitors on it. Checking the camera right above her office door, she saw it was indeed Rosalind. “What are you doing here, so late?”
“I wanted to finish up some work for tomorrow…. Can I come in?”
“I’m sorry Roz, but I really have to finish this. Why don’t you go on home; and we’ll talk in the morning?”
“Okay, Boss. See you in the A.M. Have a good night.”
Passion continued to watch the cameras until she saw Roz exit the building.
A couple seconds later
“Are you for real?! You got my heart pounding so damn hard, right now!”
“What are you so worried about? I told you, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. As long as you keep pleasing me like you have been; you’ll never have to worry about employment ever again.”
“Ms. Whitaker, you know I have way more to offer than just that. I came to work for this company because I really believe I have something to offer.”
“Oh you have something to offer, alright.” Passion said as she looked at his lips, licking hers, becoming moist all over again.
“Dammit Passion, I mean it!”
“Oh I know you do.” And like the true lioness she was, she commanded his submission. “But that is no way to speak to you boss; is it?”
“I thought we were more than that. At least I hoped we were. It’s been six months, I’ve been working with the company, and you promised me that creative director position, a few months ago!”
“And you believed me?…. Ha, ha, ha. You really think that I’m going to give someone I just met, that type of control; not to mention that big bump in pay?”
“I thought you liked what we have.”
“Oh, I do. But not enough to be dickmatized by it!…. If you haven’t realized, this is a company I’m running here; not a charity! If you want that position, you’re going to have to work hard, just like everyone else!…….” Passion peeped the game he was trying to run, the first night they met; a little over six months ago. “Oh, I know… you thought because we’ve been messin around, you could just ask me for what ever you wanted, and I would make it happen…..” Even though that is what he assumed would happen; he didn’t expect her to put two and two together so quickly.
“I’m sure you thought because I’m a little older than you and a woman, you would be able to play me. Sorry to inform you; I won before you even began. I knew that your little young a** was flirting with me because you believed me being a woman would constitute an easy take over for you. But I’ve played this game more times then you have. Every time I come out on top; sometimes literally and other times financially. And I’m gonna tell you now, this isn’t a game you’ll win. Now, can we get back to you pleasing me?!” Jaylen took a little to long to get back to the task at hand, so she interrupted his thoughts. “Ah…. that wasn’t a question!”
Part 2 will be up next Friday at 5am.
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Good Afternoon, Loves!!
I pray life is treating you well…
Self love– regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).
This is one thing every person should have for themselves but don’t. Many times people or situations, cause you not to feel this for yourself. That’s the reason we have so many negative things going on in the world.
A lot of people have begun to feel complacent with not feeling good about themselves. That is definitely not a head space we need to be in. Regardless of the things you’ve been through in life, you have to learn to move past the pain, find the silver lining (there’s always one). I know sometimes the bad may out way the good, but there still is good.
I’m not sure why negative affects stay with us longer than positive ones. But you have to allow yourself to get out of that negative head space, so you can thrive and start living life with purpose instead of technicality or responsibility. Try turning that negative thought process around.
Instead of thinking, “I hate my life!” think ” I love my family. I’m so happy they were placed in my life.” or “I’m getting older. I have nothing to show for it. At this point life is pointless. No career, husband, or children.” you could say, ” I have my freedom, and I’m excited to see what beautiful blessings God has for me, because what is for me, will soon be mine .”
See the problem with most of us these days, we want everything right now. If we don’t get it when we think we should, we start to spaz out. We start to believe our time for success is never coming, we’re never going to get married, we’re doomed to live a life of poverty, we’ll always be a loner; I could go on forever. Truth is, we have so many fears, that we’re allowing them to run our lives.
You’re always going to have some fear. The key is to use it as fuel; not an excuse to not achieve your greatness. Let that fear propel you to be the best singer, songwriter, writer, actor, doctor, lover, teacher, activist.
What ever you have passion for, let your love for it guide you. Through doing what’s in your heart, you find the way back to you.
If you need further help getting out of that rut; here are a few books that are guaranteed to get you back on track. The key is to practice what you learn in these books, daily.
Also, don’t forget to LIKE, FOLLOW, SHARE, and COMMENT; so others who are going through depression or self doubt can be helped by this post. Know that a person can be laughing on the out side, but inside are empty because they feel as if their life has no purpose. Show them it does.
Have you ever been stuck in a rut, and didn’t know how you were going to get out? That was me before I started writing this blog. Day after day I would go to work and hate it. Don’t get me wrong I still hate it. But finding something I like to do, that also connects with others makes it all more bearable. Just to give you some knowledge as to what I do, that’s if you’ve never read any of my blog posts before. I work in retail, have been for over 13 years. Believe me, it wasn’t my first job choice but it gave me a check. That being said, I know that is the only reason I stayed, that and fear to try something different. But as the years passed I realized it wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, so I made some moves. I started working another job while still having the first. The second job wasn’t as mentally draining as the first, but it was very draining physically. I can remember days I fell asleep on the road rushing from one job, just to get ready to go to the next. I’m sure I’m not saying anything new, because half of us has, had or are either looking for our second job, right now.
That’s the one thing you shouldn’t do, get a second job. If anything, start something you can call your own. At least you know if you make a profit most if not all that money is going to you. I’m sure your probably like, “I don’t have money to start a business!” Truth is, some of the best business owners didn’t start out with that much money either, but they still persisted and made something out of nothing. It feels like that’s what a lot of us do not understand, as long as you have a vision and passion for making that vision a reality, there will always be someone interested in what you have to say, no matter the amount of haters. Just know, you’re definitely going to have people down playing or talking negatively about your efforts to make something out of yourself. All because they’re afraid to go after what they want, like they say, ‘Misery loves company’. That’s what you have to remember when you start talking to people about your dreams or plans to excel in life. Don’t let negative people deter you from what you know was put in you to do.
Prime example, This past Sunday I reached work took my first customer and the conversation with him led to my current ventures of promoting this blog. He said, “Don’t you think it’s a little too late?” At first it got under my skin and pissed me off, but instead of getting mad I replied with, “It’s never too late.” The way I viewed his response started to affect me, but I didn’t let it get that far. Maybe it was the coffee that had me in such a positive mood or I know that I’m gonna be alright because I’m finally doing what I was meant to do. Either way I know he responded that way because most of us are taught that once you’re in a job for a long time, you should work there up until retirement and collect a check. I’m sorry, that isn’t the way my mind works. The way I see it, you can change your mind, job, interest, anything, as long as you still have breath in your body. Age has nothing to do with that, and never let anyone tell you different. Most times people talk just to hear themselves talk, and more than half of the time they’re not saying anything of value. So I say to you, if you have a dream to do something that you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t, either because of fear or circumstance, just do it. You’re not getting any younger and you’re going to feel nothing but regret if you don’t. So live your best life and stop allowing others to dumb you down.
I’m sure people believe being a writer/ author, whatever you would like to call it, is easy. But it isn’t easy in the least, because you have to find an audience that loves to read and as time goes on that is becoming harder and harder to find. So many people are waiting for me to finish this book, but very few are giving me the support I need to finally finish. I almost feel like the book is going to flop once it comes out. I know i should only have positive thoughts about it. But I have been writing for months and there aren’t that many people who actually check out my work. All I’m saying is, it would be nice to know you all are actually enjoying and reading the content I’m putting out. Side note: To those that actually read my work, know that I really, really, really appreciate all of you. You just don’t know how much it means to me to knowing when I write something you read it and enjoy it. Please keep commenting, I really love to see what you have to say.
Also I’m going to forever write. It’s something I know was put in me to do. I don’t care if I find a way to get paid for it or not, it’s my therapy. The added bonus is knowing someone is listening. Eventually I would love to leave a legacy like other writers that came before me like Toni Morrison, Octavia Butler, Zora Neale Hurtson, Maya Angelou, and so many others. One day I hope I can reach their level of writing. One day I will, I’m sure of it because I’m not giving up!