Experiences · Short stories

Going through…..

Happy Saturday!!!!

What’s good with everyone? Hope you had a great week!!!

There’re so many things going through my head at this moment. But the one that sticks out the most is moving and the whole situation with that. I know if I was to tell you what I had to go through (emotionally) throughout this past year you would probably tell me to run. I would say you’re probably right. I’m not saying I want to stay. Well let me rephrase that, I would love to stay; if it meant I didn’t have to live with “Him”.

I don’t know what it is, but the more the days pass the more dislike and disgust I gain towards him. Let me stop lying, I know why I don’t like his ass. You want a list? Here it goes. He’s controlling, complacent, insecure, deceitful, manipulative, secretive, unprogressive. Believe me the list could go on, but I’m gonna stop it right there.

I’m sure the question you’re probably asking is, “If he was all those things through out the years, why did you continue to be with him?” I would have to say, I was being lazy and also a little afraid. Afraid of ‘What’, you may want to know. Afraid of the unknown. I was happy knowing I had the control of who showed up at my house. See, not many people knew where I lived and I loved that. If I’m being honest, I enjoyed it because there weren’t unannounced pop-ups or people needing me all the time. I had more freedom because I didn’t have to worry about looking into they’re faces’ when I said “NO”. Fine Print: 9/6/16: Are You A People Pleaser? (With images ...

If you don’t know, I’m the type of person who will do all I can to help the next person out without any concern or thought for myself. I’ve done this so much over the years. Believe me, it’s not that I want to be like this, this is just the way I am. I’ve been trying to learn how to put myself first. But I’m afraid once I move back home, I’ll be putting my needs on the back burner once again.

These days I know I can’t do that. But I feel if a person makes me feel bad enough, I’m gonna go right back to my old ways. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing things for the special people in my life; I just don’t want to feel obligated too. Let me be far, it’s not them it’s me. Every time I’ve ever said “No” in the past, I always felt like, they would through me away. I know that’s an extreme thought, but I can’t help but think like that. I think the reason I feel like this is because I’m a big “People Pleaser” and with that comes a lot of mental and sometimes emotional turmoil.

Many times when you’re this type of person you fight with yourself, because you know you don’t want to do the thing they’re asking. A lot of times you do it anyway, because with this disorder you are always looking for acceptance and validation; cause deep down you don’t believe that you’re as great a person as everyone keeps telling you, you are.

The other thing about being a ‘People Pleaser’ is, many times the ones who’re doing the asking don’t realize how much of a heavy burden they’ve put on your shoulders by asking you to do something. It’s not their job to know, because in actuality the problem lies with you. People Pleasing is a hard thing to shack. I mean you’re agreeable even when you wanna cuss a b**** out! It’s too much sometime, but hey that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Question of the Day: If you are a People Pleaser, how do you cope with it? Or If you once were a People Pleaser, how did you change that and learn to put you first?

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If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

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empowering · Feelings · Informative · motivational · Thoughts · Venting

Pushover

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Have you ever looked at your friends and thought about how and why you became friends in the first place? I seem to do that a lot. I’ve noticed the type of people I usually choose to hangout with have very strong personalities. They don’t take to much off of anyone. I finally figured out why I choose these type of people as friends; because they say the words sometime I feel I can’t. Many times I’m too worried about the consequence or hurting someone’s feelings. I know many people probably are thinking, “Why would you care about hurting someone else if they don’t care about hurting you?” I can’t even tell you. I’ve always been like this from the time I was a little girl til now; at the age of 36. You think somethings would change over time, but a lot has stayed the same especially with me.

By having these people with strong personalities as friends, I was hoping some of their ‘A’  type personality would rub off on me. But it has been countless years later and I’m still the same soft butterball I’ve always been. To be honest I have a real problem with putting other people before myself. I’ve realized, sometimes it doesn’t matter if I know the person or not; I will still go out the way to help them. I’m sure many would think that’s a good trait; but it’s not so good when you do it all the time. In the end I usually end up being the person without. I find that people are going to only do for you if you have a stable balance of respect or they want you to do something for them.

In the coming months asserting myself is something I’m going to work on. I’m sure it’s not going to be a cake walk, but I’m going to put in the work because I don’t wanna be everybody’s pushover anymore. For the people that have my type of personality; I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from. It’s almost like you feel paralyzed to do anything about some of the hurtful comments or experiences you’ve gone through or are still going through.

I was reading a book called, Disease to Please. In this book the author was explaining how adults become this way; she said it had a lot to do with learned behavior during childhood. It’s almost like you found a way to bend to other peoples will so you could in a sense survive. The problem with this learned behavior is, feeling like you have to continue to live your life this way. For most people pleasers like me, it’s hard to shack that survival tactic. It’s something easy to learn, but not something easy to unlearn. For years I haven’t allowed many people to get close to me, for fear of being hurt. It almost feels like I’m powerless to protect myself, but I’m learning to take that power back.  Once I had a friend of mine I use to work with tell me; ” You’re like a wave, because you can work with anyone.” I know she meant it as a compliment but I secretly took it as an insult, because to me that just says; I’m too afraid to be myself because I fear people won’t like me for who I really am.

The one great thing about all of this is I have some where to let these emotions out. I’m thankful for that, and the learning experiences I’m still going through at the current time, because in the end they’re going to help me become a strong solid person.

Please SHARE, SHARE, SHARE.

Who knows, this may help someone who has been through similar situations as myself or are going through these situations at the current moment. Most people just want someone they can relate to.

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health · motivational · Thoughts · Venting

Screwed Up

Good Morning!!!

I know it’s been almost a week since I’ve posted. I can kind of blame the season for that. So many things to do and so little time to do them. But I hope all is well and you got what you wanted from who you wanted it from.

Now for the topic of the day; it’s something I’m sure a lot of you have probably gone through. I hope I’m wrong, but it turns out a lot of children go through a lot of unnecessary things. Just incase you might not be sure what I’m talking about; I’m talking about physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, and manipulation. The last one many people may not look at as such a bad thing; but it is. There is so much that you can get a person to do when their sense of self isn’t solid. When you’re an adult things are suppose to change; but if you never took the time to get to know yourself, how are they going too? There are so many things that happen to kids these days that screws them up before they have a chance to become adults; sexual abuse, bulling, stalking, being manipulated, the list goes on! So sometimes when a person comes out a little more screwed up then the rest of us, you can almost understand why they are the way they are. Then you have those children who grow up into adults, that were evil from the time they came out of the womb (What is that?!). That’s another topic for another time.

I wanted to talk about this because I have been through things in this life; probably not as much as some, but I have, just the same. For those of you who had someone in your life you couldn’t stand to be around but had too because you were a child, and had no choice in the matter; you know what I’m talking about. There are people I subject myself to even today because I still have that mentality, that I have no choice in who I interact with. I never noticed it until now.

Another thing I noticed I developed was, a people pleasing mentality; something I really want to loose. I can’t lie, it has made this life easier; but this isn’t the way I want to live out my life. I would rather be a strong solid person who doesn’t require validation from anyone. People who have that confidence and validation tend to live the lives they want. You know why? They don’t let other peoples actions or feelings lead the way they live their life.  That’s another reason I think my life hasn’t turned out the way I planned; I’m too empathetic when it comes to others feelings. Something I’m sure I developed while growing up.

If your story sounds anything like mine, that might be the reason for your emotional and mental turmoil. Some of us are going through things right now, and don’t realize how unnecessary our feelings are for that situation; reason being, it’s not our problem to bare.

Going through life as an introvert/ INFP/ HSP is not easy, because everything that other people feel or are going through you feel. That’s why for people like me I would never suggest working anywhere that has a high turn overrate or high volume of interacting with people; because what usually happens is their energy becomes your energy.

I have a feeling all of that is going to change this year. I’m going to work hard at making this life become the life I’ve desired; as you should. As long as you’re breathing it’s never too late to be who you want to be or live the way you desire. Everything is a matter of perception and hard work.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post.

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