Hope everyone is doing well. I have to say, I’m feeling GREAT!!!! There are so many things I want to do. But when is there not so many things I want to do. The great thing about me feeling this way is, it lets me know I’m back to myself. Something I’ve been praying for, for a while.
Now that I’m back to myself I need to make somethings shake. The problem is with me; I want to do so many things, but I don’t know the actions to take to bring them alive. Over the years there have been so many things I’ve started. Things like a soap business with Grade A soap. The only thing I have No clue how to market it. I definitely know how to spend the money to create it though. Then there’s the book I published Loyalty Love Lies & Betrayal. I published that almost 2 years ago, but the sales are nothing to write home about. Then there’s my podcast Elevated Living and my YouTube channel Lulus Lavish Lathers. These two are also things I could be working on to generate money. But to be honest all I really know how to do is start things. I never seem to have the focus or motivation it takes to keep it going. But I have a strong feeling that is going to change. Mainly because I really do not want to work for anyone anymore.
The reason I haven’t made it in any of the things I’ve tried yet is….. FEAR. Fear of being in the forefront. You know how you want to be well of but not famous? That’s me. I want the payoff from it, I just don’t want the attention that comes with it. But the longer I sit with this and let life pass me by it becomes more apparent being in the forefront is exactly what I need to do.
My apologies for the short post. But currently this is the only thing on my mine. If this happens to be something you’re also dealing with, maybe we can figure this road block out together.
Also if you’re having problems with your skin and it’s being unruly, try a bar of Lulu’s Lavish Lathers; the soap that Caters to you. Made with all natural ingredients.
Hope everyone is doing fine…. I was going through trying to figure out what I was going to write about today. There’s so many things that go through my mind, but not all of them can make it to the post. Most recently I was thinking about starting up a couple other things. The only problem with this is making sure I stay consistent. Remaining consistent has always been a struggle for me; No matter what I’m supposed to do. The only time I seem to get things done is when it’s for someone else. That is a habit that must change.
As for the things I want to start doing; YouTube. I started a channel a while ago but stopped making content because I obsess over every aspect of the video, to the point of me not posting one. I’m working on letting that perfectionist go. I tell myself there are many things I plan to do in life, but they never seem to go any further then that. So to correct that I’m working on keeping my word to myself. It may be one of the hardest things I’m gonna have to learn, but it’s something I’m actively working on improving.
One of the other things is getting my Podcast up and running. I tell you; there are so many was out here to make money, you just have to be open to the possibilities of what may happen once you let go. This is something I constantly have to remind myself of, because I always contain my real self. I do this for fear of not being accepted.
The bad thing about always silencing or containing your true reactions and emotions; you start to loose yourself. I know this from experience, because I don’t know if the person I am in everyday life is the person I am when I’m alone. The person I am when I’m alone is someone completely different. Hell… the people I create in my stories are a lot more exciting then I am.
I think I learned how to permanently silence and hide myself once I was taught to care what other people think. The hard part now is to unlearn that behavior. The only thing I want to do is be the person I would have been without the years and years of indoctrination. The great thing is; at least I understand unlearning and not doing what’s expected of me will bring me closer to who I’m supposed to be.
I know that deep down, under all these insecurities I am a free spirited, open, loving, kind, generous soul who does what she wants without the nagging voice saying; Don’t be too different. You run the risk of being rejecting when you’re not digestible. Even though I know this isn’t true, it’s still something that keeps me from showing the world who I truly am.
If you took the time to read this blog in its entirety; Thank you!
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I’m trying something NEW. Not sure how this is gonna work out, but I’m gonna give it a try. Recently I’ve decided to become more concerned with my health. I tried to do this over the years but for what ever reason it just wasn’t working out for me. I always ended up back sliding.
What has got me feeling like this is knowing that school will be open again VERY soon and the other this being tired of looking and feeling the way I do. I really just want to be happy with the way I look. It’s not like I’m ugly or anything, but I do need to work on getting in shape and clearing my skin.
Ever since we have been on this quarantine I’ve gotten comfortable with staying home. It’s not like I was really uncomfortable any way, because I’m an introverted Empath who thrives off of alone time. So it really was like a vacation to me. I didn’t have to worry about taking on anyone else’s emotions if I didn’t choose too. That was the most lovely part about this whole thing.
Now that I’ll be returning back to work I’ve been thinking of different ways I can cope with being around large groups of people. Thankfully I found The Empath’s Survival Guide. Reading this book is helping me to understand my emotions and actions at a deeper level. It’s also helping to correct my addictive behaviors. There’s also a whole section in there about ‘Food Empaths’; these are people like me, who eat to lesson the intensity of an emotion, whether it be yours or belongs to someone else.
Beginning this book along with not being emotionally attached to anyone gives me the freedom and space to take care of me. This is truthfully the first time I’ve ever been truly unattached as far as entanglements and relationships go. At first I thought not having someone was going to be depressing, but it is the total opposite. I’ve realized I don’t want to be with anyone just to be with them. I want that type of love we see in the movies; that love that comes once in a blue moon (literally).
I know some feel my expectations are too high; but I have faith my perfect match is out there waiting on me. But first I have to experience me and come to know Shadrieka. You know, find out who she truly is, gain courage to stand in the forefront of my life and stop hiding behind everyone else and the decisions they believe are best for me. I’ve lived for others way to long. It’s time I become that free spirit I’ve always known myself to be.
From the beginning I’ve always been a person who loves people. I can remember way before my mother met her now ex-husband I was a firecracker. I said whatever was on my mind. If I like someone I said it, if I didn’t I also said so. Then my mothers Ex-husband became my boogie man.
There was something about him I did not like. I told my mother this repeatedly. You think she listened to me? No! I remember sitting in the back seat behind him or behind my Mom, and when my Mother wasn’t looking he would always stare at me. At the time I didn’t know why he was staring at me, I only knew it made me feel really uncomfortable. At that time he wasn’t living with use. But little did I know he had a key to the house. So he would do little pop in visits.
As I got older he hung around more and more. I never told my Mom this, but I always used to sleep with a bra on; many times I would wake up and my bra would either be off completely, unhooked or half on. I always felt uneasy about that.
I’m sure you’re probably wondering why I never told her. Well.. I never told her because I know how my mother is about me; and the last thing I wanted to happen is my Mother going to jail on the count of doing something to him. Also I didn’t want to take the chance she wouldn’t believe me.
Through the years many things happened. I remember waking up with my arm on fire. I had no clue why my arm hurt so badly. Once I looked down I saw bite marks on my arm. These were deep bite marks that broke the skin.
I remember at the time I told her about it, she shrugged it off, saying I probably bit myself in my sleep. It could have been possible; but the teeth imprints were different from my own.
Well let me get back on subject. I know myself to be a free spirit, because I always want to do those things a normal person would not want to do. I believe I shied away from being this way because my spirit was broken down every step of the way. First by not having my father in my life. Then by having this man in my life who treated me like s***. This man in the largest way possible laid the foundation for what I came to except and expect from men as I grew up. Then when I got old enough to date I was introduced to a slew of frogs and toads.
I was indirectly made to believe I needed another half in order to be happy. But now that I’ve been in failed relationship after failed relationship, I see now there is NO need to be with someone if that someone isn’t your match. You’re better off being by yourself. Learn to love you and stop giving your love to those who DO NOT deserve it.
Enjoyed the blog? If so, make sure to Like, Comment & Share. I would love to see how or if hits home. Also this may help someone going through something. Letting them know there is always time to get it right.
I know there’s a lot going on in the world. But through it all, I hope you manage to find a way to smile. Granted it’s very easy to lose sight of the great things that happen everyday. For what ever reason, it seems like the bad always overshadows the good. For some of us that’s because we’re wired to expect bad things and others are dealt a sunshine and rainbows hand.
Circumstance a lot of the time can make or break a person’s take on life. That’s why someone that seemed to be so happy go lucky changes and becomes a “Debby Downer” sometime. But positivity is also something you have to work on daily, so you can help your mind to rewire itself. After time you won’t have to consciously remind yourself to be positive, you just will.
That’s why whenever I feel like I’m being stuffed in a box, I have to find a way out. Just incase you hadn’t realized, having control over your finances almost guarantees you to have more control over your life. Why do you think there are so many people these days starting up companies and finding ways to work independently?
Although for some, this would be too large of a step; and that’s okay. For a longtime I knew I wanted to have the type of control that came with running my own business. I can’t tell you how many ideas I’ve had over the years. A lot of them didn’t see the light of day. But for the ones that have, some of you have bore witness to them.
The first thing was this blog. I have to be honest, after 3 years this is still just a hobby (Something you like to do but your loss is greater than your gain.)… Then I decided to write my first book Loyalty, Lies, and Betrayal. I’m sure it would have sold better if I put some money in the advertising. For the ones who have read it, I’m told all the time how good the book is. I really cherish that…. Then I started YouTube. I’m not saying I’m done with it, I’m just extremely shy so it takes a lot for me to get on camera and talk about anything. Then there was my Podcast. I started it, but I realized it’s good to have a co-host because the commentary doesn’t have the chance to get boring. Now, I’m 150% focused on selling all natural handmade soap. This was one of the biggest investments I’ve ever made.
I’m not giving up on the things I’ve started before making soap. God willing, I’ll one day master them all. I just have to stop letting myself get in my own way. I hate to say it, but I’m sure some of you are probably going through the same thing i.e Not knowing when to get out of your own way.
For this company I’ve started, I’ve grown overwhelming passionate for it. I will do everything possible to help educate more of us on the health and the importance of having healthy skin. As I say on my store’s Website LuLusLavishLathers.com:
I started making soap when I realized a lot of soap isn’t made from natural resources. I found that out when I started digging more into the health world, hoping to find better ways of being healthy. So as a result of wanting to be healthy I started going to Wholefoods and bought natural soap. Mind you, this was the very first time I had been introduced to a soap that not only cleanses, but feeds your skin in the process. I wanted to recreate something like that; and the great thing now is, I can.
Come and try a bar. Every soap is made with natural and organic ingredients. Many are made with essential oil, such as peppermint, patchouli, chamomile, cedarwood, tea tree, eucalyptus, and a long list of other essential oils. The important thing with using these type of oils to add fragrance to the soap is; it also adds a long list of benefits.
Many of us don’t know this, but if you’re allergic to something many times that’s because of a blockage in the body. Do you know why many blockages start? Because of feeding ourselves things that were never made for the body to intake in the first place.
Question of the day: Moving back with your parents; how would you feel about that after experiencing real independence?
S*** is getting real, real quick. I knew this day was coming, I just didn’t realize how fast it was gonna get here. The last time I checked I still had five months. At that time 5 months seemed like a lot of time to get my s*** together. But as we all know when you’re in a time crunch, days roll around like minutes, and months go around like hours.
So now I’m about two months away from the final day of living in my lovely first apartment. I’m sure once the day comes for me to move I’m gonna be so emotional, because I really created a bond and a love for where I live. There were so many days coming home from work an event whatever the case was; I would be so happy to just go home. What made me so at peace with being home alone is the fact that I saw it as an accomplishment. Also there was a peace in coming home knowing I was the boss of me and didn’t have to do anything if I didn’t want too.
For years before I moved out of my mother’s house I thought I would never be able to move out. Now I know I’m capable of taking care of myself. The relationship didn’t work out, but at least I can say I’ve learned a hell of a lot about myself in the process. It almost brings me to tears thinking of how much I pushed the real me down to fit into other peoples ideal of me. I have way more to learn, but I know I’m well on my way to becoming the free unbound spirit I know I was always meant to be.
Believe me I know it’s a hard task to be 100% you and not care about the judgement and dirty looks you may get from others because you choose to do things differently. Especially when you’re a highly sensitive person. Many may not understand why being highly sensitive makes being a free spirit that much harder; I’m gonna explain it to you.
Highly sensitive people like myself and many others don’t always do what’s in their heart and minds to do because they’re extremely affected by the thoughts and feelings of the people around them. So if you tell an HSP something is going to make you unhappy or upset, they’re gonna try to do everything in their power to keep you from experiencing those emotions. That’s why a lot of Highly Sensitive People (HSP’s) or sometimes Empaths put their wants and needs on the back burner because we’re more concerned with making others feel at ease over ourselves.
I know moving back is not going to be an easy transition, but God willing it will be a productive one. One thing I definitely don’t want to happen is; loosing sight of my goals. Which is producing & selling more books, making and selling more soaps, having a successful Podcast & YouTube. I’m sure I left something out. If you can’t tell, I want to live a life of abundance in everyway.
I guess I feel like this because I spent so much time caring about what other people thought about me and what I do. For years depression and anxiety took over my days, making me paralyzed to the different things I wanted to try and accomplish. I was so overwhelmed with how others viewed me I gave no thought to how I viewed and felt about myself. As I write this I feel the tears wanting to escape, because not that long ago depression and anxiety were ruling my days. I’m still a work in progress. I still have those days when I feel sad and anxious. But you know what gets me through?…. Knowing I have goals to accomplish and how good I’m going to feel when everything I’ve been working for comes to fortition.