Good Morning!!!….. I apologize for my absence. Been enjoying my freedom a little to much.
Well todays post is going to be about two different things, that are different sides to the same coin. As you know, I’m constantly thinking. Most times I feel like I can’t turn my brain off. I’m always thinking about something. I already know why that is. If you think you know the answer, leave a comment below.
Anyway, like I was saying…. Why are certain people given a pass when it comes to cheating, and others are expected to except infidelity?
For years, men have been given the upper hand when it pertains to doing the morally right thing. They have been allowed do overs, for centuries! Women on the other hand, are expected to be loyal; and at the first encounter of infidelity, are cast to the side. Thrown away like a peace of trash.
I understand some women may deserve that type of treatment. But women who have been violated had no choice in the matter.
For starters, an astounding number of women and girls in the Democratic Republic of the Congo were raped back in 2018; 605 women, and 436 girls. There were also men and little boys who were violated; 4 men and 4 boys.
Just think about that for a minute….
Think of how these women’s and girls’ lives changed after something so horrific. Many times in countries like that, they view the woman as tainted after something like that happens. As a result, they believe the women/girls did something to make the rapist believe they had the right to do what they did.
I never understood how men can’t see how rape is a power play. It’s something men or women (yes women) do to assert their power over someone.
So think of those men who have no empathy, or understanding for something like this happening to the women they “love”. Many men aren’t able to move past this, while some are. It won’t be easy, but it’s doable.
Some reasons men can’t get past their spouse getting violated:
They see them more as something to own, and not a person with feelings.
They’re more concerned with their feelings and completely out of touch with how this ordeal affected you i.e-ego.
This one kind of goes with number 2. They’re concerned about what other people are going to think.
There are always going to be reasons to leave someone. Some people aren’t worth the fight. But I tell you, if you feel like that person is worth it and you know you’ll never find any one like them. You need to fight for what is yours. When love is involved, no one else’s opinion matters, but you and the person you love. Also stop allowing these men and women the chance to treat you like crap. Hold them accountable for their actions. That’s how they learn.
Final thought: If you’ve ever cheated or continue to cheat on your spouse, there is no way you shouldn’t be able to go through a traumatic experience such as rape with them. I feel if you love them, you will do anything in your power to help them work through their PTSD that is associated with the incident. But if that isn’t the case and you were only with them because it was convenient. You’ll find a way to make it about you just so you can leave.
Just some things I want you to think about.
Go crazy in the comments.
Do you believe rape is ever the victims fault?
Should a couple take a break, break-up, or stay together if rape has taken place?
In regards to infidelity, should it ever be tolerated?
Should both women and men be held accountable equally, when it comes to infidelity? Why or Why not?
Women and men need to be more selective of the people they choose to sleep with. It seems as if many people have not realized having sex, protected or unprotected could result in a baby or something worse. So I suggest if you can’t imagine yourself in that person’s life for the rest of yours or theirs, don’t go to bed with them; because children are a life long commitment.
There are and have been too many children born to single mothers. It’s a shame, when you start to realize just how many women had to take on the responsibility of raising a child when the men who get them pregnant are free to walk away. God forbid the mother of that child does that. I understand we hold women to a higher standard than men especially when children are involved. But who came up with the theory that the woman has to keep or take care of that child or those children; while the man is free to roam and get other women pregnant; if he so chooses?
I see that as totally unfair. What if the mother didn’t have the means to take care of that child? Or What if the child was a negative reminder of everything that went wrong in her life leading up to the time of conception, and she was a victim of rape? Are you telling me, that child should still be her responsibility?
I know the child isn’t the sin. The sin is in the act. But there is no man out here that would be okay with taking care of their rapist’s baby. I know that for a fact. Most men don’t want to take care of the children they have! How are they going to be willing to take care of a child of a person they hate?!
Many times that is the case for a lot of women out here. It’s not that they have been raped. It’s more so they’ve been led to believe the man they gave their body too, had as much love for them as they had. But quickly find out, soon as a baby is on the way the man changes his tune, because he doesn’t want the responsibility. Most men think it’s the woman’s responsibility anyway. That’s why I believe they think their presents isn’t needed. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Little girls need their fathers and so do little boys.
There is always a need for both parents to be in a child’s life. But often times we rob them of the opportunity, because of our selfishness. When you become a parent, you have to sacrifice sometimes for the child’s benefit. But what I constantly see are women and men who want to continue to live life like they don’t have a child that is depending on them to teach them right from wrong; and to be there in their time of need.
All I have to say is; “Grow up! If you can create it, you can take care of it.”
Let me know your feelings on this topic, and if their should be a part 2.
If a woman or man goes out with out proper coverage to their private areas, are they in any way giving consent?
I only ask because some people believe women especially, are asking for it if they go out without a bra or underwear. I’m going to try to stay neutral and just give you the facts of a situation of a girl being raped on the dance floor. I’m not able to tell you if the person got convicted or if the rape actually happened. The only thing I can tell you is what I saw.
The scenario: Girl goes out for her birthday. Not sure if she went out by herself or if she was with a friend. Long story short, she ended up hanging out with this guy. All while she was in the club she was on either Facebook live or Instagram live, not sure. The point is the video shows him holding her up with his drink in his hand. While the girl is doubled over with her eyes rolled to the back of her head, body limp with little to no movement. And this man proceeds to lick his hand and stick it under her dress. Then you see him try to grind on her. But I assume he couldn’t do what he intended, either because there were to many eyes on them or her dead weight wouldn’t let him position himself the way he was attempting. I forgot to mention, she wasn’t wearing underwear.
Now I ask you as I did before; Does that constitute as consent?…. I haven’t asked a lot of people about this particular situation, but I’ve gotten comments on situations like this. And it seems every time a woman is involved, the rape is a lot of the time validated. Many times because men don’t taking themselves out of the equation; their thinking, ” What if that was me and some female lied and said I raped her, because I didn’t want to be with her?” But what they failed to realize is, if you have no intention of having sex with someone while their either unconscious, drunk, or after they’ve repeatedly told you ‘No’; most likely you’re in the clear. But I’m not gonna act like there aren’t women out her that actually cry wolf when in reality nothing was done, and that makes it bad for the women who do speak out, who have actually been sexually assaulted. People are less likely to believe them, because of the amount of false cases of rape.
Then you have the people who watch it happen and don’t do anything about it. Like the person recording the whole thing. What made it even worse, was the fact it was a woman.
I just want you all to be safe out there. It’s okay to meet new people and socialize just make sure when you go to these clubs please, please make sure you watch your drinks. And if you go out with a friend, make sure to look out for them as you would yourself. Also you can’t trust everyone, so be on guard. That goes for men too. I’m sure they experience it but don’t come forward because they don’t want to be judged.
Remember everyone has a voice. Don’t let fear silence yours.
Am I the only one that believes the way some men handle their emotions needs to change? There is a stigma with men and not being able to express their self. I know plenty people think about men and the way their emotions are going to come out in the long run. But what about the wives and girlfriends of these men that keep their emotions bottled up? Speaking as someone that has been in this situation before, it’s not fun.
I understand it isn’t good for the man because it causes them to act out in other ways. For example: high blood pressure, depression, becoming abusive either verbally or physically, cheating, and the list grows. Men need to start expressing their self to people closest to them, so their family, friends or lover could know what’s going on with them. That is the hardest thing to deal with, having someone you want to share everything with and can’t because they have a wall up. There’s no way for that relationship to grow when you emotionally can’t be open with the person you supposedly love. So many things come from people not being able to express their self. I understand that it isn’t just men, but that’s who this post is directed towards.
A lot of these abusive relationships come from men that have been hurt and don’t know what to do with the pain. I’m sure a lot of us don’t think about that, but that’s what it is. There are so many things that could have played a role in the way a young man looks at the world and the people in it. I’ll give you a very real story that happened to someone close to me.
Jaylen was a little boy loving life. Living and enjoying being a little boy. Being that he was very young he hadn’t encountered anything or anyone who meant him harm. That was until his mother fell in love with a man she thought was the love of her life. This man seemed like the perfect gentlemen for the first couple of months to year. But what the mother didn’t know was this man was more interested in her son than he was in her. Months went by, the mother continued to be blindly in love. Signs of sexual abuse constantly got dropped in her lap, but she paid little to no attention to them, not wanting to face reality and thinking to highly of the man and not trusting in her baby. Also not realizing this once little bubbly, energetic, ball of joy, changed. Do to what’s been happening to him, he had become depressed, angry and didn’t trust anyone. But by the time the mother figured it out, it was too late. The pain and anger had already set in.
There are so many problems with this situation. For one, the mother saw the signs, but did nothing because she didn’t want to face reality. But the biggest problem was she didn’t offer her son anyway to heal from the pain. Most likely she didn’t know what to do to help him heal, she didn’t believe him, or she didn’t care. I’m sure many people are probably thinking “How could she not care that someone raped her little boy?!” or “How could she not believe him?!” It’s very possible.
But the problem is whatever the case was, you now have this very angry confused little boy who grows up to be this angry confused man. Who doesn’t know how to deal with his anger. So he goes out and hurts other people, because hurt people, hurt people. Or he suffers in silence because he feels so much pain that he doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems. Or the one I think rings most true; He’s too embarrassed and uncomfortable to admit the nightmares he experienced as a child, because he may feel it makes him appear less of a man.
We have to work on making our men feel like men, especially when they were put in situations they didn’t have the power to change. Let them know what they went through is not who they are. It’s something they went through, and over came. Also be there for them when they’re ready to open up about things that’s bothering them in their past, present or future. They will love you even more for that. And remember when he tells you something critical, you don’t have the right to tease him about it or bring it up in an argument, no matter how mad you get. That’s going to cause him to shut down and go further into depression.
In conclusion, therapy works wonders. If you have a problem and need someone to talk to and you either have the money or the insurance to do so, go see a therapist. Let them help you work your life out. Even if you don’t have money or insurance find someone you trust and that’s willing to listen, and pour your heart out. You don’t realize it now, but getting all that bad energy out helps you move forward in life. Your spouse will be extremely happy you did. Never feel like you have to hold things back from your therapist because in the end, your only hurting yourself.