Short stories

Shadrieka

What’s up y’all?

I’m trying something NEW. Not sure how this is gonna work out, but I’m gonna give it a try. Recently I’ve decided to become more concerned with my health. I tried to do this over the years but for what ever reason it just wasn’t working out for me. I always ended up back sliding.

What has got me feeling like this is knowing that school will be open again VERY soon and the other this being tired of looking and feeling the way I do. I really just want to be happy with the way I look. It’s not like I’m ugly or anything, but I do need to work on getting in shape and clearing my skin.

Ever since we have been on this quarantine I’ve gotten comfortable with staying home. It’s not like I was really uncomfortable any way, because I’m an introverted Empath who thrives off of alone time. So it really was like a vacation to me. I didn’t have to worry about taking on anyone else’s emotions if I didn’t choose too. That was the most lovely part about this whole thing.

Now that I’ll be returning back to work I’ve been thinking of different ways I can cope with being around large groups of people. Thankfully I found The Empath’s Survival Guide. Reading this book is helping me to understand my emotions and actions at a deeper level. It’s also helping to correct my addictive behaviors. There’s also a whole section in there about ‘Food Empaths’; these are people like me, who eat to lesson the intensity of an emotion, whether it be yours or belongs to someone else.

Beginning this book along with not being emotionally attached to anyone  gives me the freedom and space to take care of me. This is truthfully the first time I’ve ever been truly unattached as far as entanglements and relationships go. At first I thought not having someone was going to be depressing, but it is the total opposite. I’ve realized I don’t want to be with anyone just to be with them. I want that type of love we see in the movies; that love that comes once in a blue moon (literally).

I know some feel my expectations are too high; but I have faith my perfect match is out there waiting on me. But first I have to experience me and come to know Shadrieka. You know, find out who she truly is, gain courage to stand in the forefront of my life and stop hiding behind everyone else and the decisions they believe are best for me. I’ve lived for others way to long. It’s time I become that free spirit I’ve always known myself to be.

Early Childhood

From the beginning I’ve always been a person who loves people. I can remember way before my mother met her now ex-husband I was a firecracker. I said whatever was on my mind. If I like someone I said it, if I didn’t I also said so. Then my mothers Ex-husband became my boogie man.

There was something about him I did not like. I told my mother this repeatedly. You think she listened to me? No! I remember sitting in the back seat behind him or behind my Mom, and when my Mother wasn’t looking he would always stare at me. At the time I didn’t know why he was staring at me, I only knew it made me feel really uncomfortable. At that time he wasn’t living with use. But little did I know he had a key to the house. So he would do little pop in visits.

As I got older he hung around more and more. I never told my Mom this, but I always used to sleep with a bra on; many times I would wake up and my bra would either be off completely, unhooked or half on. I always felt uneasy about that.

I’m sure you’re probably wondering why I never told her. Well.. I never told her because I know how my mother is about me; and the last thing I wanted to happen is my Mother going to jail on the count of doing something to him. Also I didn’t want to take the chance she wouldn’t believe me.

Through the years many things happened. I remember waking up with my arm on fire. I had no clue why my arm hurt so badly. Once I looked down I saw bite marks on my arm. These were deep bite marks that broke the skin.

I remember at the time I told her about it, she shrugged it off, saying I probably bit myself in my sleep. It could have been possible; but the teeth imprints were different from my own.

Well let me get back on subject. I know myself to be a free spirit, because I always want to do those things a normal person would not want to do. I believe I shied away from being this way because my spirit was broken down every step of the way. First by not having my father in my life. Then by having this man in my life who treated me like s***. This man in the largest way possible laid the foundation for what I came to except and expect from men as I grew up. Then when I got old enough to date I was introduced to a slew of frogs and toads.

I was indirectly made to believe I needed another half in order to be happy. But now that I’ve been in failed relationship after failed relationship, I see now there is NO need to be with someone if that someone isn’t your match. You’re better off being by yourself. Learn to love you and stop giving your love to those who DO NOT deserve it.

Enjoyed the blog? If so, make sure to Like, Comment & Share. I would love to see how or if hits home. Also this may help someone going through something. Letting them know there is always time to get it right.

As Always 

Photo Provided By: https://www.africa-press.com/nigeria/all-news/how-to-protect-your-child-from-child-abuse

Short stories

Not Ready

This video was something I felt I needed to do at the time, because I was really going through. I was with this man that I thought was going to end up being my husband. But his a** had other thoughts. See his problem was he believed I was going to be that girlfriend that was not going to be capable of thinking for herself.

I know now that what he got was not what he wanted. He wanted someone that was going to depend on him 100%. Let me tell you something; that is not me, never has been me & never will be me. If I want something I go and get it for myself. I’m not going to look to anyone else to take are of me. I guess that’s just the way I’m made.

But let me tell you… I thought this was a bad thing at first, because I always heard “A real man wants to be needed and a woman shouldn’t be too independent.” I later found out that only applies to man who’s not secure in himself.

I mean really, what’s wrong with a woman wanting to secure a bag for herself? Too many times woman have depending on their men to take care of them and have been left in the end to fend for themselves. I’m not saying every man is like this, but there’s a good amount of them who are.

Yeah, but I really just wanted to bring this video to your attention. Please excuse the long pauses. Not quite a YouTuber. Just figured I would speak from the hurt and let you all know some of what I’ve experienced.

Enjoyed the post? If so make sure to SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!!!!

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As Always

Short stories

Knowing When to let GO

There is something most people don’t understand about me; and that is I am only nice because I don’t know how to be anything but. I choose to be the one that is going to be there for you through your hard times because it feels like that is the right thing to do. I also do this because I want you to know that I care and I want you to give me that same thing back. But do you think a large percentage of the people I give love to give love back?… The do. But that’s besides the point.

Fake Love wallpaper by SrabonArafat - cd - Free on ZEDGE™The point I’m trying to make is, you can give love to as many people as you choose; ultimately it’s your choice. But never forget that person also has a choice in whether they want to reciprocate that love or not. I know when we fall in love or we have friends we think we’re close too we become vulnerable, because we open ourselves’ up to them. Many times allowing ourselves’ to be used in the process, because we’re trying to be there in anyway we can out of love and respect for them. The problems start to arise when we think that person cares just as deeply for us as we care for them. Then we later find out for them the bond wasn’t that deep.

What many people fail to realize is, people are going to use you if you let them. That is why you always have to reevaluate connections. It’s sad you have to do this, but it’s completely necessary. This is the only way you can save yourself from being used. Give them the same energy they’re giving you. Also if that person is more instrumental in your down fall than your success LET THEM GO!!!! Stop trying to hold on! There is nothing there for you. Life will be a lot better without their negative cloud hovering over you.

Enjoyed this post? If so make sure to LIKE, COMMENT & SHARE!!! It helps this blog to grow.

Also don’t forget to shop LuLusLavishLathers.com for natural soap needs. Soaps that are so soothing they put you to sleep after every wash.

As Always

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Short stories

Figuring it out

Good Evening

 

I know this is a little different. I’m so used to writing posts in the morning that it seems a little foreign for me to be writing one right now, but I had to do it.

As always I have a lot on my mind. As you should already know, I’ve moved out of my one bedroom one bath apartment, about 2 weeks ago. I didn’t occupy it alone, I was living with my now ex-boyfriend. Some people may have considered it to be a little messed up the way I left that situation, but I don’t because the way he got me to agree to be on the lease was messed up.

I just say; if you’re not able to pay anything on your own do not agree to share anything with someone you think you are not able to trust totally. Right now I’m in a situation I had no idea I was going to be in. I thought once I moved out and returned the keys that I was in the clear. But now I find out that I’m on the hook for paying for any kinds of damage he may have caused or is causing in that space we both once shared. Like I stated before; I moved out 2 weeks ago and he’s still there.  The thing that has me responsible is the fact that I was the primary for the signing of the lease. At the time I didn’t know what that meant. I learned over time that I am responsible for any and everything that happens with that apartment. Lesson learned! Ill never be doing that again with anyone other than my husband.

I guess sometimes you just have to experience things for yourself. I’ve done that! I’m just hoping this will not be a costly mistake on my part. I’m hoping that he will do the right thing and either move out or renew the lease with only him on it.

Why we could not share the same space any longer.

He ended up being something completely different than what I expected. When we first got together he made it seem as if he was the sweetest person in the world. Then his claws started to show 3yrs in. We had to end up moving, because of constant break-ins.

He told me to checkout a couple different apartment complexes. I finally found one I loved and want to move into. I didn’t know it at the time but he was milking me for what ever he could. When I look back I realized there was nothing I did not do that he asked. I spent so much money trying to make sure he was happy. In return he lost that appreciation he once had for me.

By the end of the 1st year of us living in our new apartment that we both signed for, he wasn’t talking to me. He made me feel as if it was a privilege for him to sign on for another year, At the time I thought it was just a rough patch, not thinking much of it. Then maybe 2 weeks after renewing the lease he pretty much called it quits.

By this time I was over the having to kiss his ass so he would talk to me. So I left it just as it was. I guess he thought he could keep talking to me like I didn’t matter and I would stay. I knew that day I had “NO” intention of spending another miserable year with his lame, boring, trifling ass!

So…. I just say if you are thinking about moving in with a girlfriend or boyfriend, please learn from me. Do not! Make sure you can obtain a space by yourself first.

 

If you’ve enjoyed this post please make sure to SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!!!

 

Also if you’re looking for a soap that will get your skin right, come checkout LulusLavishLathers.com

 

As Always

Short stories

Hi Possibilities! I’m here for it!

Good Morning Everyone!

I’m feeling pretty good today. There are so many things that are right with the world as there are so many things that are wrong with it. It all depends on your perception of the things around you. It’s so easy to see the negative when the positive is staring you straight in the face. I really never understood why that is. For that positive thing to stand out it has to be more positive than the negative is negative; if you understand where I’m coming from.

But other than positives and negatives, today is going to be the last day I’m going to be at my current residence. I have until the end of the month to move but I figured I would give the last week of peace to my roommate. For you who don’t know we started off in a relationship then the act he had been putting on the first couple of years became too much for him and that’s when he started showing his true colors. For a long time I thought I was over reacting when I had feelings of isolation and being smothered by his controlling ways. Then I got conformation from those around me that I was not crazy for thinking and feeling the way I did. They say what I so desperately did not want to admit; that he was controlling and not the right fit for me…..

I was going to say, ” I wish they would have said something sooner” but I understand why they did not; because they knew I wasn’t ready to hear it and as a result of that I would have possibly cut them out of my life. Then that act would have had me deeper entangled into his web of misery and control.

For the longest time I thought he was so controlling and judgmental because he wanted the best for me and because of the love he had toward me. Later I realized it was for his own peace of mind. See; he had been cheated on serval times and as a result he became paranoid and believed I would do the same. So going in I didn’t realize his foundation was tainted by all those past experiences he had with other women. See it didn’t matter how transparent I was through out, because in the end he accused me of cheating anyway.

So inconclusion I just want to say to the women and men in relationships you have to constantly prove your loyalty; you might as well quit while you’re ahead. I may be wrong but once a person comes into any kind of relationship not trusting the other person, people or thing they’ll never learn to let down their guard and let you in. It’s going to take a hard lesson to open their eyes. So don’t waste your time or energy repeatedly proving yourself to that person when you’ve done nothing wrong to begin with.

I really hope you’ve enjoyed this blog. As always I enjoy creating them for you. Please do me the favor of sharing this blog in hopes of helping it to grow. 

On Another note: Come try a soap that caters to you and your skins needs! Try LuLu’s Lavish Lathers a soap that not only cleans but provides your skin with the hydration and moisture it needs to remain or for some of you become smooth and silky to the touch.

As Always

 

Short stories

Ease the Pain

Good afternoon Everyone!!!!

 I apologize for the inconsistencies. I’ve been trying to put myself on a schedule; still working on it. Also for the men who read my blog, I apologize in advance. I mean nothing personal. As always these blogs are a way to track my past present and future. Now that I’ve said that, lets get into the s**** and giggles.

First off, I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their much needed time off from work. I’m sure there are a lot of us out here who don’t feel that way. But let’s face it, we really did need a little bit of a breather. Who knew it was going to last this long though; not I.

Well let’s do the damn thing!!!

Well as most of you all who read my blogs know, I have an EX. I try not to let him be the center of my day; but damn; how can I not?! His ass is always home! I have to admit I’m a little relaxed right now. I needed something for the amount of hate I feel towards him.

I thought I could hang in there for a year I figured it was just a year and I could deal with the bulls*** until it was time to say “hasta la vesta!” But the closer it gets to the expiration of this lease, I’m becoming more and more bitter. The thing that bothers me the most is, “Who’s fault was this break up?” I’m sure a lot of you’ll probably say that it doesn’t always have to be someone’s fault. I know that’s true. But….. I’ve NEVER BEEN BROKEN UP WITH before! I guess that’s the thing that really through me for a loop. Every other time I’ve been the one to call it quits first.

Aside from that though, I knew this thing was coming to an end. There were so many signs. For one, we’re too much alike. Sometimes that can be a good thing; in this case it wasn’t. I have to be honest though; I’m happy in a weird way that this all will be over, soon.

 

If you know my pain and have gone through anything similar, please make sure to leave a comment below. It would be nice to know how you managed to get over the pain.

 

empowering · Experiences · Feelings

Self love is the Best love

Good Morning Yawl!!!!

 

I hope everyone is happy and living their best life, despite the state of the world. Don’t let that get you down. There are reasons to be in your feelings and unhappy, but look past those things and be happy for the things you still have; breath in your body for one.

Today wanted to do something a little different, I created a video on YouTube. If this goes well I think posts like this will become a regular thing.

But just to give you a little insight on the video you’re about to view, it’s for women who haven’t learned to value themselves; constantly looking for validation from the person their with or others around them.

 

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&
If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

As Always

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · relationship · self-esteem

A Woman’s Worth

Everyday women are put against each other. Constantly made to feel that we aren’t whole unless we have another half, preferably of the male persuasion. I just want to let you know in case anyone has never told you; you are the prize. Please don’t believe it’s the other way around.

So many women are plagued with the thought of feeling less than or inadequate because of the absence of a male. If he doesn’t want you that’s his problem not yours; stop making it so. There’s only so much you can do. One thing you should never do for sure is bend your back to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you.

A Woman's Worth | Ashanti Holliday/title>

I understand both sexes go through the same things, but all I know is what I’ve lived and seen. It just feels like women a lot of the times get the short end of the stick (in the black community). So many of these women end up taking care of the men the choose to be with. Prime example: Many women in my family take care of the men they have or are with, and not just in the sense of cooking for them, cleaning, and taking care of the kids. No, these women do it all, from paying all the bills, to cleaning, taking care of the children, and some even taking care of mechanical things. Granted they didn’t do the physical work, but the did provide the money to fix the problem.

The sad thing is little girls from all over the world are taught to put a man on a pedestal; especially those who have grown up without a father. The thing that breaks my heart most is the women who haven’t experienced the love of a man will endure all most anything to experience it just once. Most women will go through hell and high water, because they haven’t realized their worth. 

What I want to say to girls like me who grew up without the love of your father or a father figure; “You will never get that man to love you like you love him until you can love you first, without him.” 

Need soap? Want a soap that’s going to keep your skin hydrated an supple? Go on over to Soapsbyshad.etsy.com
&
If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

As Always

Experiences · Feelings · Thoughts

New Age Manipulators

Good Morning!!!

As always, I hope your day has been going well and things have continued to get better in this trying time. But truth be told we all need a little something to distract us from the things going on around us.

   Question: How many of us have dated someone we thought had our best interest at heart just to find out they were really looking out for themselves?

Image result for a woman giving a man moneyIt’s a shame but it happens to a lot of us. We think the person has taken a real interest in us, only to find they were way more interested in what we could provide. I know women have been raised and bred to take the husband with the most to offer. It’s sad though, most us still think like this.

I’m not sure if you know, but we are able to go out and get it for ourselves these days. I get it, most of us want to take a shortcut and have wealth and everything else we need in a short amount of time. But the reward comes when you’ve worked for what you want, rather than trying to scam someone out of what they have worked so hard to build.

Image result for woman taking care of a man memeAlso, it isn’t only women doing the scamming these days, it’s the men. They do the typical good guy things, wait till you fall for them, then their true colors start to show. In a since, they have become better manipulators then most women. The sad part is a lot of these men look to their women to take care of them in every sense of the word. Many don’t see anything wrong with it. They feel because women have been the ones being taken care of since the beginning of time, that it should be their turn to get cared for.

In this since I don’t see that as a justification for roles to change. When you think about it women have endured so much just to be where we are right now. Many of our female ancestors have been beaten, raped, had no rights and the list goes on. So for a man to want to come up off the back of a woman is a little suspect in my eyes.

Granted you have those who have done their fair share of caring for the women they’re with, and just getting sh***** on repeatedly. I can understand why they may have a mentality to use a women for everything she has, because it’s been done to him. Don’t get me wrong; just because I can understand doesn’t mean I’m agreeing with it, because I’m not.

All I say is make sure you can really trust the man or woman you’re with before you start giving them access and spending upseen amounts of money on them or on their behalf. Otherwise you’re going to feel like a real fool if you were to find out they were only with you because of what you could do for them.

If you’ve ever dated or are dating someone you believe has or is currently doing this to you or someone close to you. Make sure to drop a comment below.

I would love to read about some of you alls experiences.

Photos Provided By: singleandlivingfab.com, pinterest.com

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · motivational

Just Live

How is everyone doing today?!

As always I hope things are going in your favor.

I never know quite how to start out these posts. All I know is I have something I want to say….

I was a little amped this morning. Maybe it had something to do with me finally going to the gym. Well anyway, I was just thinking how I want life to be for me in the next couple of years There are so many things I want to change. First of all, I want to roll out of bed and already be at work. Working for myself is the goal. Like I have said before, time and time again.

I’m working towards the goal I have set forth for myself. I’m sure it’s going to be a fun journey learning everything it entails being an entrepreneur.

Image result for freedom entrepreneur

For many years I never pursued being the leader of my own company, because honestly I was to concerned about finding love. Well as I’ve said before, that time has passed. It’s now time for me to put myself first, learn me before I decide to give all my time and energy to someone else.

A lot of times we don’t realize this, but as women we have been brought up thinking that family and a husband is the thing to have; and if you don’t have that by a certain age you have failed.

That is a flawed way of thinking.

Thinking and believing that being someone’s other half is your life’s purpose leaves you vulnerable to all the time wasters and f*ck boys/f*ckgirls. What ends up happening is you start to question yourself (Well I know I did). You start thinking and believing that you aren’t good enough because most of these time wasters want to do just that; waste your time. But you as a woman have to be mindful of how much of your time you’re wasting on these people who aren’t looking for  the same things you are. If you’re not careful, you could easily loose your chance to have children, following behind someone who wants to play house but doesn’t want the responsibilities that come with it.

I started thinking long ago… “Do I really want to be married just for the sake of saying I have a husband?” I thought and thought about it for a long time. I actually had someone I wanted and thought I was going to marry; but the longer we stayed together the more it became clear to me that, that was something that was never going to happen.

You see, a lot of us look at these social media posts, the families, kids, husbands, big promotions, lavish gifts; and jealousy starts to stir in our spirit. The next time that happens, I just want you to think, ” What did they have to do to get (him, her or it). Keep in mind, ” All that glitters isn’t gold. You don’t know what is going on behind closed doors or what that person had to do to get that promotion or that huge house. 

It’s a sad reality, but many times people forget to live for themselves, because they’re too busy try to live for everyone else. So if there’s anything you take from this post, I would love for it to be ” Live everyday as your last. Without any inhibitions or doubt that the way you choose to live is wrong; because there is no right way,

Just live. Image result for entrepreneur freedom

Also if you’re looking for a soap that will be good to your skin and provides a pleasant experience every time. Check out Heavenly Scents By: Shadrieka.

OR

 Looking for a great read that has drama and a little ratchetness Loyalty, love, lies, & betrayal is the book for you. 

 

Photos Provided By: lifehacks.org, Pinterest.com