This video was something I felt I needed to do at the time, because I was really going through. I was with this man that I thought was going to end up being my husband. But his a** had other thoughts. See his problem was he believed I was going to be that girlfriend that was not going to be capable of thinking for herself.
I know now that what he got was not what he wanted. He wanted someone that was going to depend on him 100%. Let me tell you something; that is not me, never has been me & never will be me. If I want something I go and get it for myself. I’m not going to look to anyone else to take are of me. I guess that’s just the way I’m made.
But let me tell you… I thought this was a bad thing at first, because I always heard “A real man wants to be needed and a woman shouldn’t be too independent.” I later found out that only applies to man who’s not secure in himself.
I mean really, what’s wrong with a woman wanting to secure a bag for herself? Too many times woman have depending on their men to take care of them and have been left in the end to fend for themselves. I’m not saying every man is like this, but there’s a good amount of them who are.
Yeah, but I really just wanted to bring this video to your attention. Please excuse the long pauses. Not quite a YouTuber. Just figured I would speak from the hurt and let you all know some of what I’ve experienced.
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Disclaimer: If you or someone you know has gone through or are sensitive to childhood trauma, please do not engage in reading this post.
What’s up everyone?!
I know you may think you know me from many of my blogs… But how can you know me when I don’t even think I know myself?!
I have gone through life trying to live in the shadows because I never wanted to rub anyone the wrong way. That was mainly because I grow up with someone that was supposed to be a very strong positive male driving force in my life. That was anything other than what I got. What I got was someone who broke my spirit! This person made me question who I was at every turn. Before him I was a pretty outgoing child. I had a very strong sense of self. There was no one you could put in front of me that I would be afraid of speaking too. But sense him I have felt nothing but fear. It makes me so sad to think that this man had the power to make me question my self worth.
He did not do this directly, he used the one person I love the most. His words worked at the time. I didn’t know it, but she was under a spell. It hurt at the time to know this man had such a hold of this person I loved and cared for so much. I HAT THIS!!!!! Every time I speak about this one individual it causes me to retreat inside of myself. It brings up emotions I really do not want to feel anymore!!!!
Many of us don’t realize our childhood plays a huge part in the kind of person we grow up to be. Because years later I am still that timid little girl. When I once was that girl who sparked conversations and did things without the help of anyone else. I hate to say it; but this man took my confidence from me. He made me feel naked, weak & and helpless in this world.
My Mom say I should start talking about this stuff because it will help others to relate to me; but it hurt sooo much to talk about. I know I need to be more vocal, but those are feelings I just don’t want to revisit. I understand that by facing these feelings it could help me move on and not be held back by childhood trauma, but it’s so hard to admit that this individual affected me soo deeply.
Even though it happened years ago. I still feel like that middle/ high schooler who was made to feel like they were nothing!!! I now understand why I am the way I am. He’s the reason why I don’t want to speak to new people, why I suffer from agoraphobia, also why I have a very weak sense of self worth. Most people don’t understand the type of hell you have to go through when living with someone who hates the very thought of you. This is even worse when you’re a child, because you have no where else to go.
Many people don’t know how he got in my head. He did this through years of being alone in a house with me. I was confined to my room for many days. That many times was the only place I felt safe. Don’t misunderstand me, he never touched me in that way, as far as I know; but he did talk down to me every chance he got, which was a lot. This was because my mother was working to pay the bills and he was not. So he had plenty of time to wreck my self- esteem. There was nothing I could do that wouldn’t go through him first. I didn’t understand it at the time, but it was because he manipulated my mother so bad she didn’t want to do anything that would upset him.
I don’t want to make this post too long, so I’ll stop it right here. If you would like to know more about my Step-Father and how I’m dealing with the residual affects, make sure to drop a LIKE and SHARE this post.
Just because this isn’t your story doesn’t mean it doesn’t resignate with someone close to you. Sometimes we just need to know we’re not alone.
I’m sure a lot of us are still going or are a little crazy because of this quarantine we’re under. Don’t worry it’ll get better all in time.
Well… you know there’s always something I want to bring to you all’s attention; and that’s manners. What happened to them?
Back in the day the South was known for their strong stance on manners and using them. But as time passes it seems manners are quickly becoming something of the past.
What got me to thinking about this is a conversation I had with my Mom, just yesterday. I was speaking to her and she mention how men used to treat women with respect; open doors for them, offer a helping hand when they realized something may be too heavy to lift. Now days…. women are left to fend for themselves. Many men have forgotten or either put down the practices that classified them as men, in the first place. A lot of them will watch you struggle with bringing the groceries in or fixing something around the house before they ever part their lips to say,
Many times that’s because they have no romantic interest in you or they’re used to you and really don’t care about putting on that front like they care. Honestly it seems like most men these days are only trying to help you out if they’re trying to get your number. That is unless they’re an older Gentleman who was raised in the manner of treating every woman with respect and knowing the role of a man.
For example: Ladies have you ever dated someone who when you first started dating they did everything we know a man should do; you know like pulling out your chair, opening the door for you, paying the tap, help when the situation calls for it? I can keep on going but I’ll stop there. My point is, they start that way and stop once they get what they’ve been working for or once they’ve figured out you don’t know your worth. This is especially true if you are not the type of woman that holds a man accountable. The sad reality is they’ll cater to you, but only if you make it a requirement.
That ‘s why I feel so many women are going through the problem of having a man respect them and remain loyal, because… women out here are settling for less.
Stop being pushovers! You have to stand strong in what you want and need out of a relationship, cause if you don’t he’s gonna take you as a joke and play with your time and your heart; And we can’t have that; can we?
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I hope everyone is happy and living their best life, despite the state of the world. Don’t let that get you down. There are reasons to be in your feelings and unhappy, but look past those things and be happy for the things you still have; breath in your body for one.
Today wanted to do something a little different, I created a video on YouTube. If this goes well I think posts like this will become a regular thing.
But just to give you a little insight on the video you’re about to view, it’s for women who haven’t learned to value themselves; constantly looking for validation from the person their with or others around them.
There was a question that I needed the answer too. Not really needed the answer, but wanted the answer. And that question is,
“Have you ever or do you currently date someone that you feel more like a father or mother to rather than a spouse?”
If so, why do you think that is? I have a theory.
Theory 1: Many of us end up with this type of person because deep down we want someone who’s gonna need us just a little more than we need them.
Theory 2: We weren’t quite aware that being with this person would be so demanding. So in essence, we got blind sided.
There are plenty of possibilities, but those are two that make the most sense to me.
I didn’t want to exclude the men out, because I’m both sex’s have had to deal with someone who wasn’t taking on the kind of responsibility required for their age or that relationship. If you still aren’t feeling what I’m saying, let me give you an example. Okay…. let’s say you and your partner have been together for a very long time, and the longer you stay together the more demands they require from you. Things like; “Where are you going?” “When are you coming back?” “Don’t eat this or that.””There’s no need for you to leave this house for more than 4 hours.” “If I’m not home write a note letting me know where you are.” Then the death blow; silent treatment.
If you have experienced being with someone like this, it almost feels like you’re the child and they’re the adult. But it’s really more like having a new born baby who is in need of you every moment of every day. At first it can seem cute, but over time, it starts to really work on your nerves and self-esteem. Self-Esteem because, it’s only you and him most times; because to many outings may set him off. Then sometimes this may lead to what I mention earlier; silent treatment.
I’ve been given silent treatment so often that it’s become a norm. I know it shouldn’t be. But the good thing is, I’ve learned not to internalize it.
The Silver Lining
I’ve learned I don’t really need anyone else. It would be nice but it isn’t mandatory.
I would love to hear about some of your stories. So make sure to leave a comment, like share and follow
I gave you what you asked for but it wasn’t what you wanted, let alone what you needed. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have been with you. I would have realized that life with you was just to good to be true.
Now here we are 5 yrs in and I’m wishing I never met you. I swear sometimes you’re crazy; or is that what you want me to believe? You said you wanted someone that would be true to you, someone who would never lie. I gave you that and much more, but it feels because of my honest nature you’re taking advantage of that. I can’t deal. There are so many things that you’ve done already that has got me reconsidering a life long partnership with you.
I know that with you I’m going to have to give up my dreams and that is just not an option. Never has been never will be. And if you really want to be with me that is the way it is going to be point blank period. I’m tired of feeling like I’m your child when I’m suppose to be your woman. If you want a child, you need to take care of the one you have. Go tell them what to do because this a grown ass woman over here! Who needs no supervision.
Even though I say this, I know that you’re going to continue to act the way you act because you can’t get passed the women who hurt you in the past. And I just will not let that be my cross to bare. Some other woman who is willing to deal with you and your crazy reasoning is going to have to endure your constant accusations and silent treatment, because it won’t be me! I’ve got to many places I want to go, to many experiences I want to have and to much money to make to be sitting here letting you drag me down with you.
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About a week ago I wrote a post titled:Fat shaming in 2019. Really? The post did okay. Some understood where I was coming from and then you had others who believed my opinion was a sign of entitlement. There are many things I would like to say in this post, but I fear that I won’t be able to say exactly what’s on my mind and get everything out as need be.
The problem with people these days; they believe everything is up for debate. True, you may have an opinion but that doesn’t mean mine is any less valid. There are people everyday who are ridiculed and criticized for the way they look, think, eat, wear; you name it, someone is always going to have something to say about something. So in many cases, your damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
When I wrote that post, it was to shed light on the way people look at someone who is obese, fat a.k.a a lard ass; as I’ve seen put a time or two. I know people may think of fat people as lazy, unmotivated, and or not living life to the best of their ability. That’s one way of seeing it. But if you really want to get to know or understand the mind of someone who is obese get to know them as a person first, before you start passing judgement. Everything isn’t as black and white as it may seem.
What kills me is people can more readily except someone who has an addiction; such as drugs or alcohol before they could except someone who has an addiction to food. 9 times out of 10 the person with the drug addiction will be met with more sympathy than someone who eats away their problems. What makes this even worse is when you have others who believe because they’re dietary preferences don’t involve animal based products that their reason for calling you out is justified. Incase some of you did not know; there are plenty of fat vegans out here. I’m sure when you think of a vegan, you think of someone who is thin, bubbly and pleasing to the eye.
News Flash: That’s not always the case.
What people fail to realize, is those who are over weight and who have been fat all their life, know nothing about how it feels to be thin. Although, that may be something the want desperately; they have no idea how to get it and maintain it. What many fat people want, is to be excepted for who they are. Not to be changed because they are not visually appealing… to you!
People don’t think about this, but many times people who are fighting a food addiction are dealing with more than being fat. Remember, there was a reason for them to turn to that cheeseburger or to that birthday cake ice cream in the first place. I’m sure everyone deals with something. For some, they believe being fat is a result of being lazy. When the truth for some of us is, not that we’re lazy. It’s that we have gone through things such as rape, domestic violence, mental and emotional abuse, molestation and the list on. Often some of us choose to be a little bigger because we don’t won’t to be looked at; for fear of being taken advantage of.
As we know, everyone is, has, or will be criticized for something in this lifetime. I’m not going to say or even act like being fat is the worst thing to be criticized about. But, everyone deserves a level of respect. I don’t care if you’re 90lbs or 1100lbs, you deserve to be respected and not chastised or degraded because of your physical appearance. And that’s what I see happening everyday, especially with little girls. Little girls grow up believing they have to look a certain way because that’s what society teaches them. Some of them weren’t taught to value themselves, regardless of their looks. So when you have a beautiful little girl and her foundation was screwed up from jump; many times she grows up to be something she no longer recognizes. That’s do too not developing a strong sense of self-worth, as she was growing up. So I ask you:
Are you more concerned with a person’s soul and sanity or does the physical matter more?
In the end if you’re happy and have a strong sense of self; those problems will work themselves out.
Some may look at this post as a cry to be excepted. But in reality all I’m asking is to be heard.
Why am I not able to separate myself from feeling bad because someone may be mad at me or doesn’t like me? That has been a problem of mine for a long time. There’s something in me that wants everyone to love me. Deep down I know that isn’t possible, because someone is always going to dislike you for their own reasons. Most times it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them. I guess you could say that’s something that I’m learning more and more about as I get older.
Growing up, I felt pretty much the same. I always wanted people to like me. Most times, I bent over backwards. Kids and adults treated me poorly. At the time I didn’t realize it wasn’t me who had the problem, it was the people around me. There are so many of us that just want acceptance, but you have to first accept yourself. Once you do that, it won’t matter that the next person doesn’t like you. The reason that is, is because you will love yourself so much that it won’t matter what the next person says or does. You’ll be so secure in yourself that what they’re doing won’t shake yourself confidence.
I know your probably thinking, “How is self confidence developed?” and “What can I do to improve mine?” There are so many ways to improve self confidence, but I’m gonna give you four right now.
How To Increase Your Self-Confidence:
Think Positively– Control the things you choose to think about. Most of us don’t realize it, but our thoughts control our mood. Choosing to take in positive things and information can make you a much happier person.
Eating Clean- Eating clean brings you to a higher frequency. When you choose to eat in a cleaner way, you don’t feel weighed down and tired by the heavy toxic, nutrient deprived food you were eating before. If eating a diet high in live foods you feel alive. Don’t believe me? Try it for a month.
Exercise- I know that everyone else is saying this, but it does make a difference. I’m sure plenty of us have had that high after finishing a workout. It makes you feel good, light, and re-energized. It also helps to clear your mind. Remember you’re never too old to start anything, and you don’t need a gym membership to do so.
Surround Yourself with Positive People- This helps sooo much! Have you ever been around someone that always has a sad story to tell? You don’t realize it, but their energy becomes your energy. That’s why you can walk in to a room feeling the happiest you ever have and two minutes later feel sad and your not sure why. It’s because your soaking up other people’s energy around you. That’s why it’s important to hang around light hearted positive people, because you become what you surround yourself with.
In the long run you’re going to become a better person. Working on yourself is something that we all should do, and don’t worry if you haven’t gotten to the point of accepting yourself yet. It’s just a matter of time before that happens. There’s no rush. Take the time to grow into the person you want to be and know that everything is an experience you can learn from.