Short stories

Love thy Self

Good Morning!!

How is everyone doing today?

I hope things are going in your favor and that you are making some major strides in securing your future.

There’s something I was made aware of last night. That thing was; you can’t just date anyone and expect for you all to fit eventually. This is something I never really paid attention to in relationships past. I really thought before that you could date someone and eventually you all would grow together, no matter the difference. Now that I’m older I see that is not the case. There are things you’re gonna run into that just are not going to fit and never will. I guess that is the lesson past relationships taught me.

You may be wondering or you already know I had to experience this fairly recent in order to be talking about it today. You would be right in your assumption. I was open to giving this guy a chance, but he didn’t want the same things I wanted. He was more concerned with what I wanted to do with my life then what he wanted to do with his own. All in all he seemed like a nice guy; just not the guy for me.

The other thing was my mother was so happy when she saw me speaking to him. Mainly because she wants some grandbabies. Not only that, she believes having someone to love you makes you feel more complete. She’s not understanding along with other people I’m close with, that at the current time I’m not looking for another half, nor do I want one. I’m really just wanting to take the time to find out what I want for myself. That is why I have not spoken to or seriously engaged in conversation with anyone I could potentially get close to. I know how I am, and because of that I know that everything I’m trying to make work for me now would come to a stand still if I seriously pursued a relationship. That is something that just can not happen at the current moment.

I’m grateful I was able to stop and assess the situation before it got any bigger. I say that because I have been in situations like that before and I’ve rolled with it; not really providing any pushback. All because I didn’t feel I was worthy of an opinion. Dare I say,

“Not anymore Baby!”

You are gonna hear this mouth, especially if I don’t like something. Or you may not hear from me at all, because I already know what your end game is. I’m not falling for it again.

To many times I have been left with egg on my face.

Not this time Honey”

I am the one that is going to decide my future. No one other than me gets a say so in what I choose to do with my life. I have given boyfriends past too much control over my life and greatness. That will never happen again.

“I have far to much to do to be fooled up with you!”

For those of you who feel you need someone to be happy; please know that isn’t true. What is true, is that you are supposed to love you before you could ever allow yourself to love them and them love you back. If you’re not in this headspace I suggest you take the time to learn to love you before you add someone else to the equation.

As Always 

Short stories

Not Ready

This video was something I felt I needed to do at the time, because I was really going through. I was with this man that I thought was going to end up being my husband. But his a** had other thoughts. See his problem was he believed I was going to be that girlfriend that was not going to be capable of thinking for herself.

I know now that what he got was not what he wanted. He wanted someone that was going to depend on him 100%. Let me tell you something; that is not me, never has been me & never will be me. If I want something I go and get it for myself. I’m not going to look to anyone else to take are of me. I guess that’s just the way I’m made.

But let me tell you… I thought this was a bad thing at first, because I always heard “A real man wants to be needed and a woman shouldn’t be too independent.” I later found out that only applies to man who’s not secure in himself.

I mean really, what’s wrong with a woman wanting to secure a bag for herself? Too many times woman have depending on their men to take care of them and have been left in the end to fend for themselves. I’m not saying every man is like this, but there’s a good amount of them who are.

Yeah, but I really just wanted to bring this video to your attention. Please excuse the long pauses. Not quite a YouTuber. Just figured I would speak from the hurt and let you all know some of what I’ve experienced.

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As Always

Short stories

Trauma

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know has gone through or are sensitive to childhood trauma, please do not engage in reading this post.

What’s up everyone?!

I know you may think you know me from many of my blogs… But how can you know me when I don’t even think I know myself?!

I have gone through life trying to live in the shadows because I never wanted to rub anyone the wrong way. That was mainly because I grow up with someone that was supposed to be a very strong positive male driving force in my life. That was anything other than what I got. What I got was someone who broke my spirit! This person made me question who I was at every turn. Before him I was a pretty outgoing child. I had a very strong sense of self. There was no one you could put in front of me that I would be afraid of speaking too. But sense him I have felt nothing but fear. It makes me so sad to think that this man had the power to make me question my self worth.

He did not do this directly, he used the one person I love the most. His words worked at the time. I didn’t know it, but she was under a spell. It hurt at the time to know this man had such a hold of this person I loved and cared for so much. I HAT THIS!!!!! Every time I speak about this one individual it causes me to retreat inside of myself. It brings up emotions I really do not want to feel anymore!!!!

Childhood Trauma's Lasting Effects on Mental and Physical Health ...Many of us don’t realize our childhood plays a huge part in the kind of person we grow up to be. Because years later I am still that timid little girl. When I once was that girl who sparked conversations and did things without the help of anyone else. I hate to say it; but this man took my confidence from me. He made me feel naked, weak & and helpless in this world.

My Mom say I should start talking about this stuff because it will help others to relate to me; but it hurt sooo much to talk about. I know I need to be more vocal, but those are feelings I just don’t want to revisit. I understand that by facing these feelings it could help me move on and not be held back by childhood trauma, but it’s so hard to admit that this individual affected me soo deeply.

Wellness Wednesday: Childhood Trauma and Men's Health | WOSU RadioEven though it happened years ago. I still feel like that middle/ high schooler who was made to feel like they were nothing!!! I now understand why I am the way I am. He’s the reason why I don’t want to speak to new people, why I suffer from agoraphobia, also why I have a very weak sense of self worth. Most people don’t understand the type of hell you have to go through when living with someone who hates the very thought of you. This is even worse when you’re a child, because you have no where else to go.

Many people don’t know how he got in my head. He did this through years of being alone in a house with me. I was confined to my room for many days. That many times was the only place I felt safe. Don’t misunderstand me, he never touched me in that way, as far as I know; but he did talk down to me every chance he got, which was a lot. This was because my mother was working to pay the bills and he was not. So he had plenty of time to wreck my self- esteem. There was nothing I could do that wouldn’t go through him first. I didn’t understand it at the time, but it was because he manipulated my mother so bad she didn’t want to do anything that would upset him.

I don’t want to make this post too long, so I’ll stop it right here. If you would like to know more about my Step-Father and how I’m dealing with the residual affects, make sure to drop a LIKE and SHARE this post.

Just because this isn’t your story doesn’t mean it doesn’t resignate with someone close to you. Sometimes we just need to know we’re not alone.

As Always 

Photos Provided By: https://radio.wosu.org/post/wellness-wednesday-childhood-trauma-and-mens-health#stream/0, https://health.clevelandclinic.org/childhood-traumas-lasting-effects-on-mental-and-physical-health/, https://www.givingcompass.org/article/childhood-trauma-is-more-common-than-you-think/

empowering · Feelings · motivational

Stand your Ground

Good Morning my Beautiful, Beautiful People!!!

How are yawl  doing on this Marvelous Monday?!

 

I’m sure a lot of us are still going or are a little crazy because of this quarantine we’re under. Don’t worry it’ll get better all in time.

Well… you know there’s always something I want to bring to you all’s attention; and that’s manners. What happened to them?

Back in the day the South was known for their strong stance on manners and using them. But as time passes it seems manners are quickly becoming something of the past.

What got me to thinking about this is a conversation I had with my Mom, just yesterday. I was speaking to her and she mention how men used to treat women with respect; open doors for them, offer a helping hand when they realized something may be too heavy to lift.  Now days…. women are left to fend for themselves. Many men have forgotten or either put down the practices that classified them as men, in the first place. A lot of them will watch you struggle with bringing the groceries in or fixing something around the house before they ever part their lips to say,

Need help?

Many times that’s because they have no romantic interest in you or they’re used to you and really don’t care about putting on that front like they care. Honestly it seems like most men these days are only trying to help you out if they’re trying to get your number. That is unless they’re an older Gentleman who was raised in the manner of treating every woman with respect and knowing the role of a man.

For example: Ladies have you ever dated someone who when you first started dating they did everything we know a man should do; you know like pulling out your chair, opening the door for you, paying the tap, help when the situation calls for it? I can keep on going but I’ll stop there. My point is, they start that way and stop once they get what they’ve been working for or once they’ve figured out you don’t know your worth. This is especially true if you are not the type of woman that holds a man accountable. The sad reality is they’ll cater to you, but only if you make it a requirement.

That ‘s why I feel so many women are going through the problem of having a man respect them and remain loyal, because… women out here are settling for less.

Step Your Pussy Up Step Your Game Up GIF - StepYourPussyUp StepYourGameUp TsMadison GIFsStop being pushovers! You have to stand strong in what you want and need out of a relationship, cause if you don’t he’s gonna take you as a joke and play with your time and your heart; And we can’t have that; can we?

Birds With Arms Hell No GIF - BirdsWithArms HellNo HellNah GIFs

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As Always

Experiences · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem

Never Settle

Hope you’re having a successful Sunday!!!!

Question of the day: Why is it necessary to give your all?

That question comes to mind because as far back as I can remember every woman around me has always been expected to give their all to the man they’re with. Why?

Many times these men don’t seem to do nearly as much or give as much as the woman they’re with. It’s like you keep giving and giving until you have nothing left for yourself. Now a days they say; “Take care of you before you think of taking care of someone else.” I’m happy that’s something that’s stressed now, because it wasnt back then.

When I was growing up; hell even now women are taught to cater to their man or another woman will. I mean really what kind of s*** is that?! So you’re telling me if there’s some nasty perverted thing he wants to do and I don’t, he has the right to cheat on me?…. I think not!

If you’re with a man that thinks like that it’s time for you to throw away the whole man Honey. What’s the use of trying to make it work? Clearly if you feel differently than he does about the situation; his view on it is never gonna change…. unless he loves you and is willing to do without.

But to all my women making it who realize they’re the prize, keep doing you. The right man in time will find you. Just keep your head up and never settle for less.

AS ALWAYS

empowering · Experiences · Feelings

Self love is the Best love

Good Morning Yawl!!!!

 

I hope everyone is happy and living their best life, despite the state of the world. Don’t let that get you down. There are reasons to be in your feelings and unhappy, but look past those things and be happy for the things you still have; breath in your body for one.

Today wanted to do something a little different, I created a video on YouTube. If this goes well I think posts like this will become a regular thing.

But just to give you a little insight on the video you’re about to view, it’s for women who haven’t learned to value themselves; constantly looking for validation from the person their with or others around them.

 

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As Always

Experiences · Feelings · health · Informative · self-esteem · Thoughts

Social Anxiety!!!!

Hey everyone. Hope you’re having a lovely productive day.

My topic if choice today is social anxiety. I chose this topic because it is something I battle with on a day to day basis. I can’t say that I have been medically diagnosed, but I’m sure that is what this is.

Everyday I dread going outside of my house. Not because I hate going outside, because I love nature. I’m just not a fan of meeting and speaking to new people. Don’t get me wrong I would love to expand the number of friends I have. I just become very frustrated, flustered and uncomfortable when meeting new people.

I wish socializing came easy to me like breathing, but it doesn’t. My mind is constantly filled with negative thoughts of how my interaction with the next person is going to play out.

It’s not as if I’m asking them to do something. That is definitely not the case. It’s more of wanting them to except and love me for who I am.

I never understood it, but I always have strived for approval of every person that has ever entered my life; from my Mom all the way done to the cashier at the grocery store. I know that no one has a great relationship with everyone they every met. If they do it’s usually because they are not being true to themselves, in most cases.

So at the current moment I’m working on me and taking steps to having a better quality of life.

Who has felt like this?

If you have, it would be nice to know I’m not alone.

As always

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Continue reading “Social Anxiety!!!!”
empowering · Experiences · Feelings · health · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts

Mirror

Have you ever spent most of your life being someone’s other half?

If so, why did you feel it was important to be linked to someone in that romantic way?

Are you still with them?

Does always being in a relationship mean you’re codependent?

If given the situation, could you walk away from an unhealthy relationship that isn’t serving you, to take the time needed to better yourself?

Does being attached to someone make you feel complete?

If you’ve answered ‘YES’ to most of these questions, most likely you are a codependent. What that means is you need the attention and affection of others to feel at ease and that you belong. For a long time I was also a codependent. It wasn’t until I got a lot older and started researching the term when I found out it was not such a good thing. One thing I’ve leaned is, it’s always better to make sure you’re covered before you take care of anyone else. Always remember people are people and that no one is perfect. So if you’re with someone you love right now; you maybe even picture yourself getting married to them. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row just incase he or she does not feel the same way.

I understand it may be a depressing thought, but it’s real, and that is what life is. You can’t be blind to the possibility of things between you and them not working out. Like my Momma always told me, “You shouldn’t put all your eggs in one basket”. The sad thing is a lot of people know this saying, but choose to interpret it in a disloyal way; by cheating. Not having all your eggs in one basket doesn’t have to mean that, it could also be becoming a boss about this money game. Or having strong long lasting connections with others; so you don’t lose yourself if something like a breakup was to happen.

Long story short, people are people. It’s your responsibility to either learn from the situations or let the overwhelming emotions of disappointment and hurt take over. But you would do much better learning how to use those emotions to better you. Use those negative feelings as fuel. Also, keep in mind another person can not complete you. You have to have done that for yourself. Truth be told, when you have a strong sense of who you are, what you like or don’t like, and what you would deal with or wouldn’t deal with; it makes it easier to choose someone who reflects what you feel for yourself. So if you’re broken, more than likely the man or woman you choose is going to be broken. There are very rare occasions where a broken person marries or dates someone who’s confident in who they are; but many times it doesn’t last if that broken person doesn’t find a way to mend their brokenness.

Inconclusion, our relationships are mirrors; what you see or feel about yourself always seems to show in the type of person you date.

Please make sure to LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE & FOLLOW to always stay in the mix.

Love yawl to pieces!!!

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empowering · Experiences · health · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts · Venting

Dating a Woman or Man CHILD

Good Morning!!!

Hope everyone is doing well…

There was a question that I needed the answer too. Not really needed the answer, but wanted the answer. And that question is,

“Have you ever or do you currently date someone that you feel more like a father or mother to rather than a spouse?”

If so, why do you think that is? I have a theory.

Theory 1: Many of us end up with this type of person because deep down we want someone who’s gonna need us just a little more than we need them.

Theory 2: We weren’t quite aware that being with this person would be so demanding. So in essence, we got blind sided.

There are plenty of possibilities, but those are two that make the most sense to me.

I didn’t want to exclude the men out, because I’m both sex’s have had to deal with someone who wasn’t taking on the kind of responsibility required for their age or that relationship. If you still aren’t feeling what I’m saying, let me give you an example. Okay…. let’s say you and your partner have been together for a very long time, and the longer you stay together the more demands they require from you. Things like; “Where are you going?” “When are you coming back?” “Don’t eat this or that.””There’s no need for you to leave this house for more than 4 hours.” “If I’m not home write a note letting me know where you are.” Then the death blow; silent treatment.

If you have experienced being with someone like this, it almost feels like you’re the child and they’re the adult. But it’s really more like having a new born baby who is in need of you every moment of every day. At first it can seem cute, but over time, it starts to really work on your nerves and self-esteem. Self-Esteem because, it’s only you and him most times; because to many outings may set him off. Then sometimes this may lead to what I mention earlier; silent treatment. 

I’ve been given silent treatment so often that it’s become a norm. I know it shouldn’t be. But the good thing is, I’ve learned not to internalize it. 

The Silver Lining

I’ve learned I don’t really need anyone else. It would be nice but it isn’t mandatory.

I would love to hear about some of your stories. So make sure to leave a comment, like share and follow

As Always,

Experiences · Movie Review · relationship · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts · Venting

Use it don’t let it use you

This morning I was face with a questioned I’ve always thought of but never answered.

What do you think of yourself?

Naturally, I didn’t stick to a simple answer. I just had to make it long; and that is what you’re about to read.

I feel like I’m naturally a nice person. But I’m overly nice most times because I’m trying to overcompensate for my lack of being my version of perfection.

If I’m honest, that’s another reason I get into relationships with emotionally unavailable men. To be real with you and myself; being with someone at this time in my life, is not appealing to me. I really just want to be by myself.

I’ve had the chance to come to this realization because of my current situation ship. I know now, that the main reason I decided to enter into this current relationship was do to me not wanting to experience life as I did, when I was living with my Mom and her now ex-husband. Besides it was time for me to leave anyway.

At first, I really loved and enjoyed my boyfriend’s company; still do. But the thing that won me over in no time was his honesty and openness. At the time I never experienced that much openness and honesty from any man; not even my father. That’s why something that’s supposed to be so simple, blew my mind. Later on I realized he wasn’t as open as he portrayed himself to be. Now after being together almost 5 yrs, I’m peeping more and more how incompatible we are for each other.

Once upon a time, I thought he was the one. Over the years I’ve come to learn we don’t view life the same. He thinks a good time is staying home and watching something on his computer or working on a car. Me on the other hand; I want to travel and see the world.

There’ve been times I’ve wanted to go on road trips with family, and haven’t been able to. I’m not blaming him, because this was going on long before we got together. Mainly because of my fear to have new experiences, past comments from boyfriends, or the fear of getting cheated on or broken up with because I spent what they deemed as to much time away from them.

But I have to say the beautiful part about getting older is, knowing and excepting ‘ everything isn’t in your control’. All you can do is live for yourself. That’s the only thing you do have control over. That’s also the way to become and maintain happiness; by not letting other people’s opinions become your reality. I’ve been on this earth for close to 37 yrs, and along the way, people have done nothing but tried telling me what I should do with my life; when they don’t know what to do with their own. Because of that, I grew up very confused; trying to please everyone else without taking into account what I really wanted. But thanks to God, my Mother and ALOT of self reflecting, I’m beginning to listen to ‘ME’ more.

That’s actually why I write; because it has and continues to help me escape my reality. I create characters like Passion, Sadie and many others because they’re away for me to either express what I’m currently feeling. In saying that; if you don’t know about either of these stories I’ll leave links at the bottom.

Hypnotically Beautiful

Passion

Last but not least

LOYALTY